Chapter 19 – Breakfast
The change in Sara's mood was too evident for Catherine. Since the brunette had caught her looking at the photographs, Sara had put distance between them. It was like a wall had been built in a matter of seconds, something that she had learnt from Grissom and improved it over the years.
Catherine didn't understand what had provoked such a reaction. It's not like she had been spying in Sara's looker. After all Sara had been the one who had opened the looker and left. If there's something Sara knew about Catherine it was that she couldn't stop herself from prying in the other's lives. She was, at least a CSI and a very curious person. But for Sara private was something really important.
They were eating their breakfast in silence at a restaurant that Sara had chosen. It had a great view of Vegas. They were near the window and Catherine could see from her spot how the city was awaking. She didn't have paid attention to the little details in a while – people taking their dogs for a walk, doing jogging, going to work -, except when she was alone, and even in those moments she was thinking in other things.
Sara raised her head from the plate and looked at Catherine while she was watching through the window with a strange look. A distant one. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. She had caught Catherine looking at the photographs, but when the blonde was going to asked her about them, she had panicked. She didn't want to explain every one of them, because that meant more questions. So she had decided to shut her out and avoid it. Now she was wondering if it was right not to let Catherine in.
She raised her head again to look at the blonde when she found her staring at her. She almost didn't eat anything from the breakfast that the waitress had served them.
"You're not eating" Sara stated more than asked to the blonde
"I'm not that hungry" Catherine turned again her head to the window and took a sip of her coffee.
Sara signed and left the fork on her plate. She put her hands on the table and watched Catherine. She stared at her with unemotional eyes.
"What's wrong?" She asked
Catherine turned to her and Sara could see a disappointed look in her eyes.
"I'm not the one who changed her mood when we were at the looker room, so you tell me." She replied bitterly
She knew that Catherine was going to bring that subject at any moment. She had prepared a reply to her, but she didn't expect that look in her blue eyes. It was the same look that she gave her when she had closed Eddie's case. That made her heart arch in pain.
For a moment, Catherine saw the brunette flinch, but it was replaced quickly by another wall.
"I mean, one moment you're joyful and the next second you're ready to bite my head off without any reason…I don't know on what foot I should stand"
"You're upset…" Sara said stating more than asking.
"I'm not…I'm just…I don't know how to be with you…"
"What are you talking about? You don't need to act around me" Sara said molested by Catherine's word. She didn't need people pretending.
"That's not what I meant" She signed in frustration "You see that's the problem, we can't communicate without fighting"
"I'm not the one who started it, and just for your information we are not fighting every time"
"That's rich…you know if you had more constancy in your mood maybe we wouldn't be arguing right now"
"I'm not arguing. You are" She said bitterly and pointing a finger to the blonde. She took a deep breath to calm herself. Catherine knew how to push her buttons. "It's just that I don't like people sneaking in my private life"
"Excuse me?" She sounded outraged. "I didn't sneak around!! You're the one who opened your locker and left it that way!"
"That's pry into someone's life." Catherine was about to protest when Sara interrupted her "That my locker was opened doesn't give you permission to nose around"
"Whatever" She sighed exasperated "You know what? I don't want to fight with you not today, nor ever"
"Me either. I'm tired of this" Sara admitted to the blonde.
Catherine's expression softened. She looked at the brunette in front of her. She looked like there was a big weight over her shoulders. "I'm sorry I saw those pictures, but admit that if you wanted to protect your privacy that much you should have closed your locker"
Neither of the two women spoke again, so Catherine stared out of the window again sipping her coffee.
Sara thought about what Catherine had just said. She was right. She had made a mistake leaving the locker opened. She hated to admit it but…
"You're right" Sara said almost in a whisper and without looking at the blonde.
That caught Catherine's attention once more to the brunette seated in front of her. But she didn't reply to her. She just kept looking at her eyes, waiting for Sara to go on. When she didn't say anything, Catherine spoke again.
"Sorry I think I didn't hear you? What did you just say?"
Sara was uncomfortable. She didn't look at her, she just kept her stare in her plate barely touched. "You heard me clear…I said that you're right"
Catherine chuckled. She really like seeing a Sara so shy. "Wow, Sara Sidle admitting that I'm right! Call the press!" A chuckled escaped from her lips. "Sorry" Catherine admitted smiling. But Sara was smiling too.
"I can't believe you made such a drama, just because I don't like people snea….been curious about me. I'm not used to it". Sara said staring at her, really curious. "What do you want from me, Catherine?" She asked in a soft tone. "Why that interest in me?"
"I just want to know you. Is it a crime?" She asked with her eyebrows arched. Sara was going to protest when Catherine cut her off. "Do you realize that we've been working together for the past 8 years, and we barely know each other?"
Sara thought about Catherine's words. She didn't know if it was a good idea to talk about her past because she knew that would lead to more questions, questions she didn't think she was prepared to answer. Catherine had a point. She rarely said something about herself.
