Stupidity

'I'm really sorry, Austin. I don't like how things have been different between us since we've been dating.'

'I know. I'm sorry, too. It seems like now that we're a couple, we're just too afraid to hurt each other's feeling.'

'I just think being a couple is getting in the way of us being…us.'

'Things were great the way they were. Maybe we're not ready to be a couple…just yet.'

'Friends?'

'And partners. Always.'

'Bullshit', he might add.

Ridiculously, he has meant it every word. Every word. Although now, he wonders what has gotten into him. He was supposed to plan their date differently, he was supposed to not shove that freaking piece of bread at her face. He supposed to give her his honest ideas about the song, and not to come up with that genuine silliness as an idea. Most of all, he should have stopped her from mentioning the break-up lines, and convinced her to think twice, to give him, to give them, another chance.

Despite the fact that he wasn't willing to open his mouth.

And again, he reconsiders the possibilities.

At one hand, he is still furiously insanely freakishly miserably craving for her.

At the other hand, he truly loves being friends with her.

Because of all the said reasons, and because as much as an idiot that he always is, he cannot decide if they have made a mistake or not.

He wonders how could they end up like this, and if he could go back in time, will he do it differently. Although, those thoughts usually get him a migraine so he brushes them off, anyways. Dealing with dilemmas is totally not something he's good at.

Move on is the third phrase of the break-up process. After struggle, and be over.

He's childish, dreamy, and silly. But he's realistic, mature and smart enough to acknowledge that there's no way in hell things could get back in the way they've promised them to be. Since now that they know they are afraid. Now that they know what is made of them. Nothing can be the same once you look at it under a different perspective.

Sadly, they are in both first and third phrase. Or, it kind of makes more sense to him that only him being in the situation.

She seems to handle it surprisingly well.

He does hang out, date and stuff (he's a charmer, can't help it). But every date of his ends up in disaster, and at the end of the day, his thoughts always hopelessly uncontrollably drift to her. Even though he acts like no problem, which is not so hard, since he's sort of obvious and confusing at the same time, it's irritating him seeing those guys reach out to her (they are a lot, lately. Half of them he doesn't even sure were in Miami.)

However, part of him is still relieved that after every date, she would go back to him, be his friend and partner Ally. 'How pathetic, I know that already. Stop reminding me, stupid inner voice!'

Sometimes, as he is sitting next to her on the bench, he imagines himself instead of her previous date, Douch Number n. How annoying it is when these thoughts always pop in his mind while he's next to Ally, with her being all cute and adorkable and just lovable like that, but they just have to come as they pleased, to throw some shit at the misery of his life. He imagines himself taking her out on a perfect date, the one she once told him she prefer, a moonlight picnic with a romantic movie, instead of…

Actually, he doesn't know what those doughbags do to her. They never tell each other about their dates.

Neither does he know she shares the same feelings.

But being clueless doesn't lighten up his mood at all.

They sit by the piano, four hands harmonize a melody. Her snow white complexion contrasts his tan tone,barely brushes against his.

He's happy. This is all he can ask for now. Not being with Ally Dawson, just beside Ally Dawson, as a partner and a friend. He considers himself as lucky, because it's him right now, not Douch Number 5, who took her out for dinner yesterday. What was his name again?

He took her out yesterday.

Suddenly, his fingers freeze on a weird accord.

'Austin, what's wrong?' She asks worriedly, her small hand is on his shoulder. Electricity runs from her delicate touch through his whole body, and he struggles to ignore the impact, keeping his cool.

He will not look into those eyes, so beautiful and caring and chocolate-ish. OK, maybe a little bit. Just to be polite. But he won't stare. He won't.

He cracks something he believes is a smile and answers.

'It's okay. I'm fine. Just…a little off today.'

They continue to practice in silence.

They keep pretending, keep self-convincing, keep lying, but somehow, they always unconsciously hurt one another. Even though it was the first thing led to their break-up.

He convinces himself that dating, to her, is something means for a girltalk, means Trish, means not his turn to know. She reasons that it's his personal life, she should give him privacy, because that's what a good friend would do. They do everything they can to avoid the fact that they really don't have the guts to ask, and even if they do, they don't have the guts to answer.

So instead of hurting themselves by knowing, they mentally decide to torture themselves by not knowing.

They, she, actually, thinks they are going to be okay that way, but he knows better. He's sort of not as strong as her.

It's the practice room again. Why everything between him and her just have to happen in that room, anyways? That, they don't figure out yet.

All they know is it is one of their precious secret six seconds. Two foreheads are touching, and he wonders what is she thinking now. He misses her. He misses looking at her up this close, misses he glimmer in her eyes, the softness of her skin, the way she blushes when he leans in, and everything. He misses seeing Ally that way. He's afraid he might forget about it. And suddenly, he can't resist the temptation to open his eyes at the second second.

Her eyes are still close, thick eyelashes shadow her cheeks. A ray of Miami's dusk creeps through the window, glistens her hair, her eyelashes, the light fur on her skin, and her parted lips.

He takes in all of those images in half a second. He uses three seconds to be mesmerized by what he's seeing. The last one and a half, well…

Even with her eyes close, she can still feel him leaning in. She can feel his breaths shorten, burns her face in little flames. She remember it. The way he look at her. The magical taste that causes butterflies in her stomach once their lips touch. She remembers everything. It makes her heart beats faster, and the sound rushes her to lean in, too.

So she does the one thing that should be done in that moment. She shuts her eyes tight, pulls away and stands up immediately.

She opens her eyes to look at him once she stands up. Their eyes meet, and she feels so guilty, seeing such emotions welling in his eyes. It's all her fault. But she can't help it.

He sees it too, the hurt in her eyes reflect his own. He also sees guilt. And fear. He sees fear. What is she so afraid of? It makes his heart ache, but he doesn't want to know about it yet. He doesn't want to consider her action, yet. He doesn't want to deal with her feelings, yet. He's busy being selfish.

'Why did you so freak out about it?' he looks at her, subconsciously repeat the question she once asked him a year ago. 'Am I that horrible?'

Her eyes are stinging, and she forces out a smile, her voice trembles. 'No, Austin. You got it all wrong. I…'

'No, don't say that. I don't want to hear it.'

'Austin, I…'

That's when he does it again. Like a child, with hands covering his ears, he flinches away as she tries to touch him, and he rushes out of the room, yelling, 'IF IDON'T HEAR IT, IT'S NOT TRUE! IF I DON'T HEAR IT, IT'S NOT TRUE!'

It's all like what happened a year ago. He's running his way out again, avoiding her, and she again is left alone in that room. The difference? This time, they're torn.

Ooh, cliffy! What will happen next? I don't know. Or do I (evil smirk)? Sadly enough, I don't own Austin & Ally, or anything that belongs to it. If I do, they'd probably been together after 'Rockers and Writers'. And you wouldn't have to wait

Thank you for all of your support, guys. 7 reviews for first chapters, I'm happy!

Peace out!

Violet Fier