DISCLAIMER: Dear diary, today I managed to pull off a giant corporate takeover in which I somehow raised billions of dollars and bought out the whole, entire MadMan company just so that I could say that I now not only own Gundam Wing but every other anime and video game that MadMan is related to as well.

WRONG!!

I'm not even aspiring to steal anyones anime, so WHY do I have to write this stupid disclaimer? #sigh# Here's the story...

Chapter 3: Heero's Gun won't Save Him Now!

Three days had passed since the mysterious crazy girl had first appeared. Quatre had now stopped crying and was playing a nice game of tea party that he had dragged Trowa into against his will. Wufei's shins were starting to heal, Heero was designing a new and better weapon against invincablity, and Duo was playing the 'Game-Station' for probably about the sixth hour in a row. They all tried to forget. Who knew? Maybe it was a one time thing, maybe there was no real danger and she wouldn't come back. Or maybe she was working behind the scenes right now...

'Ding-dong!' rang the doorbell of the gigantic Darlian Mansion. "Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!"

"I'm coming!" called Relena who had given the door-servant a break today.

"Ding-dong!" Relena opened the door and watched the brown haired winged girl who was still ringing the door bell in front of her. "Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!"

"Um.. can you please stop doing that?" she asked, startling the girl and making her jump back in fright.

"Oh, sorry." She smiled sheepishly gathering her wits. "It's just that I love doing that, it's so much fun!"

"I know what you mean," nodded Relena, "I know what you mean. Say, those wings make a great costume. They look so real."

"Oh, these old things? Well, now that you mention it, they're sort of a prop for the job I'm doing. It's for that new reality TV show, you know, 'Voice of an Angel'?"

Relena nodded. "Now that you mention it, I think I have."

"Good. Now I need to take a sample of your voice with this." Hiki pulled out a tape recorder. "It's so that we can trial you for being a contestant!"

Relena's eyes widened. "A contestant? Me?"

"Yes," nodded Hiki. "Now just say something into this tape recorder."

"You mean sing?"

"No,speaking will do. Oh, and say it in a certain way like when you're talking about Heero Yuy."

"Wait a minute, how do you know about Heero Yuy?"

"Umm..." Hiki stammered, "Uh...girl, you're in love. Every self-respecting female knows that there's no shaking that 'depthful glow' when you're talking about Heero Yuy!"

And Relena, her brains too scrambled with the newly reawakened Heero obsession, bought it.

"Okay. I love you, Heero!" she screamed into the recorder. Cats meowed, several windows shattered, and in the distance about three different car alarms could be heard going off.

Hiki took her finger and squeeky-cleaned out one ear. "Very nice," she lied. "I'm going to take this back to the judges now. It's a real beauty." Then she turned around and ran away.

Relena slammed the door and squeeled in excitement. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I have to go tell Heero!" And with that she ran up stairs to go tell her Heero-shrine.

"Purrrrfect!" Hiki giggled back at camp as she played around with and programmed her equipment. She picked up a mini-microphone and played Relena's horrible, irritating voice into it. Next, she played with the console of her computer until the rhythm of Relena's voice could be copied, twisted and warped with great ease. Finally, as a test she spoke four words into a microphone; "Heero Yuy, you're first!" And they sounded exactly like Relena. Hiki cackled wickedly. She gathered her things, stuffed them into that 'special' bag and flew off to proceed with phase one...

Quatre was in the kitchen making pasta for everyone for dinner. He was nearly finished serving and went to set the table, making the mistake of leaving the drinks on a tray by the open window. A delicate milky-tanned hand reached in through the opening and dropped exactly two very strong sleeping pills in each drink. They had just enough time to dissolve before Quatre returned to finish placing the bowls and, lastly, the drinks on the table.

"Dinner's ready!" he called, and Hiki had to stiffle her laughter as everyone sat down, unsuspecting of the poison that lay in their beverages.

Everyone had nearly finished when Heero noticed something odd and turned to Duo. "Duo?"

"Hn?" Duo replied.

"You're quiet. Why?"

"It's nothing." Duo screwed his face up in a strange expression. "I just feel really, really tired all of a sudden. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

"Hey don't sweat it, Duo," Quatre said, "I'm feeling tired myself."

"Yeah." said Heero. "I think the recent missions have started to play on all of us. Perhaps we should all turn in early tonight so we'll be ready in the morning."

Everyone nodded in agreement and started heading off to bed while Quatre decided to stay and at least clear the table up.

"Need help?" Heero asked.

"Nah, don't worry about it." Quatre yawned. "I'm only moving the dishes to the sink. I'll wash them all tommorrow."

"Ok then." With that, Heero turned around and went off to bed.