Catherine watched the indecision on Sara's face. She was taking her time. It wasn't a difficult decision for her but for the brunette it seemed like the end of the world. "Does it mean that she doesn't trust me? What is so important that she is trying to hide it?" Those were Catherine's thoughts.
After a few minutes, she seemed to arrive to a resolution. She didn't look up at her. Instead she kept her stare in the plate in front of her.
"Yeah, maybe I should open up a bit" She looked at her "But, that doesn't mean that you did the right thing looking in my locker. If you want to know something, ask me"
"Look, I am really sorry about looking at your pictures without your 'permission'. I admit that my curiosity won and you're right. It wasn't the right thing to do, and I'm sorry" The sincerity was evident in her voice. She hoped Sara could catch on that.
"Apology accepted" Sara said with a nod of her head.
"Good" She smiled in relief. "Now can I ask you something?"
Sara smiled at her, one of her half smiles, the seductive one "You can ask, getting an answer from me is another thing".
"I see" She leaned forward on the table "You're not making this easy, you know?"
"I'm not really comfortable talking about myself. But go on. Ask your questions"
"Who was the boy on the picture?"
Sara stared at her. She knew that eventually, she had to talk about her family, but she had expected that Catherine wouldn't head directly there. She waited a moment to measure her words.
"You really go straight to the kill, don't you?"
"You're not answering the question"
Sara took a breath "That's my brother" She said finally.
Catherine kept looking at her. She waited for Sara to go on, but the brunette didn't add anything else. "This is going to be frustrating." She thought to herself.
"And that's it? That's all I'll get for answer?"
"Ok, calm down." She took a sip of her coffee trying to avoid more questions about her brother, or about her family. "He's six years older than I. The photograph you saw was took it when I was seven"
"Does he have a name?"
"Sean"
"You seemed closed from each other." Catherine said remembering the photograph.
"Yeah, I think you could say that" Sara said absently, remembering the day the photograph was taken by her mother. She told Catherine about that day like it was yesterday. That was easy for her, and they even laughed a bit about the anecdotes she describe of that day. "One of the a few happy days" Sara thought to herself.
"And where is he now? What does he do for living?" Catherine said taking a beat of her meal.
"Why do you want to know? Are you going to date him?" Sara replied nervously and with a smile on her lips not looking at her. She had tried to make a joke trying to avoid the question, but the effect her words elicited were the opposite of the one expected.
The moment Sara heard the sound of the fork falling in the plate, she knew she had made a mistake. She looked at Catherine with a mixture of sadness and regret. What she saw was anger and hurt in the blonde's face.
"I…Catherine…"
"What is that suppose to mean? I can't ask a question without sexual motive?" She signed angrily. "Glad to know you have such a high opinion of me"
Sara tried to explain herself, but Catherine just closed to her. She passed a hand though her hair and stared through the window, but she couldn't let it go. "No, don't worry. I got you loud and clear" She made a pause trying to compose herself, but her anger was getting the best of her "You think I'm cheap…but what did I expect, after all I let my sexuality cloud my judgment about men, right?"
The words that Sara had pronounced once to her, returned like a blow. She thought how to fix what she had done. If she wanted to fix it she needed to be honest.
"Catherine, I'm sorry. It was mean to be a joke, nothing more" The blonde was going to reply but Sara was not done yet "And you're wrong actually…I do have a high opinion of you, even if you think I don't"
Catherine looked at her with her mouth hanging open.
"I'm not done yet, so don't try to say anything" Sara replied to her. "You're an amazing CSI, even better than me. You need to take care of a daughter and that's not easy with the kind of work we have. Add to that, you are a beautiful woman and people are aware of that, or do you think the contrary?" Once again Sara cut off Catherine "You could have anyone you want at your feet in a matter of seconds, only lifting your fingers" She make the gesture to emphasize her words "That's easy"
"Wow…I'm…really touched" She said. After all the fights they've been trough, the bitterness, the indifference…she had never expected that Sara had such a concept of her.
"It's the truth, otherwise I wouldn't had said anything"
After a few seconds, Catherine smiled, still surprised. She leaned forward on the table.
"That I'm a beautiful woman it's something I already knew, but I don't think I can have everyone I want at my feet" She add joking
Sara mimicked her posture "Believe me, you have" She said looking straight to her blue eyes with total seriousness. "I can see how people look at you. They want to be with you, they admire you and at the same time they desire you. So, yes you can have everyone you want"
"It doesn't mean I want them…" She replied slightly bitter.
"I hope, otherwise the waiting line would be very long" Sara said joking enlighten the mood and making Catherine chuck softly.
After a few second neither of the two women spoke. They just stared at each other, trying to figure out what was happening. The first to move was Catherine, who half closed her eyes looking at Sara suspiciously.
"Are you trying to avoid the question?" She said in a sensual and soft tone with a shadow of a smile.
