Hi guys! I've been away for a while, but this chapter was giving me a lot of difficulty. Also, I DID GISHWHES (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen) THIS YEAR. If any of you've never done it, I strongly recommend it... most ridiculously awesome week of my life! That being said, I'm sorry I've made you wait :P
Huge thank you to: krikanalo, imsuchanut, Caraoke-Cherry, TenRose4ever, MuppetKatie, Lillith Roze and rycbarm123 for reviewing. You guys make my day every time!
Slight warning: the end of this is ALL fluff. I figured it was time for some cuteness.
IMPORTANT: This is the last chapter of Dream a Little Dream. It's been an awesome ride, and I am so grateful and happy that you guys enjoyed it. Thanks for sticking with me!
LEGATO
It came back in smells, odors dancing across her blank mind in a series of misted colours. Blues and purples filled the blackness as Rose Tyler became self-aware, her mouth dry as sandpaper and throat raw, head throbbing dully. She felt like she weighed a ton of bricks, and had to consciously make an effort to crack her eyes open. The blonde took a deep breath as she did, her sides splitting in sharp pain, knuckles turning white.
Eye fluttering open, the young woman came face to face with a blinding white light that faded into what appeared to be the TARDIS medbay. She didn't know what she'd been expecting, especially considering her position before the world went black… But it wasn't this. It wasn't waking up alone.
Starting to panic, the young woman forced herself up despite her creaking limbs and protesting body. As her heart rate sped up, so did her breathing, and the young woman soon found in impossible to breathe, frowning at the odd feeling in her nose, she reached up and pulled the oxygen-carrying nibs from her nostrils, coughing and choking as she attempted to breathe normally. Her lungs took over painfully within the next few seconds. Rose then looked around wildly, the white world blurry and spinning before her and she choked on the sandpaper covering her throat. Where was the Doctor? Where was her Time Lord? Why wasn't he where she had left him? Her recent memories bombarded her mind in a siege of desperation and hopelessness. "D-Doc-"
And then he was there, touching her face, giving her water, smiling. He murmured nothings and nonsense into her filthy hair, telling her not to speak and saying her name as if it held the secret to his nine hundred years in this Universe. "Oh thank Rassilon. Thank the Seven Systems and God and the Mother and any other deity that may or may not exist because you, Rose Tyler… Beautiful, brilliant, heroic Rose Tyler, you are so very much alive."
She smiled then, the dry skin of her lips cracking painfully as she hacked out a cough, reaching out for him. The Doctor wasted no time in sitting down and taking his companion into his arms, breathing her stale, ripe, sickly smell as if she was composed entirely of literal roses. She heard it, then, so soft and scared she would later think she had imagined it: "I love you. Rassilon help me, I do. I do."
She didn't say a word, too weak to do much but be held by the Time Lord, all limbs and dead weight. He didn't mind, though… He was happy to be holding her warm body at all.
Rose fell asleep while the Doctor stood vigil for his companion, stroking her hair and kissing her dirty cheeks and forehead in odd intervals until her body saw fit to wake again. He stayed there for eight hours.
When Rose woke the second time, she felt more normal. She could see without feeling dizzy, and her chest, though aching, was a manageable hurt. Besides, the young woman thought, there are worse ways to wake up than in the Doctor's arms. By that point, he had fallen prey to sleep as well, an action so rare the blonde wondered how long it had been since Empyreanan. Touching the Time Lord's face gently, Rose traced his lips and cheek, smiling when he nuzzled into her fingers. Opening his eyes blearily, the alien was confused for a moment, understanding blossoming across his face in the form of a smile as his companion said hello.
He repeated the greeting back to her.
And though the young woman would have loved nothing more than to be blissfully ignorant and unaware of the past, present and future before them, Rose couldn't help but immediately think about their most recent traumatic experience. How had the TARDIS just materialized? How had she entered without a key? Why did it looked like half the tunnel had collapsed on top of them? What was the boom? The flash? She opened her mouth: "How-"
The Doctor stopped her, shaking his head as he removed his finger from her mouth, albeit reluctantly. "Do you remember when you absorbed the Time Vortex, all that time ago?" She opened her mouth again and the alien cut her off: "Don't speak, just nod or something."