Eventually, all the lights were switched off, giving Hiki her queue. She squatted patiently for at least another ten minutes, then picked up her things, picked the lock and snuck inside.

"Oouufff!" she puffed, tripping over Quatre who had collasped after turning off the lights. She got up and looked at him. 'Awww,' she thought, 'he looks so peaceful!' Somehow, when Hiki thought of Quatre, she couldn't help thinking of some scared little kid cuddling a doll. It was hard to believe he was a warrior. He looked so harmless! Ah well, she thought as she stepped over him and walked away, too bad he's gonna suffer like the rest of 'em!

Using stealth she crept up the stairs, searching for Heero's room." She opened Duo's door first, then Trowa's, and on the third try she got Heero's. Hiki barely managed to repress her squeals of delight as she pulled out the neccessary items to complete phase one of her self-appointed mission. She opened her hand to reveal two almost microscopic, radio-transmittic, ultra-big-worded devices and a pair of tweezers. Using the tweezers she pressed one into each of Heero's ears until the tiny little nippers on each of the devices gripped onto the nearest patch of skin. This caused Heero to wince slightly but he did not wake up. Hiki silently giggled, packed the tweezers into the bag and half-skipped, half-crept out of the room. And right intoWufei.

"Ow! Watch where you're going! Aaarrgh!" He shrieked, "The crazy onna's back!"

Hiki raised a hand, powered up and let out a blast of energy. Wufie froze. "Don't move, breathe or speak, Woopie!"

"Injustice! That was insulting!"

"And your attitude towards woman isn't? Hmf. Anyway, I'm much better at insulting you than Duo, aren't I?"

"What do you want? Why are you here?"

"You didn't drink the lemonade at the dinner table tonight, did you Woof-Woof?"

Wookie's...I mean Wufei's eyes widened in realization. "You drugged us?"

"Yup!" nodded Hiki, grinning. "I'm so great! Oh yes. I am. I love myself sooo much! So anyway, did you or did you not drink the lemonade tonight?"

"No," said Wocky, shaking his head, "I drank green tea instead."

Hiki's expression went from smirkish to incredulous and stupified. "What?"

"I drank green tea instead."

"Who in their right minds drinks green tea with pasta at night?!"

"It's healthy," Wufei stated quietly.

"It's sick and wrong!" Hiki shouted sarcasticaly, pulling a tonfar out of her bag.

Wufie saw it and backed off some. "What are you gonna do with that?" he inquired, wide-eyed, looking at the long wooden object.

"Fine then, nosey. If you really must know, I'm going to wack you over the head with it. Then I'm gonna drug you so that the last 20 minutes seem like only a dream. And the rest I'm not even going to tell you because you shouldn't be nosing into other peoples business in the first place!"

Wufei was about to run but Hiki took the tonfar and hit him really hard over the head! She grabbed the syringe and injected him. Then she picked him up and carried him to his bedroom. She proceeded to tuck him into the bed and took a book off of the bookshelf that was seated above the bedhead. She then turned the bruised side of his head upwards and placed the book just beside him so that it looked like it was an accident. She had just finished admiring her work whenWufei opened his eyes and groaned. Sighing, Hiki took the tonfar out again and grabbed another book off of the shelf...

It was morning again, the sky was blue, the sun was shining, AND THOSE STUPID BIRDS WERE AT IT AGAIN!!! AAAARRRGGHH!!! 'Squawk!' 'Tweet!' 'Moo!' 'BRZZ!-BRZZ!' (Chainsaw.) 'Grind!' 'Splatter!' Ahh, that's better. Now where was I...

Duo Maxwell slouched into to the kitchen, probably to finish off that previous cartoon of milk. He noticed that his head felt strange, like he had a hangover.

"Whooaa! Oouff!" He tripped over the still sleeping Quatre.

"Watch your step," he heard a voice from the table say. Trowa was already up, sipping his coffee with a plate of toast in front of him.

"What is Quatre doing on the floor?" Duo asked, picking himself up.

"Don't know," Trowa replied, picking up a nearby newspaper and reading it.

"Aw well." Duo shrugged and continued to the kitchen. He was to muggy to move Quatre himself and he looked safe enough there anyway. So why disturb him?

Upstairs, Heero Yuy had just started to drag himself out of bed when he heard a loud growl come from the room down the end of the corridoor. Wufei's room.

Curious, Heero got up and went see what that was about. There in the bed was poor ol' Wufei, nursing two huge purple bumps on his head. Heero looked at the 'fallen' books beside him and smirked.

"Baka. I told you that putting that shelf up there was a bad idea."

Wufei held his aching head and glared at Heero from the corner of his eye. "Shut. Up. Got it?"