Sara smiled from one side to another. A bright smile, the ones that made Catherine feel weak and her heart beat faster.
"As I said, I'm just stating the truth. And in response to your question…" Sara's face turned serious again. After a few seconds she added "What question?" She said, making the both of them laugh.
"No, seriously" Catherine said between laughs. "Where is he?"
Sara stopped laughing and looked through the window. She tried to find the words without telling Catherine too much.
"I don't know. We lost contact years ago" She said absently.
"I'm sorry to hear that" Catherine said putting her hand over the brunette's. Sara stared at their hands, but she didn't break the contact. She just squeezed.
Catherine was going to say something, but Sara cut her off. "I don't really want to talk about it, if you don't mind. At least not yet."
"Ok" Catherine said. "What about the other photographs?"
"Uh, uh, no more questions Catherine" Sara said shaking her head. "If I'm going to tell you about me, it's fair enough you tell me about you"
"Oh come on! You know I'm an opened book" She said with a smile.
"Quid pro quo, Clarice" Sara said imitating the voice and the face of Dr. Lecter, perfectly.
"What was that?" Catherine said curiously.
Sara looked at her in surprise. "Oh come on! Don't tell me you haven't seen 'The Silence of the Lambs'?"
"Then I won't tell you" Catherine said laughing
"This is incredible. I mean, It's one of the best films in history." She said still amazed by Catherine's confession.
Catherine was looking at her with a mixture of pleasure and joy. It had been a long time since she had been Sara so passionate about something that had nothing to do with work.
"I didn't know you were a junky of cinema"
"Well I'll try to go, sometimes." Sara responded. Silence set again between the two women. Sara was thinking something, She had that look of concentration when she was trying to figured out something, and was watching Catherine with nervous eyes.
"What?" The blonde asked still smiling. It was like a permanent smile had set in her lips. She couldn't stop it.
"I was thinking…ermm… that this is good" She said gesturing a hand between both of them. The confusion in Catherine's face was evident. "I mean, you and I having breakfast outside of work, been friendly".
"Yeah, I was thinking the same. Maybe we should do this more often" Catherine replied hoping that Sara was agree
"That would be really good" Sara said with a bright smile.
They talked about Catherine's past and how she became a CSI. How she had met Jimmy Toledo when she was a stripper, how Grissom was the only one who offered her a decent job and helped her to make it. How she grabbed that opportunity and fight tooth and nail to never let it go.
Meanwhile, Catherine was talking about herself, as Sara has request, she started to realize the person who Catherine was. Outside of work she was eager, spontaneous, full of life. She seemed a person full of confidence in herself, not the cold and bitchy person she met at first 8 years ago. At some point during these years, Sara had admired Catherine's aptitude. How she stood her opinion and had fight for what she thought. She admired her for her skills with people and how compassionate she was with the victims.
"So now that you know about me…can I ask you about the other picture?" Catherine said to her.
"What other picture?"
"The one with the woman?
Sara watched her for a moment. It was easier when Catherine was talking about herself, now that it was Catherine's turn to ask her, she decided that for today she had had enough of talking about herself. It required a tremendous effort to open up to people.
"Umm…no?" She replied her with the shadow of a smile.
"Ok…well you can't blame me for trying" Catherine said smiling nervously. There was hurt in her eyes, but she understood that maybe Sara wasn't prepared to explain all her life to her. She understood how Sara Sidle functioned. She needed to be patient and let her be the one to opened up, she needed to wait until Sara made the next step.
"Maybe we should go…I'll have to take care of Lindsey soon" She said without looking at the brunette and taking her belongings.
Sara noticed the change in Catherine's eyes. She asked herself if she had done the right thing about not talking about that photograph.
When they were leaving the restaurant Sara addressed to Catherine nervously.
"Catherine" The blonde turned to her with an expectant look "Maybe you could ask next time…when we have din…breakfast"
"Or when we have dinner..I'm thinking today before work…you could come to my place…I'll cook" Catherine replied quickly without breathing.
Sara looked at her surprised. She didn't expect that. "Dinner?" She repeated mostly to herself. After a few seconds she smile brightly to her "Yeah, that would be nice"
Catherine let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding and returned the smile. "Great…great"
They didn't speak until they reached their cars. When Catherine was about to enter in hers, Sara called her.
"Catherine…at what time?
"Is 7 ok?"
"7 is perfect" She said still smiling. "Do you want me to bring something?"
Catherine looked at her seductively. One of that smiles that made Sara's knees turned jelly. "Just yourself"
With that expression and those words, Catherine entered her car and drive away, leaving a stunned Sara who kept watching how Catherine's car was turning small in the distance. She was grinning now. When she entered her car, she thought about the questions about his brother and Jules. Catherine had dropped it easily. Maybe, one day she could tell her what happened, but right now she couldn't allow her to know too much.
TBC