She shook her head.
"I mean, not that you remember exactly what happened or how it felt, but that you opened up the TARDIS and save my life. You remember that, don't you?"
A nod.
The Doctor let out a shaky breath. "Right. Well, when you saved me and you absorbed the Vortex, your mind created a wall between your normal memories and feelings, and those you experienced as the Bad Wolf. You remember Bad Wolf, yes?"
Another nod.
"You remember that you were Bad Wolf?"
More nodding.
"Good. These memories and feelings… they possessed Vortex energy. They were shielded from the rest of you because releasing that much energy into your brain and body would have the power to kill you quickly in the best of circumstances." A pause. "You said you had dreams about the Qa before we met them. Now, keep in mind that I'm brilliant and never wrong about these things, but I believe that the Vortex leaked beyond the wall and that was your dream, which consequently, ended up being a sort of warning. Not that it was leaking out to save us, it just happened that, after our recent history with intense physical and mental trauma, the wall in your head began to break."
"But you died-" She cut herself off with a wince, the Doctor giving her some more water with a worried smile.
"Don't speak, your throat is raw. Rose, you saw one outcome of the future. The Time Vortex is time happening all at once. That dream was one way it could have ended." She nodded slowly, trying to wrap her head around the whole thing, but the Doctor wasn't finished. "The reason we made it out alive was, again, because of Bad Wolf. All the stress must had shattered the wall completely, releasing all the energy inside your head. The only way you survived was the sheer force of the stress and fear that broke the wall itself. The slow leak would have probably poisoned you, and remembering slowly would have crumbled the wall, melting your brain entirely… But obliterating the wall? It took just enough time for the energy to be expelled like a nuclear explosion."
She spoke softly, the need for answers greater than her aching throat. "And the TARDIS? When I woke up She was there and the tunnel had collapsed and then I touched it and it opened without a key and you-"
"The tunnel can be explained by the explosion; something goes boom, things collapse. As for the TARDIS, it's kind of like an emergency setting: She sensed the energy and materialized because of it. As for your hand, you most likely had some residual energy that came out of your body by way of it when it touched the ship. The Vortex energy wasn't enough to properly kill me, but I was in a healing coma because of it. However, I'm assuming it disposed of all the Qa in the area." He said the last darkly, as if, despite everything that had happened, he still hated the fact that, once again, he had committed genocide.
But this time, it wasn't his fault. It was hers.
Rose touched his hand. "It wasn't your fault. It was me this time."
He smiled at her, that smile that served to mask whatever emotion he was currently feeling. "You should eat something. I'll be back." And he kissed her forehead, and he was gone.
The young woman wanted to shake him violently. Because didn't he understand? Didn't he see that there was no choice? And furthermore, didn't he comprehend that they were evil? There had been no reasoning with them.
Rose uncomfortably realized that he had never felt more alien than in that moment.
She supposed that she could understand. It was a stretch, but she knew that he valued any and all life… Which then begged the question: why didn't she? The answer she wanted to give was because that moment had been black and white: kill or be killed. But it wasn't, was it? Not really. Because even though, at that point, the Qa had been about to kill them, she hadn't thought about how much pain they must have experienced, how much pain they were still experiencing, and how terrible the entire experimentation process must have been. The Doctor said that they had been a peaceful species, before.
But for her, it had been fight or flight.
She argued that they were not longer the Qa, that these mutations were a vile mistake. They deserved to die for what they did to the rest of the planet, and honestly, so did Marun Yuld. It was his fault.
Except that he had been driven mad. Rose could not imagine living completely alone for years on end, watching as fewer and fewer people came to visit. Experimenting had been wrong, but Marun had been at desperate. Insane. In the end, would she have done any different?
The young woman bit her lip, uncomfortably realizing that the situation had been more grey than anything else. But she supposed that, when truly thought about, nothing was black and white. Yes, it was a 'them or me' situation. Her brain had freaked out, making the decision for her, and ultimately her body had done what needed to be done. She didn't really regret the deaths… What Rose regretted was what happened beforehand; the wilting of a planet that had previously been Paradise.
Perhaps this was the limitation of the human condition.
