Disclaimer: I own nothing of the story below but Ditto, whose name I would rather have written as DiTT0. And it's okay; this story will take a big deviation from Exchange Student soon, during which I'll explain how everything was thrown out-of-whack this time.
I sat on a chair in Relics' room, watching him fret about what to wear to his date. He was going from one outfit to another, which I normally would've thought only girls did. But there he was, laying out tuxedos, along with casual outfits, on his bed, frustrating himself. He'd already lent me one, and I had gone to a nearby restroom to try it on. It fit well, and I admittedly felt more formal in the outfit, with its nicely-creased sleeves and smooth, ironed fabric. Or, whatever counts as ironing here, I thought. He'd given me a tie, too, but that just hung limply around my neck. I hated ties, and I wasn't going to tie or tighten it until we were about to meet at least one of the girls.
Relics picked up one outfit, then appeared to consider it for a moment before returning it to the bed and smoothing out any wrinkles.
"Why can't I just be a normal guy?" Relics asked, flopping down on a bare spot on the bed. "They never worry about being well-dressed."
"Hey, I'm already ready to go, okay? You're the one who can't figure this junk out."
"Ready to go?" he asked. "Look at you!"
"No, no, don't look at me. I'm out of here before this becomes a dang slumber party. You can look like a bum if you want to, but I'm going to be looking good."
"Wait," he said, "what do you think I should do?"
"Wear clothing. Something formal would be a good idea."
"Yeah, but what? I mean, I don't want to look formal if she's going casual, and I don't want to be a jerk and dress casually if she goes in a dress."
"Wow," I said under my breath. "She's really got you on edge, doesn't she?"
"Yeah, I guess so," he admitted, sitting on the bed. "Whenever I'm near her, I just –"
"I don't really need to know right now," I said. "I probably know just what you're talking about, but I'd rather keep talking somewhere that isn't your bedroom. You want my advice? Pick a white tux. Your skin is pale as the moon, and a black tux'll probably make that worse. But what do I know?"
"That'd be a lot of white," he said uncertainly.
"Fine, then pick some other color. Forget I said anything."
"That's it?" he asked. "You're not going to help with anything else?"
"Why? You spent half of an hour so far trying to pick an outfit. I think you can do just fine on your own."
"Well, you'd better not make me look bad," he said as I left the room.
You kidding? I thought. Krystal would kill me if I did that.
I opened my eyes and saw Relics enter the living room, and silently cursed to myself. It felt like I'd just closed my eyes. I miss being able to take naps.
"So, do I look good?" he asked, fidgeting with his hair, then his suit, then his hair again.
"Dude, calm down. She's not the Queen of England, she's your best friend. On Corneria, that is."
"England?" he asked, glancing at me. "It's been a while since I've heard that name."
"Oh...yeah," I said. "I did some...research about Earth."
"Yeah? Like what?" he asked, going back to fidgeting.
"Weren't you telling me what it felt like when you're near Lana?" I asked, changing the subject.
"You actually want to know?" he asked. I shrugged.
"We've got time to kill."
"Well..." he began, before sighing. "I don't know. There's just something about her, y'know? It's not like in the movies, where the sun comes out and harps start playing. But when I see her..."
"You get nervous?" I suggested.
"No," he said with a chuckle. "Actually, the opposite. I just feel like myself when I'm around her. Like I was before this stupid war."
"I thought it wasn't a full-blown war?" I asked. "Isn't it just a state of high-tension disagreement, or something?"
"I meant before Mar Sara."
The name rang a bell, but when he didn't continue, I didn't press the issue.
"So," he eventually said, "what about you and Krystal?"
"What do you mean 'what about us'?" I asked.
"Oh, come on. I saw her rubbing up against you."
"It's definitely not what you think," I said with a chuckle.
"Oh, yeah? Then what is it?" he asked.
"I'd rather not tell you just yet," I replied.
"Mmm hmm."
"Hey, I've got secrets too, y'know."
"Of course you do," he said. Suddenly, he turned toward the door, and started walking toward it. Before he reached it, someone started knocking, and I remembered Relics' supernatural hearing once again. Once Relics opened the door, Jason entered, carrying a large bouquet of some sort of flowers.
"Sorry it took so long, Mr. McCloud, traffic was a nightmare," he explained hurriedly. He had a new bruise on his face, and he was bleeding from a small cut on his hand.
