~Come on skinny love, just last the year.
Poor a little salt we were never hear.
My, my, my, my, my.
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer~
Piper had never cut herself before. But now, staring down at the razor clasped tightly in her sweaty hands, she was rethinking the idea. Everything hurts so much. She's drowning inside of herself and Piper knows it too. She knows it's wrong. She knows it's addicting. But, she's willing to try anything that will suppress the pain. No! It will only make things worse, she counters with herself. She shut her eyes tightly, her vision abruptly tearing away from the blade.
"Do it! It's not like anyone would even care. You're worthless and fat. So, Just close your eyes and slice. SLICE!" Her eyes opened, and widened it shock. The razor slipped from her hands and fell to her bedroom floor in a loud clatter. The monsters had never said something like that before. Never. It was always about making her throw up and lose weight. It was always just about how fat she was, how stupid and ugly and worthless she was. They had never commanded her to do something so...harmful.
"Why?" She whispers to the voices aloud. "What's the point of torturing me day after day? What do you hope to gain?"
Then, the monsters say something that chills her to the very bone. "You're life." Piper doesn't respond back. And for once, she's scared of the monsters in her head. For fear of her actual life. "Come on, Piper. No one will miss you if you're gone. Not even Jason."
Pipers light blue eyes narrow, as they flicker dangerously pink. She scowls scornfully before replying. "Then why did he sit with me today at lunch? Why did he listen to me? Why did he even waste time me today? Because we're friends, and he does care about me."
"Key word, Pipes. Friends."
"I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all."
"You know that isn't true."
"So what if it isn't? You're not in charge of what I do."
Suddenly, abruptly there's a sharp emotion flashing through her, as quickly as lightening itself. Anger. Hot rage. It could be her, or the voices. She doesn't know.
Piper doesn't realize it, before it's too late. She doesn't feel herself pick up the blade from the floor, and lower it to her arm. She only realizes it when she feels a warm, scarlet liquid cascade down her arm.
~Tell my love to wreck it all, cut out all the ropes and let me fall. "
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...r
right in the moment this orders tall~
"Oh." Is all she can mange. Her face pales immediately, and she thinks she's going to revolt for the second time that day. "Oh my god."
Letting out a howl of pain, she rummages through her clothes and grabs a plain, white T-shirt. Thinking all on indistinct and impulse, she wraps it around her wounded arm, and has to bite down on her tongue to keep from screaming out again.
"You're losing yourself Piper. Were slowly taking over. Soon, very soon, we will take over you completely and entirely. It's only a matter of time."
Through blurry, glassy tears, she replies hoarsely; "You mean you did this to me?" Fear is everywhere. It's inside of her, not just creeping around the edges, fear is taunting her, threatening to slip inside of her and control her.
"Yes. We did. See what I mean? Soon, Piper, very soon, you won't even be able to move your own body. And while we're at it, controlling your body, we might bang handsome Jason Grace in the process."
"Shut up!" She cries out, gripping the sides of her hair with her free hand. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
"So what? You know you want to, you little whore. What difference does it make if we're controlling you? You'll still be feeling every...single...second of the laborious pleasure."
"I HATE YOU!" She shrieks, and is glad her father is not home. The maids might've heard her scream, but that thought is in the back of her mind as she begins to have another meltdown. "I hate you! I hate you! I. Hate. You." She seethes, biting down on her lip to restrain from ripping her hair out.
She squeezes her now red T-shirt, applying pressure to her long, jagged cut. Sure, it had felt good for a moment. The rush of adrenaline. And for a moment, she had forgotten. Basically about everything, and it had felt nice to not remember.
But then there felt as if a fire was igniting on her arm, and she only hated herself more.
"Please," the monsters echo sarcastically, in unison. "Honestly Piper, you don't hate us. Secretly, you love us. You love us. But then again, maybe you do hate us. Maybe you despise us down to your very core, maybe you want to chop away your head just to be rid of us. Think again, girlie. Because we are you."
Piper Elizabeth Mclean doesn't know what the truth is. Is there really even a truth? Or is everything in the world dirty, unclean, filthy dishonest words. Is everything lies?
Piper staggers to her feet, her fingers frantically grabbing at a tissue box. She takes a couple, and places them on top of the soaked towel. The room seems to be spinning and she feels light headed. Her head aches, and throbs, almost like two knives are stabbing right into her temples. She wonders in a sudden panic, if she had hit one of her main arteries or veins. Piper knows she has to check to be sure, but she doesn't really want to see and smell all of that blood.
She sharply inhales and exhales, then unwraps the white T-shirt and the tissues. It isn't as bad as she was expecting. It wasn't a main vein or blood vessel. Just very long. It stretched from her wrist to her mid shoulder area.
Piper squints closer at the cut. There's something unusual about it. And then she sees that it's not just a cut, it's words. One three letter word, that made her want to scream all over again.
FAT.
~And I told you to be patient, I told you to be kind.
In the morning I'll be with you... but if will be a different kind.