The Doctor entered then, making note of Rose's subtle change in demeanor as he sat down beside her. A tray offering a stack of pancakes, a bright pink syrup, and a peach was placed in front of her. Rose smiled at him, though the thing did not reach her eyes. "You won't eat with me?"
He shook his head. "Don't need to, Time Lords-"
"Have you eaten anything since you woke up?"
The alien was silent and his companion gave a satisfied nod. "You'll eat with me, then. We've enough food here to feed at least five," she looked at the syrup suspiciously. "What's that?"
"Murgberry syrup. Sweet, slightly tangy… tastes sparkly." The Doctor grinned, "Thought you'd need a little cheering up."
"From what?"
"You don't look happy, Rose."
The blonde gave a small smile. "Do people usually look happy after ordeals like this?"
He shrugged, nudging her over as he moved an arm to wrap around her, his companion cuddling into his side. "People have all sorts of reactions to ordeals like this… But you usually look a lot more relieved."
She looked at her fingers as they fiddled with the hem of his shirt. It was a little odd, having him be so close and touchy-feely, especially with him wearing the clothes from his other face. Focused intensely on her hand, Rose ran the appendage across his stomach, feeling his muscles contract. He was swimming in the excess material. "This stuff is too big for you now," she murmured.
The Doctor easily slid his fingers between hers. "I'm still me."
"I know."
"Besides," the alien grinned, "I think these ears are an improvement from the others."
Rose allowed herself a smile. "I liked your old ears!"
"And what do you like about me now?"
The question was not rushed, nor was it blurted out. It was genuine, thought out and asked curiously. He had made the decision to ask this. Rose looked up to have the Time Lord gazing at her intensely despite the light blush that started at the collar of his shirt.
The human's heartbeat doubled speed in her chest, and she bit her lip. "I…" But as she trailed off, she saw all the confidence on his face melt away with the dwindling volume of her voice. For all his confidence, this was still experimental.
And Rose Tyler would not let him fall alone.
"I like your hair," she said softly, a hand running through the soft strands. "I like your hands." Her fingers squeezed his. "I like your eyes, I like the fact that you're brilliant and funny..." She chanced a look at his lips. "I like your mouth and the freckles on your nose and cheeks. I like you."
He smirked then with all the arrogance in the world, though Rose could see how genuinely happy her words had made him. "You think I'm dishy?"
"I didn't say that."
"You do! Rose Tyler, you think I'm irresistible! Attractive! Hot stuff! And you like my bum."
Rose was blushing furiously now. "I do not! Who said anything about your bum?!"
"You did. Just now. Why? You don't like my bum?"
"Well, I-"
"Because I like yours."
The world seemed to stop, and suddenly, the Doctor's cocky, teasing tone was replaced by something much more soft and caring. "I like your hair, and your eyes and your hands. I like the way you hug me and hold my hand to tell me it's going to be all right. I like that I don't have to talk with you, and that when we do you always know just what to say. I like your mouth, but even more I like your smile. And I… Rose, I love you."
Rose was speechless. She looked at him for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. He was vulnerable, and made that much clear by the way he obsessively searched her face for some kind of reaction. But the blonde had none. She merely—slowly, leaned forward, hesitating ever so slightly before pressing her mouth to his.
She had no idea how else to answer him.
The young woman didn't move; for fear of displacing the tray or waking up she wasn't entirely certain. But when the alien began to reciprocate, Rose was sure she wasn't dreaming: this was better than anything her subconscious had managed.
It wasn't long; a short little thing that served as her agreement and oh so very different than the kiss she given him in her desperation only hours before. This one meant something. This one was mutual. Even so, the Doctor was having trouble masking his nerves. "Do you… love me?"
He knew he was being stupid; of course she did. All her behaviour towards him pointed to nothing but all-encompassing affection… But he needed to hear her say it. He couldn't go into this without being completely sure.
For the first time, Rose saw real fear and nervousness on the Doctor's face. Sure, she had seen him worried before, but never like this. This was different. This was him letting her in. So she didn't answer with a: 'do you really need to ask?' The young woman merely smiled. "Of course. Doctor, of course I do."
And then she crawled out from under the tray over her legs despite her tired body, climbed into the alien's lap, and kissed him.