"Whatever." Heero repressed his smile and headed down to the kitchen.

Wufei got up a little while later, with a headache, and proceeded to join the others downstairs.

By now, Quatre had gotten up and was seated at the table along with everyone else. Wufei went into the kitchen, pulled out the aspirin, swallowed about three pills, (an overdose, 'cos he such a big boy!) and pulled up a chair to join them.

Duo, by nature, of course, noticed the two purple bumps on Wufei's head. "Whoa, man, what happened to you?"

Wufei just glared at him. Hard.

Quatre chose to intervene. "Wufei, are you alright?"

"No," Wufei stated and said no more.

Duo took a look around the table at everyone else and realised that they all looked as hung-over as he did. "I feel sick. Does anyone else feel sick?"

Everyone started to look confused and nodded strangely as they realised that they could actually relate to Duo's weird quiestion.

"Actually, I do."

"Yeah, me too."

"What's wrong with us?"

"Quatre," asked Heero, "Did you put something in the food?"

Quatre gave a girly gasp and put a hand over his mouth. "Why, I would never!"

"Are you sure, Quatre?" Wufei asked, "Cos I think I had some sort of strange dream last night. I can't remember it clearly but..."

Far away, seated on a tall pine tree branch with binoculors and laptop spread out on her lap, was Hiki. She was laughing and cackling away at the converstion the boys were having as she watched them on the screen. Obviously she had installed some hidden cameras last night too...

"I pride myself on my cooking skills!" Quatre argued back. "And my frilly aprons!"

"What do aprons have to do with this?" Heero asked.

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd noticed them before." He walked over to the kitchen drawer and pulled one out. Holding it up he squeeled in delight. "EEEEEEE!! It's pink! Isn't it just gorgous?!"

Everything went dead silent as everyone stared at Quatre looking really, really afraid...

Hiki giggled, still watching the screen. She pulled out a little remote with a bright red button and decided that now was the perfect time...

Everyone was still staring at the way-too-feminine Quatre when something painful snapped in Heero's ears. He winced. "Argh!"

"Are you alright?" Quatre asked.

"Yeah," Heero grunted. "I'm fine."

'Heeeerrooo!' Heero snapped to attention! While the rest of the pilots watched in him curiously, he looked around the room. "Did you hear that?" he asked. He could have sworn he'd heard Relena's horrible voice...!

Still sitting on that far away tree, Hiki giggled and spoke into the microphone again...

'Heeerrooo! I love you, Heero!'

"Aarrgh! Don't tell me you guys didn't hear that!"

"Didn't hear what?" Wufei looked confused.

"Nothing, nothing. Never mind. Don't worry about it."

"Okay."

But over the course of the next 3 days, Heero's newfound 'condition' gradually worsened. Slowly, he started to hear Relena's haunted, love sick tone more and more. Heero started to have fits. Heero started to have nightmares and talk to himself. And all the while, Hiki was watching this footage on her laptop and giggling so much that she nearly fell out of the tree! Five days had passed when both Trowa and Duo, for the third time that week, walked in on Heero in the TV room while he was quivering and huddled like a fetus.

"Go away, Relena! Go away!"

'But I love you, Heero! I'm a part of you now! And we'll be together for ever and ever!'

"Noooooooo!" screamed Heero. "Get away from me!"

"Who are you talking to, Heero?" Duo asked a little too nicely.

"It's Relena! Can't you hear her? She's here!" he bawled. "She's here!"

"There's no one else here," Trowa stated.

"That's not true!" Heero yelled hystericall, pointing to the wall across the room. "She's there! Can't you see?! She's disguised as the shadow! It was her all along! First she's gonna force me to marry her! And then she's gonna take over the world!" The other two quickly stepped aside to make way as Heero Yuy ran to grab an emergency axe that was hanging nearby. He then swung around, running battle style towords the incriminated wall! "I'll stop you, Relena! And your evil army of dustbunnies, too! That's right! Omae o korosu!" And with that, Heero started hacking the wall up.

Trowa and Duo stood watching from a distance, frozen with terror. Quatre and Wufei, who were upstairs, heard all the racket going on below them and raced down to see what was going on.

"I hate you, Relena!" Heero screamed.

"Okay..." Wufie slowly admitted. "He's finally cracked. I mean officially cracked. Weakling."

"What should we do?" asked Quatre.

"You're asking me?"

Meanwhile, just outside the house...

Hiki slowly crept up to the front door in her brand new fatso-the-salesman disguise. Her wings were safely tucked away and she was carrying a white metalic box, no bigger than her chest. She paused just a few inches away from the door, listening to Heeros insane rants. She cackled quietly. It was probably best to do a little laughing now rather then be smiling too much during her upcoming act...