Warning! You will get wet! You may get SOAKED!
"Well, looks like they're covering all the bases here, hmm?" Mario asked sarcastically, "Well, it's-a good thing we waited until midday to do this. It's starting to get really hot out!"
"As long as it's not scary…" Luigi said nonchalantly with a shrug, "I can handle wet."
Luigi turned and saw a few people exiting Kali River Rapids. They all seemed rather exited after riding the attraction, judging from the smiles on their faces, but Luigi noticed something else: they were completely drenched. Every article of their clothing was dripping profusely, leaving visible puddles as they walked.
"Erm… On second thought…" Luigi murmured, "Maybe I should go grab a poncho. You know, just in case…"
"I agree," Peach reiterated, pulling a few ponchos out of her purse, "Anyone else want one? Daisy?"
"Ha ha… Nah," Daisy shrugged, "I like getting wet, regardless of what your 'Beauty 101' says."
"Fine, but don't think you can get out of me teaching you a few things… Anyway, how about you, Mario?"
"No thanks, I'm fine. My clothes seem to dry really fast."
"Okay, and you guys?"
"Ha! You've gotta be kiddin' me!" Wario snorted, "Ponchos are for wussies! Right, Waluigi?"
"Uh, actually…" Waluigi mumbled, "I was gonna ask for one… OW!"
After Wario began stepping on his toes, Waluigi quickly decided to change his mind.
"I mean… Yeah! Ponchos are for wimps! Ha! You're all a bunch of idiots!"
"Well, we'll see whose the 'idiot' after the ride is over," Luigi replied, pulling the obnoxiously bright yellow poncho over his body, "ready to go?"
"So lemme get this straight…" Wario began as the circular raft left the rotating loading dock, "According to this ride's backstory, this forest is being cut down by loggers, and a bunch of whiny tree huggers are complaining about it?"
"They are not a bunch of tree huggers," Mario, who was sitting right across from Wario, explained, "they're just people protesting the fact that an endangered environment is being destroyed when there are plenty of other places the loggers can get wood from instead. What's wrong with that?"
"Good grief, does everything at this dang park have a freakin' environmental message attached? Look, I recycle and I turn the water off when I brush my teeth, so why won't these stupid eco wennies leave me alone?"
"Wait a second…" Waluigi interupted, "… You brush your teeth? Gee, you had me fool--- YEOW!"
Waluigi had the unfortunate situation of being seated right next to Wario, making it very easy for him to deck Waluigi square in the nose.
"Hey, twerp, I had to beat on ya two times in ten minutes. Keep it up and we might be seeing a new record here."
"I'd me honored," Waluigi grumbled sarcastically, rubbing his sore nose.
The raft flowed down the river a bit until it floated on top of a large, wooden conveyer belt, where it slowly began to ascend up a hill.
"Okie-dokie, here we go…" Luigi muttered, pulling the hood of his poncho up over his head.
"Yeah, I hope I don't get wet," Peach responded, tucking a few remaining strands of hair under her hood, "why did I even agree to go on this ride? I should've stayed off and watched all the stuff."
"Aw, come on, Peach!" Daisy interrupted, putting her hands behind her head, "Are you really that concerned about getting wet? You've got to lighten up, girl!"
"And you've got to calm down! I mean, that's going to be the second dress in as many days that will wind up soaking wet!"
"So? It's hot out. I want to cool off. Nothing wrong with that, right?"
"But that dress will be ruined!"
"It's not like I don't have another one…"
"Sigh… Women…" Mario whispered to Luigi, "Can you imagine a couple of guys arguing over getting their clothes wet?"
Luigi shook his head in response.
"Nope. Forget my clothes; I'm just wearing a poncho so my underwear doesn't get soaked!"
Unfortunately, Luigi said this loud enough that Wario could hear.
"You still wear tidy-whities?" Wario sneered with a smirk, "Heh, you aren't even man enough to wear boxers? What a wimp!"
"What the… Why does it even matter?" Luigi, completely befuddled by Wario's remark, retorted.
"'Cuz everyone knows that undergarments determine one's masculinity!" Wario replied.
"Oh really now?" Mario intervened, "Are you wearing boxers?"
"Heck no! I'm too manly even for those! I'm goin' commando!"
There was a very awkward silence in the raft as everyone looked at Wario, who, for whatever reason, was beaming with pride at his announcement.
"Um… Ew…" Daisy murmured, "That was waaaaay too much information…"
"Erm… Why were we talking about underwear again?" Luigi asked.
