Hawke

You can do this, Astrid thought as she paced awkwardly outside the Hanged Man. Her leg was hurting from when one of the skeleton creatures at Sundermount had grabbed her, but she was too wrapped up in nervousness to pay much attention to it.

It's only a date... With the incredibly handsome Knight Captain of the Templar Order, who could easily throw her in the Gallows if he found out almost anything about her history. Well, she amended, maybe not easily. I could take him.

Ugh. Thinking about whether or not you could best your date in a fight was not normal behavior. Astrid let out a final indecisive sigh and limped into the tavern. Despite the vague sickness in her stomach, a nervous smile stretched across her lips when she spotted the burly man sitting by the bar. He looked over at her and returned the gesture, his cheeks coloring slightly.

"Hawke," Cullen said as she approached. "You look…"

Suddenly self conscious, Astrid groaned. "Don't finish that sentence."

She was wearing muddy armor with her flaxen hair in utter disarray despite numerous attempts to flatten it and clean up. The girl had planned on running home to change into plainclothes and bathe, but with the addition of Merrill to her small party after the trip to Sundermount, she'd had to go make sure she was situated in the Alienage instead. Not only that, but because of an idiotic dwarf they'd met going down the mountain, she'd got stuck fighting Tal-Vashoth rebels with a bum leg. And she had to visit the Qunari compound by the docks the next day to inform the Arishok. Can't wait.

"I think you look lovely. It's just…you've got a bit of uh…" he gestured to his cheek, "blood."

Astrid froze and touched a dried crusty spot on her cheek. Her face blanched as she blotted the spot out with a handkerchief. Varric had sworn she looked fine before heading off from their earlier adventure to meet with the Merchant's Guild. I'll kill him, she thought savagely.

"It's just from a demon," Astrid assured him. "I swear you don't need to arrest me."

Thankfully, the templar laughed, making him look years younger. He didn't seem much older than her, but now in a bar dressed simply in a deep scarlet shirt and dark pants he looked so much less intimidating. He was so much more real outside of his armor; not a position or a title, but a person.

"I'll take your word for it this time," he said in a mock authoritative voice. "But may I ask you how you ended up slaying demons today?"

"Oh, it's a long story," she said glibly, not sure if she wanted to share that much quite so quickly. Yeah Knight Captain, I was just freeing an ancient witch on a mountaintop and making sure my new blood mage friend was situated. It was a real doozy of a day!

But Cullen smiled and the tension seemed to float away. There was a sort of gentleness to him that made the man the type of person that was easy to confide in. "I've got time," he offered, with a gesture to Corff to bring them two ales.

She bit her lip. "Tempting, but I'm not sure I want to earn your disapproval quite so fast..."

Disappointment crossed his face for a moment before being replaced with a lighthearted smile. "I can't picture disapproving a woman like you, but I understand your hesitance. With my being part of the templars, and well…ah, I don't actually know what you do for work?"

"That's a good question," she observed with a small laugh. What do I do exactly? "I work, well, a variety of jobs I suppose. People just seem to find me and ask me for help, and sometimes they pay me. But I've been saving my coin for an expedition to the Deep Roads."

"The Deep Roads?" Astrid could not tell if he was impressed or horrified. "What do you hope to achieve?"

Astrid couldn't fight the stupid grin that spread across her face. It sounded so ridiculous and impossible. In fact it very well could be, but she could worry about that later. "We're looking for treasure."

Cullen's eyebrows shot up. "I don't know what to make of you: templar rescuer, demon slayer, and treasure hunter extraordinaire."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," she said with the flash of a smile.

Cullen's face blushed pink. "I'm glad that you agreed to meet me here tonight. A lot of women have the wrong impression of templars—that we're too encompassed in our duty to want a social life."

"A lot of women, huh?" she cocked an eyebrow.

His cheeks turned impossibly redder. "No, you're, ah, the first woman I've asked out since I've been stationed here, actually."

Astrid's heart skipped a beat. So this was definitely a date, any question about that was gone. She chewed on her lip. He was the first man she'd been out with here too, but to say he was the first she had feelings for would be a lie. Astrid took a long drink from her ale and ignored the part of her brain that was lingering towards thoughts of Anders. Don't even, she scolded. He doesn't want you.

"How did such a nice guy like you become a templar?" she asked instead, resting her cheek in one hand as she looked at him.

Luckily Cullen laughed. "Doing holy work in a tower in the middle of Lake Calenhad was not my first choice as a boy, believe it or not. I actually wanted to be a soldier."

