Careful; this chapter has a lot in it!
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Warm arms envelop my body as I lean upright against a breathing body. Is Julius still holding me? The feeling of safety takes hold of my chest as I lightly breathe out trying to prolong the nice feeling. Him here, holding me like this is...nice. I really like it, actually. I remain silent listening to the steady rainfall against the window. It seems the lightning has passed. Thank goodness -
"Ace, that is enough!" Julius's voice harshly reprimands as something tugs on my hair.
"Aw~ but you were having fun with her too! I told you before, haven't I? I just want our threesome, that's all." Ace's whines in a jocular tone. Ace is here? A frightened shiver shoots down my spine as my eyes pop open, spying Julius's throat obscuring my vision. Ah; I'm resting on his shoulder? A faint blush riddles my cheek as my focus shifts, spying Ace with his gloved hand over my bare leg.
...
...
...
"What happened to my pants?" I ask aloud, staring at the troubling sight. Julius tenses beneath me as Ace's smile only grew broader.
"I wanted to look at your legs so I took them off ~! You have very pretty legs~ right, Julius?" Ace cheerfully declares hugging the limb as he kisses my knee. I grimace at his strange explanation and try to shake him off, all the while listening for Julius's usual scolding. Really ... not even a comment or reprimand from Julius? I slyly glance over to the clockmaker spying his reddening face. Huh? Both I and Ace stare as Julius's face grows into deeper shades of red.
"N-Nonsense! Why would I look at such things?!" He demanded, jumping up to his feet. I scramble to land right side up smacking my head into a table. I clutch my head rising to my wobbly feet. Ow.
"Relax Julius I was only teasing~," the knight hums with a silly simper. Julius scowls over to the knight as he slips off his coat, tossing it over my legs. I barely catch it, covering my legs with the fabric. My eyes spot my pants lying on the ground, quickly yanking them up over my legs. Well, that's embarrassing.
"You are dismissed, Ace." Julius growls irritably turning his back on the knight. Ace sighs and looks over to me with a grin.
"Hey, Jackie, come go on an adventure with me~," he hums wrapping his arm around my waist as he begins to drag me along. No -! Ace stops short as Julius snatches his arm, needling his brows together in anger. Julius?
"What makes you think that she would want to go on one of your ludicrous adventures?"
"Huh? But they're fun!" Ace delightfully shouts.
"Leave, Ace!"
"Fine, fine~," Ace sings, merrily hopping down the stairs, "just promise me that there will be some interesting developments soon~."
"Tch. Foolish knight." Julius huffs turning away from the door.
"Why did you stop him?"
"Did you want to go with him?"
"Not at all." I retort, almost insulted by the insinuation. Why ... why does my chest hurt like this? Did he not want me to go with Ace because he thought something would happen to him?
"Well then there you go."
"No...there was another reason. Julius, why did you look so frightened?" I press. Please ... please tell me it was for my own safety and not just because Ace is your lover. Anything; anything at all.
"Frightened? Don't be preposterous." He miffs, sitting down at his desk with a heavy frown weighing on him. I hedge on my feet, tempted to leave.
"No...Julius, you looked scared. Why?" My voice expels without me realizing it. Stop; don't go any further. I don't want to hear his answer.
"Why does it matter?"
"I want to know why."
"Why what?"
"Why you stopped him."
"What does it matter?"
"Because I want to know why you made him leave instead of me!" Doesn't he like Ace? So wouldn't he want me to leave instead of him? Ugh, he's so confusing -!
"And why in the world would that be?" He huffs raising an eyebrow. Fury lashes around my tongue as I open my mouth to expel my destruction.
"Because I think I love you - eep!" My hands quickly slap over my mouth as sheer horror wash through my system. Oh my gosh ... I can't believe I just spilled it -! Julius's head snaps up from his work, equally if not more so shocked. A sullen mask of uncaring masks his surprise as he goes right back to tinkering.
"You think you love me?" He critically asks, narrowing his eyes to get a better look at a particular spring.
He's not even looking at me.
"Uh...y-yes?" I squeak out, too frightened to say anything else. Oh man...what is he going to say about it?
"Hmph...nothing but a childish fantasy, then...," he mutters with the tiniest hint of disappointment. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach.
I am nothing to him. Neither as a woman or even as a friend.
"W-What?" I ask. C-Childish fantasy?
"Yes. You think you love me, do you? Well, don't you think that if such affection was real that you would know for a surety?" He asks, analyzing a loose screw in another clock.
Why is he being so mean? I ... I just told him my feelings and it sounds like he's harshly reprimanding me with that soft tone of his.
"W-W-Well, I-I-I," I quietly argue unable to say anything else. My throat is constricting and I can hardly breathe. Why can't I say anything? It's like my vocal cords are refusing to work in fear of worsening the situation.
"Yes. So, it must simply be a bit of infatuation, like of that which comes and goes." He lightly dismisses waving off my words.
Nothing. My affection means nothing to him.
"What?" I hardly whisper in a tiny croak. I-Infatuation? No, I know what a crush feels like. B-But this feels like it's on a completely different tracks -!
"Never mind this conversation. I will pretend that I have heard none of it."
He really is the heartless mortician.
"Y-Yeah...c-c-childish f-fantasy. Sorry." I stutter as my heart shatters to pieces. See, Jackie? This is what happens when you open up to people.
They use you.
They hurt you.
They wait for an opening and then happily rip you a new one.
"Precisely. Now, if you excuse me, I have work to do." He mindlessly dismisses me waving me off towards the door.
"Y-Yeah; me too. Sorry." I mutter struggling to hold the shards of my chest together. It heaves with silent sobs as I bite back more words I will regret.
"Don't apologize; just think before you speak. That's all." He scoffs placing the finished clock aside.
"I did." I deafly mouth, too quiet for him to hear. I turn around, stiffly walking out of his territory.
It hurts. My chest feels so tight that it feels like I can't breathe. Salty disappointment easily pass my guard as I bite my lip unable to hold it back. Its ... so painful. People don't joke when they call it a 'crush'. But this feels like so much more. It feels as if a major line has been severed, one that will never grow back. It hurts ... so much. Almost, dare I compare it, as much as when I lost my brother.
The heartache.
The tears.
The silent sobs.
The act of holding yourself together while you slip through your own fingers trying to recreate yourself.
Why does it hurt so much? It's not like ... we were ever in a relationship.
E-E-Ever, so why I -
I shouldn't bother
c-crying
b-b-because...
because -!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH -!" I wail dropping to my knees in the middle of the Amusement Park. Faceless customers jump, bewildered by my sudden outcry as many of them skirt away to the sides of the buildings, trying to figure out the cause of my crying from afar. My chest heavily heaves as my sobs deepen to my diaphragm, making my entire body convulse with each and every huff for air. I cover my blurry eyes wishing to vanish into the deepest pit in existence. Every breath felt like needles driving into my already exhausted lungs which are ready to pop at any given moment. It hurts ... it hurts so much -!
"J-Jackie?!" Gowland's voice jumps, startled. I ignore the man as his pats my shoulder, trying to untangle me from my little sobbing ball.
It hurts ...
It hurts -!
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Ouch -! Rejected right off the bat. What will Ace have to say about this? And Gowland? Look forward to the next chapter Chickadees~ Also, 10 REVIEWS as always :3