So here's the deal, I've known Mark since like grade school. I first met him when some kids were pushing him around on the playground. He looked so defenseless that I had to come to his rescue. After that, we sorta became best buds. And ever since then, I've had a crush on him. But I knew that boys liking boys was wrong in my parent's eyes, and when you're 10 you basically believed what they did. So I tried to stop liking him, tried to focus on the girls. But no matter how hard, Mark was always there looking cuter, being more understanding. But I had to like girls; that's just the way it was.
Fast-forward 3 years and enter: Tom Collins, a breath of fresh air for the high school. Collins was masculine and strong, smart and witty, and most of all- gay and proud. We fell into the same group of friends and I became aware that being gay was nothing to be ashamed of. Collins was proud of his sexuality, why couldn't I be?
Enter: screaming girls. Oh yeah, that's why. My rock star image has made me the hottest thing on campus. Every girl wanted a piece of 'Roger the rock god'. Finally one day, I couldn't take it. I broke down in the bathroom. And who walks in but Collins?
Flashback
"Roger? Rog are you in here?" A gruff voice echoed through the bathroom.
I wiped away the tears that stained my face and answered, "no".
Collins chuckled and found my hiding place- the last stall. He nudged the door open and sat down next to me on the probably toxic floor.
"What's up Hollywood?"
"That's what's up!"
"What?!"
"The whole 'Hollywood' thing. I can't get a moment alone with my best friends without getting swarmed or called or stalked!"
"What are you talking about boy? You love them girls!" Collins smiled.
"…"
"Don't you?"
"Define 'love'."
"You actually expect me to believe that you hate all those girls throwing themselves at you, giving themselves to you?"
"Maybe…"
"Alright." Collins sighed.
"What?"
"What's going on?"
"Nothing!" I lied.
"Boy, you better know that I know you too well to believe that."
"Yeah…but…I can't."
"Why?"
"Cause…" I sounded like a five-year old.
"Roger you can tell me anything! I'm good at keeping promises." He said seriously.
I sighed and finally gave in. If I didn't tell someone, then I could end up telling Mark how I felt and that would be worse that telling Collins.
"…IlikeMark…" I mumbled.
"You lie in the dark?"
I took a deep breath. "I like Mark."
"Ohh! Well of course you do, everyone likes that boy."
"No Collins…"
"Ohhh! You mean like…?"
I nodded.
"Oh. Wow. So you're gay?"
"No! I mean, yes I mean-ugh. I don't know. It's not like I don't find girls unattractive, I just find Mark more attractive; but only Mark. No other guys- just him." I played with a loose thread from my shirt, trying to look anywhere but Collins' face.
"So you're crushing on your best friend." Collins said calmly.
"I guess I am." I finally admitted. "Col, what do I do?"
A look of pain came over my friend's face and he laid a friendly hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"You can't help me?"
"No, I just know that Mark is in love with Maureen Johnson."
"What, that girl who goes to his Temple?"
Collins nodded.
"Shit."
"Yep."
"So I just hide it like I always have."
"That's not healthy Rog, look at where it got you so far."
"Yeah, but I've held it in for 6 years. Another 6 couldn't hurt."
Collins eyebrows shot up. "Tell him."
"What?!"
"Tell. Him."
"Mark?"
"No- our principal- yes Mark! You need to tell him."
"No, I can't. It'd ruin our friendship."
"So you'd rather suffer?"
"If it means staying friends with him, then yes."
"You know that after about 10 years this'll be killing you- right?"
"Then I'll tell him on my death bed. He doesn't feel that way about me, and I'd rather keep my true feelings hidden and stay friends, then spill my guts and lose my best friend."
"You love him."
"Oh- is that what that gnawing feeling at my gut is everytime I see him? I know I do Col. I also know that I can't do anything about it."
Collins patted my shoulder understandingly. "Don't stay in here all day." He said on his way out.