"I dunno…" Mario replied, shrugging, "When Wario opens his mouth, there is never an explanation…"
Thankfully, the raft finally reached the top of the hill at this point and quietly slipped back into the water. It began down the river slowly at first, but it quickly began to pick up speed. The first potential soak spot it reached: a series of geysers, including one that the raft floated right over. As the raft moved off of the geyser, the water quickly shot back up high into the air, drenching the entire raft.
"Whoa!" Mario shouted, "Wasn't expecting that!"
"Yikes!" Luigi yelped, "Good thing I'm wearing a poncho!"
"Eek!" Peach shrieked, "I hope my dress won't be ruined!"
"Yahoo!" Daisy cheered, "That was awsome!"
"Gah!" Wario groaned, "Now my pants are ridin' up my butt!"
"Gag! Hack!" Waluigi sputtered, spitting out water that accidentally landed right in his mouth, "Okay, just in case anyone was curious, the water Disney uses in their boat rides does not taste good! Trust me!"
Of course, that wasn't nearly the end of it. Next, the raft barreled down a winding river. Whenever it hit a bend in the waterway, water overflowed into the raft, soaking everyone's legs and feet.
"Hmm…" Luigi mused, looking at his now soggy shoes, "I think I found a flaw in my poncho plan…"
"No kidding…" Peach responded, looking sadly at her high heels.
The river calmed down as it flowed into a huge open area. Here, it was obvious that the illegal loggers were at work. All that remained of the forest was tree stumps. A huge amount of logging equipment dominated the area, and whatever remained of the trees was currently on fire.
"Gee…" Daisy murmured, "I can't believe there are bums who actually do this stuff!"
"Well, whaduya know?" Waluigi joked, "Looks like Wario got his environmental message for this ride!"
"Shut up…" Wario grumbled, "Or I'll hit you again for a third--- WHOA!"
What Wario wasn't expecting was that, while he was threatening Waluigi, the raft was slowly approaching a huge drop! Although the Mario Bros. and the princesses saw this and were ready for it, the Wario Bros. were caught completely off guard. Another thing that no one was expecting, however, was the effect of Wario's weight. When the raft hit the bottom of the drop, Wario's hefty build caused a huge wave to cascade over the raft!
"Good going, Wario…" Luigi moaned, "I think that wave got under my poncho…"
"Hey, why is everyone blaming me? Maybe Mario has been packing on a few extra pounds!"
The raft floated back towards the loading dock, but not before it went under a bridge where mischievous guests could press a button, sending even more water down on them!
"Hey! Knock it off up there!" Waluigi demanded, "Or I'll come up on that bridge and throw you over the side!"
"I don't think you'll be able to do much of anything," Mario commented, "By the time you get up there, they'll be halfway to Camp Minnie-Mickey…"
Mario was right. By the time Waluigi got out of the raft and ran up to the bridge, the kids that had soaked them were long gone.
"Grr… Stupid kids! When I get my hands on them, I'll…"
Wario, on the other hand, was focusing on more important things, like drying off his pants. At a lack of better options, he decided to go into the men's restroom to take care of it. Since Mario also had to go to the restroom for... more natural reasons, he knew it wouldn't take long to see Wario do some semi-insane spectacle. He was, once again, right.
"Yo, Mario, get a look at this!"
"Hmm?" Mario asked as he finished washing his hands, "What is it?"
Wario motioned towards a long line right in front of the hand dryers. Most of the men, who clearly also had just ridden Kali River Rapids, had removed their soaked shirts and were using the hand dryers to dry them off!
"Can you believe this? They stole my idea! The bums! I should demand legal payments!"
"Right, Wario… I'm sure you were the first…" Mario sighed as he grabbed a few paper towels and walked out. Once outside, he could see Luigi and Peach trying unsuccessfully to pack up their ponchos into as small of a space as possible, with a delightfully drenched Daisy looking on.
"Having trouble there, guys?" Mario asked.
"Nope!" Luigi replied, "We're… Stupid poncho… Fine!"
"Sure you are," Daisy teased, "don't you think it would have been easier just to not wear those?"
"Not really," Peach retorted, "at least I'm still dry, unlike someone I know…"
"Hey, at least I'm cooled off now! You should try it sometime, Peach!"
While the two princesses continued to playfully bicker, Mario took the poncho out of Luigi's hands and quickly folded it with no trouble at all.
"So, Luigi, how are things with Daisy now?"
"Um… Pretty good, I guess…" Luigi answered, "… By the way, thanks for that little prep talk back in MGM Studios. I think that actually sorta helped."
"No problem, bro," Mario responded, handing Luigi his poncho back, "Buds helping buds makes the world go 'round, right?"
Luigi looked at Daisy, whom Peach was currently dragging into the women's restroom to attempt to clean her up, and then back at Mario. He slowly smiled.
"Right."