How to find your place on this world

-Sage-

I knew I was being stupid. I knew this was all one huge mistake. Nevertheless I'm here. How could that have happened? Never before did anyone influence my consciousness that easily, at least not since I knew what I really was. Pacing up and down in front of the tall brick building, I earned myself some stares and the occasional shove from by-passers who I stopped from walking straight ahead. I sighed as my thoughts travelled back to when I had last met her in flesh and blood.

"You do know that it hurts me as much as it hurts you, right? It's not the easiest decision I had to make." She was looking at me, her forest green eyes shining with honesty, and I knew I could believe her. Something else was in that gaze of hers, a sadness so deep, I knew she was telling me the whole truth and that it was hurting her to leave me behind. As she cast her eyes down, fiddling with the cup of coffee in front of her, I took her hand in mine, causing her to look up at me again. I smiled reassuringly at her even though it was killing me only thinking of living on without her. But she was just like that. No place could keep her forever, and in this town she surely would never be happy or settled.

"I understand it. I don't like it, but it is your decision after all and I won't stand in your way, you know that. I will always be here for you, whenever you need me."

I thought I had seen tears glittering in her eyes before she leaned forward and kissed me, her lips light as feathers, barely noticeable for a normal human being. But I did feel it, and I also felt the soft wetness of her eyelashes on my cheeks, and the sweetness of her lips on mine. I wished this moment would never end, and that I could hold her, and keep her in my arms forever.

But as quickly as the kiss had began, it was ended as she pulled back, and I got one last glimpse of her wavy brown hair before she turned around and was gone, leaving me bewildered and confused.

I ran a hand through my wavy hair, and let out another sigh. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing, coming here and practically falling all over her again. We did have some spare contact over the years, but it was only ever to check each others well being.

And now here I was, standing in front of her house, not even having the guts to go inside.

I quietly scolded myself for being so stupid. I exactly knew what was going on here and it was shaming that I was afraid of embracing my fate.

The last carefree time I had spent with Stella I had told her about me being a guardian and she had taken it quite well. Considering what crazy things she had had to endure during her life, it was not surprising she had believed me on the spot.

But one thing I hadn't told her, because I couldn't. And I wasn't sure if I could now. How are you supposed to tell someone that you literally have to spend their eternity by their side, even if they didn't want it? I wasn't a normal guardian like the ones in the other dimension. And I wasn't an earthly guardian like Elena had supposed to be before she got turned into a vampire.

But I was a different kind, a real guardian, sentenced to take care of supernatural people, and special supernatural people. And in this lifetime it was Stella. Falling in love with her had done nothing good, I wasn't supposed to. But being a vampire and a guardian somehow had altered my feelings and I was capable of love, and of being loved. So how on earth should I tell her that I was supposed to guide her, look out for her and care for her for all her time on this earth, when she tried to start a new life, and that maybe completely without me?

I took a deep, unnecessary breath and twisted the lapis lazuli ring on my finger, which was pretty much useless since I had embraced my powers as a guardian, but I wore it nevertheless. It was kind of soothing to keep some memory of my old life. I braced myself and took the last step up to the big door, and rang her bell.

After what felt like an eternity I let out the breath I had been subconsciously holding. No one was answering. I frowned and tried the doorknob, but it was locked. I rapped on the door but still, no answer was coming from the other side. Only then did I realise that the sun had already set. She must have gone out then.

I sighed again as I descended the stairs, the hands in the pockets of my jeans. I had been ready to tell her everything and now she wasn't there. What if I never found the guts again to tell her the whole truth? I silently shook my head, kicking an old newspaper in front of my feet. I had to tell her, no matter what. The Old Guardians had made it very clear that my subject of guard has to know I am here, mainly for them to get the guidance they needed. But Stella had never needed anyone to tell her what to do. She had always known how to go forward and how to solve problems all on her own. And since I couldn't even help her breaking a simple sire bond, how much good of a guardian was I anyway?

I should have been able to help her this one time when she had needed me. But I failed. I had distracted her, for a time, and that had been the time when I had realised that she was the subject of my guardian place on earth but I couldn't help her through. And I did understand it that she had needed to get away then, start fresh and in a city where no one knew her story. Where no one knew Klaus.

And yet here I was, looking for her, destroying her peace and freedom yet again, only to fulfill my selfish needs of being near her. Being away from your charge was like missing a piece of your soul. I had heard from guardians who could communicate with their proteges over emotions, which are very similar to thoughts really. Guardians are supposed to sense emotions, especially of those they were in charge of, and in seldom cases it was possible that it works the other way around as well. I had never experienced it with Stella but yet, I had never even tried to properly be her guardian.