"Run into any other complications?" Relics asked knowingly. Jason had so far managed not to look directly at either of us.
"No, but I guess – oh, crap!" he shouted, noticing his own bleeding hand. "You got any Band-Aids I can –" he tried again, but he stopped when he caught sight of Relics. "Well, look at you. Not bad, even for a human. N-not that there's anything wrong with humans."
"Relax, Jason. I'm not going to take offense. I'm only human, after all."
"Wouldn't the expression be 'you're only human'?" I asked.
"But he's not a human," Relics said. "Not technically. Anyway, how do I look, Jason?"
Jason nodded and began to scrutinize his outfit. "It fits you well. No wrinkles. No stains," he said. Jason sniffed the air near Relics, which made the human tense up, before adding, "You showered. Something wrong?"
"No, not really. I'm just not used to being sniffed like that. We don't really sniff each other where I come from."
"When are we leaving?" I asked. The story was interesting enough the first time.
"We've got some time," Jason replied. "That is, depending on where you're all going."
"I don't really kn–" Relics started.
"You don't know?!" Jason shouted.
"How could I?! I've only been here for two weeks, and I can't even leave the house without being hounded, questioned, or gawked at like some circus freak!" Relics shouted even louder. I shrunk back, not accustomed to seeing shouting matches in any way. Suddenly, my cuffs were much more interesting.
"...Mr. McCloud, I'm sorry. I didn't mean –"
"No, no, it's fine," he said, rubbing his temples. "I really don't know where I can take her. But I guess if you have an –"
"The Winchester," Jason said firmly.
"Oh, even I've heard of that place," I half-lied. "Five-star restaurant, by Earth's standards. Nice place, but expensive and really hard to get into, isn't it?"
"Didn't you already say you didn't have much money?" Relics asked me. I nodded. "Then how are we going to be able to go? I can't pay for four meals at a five-star restaurant!"
"I think I can help," Jason said. "But Ditto? You owe me one."
"You've got it," I said, leaning back. "And you're still bleeding."
He looked down at his hand and cursed under his breath, before going in search of something to clean or cover the small wound. I looked around for the bouquet of flowers that I was sure he'd entered with. How do you go about hiding a whole bouquet of flowers? I wondered. The guy's a magician.
"So, Ditto, are you nervous?" Relics asked.
"A little," I said with a smirk. I leaned forward again, and felt my hands start shaking slightly. He had to mention it, I thought. "I know you are."
"Yeah," he chuckled, scratching his head.
"Don't worry about it, alright? Krystal made sure I know that I'm supposed to have your back."
"Thanks, I guess," he said, taking a seat in the same room as me.
"Thank her. She volunteered me for this."
"I might," he said. The room descended into a somewhat awkward silence. I heard Jason looking through the house, and Relics stood up and went to help, apparently realizing that this was his house and Jason probably didn't know where anything would be. I shook my head and chuckled once he left, leaning back and closing my eyes. That's a big guy to be worried about a cut small enough for a Band-Aid to cover it up, I thought.
"Hey, Ditto!" Relics shouted from the doorway, and my eyes snapped open. "Let's go!"
"I fell asleep again, didn't I?" I asked under my breath, sitting up straight.
"Is he still coming, Relics?" Jason asked. Isn't he supposed to call him Mr. McCloud? I wondered, rising.
"I think so," Relics said when he saw me coming. I noticed he was carrying the bouquet for Lana.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," I said groggily. How can I want to keep sleeping when I didn't even get to sleep?
"You okay?" Relics said as I passed through the doorway.
"I'm fine."
"Bad dream or something?" he asked.
"I wish," I laughed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.
"Nothing," I replied as Jason opened the car door. The vehicle was empty, but I had almost expected Krystal to be in there. "Where's Krystal?"
"I guess you didn't hear," Relics said while we got into the car. "Jason took her to Lana's house."
"Why?" I asked.
"You should know; she said she wanted to be there for Lana. Besides, they need to get acquainted."
"That reminds me, this night's supposed to be about you two."
"Who says?"
"Krystal. She made it pretty clear that we weren't going on a date."
Jason snickered from the driver's seat.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm fine. You might be in for a surprise, though," he replied.
"What's that supposed to – oh. She's really formal, isn't she?"
"Sure," Jason said, "Formal. That's the word."
Despite my suspicions and my questions, I couldn't get Jason to open up about what he'd been implying for the rest of the ride. He just looked at me in the rear-view mirror and chuckled, before focusing again on his haphazard excuse for driving. I finally gave up and slouched in the seat, content to merely stare out the window.