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets and you'll be owning the fines~
She holds out her arm, as if it contains a fatal disease and rushes to her bathroom. She's glad she has her very own, in her own bedroom (at the top floor), because then someone, like her butler or maid, might see her like this. And Piper has no doubt in her mind that they would tell her father, Tristan Mclean. She shivers at the thought. She's had many nightmares about that happening, and prays to god that it doesn't.
She turns on the sink with her free, un-bloody hand, and waters rushes. She sticks the injured one under the warm water. She hisses when the water comes into contact with her cut. It stings.
Then there's a thought that rings through her head, troubling her. Now, it's part of you. It will become a scar and never disappear. You will constantly be reminded that you're fat.
Shaking her head, she notices warm tears beginning to fall down her face. Large ones and they spill down her face in puddles, it almost seems like.
She had never cried this hard before, and if she did cry, then she was utterly silent. But now, sobs were escaping her lips. Loud ones.
Then, she screams as she did before. She screams and screams and screams. Her voice is hoarse when she finishes, but, it feels like something heavy has been lifted off of her chest, and now she can breathe better now.
Piper only hopes that the feeling of sheer innocence lasts a little longer.
She dries off her arm with her towel, after it seems to be dry she bandages it with the spare first AID kit in her bathroom closet.
Then, her phone rings.
She flinches and pauses. She's slightly afraid that it's her father, and one of the cooks or whoever had reported it to Tristan. She takes a deep breath, and wipes the corners of her eyes. There still red and puffy, but the crying and sobbing had ceased.
One more deep breath, and she clicks answer. "Hello?" She tries desperately to keep her voice in level, trying to make sure it doesn't crack. It does.
"...Piper?" It's Jason's voice, and Piper feels her heart beat a little faster than usual. "Are you okay? You weren't in school today. I was, well, I was worried about you."
She's ashamed. Ashamed that she had done this terrible thing to herself. She doesn't know why, but whenever Jason's around her, she feels ashamed of not eating. Of throwing up.
He makes her want to try and get better.
"Yeah. I-I'm sick." She coughed for good measure. "And don't be concerned for my wealth. I'm fine, really, I am."
"Uh huh." Is all he responds with, his voice unconvinced. "So you're sure that you're okay? Absolutely positive?"
She bites down on her glossed lip. "...yes." There was no need for Jason to get involved with this incident, and as far as she was concerned she didn't want him to know that she had cut herself.
"Pinky swear?" Jason's voice teases over the line. Piper stares down at the floor, fresh tears replacing the old ones. A recent memory flickers through her head.
"Piper? Pinky swear your alright?" His voice is on edge, knowing that she isn't okay, and that she cannot say 'pinky swear.'
"I have to go now. Goodbye, Jason." She's doing the right thing, Piper tells herself. Push him away because you don't deserve him. And he most certainly doesn't deserve an insecure, fat, cutter.
"Piper, no! Wait-" she hangs up and the line goes dead. The side of her head is still leaning up against her Iphone five minutes later.
She then, throws the razor, the bloody tissues and the T-shirt into the trash.
Then, she keeps her head held high as she walks out of her bathroom. Nothing happened. You never cut yourself. You're fine.
Completely fine.
But, her mind keeps replaying the knife... cutting into her flesh. She quickly decides to do her homework, the work that she had missed the day before. Her eyes glaze down to the meaningless assignment in front of her.
Greek Mythology HW: Write a detailed essay about your favorite Greek God or Goddess. Must have an introduction, three body paragraphs, detailed proof/backup, and a supportive ending paragraph. Must exceed, or be limited to, at least two thousand words. Happy writing!
Her petite, polished fingernail traces over the word 'happy'. She frowns, her eyes thoughtful, red rimming the edges. There was nothing happy about writing a paper for school. And there was nothing happy about life either.
So who was anyone fucking kidding?
Piper pushes down her hot anger and tries to focus on her paper. She really does, but it's just too hard.
Instead, she ends up writing this:
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
She blinks and rereads the writing in front of her. Then, she shoves the words away from her. Shoves the assignment away from her. Shoves life away from her. She gets up from her desk, and curls up in bed like a small, frightened innocent child and immediately falls asleep the moment her head touches the pillow.
A nightmare greets her.
"Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posy. Ashes to ashes, we all fall down." There' s kids in the field. Their tan, small hands are intertwined as they spin around and around in circles. The sun is shining down on the field, on the yellow crops of wheat, making them look as if they were golden. Piper smiles at the scene in front of her.
The children kept dancing, enchanted in their own, flawless world. Piper couldn't help but smile. They were just so... gay with happiness. Drowning with love and kindness. Drunk on sunshine and friendship.
"-we all fall down!" They collapsed to the ground in a heave, giggles echoing everywhere. She was sitting on a bench, made out of wrapped around tree's and bark. She ran her finger along it, but it was too sharp. Piper pulled away quickly, only then to realize that there singing had ceased. A pregnant pause took over.
Then one child laughed. She had pale skin, frizzy red hair, and icy blue eyes. The sunshine made her look almost transparent, because of her looks. Her high peal of laughter was directed at me. The other children stared at her, eyes filled with puzzlement.