When I looked up I saw that I was in a more deserted part of the town, I hadn't realised where my feet had been guiding me. When I was about to turn around and find myself a bar or a place to crash for the night, it hit me like a driving bus. Fear, and anger, I could see it almost as clear as a red thread in front of my eyes. But beyond these emotions was stricken something else, giving the red hot emotions a golden flicker. Love, and longing. And immediately I recognised the patterns of these emotions. It must be finally one of my guardian moments then. Stella.

I followed the feeling until it brought me in front of an old-fashioned bar, not looking peculiarly interesting. I stepped in, my worst nightmare coming true. She was sitting at the bar with no other than Klaus.

I saw my chance and stopped Stella as she was getting up where I was sure Klaus couldn't see us.
"Stella" I said softly, seeing her eyes widen.

"Sage" she replied hoarsly, "what are you doing here?" Two old acquaintances in one night was too much.

"I just want to warn you. Please stay away from Klaus, remember what he did last time!"

"Sage, stop right there" she said and looked at him. "You just show up at New York like nothing happened and want to lecture me? Just don't."

I wanted to say something but from the corner of my eyes I could see a figure approach us and I felt myself stiffen. He had heard our conversation.

Klaus had tapped his fingertips upon the bar top, waiting for Stella but as he looked around the bar, his eyes settling on the back of a man standing before Stella. He knew exactly who it was, the blood in his veins boiling as he made his way over to us, his fists shaking as he walked. "Still haven't had enough have you, Sage?"

I turned around to face the blond man in front of me. "Still trying to catch women you can't have, Klaus?" Glaring at him, he nevertheless smirked. But I wasn't afraid of Klaus anymore.

"Stop it, both of you" Stella tried to intervene, but knowing already it would be no use anyway.

"Leave this to me, Stella. I'll deal with this little fairy and have his wings clipped in no time," Klaus said as he took a step towards me, tilting his head to the side at me, his nostrils flaring. "If I were you, mate I would think twice about getting in my way."

"I wouldn't even think once to have anything to do with you, but when it comes to Stella, you can't stop me from trying to save her from your claws." I stepped closer myself and glared at Klaus. He could say what he want, it was my duty to look out for Stella.

"She doesn't need you to save her, she's not a damsel in distress. In my opinion she's more than capable of looking after herself. Why don't you go ahead and ask her?" Klaus said, gesturing to Stella with his hand.

Stella frowned. "What is he talking about, Sage?" She asked sharply. They were talking over her head again and she didn't like it one bit.

I sighed and turned my attention to Stella completely. "I didn't want you to know this way, but I told you about being a guardian you know that, right? And every guardian has a purpose on being on earth. And mine is guarding you."

Stella gaped at him. "You're right, that's not how I would've liked to know."

"Right now you can go on your merry way, Sagey boy," Klaus faked a smile as he tightened his fist around my collar, trying to lead me towards the door.

I put all my strength into my touch and pushed Klaus away. "Don't you dare laying your filthy hands on me me again." I growled before looking at Stella pleadingly. "Come with me, Stella, let me explain."

Stella looked at me, not knowing what to say. It was too much right now.

"Oh Jesus Christ you really are pathetic," Klaus growled at me before pushing me over a few tables and returned to Stella, his eyes locking with hers, as he caressed her cheek. "Forget him love, he doesn't exist but I do and everything with be perfect," Klaus whispered, putting emphasis on his last word to her.

Stella saw his pupils dilating and a warm feeling spread in her body, making everything seem easy and right.

I quickly stumbled to my feet, crying out, "No!" I skidded to a halt in front of Stella looking into her eyes. "Stella, please, tell me you didn't hear anything he just said right now."

Stella looked at me, puzzled. "I am sorry, do I know you?" She frowned at me then looked at Klaus for explanation.

Klaus leaned into Stella, a warm smile crossing his features and whispered close to her ear. "Don't mind him, love I think he's on drugs."

Stella smiled back, grabbing his hand. "Then let's get out of here."

I looked helplessly after them, my heart breaking. "How can you be happy now, Klaus? This is all a lie now you know she doesn't love you for real!" I called after them, but I knew it was a fruitless attempt.

The two of them left, leaving me standing. But I wouldn't give up just so easy. I was determined to get back Stella. Or at least get her memories back.