(This was put off for so long due to homework, personal statements and exams. Apologies...)
Part Six- I Might Leave Behind
Carlisle is the one to get into the driver's seat. Out of all his family, he's probably the one who likes to break traffic laws least (not including Esme, who has no trust in mechanical engines- so she probably let him get to the wheel first). But right now, he wants to drive really fast- he wants to leave this town before he has a chance to miss it. He will miss it- he still has so much to give to the people here and he knows this, but he can't think it now. Not when this is hard enough for Edward. Not when his thoughts could fill his son's head with more guilt and despair than it is already holding (maybe too much to hold). He'll get along just fine in another hospital- maybe better in one which has higher crime statistics. So there's no point in lamenting his leaving of this one. They were always going to have to leave- it just came sooner than he expected.
And yet, as he starts the car and begins the miles of drive, making it in about 17 seconds and swerving around the corner without stopping, without letting Esme beside him have a chance to look back- yet, it's not the way he expected to leave and that's probably the main problem. He expected to be able to give people notice, finish off with patients, not just handing them over. He expected to be able to have a leaving party thrown, the first they've ever had. He expected to have Edward's car following behind, Bella safely strapped into it, maybe sad to leave but confident of where they would be heading too. He could imagine it all so clearly and now- now everything had torn apart.
This was the place they could fit in and be a normal happy family in. It wasn't supposed to be the place they slipped away from in the dead of night. Well, actually they're sneaking out just after dawn but it's really the same thing.
And he wishes that Emmett and Rosalie could have stayed with them until this point. He couldn't have expected Jasper too, and Alice felt she had to go with them, but maybe if they had been here, Edward would have come home more often, would have let them all know if he considered rejoining them. Maybe he would have felt more waited for him in the future. But none of them can bare it and none of them at the moment can bare to be around him, in case they say or do something that makes it all worse- think the name that causes him to stiffen and wince slightly.
It never gets any easier for Edward. Always a struggle and never a happy ending. Even with love, the fates manage to torment him.
He had hoped it would help- his family around him, supporting him, helping him, reassuring him that he wasn't alone. It had worked before, when he'd been the outcast and returned. It had helped that he had somewhere to return to. But not this time. This time he's let them all go on without him. And even later, when he catches up to them (if he every does), it won't be what he needs. Family, he guesses, couldn't help Edward here. Because, they didn't have an idea of what he was going through- the feeling of being alone, after having someone for even the briefest time. And no hope of ever finding a person like that again. For 80 years, he had lived with them, occasionally veering away, but always coming back. They were the reason for his existence- but it was a futile existence, lived only for their sake and he found little enjoyment in it.
And he had seen this, and he couldn't help his son. Now his existence means nothing again and he's become disillusioned- no longer sure that he can survive for his family alone. And again there's nothing he can do to help. He can't think of anything in this plan that would help and even if he did, he doubts he'll have a chance to try it.
Indeed, as they cross the borders and he accelerates, he doubts if he'll ever see his son (the real son, not the empty shell) again.
It blows, I know... Carlisle is a person whose mind I can't get into right now... He's hard! Plus I felt most of it had been said before. Btu he couldn't be left out and I do love him, so I had to include him. Now all that is left is the epilogue. But first a message from the final Cullen, the youngest (physically) Cullen and the fandom's favourite Cullen. I'm sorry, for doing this to you, Edward... Review if you like.