She pointed at me, and stopped laughing. But a smile replaced her giggles. "Look, everyone! It's Piper!" Realization flickered in the children's eyes, and they began to stare at me. Not gawking, but merrily staring at me. It should've gave her a red alarm to the fact that Piper didn't know them, but they seemed to know her. Instead of poking at the matter, she just smiled gently, and raised her arm slowly up and waved towards them.
The youngest of the group, the girl with the red hair, gestured for Piper to come over. She shook her head, but the red headed girl was persistent. One of the boys in the group (he had curly, brunette hair and emerald green eyes, which reminded Piper vaguely of Percy's) got the message and ran up to me, his awkward, chubby legs defenseless.
"Hello," Piper said to him as he approached her. "What's your name?"
"Will," he responded with a toothless smile. Then, he began prattling away to me the way all young kids do. "All of us want you to come and play, Piper! Ashes to Ashes, Pipes!"
Those words disturbed her, but Piper didn't quite know why.
"-we all fall down!"
"I don't think so," Piper said, recoiling from the child. "I mean, I'd love to just watch you."
"Oh, come one Pipes! You've had a rough day. Don't you want to escape it all?- even for just a few minutes?"
"It's okay, Will. Really. Maybe in a little bit, I'll play with you guys. But for now, I'm content with just watching. Honestly, I'm happy as it is."
His smile pulled into an abrupt frown. His mood switched as fast as if someone snapped there fingers. "Why...are...you...happy?"
Piper's plush lips pulled downward. She was confused. "Aren't you happy?"
"Yes. But you're not supposed to be." Will said, looking as confused as Piper was. The eldest a girl with long, dark hair and brown eyes narrowed her eyes at him. If looks could kill, Will would be dead on the spot. Piper shivered at the thought.
"Will," the girl said cautiously. "Let's not pester Piper with all of these... trivialities." The other children nodded in agreement. She then averted her attention at her, an apologetic look in her eyes.
"I'm sorry about this, Pipes. He's new to all of this, you see. He's our rookie." She ran a hand through his hair. "Now, run along William. Let me have a chat with Piper." She blinked as Piper stared at the ten year old in front of her. She looked so familiar...
An image of Reyna appeared in Piper's mind, but she waved the thought immediately away. It just wasn't possible.
She took a seat next to me and tilted her head to the side. "You see, the other kids were very excited that we finally got to meet you face to face. I don't want to upset them. Could you maybe just play one teensy round of "Ashes to Ashes" with us? It would be doing me a great favor." Piper smiled.
"Sure. Why not?"
"My name's Rebecca by the way."
"Just a quick question, Rebecca; how do you all know me?"
Rebecca just smiled in response, and Piper felt the urge to veer away from her. She didn't know why, but the whole situation was very unsettling. Instead of prying, she got up and followed Rebecca to the middle of the field.
The red- headed girl grabbed her hand, and Will hesitantly touched Piper's hand. Piper nodded, a clarification that he could. Their hands all laced together, and slowly they began to run. Spinning around in long, quick circles. Piper laughed along with them, the sun beating down on her back. She was becoming out of breath, but the exercise and sunshine felt good. Rebecca gave her a nod of approval at her actions.
Then, the tugging of their hands began to grow rougher. Jerking Piper back and forth. She let out a cry of pain as she tumbled to the ground, tripping over her own feet. They grabbed her arm and pulled so hard she was afraid that it would pop out of its socket.
"Stop! You're hurting me!" The children of the field just laughed louder, only the tone of their peals of giggles had changed. It sounded more evil like than cheerful.
"ASHES TO ASHES!" They chanted, pulling her harder. Almost ripping her in half. "ASHES TO ASHES!" The sun disappeared and storm clouds rolled in. Flames ignited the field, as it began to set on fire, drawing a circle around them. Piper ripped her hand away from William, and he glared at her. She backed up, but there was nowhere to go but flames.
Rain was pouring down heavily now, soaking Piper instantly. Only, it didn't put out the flames. Instead, it seemed almost as if to be fueling the already lit flames.
"Ashes to ashes, Piper." Rebecca whispered stepping in front of her. The other children followed her lead, sticking their arms out. "They all fall down."
Then, she was pushed into the flames.
Piper woke up screaming and thrashing against Rebecca's hands. She was pinning her down, shoving her harder into the flames. Only, there wasn't a burning sensation like she had expected. There was only her comforter and mattress. Her eyes opened wider, taking in her room. Relief filled her to her top, and she let out a heavy breath. It was all just a dream. Breathe.
Tears were leaking down her face, and she realized that the hands pinning her down weren't just in the dream. She looked upward, her gaze met by a pair of blue, concerned eyes.
~Come on skinny love...~
A/N: Gods, this took me three hours to write! I had major writer's block for this chapter. I just find it easier to write in Jason's perspective than Piper's. Anyway, thank you all for following, reviewing and favoriting! Means a lot! I also want to thank the people who read my story "Playing The Player". It's now my most popular story, so thanks!
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