I eventually started actually paying attention as Jason drove. While my sense of direction wasn't the best in the world, I figured it'd be better to have at least some idea where we went. Relics tried to set the flowers down on the seat at one point, but I put them right back on his own lap, explaining that he wouldn't want to forget.
After a ride that probably seemed much longer than it really was, Jason pulled up in front of Lana's house and parked. I immediately got out and rushed to the front door, knocking twice despite Jason and Relics' protests. I had an idea, and I wanted to see if Krystal agreed. After all, the night was about the others. After knocking, I made sure I was visible in the little peephole.
"Ditto?" Krystal asked, opening the door. I tried to keep my reaction to a minimum.
She was wearing a deep blue dress, which just seemed natural, given her fur color. It was fairly simple, but it just made her seem less like a friend or a warrior, both of which I recognized, and more like...well, like a date. The circlet around her forehead was clearly visible, her hair pushed away from the small gem in its center. No doubt she'd made sure her fur looked nice, and it shined appropriately. While she probably wouldn't steal the show, I was still left speechless for a few seconds.
"Hey, Ditto," she said, snapping right in front of my face a few times.
"Y-yeah?" I asked, shaking myself.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, right. Sorry. I was just trying to see if you wanted to make Lana make an entrance."
"That's all? We already went over that."
"I meant, we both stay more-or-less out of sight until they're done gawking at each other."
"They gawk?" she asked, humored.
"Oh, yeah," I replied, walking back to Relics. Krystal left the door open and walked up the nearby stairs.
"What was that about?" Relics asked.
"Making sure your date goes well," I said, getting behind him. I pushed him toward the door, and he protested the whole way, making Jason chuckle. Once he reached the threshold, I just told him to wait for Lana, and walked back to the car to wait with Jason.
"I wish I'd 've thought of that," he said, watching the nervous teenager. "And I thought you said that fox wasn't your girlfriend."
"What makes you think she is?" I asked.
"I saw how you acted when she answered the door. So...?"
"We're just friends," I said, crossing my arms.
"Just like those two?" he asked, pointing a finger at Relics. I had to lean over, but I did see the edge of a red dress, and I knew Lana had come down the stairs. "I think she sent him straight to the moon," he said with a chuckle. I nodded. Relics wasn't moving a muscle; his fingers weren't even twitching.
"She must look great," I remarked. The silence between the two extended for a longer time than I thought it would, and I started to squirm uncomfortably. Suddenly, I looked at Relics' empty hands once more. "He forgot the flowers again," I said to no one in particular.
"Well, let's go already!" Jason shouted abruptly, making both me and Relics start. "You've got somewhere to be!"
Relics said something to Lana after that, but my ears were probably the least keen on Corneria, so I couldn't possibly have heard. They actually kept talking for a little bit, with Relics clearly chastising himself every few seconds for whatever reason. Eventually, they did come out toward the SUV, with Krystal following them, and a chestnut vixen coming to the doorway once they were all out.
"Bye!" she shouted, waving.
"Bye, Fara," Krystal called back. "And thanks again for the help."
"You have fun," she said, before adding something under her breath. Once again, I missed it though.
"Your ride," I said, trying to sound like a butler or something as I opened the door for the couple. Lana got in, thanking me, and Relics followed, giving me a glare to show that I wasn't amusing.
"You don't actually look bad," Krystal said as she approached the car.
"Well, thanks, I –"
"Except for your bruises," she finished, scooting in beside Relics. I stood up straight and closed the door slowly but firmly, before a hand went to my face. I forgot about that fight already, I thought. Now I really will make them look bad.
I didn't brood on it for long before I got in the passenger seat, shutting the door quickly. I reached up to put on the seatbelt, and felt Krystal's hand touch mine.
"It'll be fine," she assured me. "It's not about us looking good."
Of course not, I thought as I finished putting on the seatbelt and Jason took off toward the restaurant.
That last thought is not supposed to have quotes; Ditto pulled his hand away from hers to put on the seatbelt.
Ditto is not me. I am not Ditto. Krystal doesn't actually exist. And you should read the stories of XxSanitariumxX.
Also, many thanks to Comrade, for reviewing every single chapter. Talk about motivation. And he's come to refer to Ditto as George Bailey. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get "Ditto" to stick.