"A soldier? Ah, I don't mean to pry, but the pay must be significantly less than that of a templar," Astrid noted after a sip of her drink.

"Oh yes," he chuckled. "But my father was a soldier, as was his father before him. They both passed before I was born, but I suppose that only made me want to be one more. Only, when I turned seventeen I was rejected by the recruiters who came into town. They laughed in my face, said I moved like I had two left feet and couldn't hold a sword if my life depended on it."

Astrid was shocked. Cullen, the broad figure before her who she'd seen slice a demon in two had been rejected from fighting?

"If it was during the Blight I'm sure they would have accepted me. I heard talk that they brought boys barely into their teens to the battles then. The poor lads never stood a chance…the bastards." Cullen shook his head. "The templars happened to be passing through about a fortnight later, just after a truly tragic hunt for a blood mage, and Knight Commander Greagoir saw something in me. I kissed my mother goodbye and decided to join them. I began training the next day."

"What happened to your mother?" Astrid asked. "Did she leave during the Blight?"

"No. She died only a year after I joined the Order. Bandits," he explained.

"Did you avenge her?" Astrid asked before she fully realized the levity of her question. She could have slapped herself. Normal people don't just murder for revenge!

Luckily Cullen didn't seem disturbed "I thought about it. Many times I wanted to track them down and get them back for what they'd done. I thought it was the only righteous or just thing to do, but Greagoir and Irving, the First Enchanter, convinced me otherwise."

That was deep. She knew what it was like to lose someone, to want to wreak havoc on the world as if it could bring them back. When her father died she wanted to march right up to the Chantry in Lothering and shout at the templars. Astrid needed to blame something and they were right there. It was their fault he died! If he hadn't been so stressed or had to travel so much he might not have gotten sick.

Of course, in the end she knew it wouldn't help anything. Those men didn't know her father, and they weren't responsible for his death, no one was. But grief…well, she still felt awful inside when she thought about Carver, that's just how bad it is. She wanted to ask Cullen more about his mother, but felt like she would be intruding. The man was staring down at the table as if it contained some deep prophetic writings, more than a little subconscious about the revelation about his past.

"The First Enchanter? I didn't realize that templars might look toward mages for advice," Astrid said. Smooth, she thought, very subtle.

Cullen considered it for a moment. "We did in Fereldan, at least occasionally. In Kirkwall…things are done differently. Knight Commander Meredith is our foremost authority."

"She seems to have a firm grip on the Gallows from what I hear," Astrid said, watching his reaction.

He frowned slightly. "As Knight Commander she deserves certain rights. Perhaps if Greagoir had the same policy in Kinloch Hold, some tragedies could have been prevented."

Astrid chewed the inside of her cheek, wondering how many questions she could ask him before he shut her down. She was so used to just demanding answers from criminals now, she wasn't sure exactly how to go about learning things tactfully. "Tragedies?"

The templar gave her a sad smile. "It's a long story."

Fair enough. He'd revealed a lot about himself, a lot more than she was willing to say. "I understand." Without thinking, the girl reached over and gently smoothed her cool hand over his. "Well, it's a shame you never became a soldier, Cullen—you would have been a damn good one, I'm sure. And I'm sorry about your mother."

"Thank you, Hawke, but I have no regrets. I've experienced many things in my life, and I've come to believe that everything happens for one reason or another."

It was a nice sentiment, but she wasn't sure she agreed. There was no reason for her father to get sick, for Carver to charge against that ogre, or for poor Bethany to live like a criminal for simply existing. But to think that all of their suffering somehow served a purpose, that they would all be okay in the end, was a comforting thought. She withdrew her hand from his. "You're an interesting man, Cullen. I've enjoyed talking to you."

"Interesting?" he asked, titling his head with a small smile. "Is that a kind way to say you think I'm actually boring and utterly daft?"

Astrid laughed. "If I thought you were boring or daft I would have never agreed to meet you tonight. But," she continued, with a smirk, "we could play a few rounds of Wicked Grace to make sure."

"Well I must warn you, Hawke," he said, leaning closely to her. "I am excellent at games of wit and skill."

Astrid could feel his warm breath on her ear; smell the earthiness of his clothes as he spoke. It was strangely captivating. Cullen was a very safe man, but the situation was still dangerous. She felt a surge of adrenaline at his words. Luckily she kept her composure cool, aside from a slight blush on her own cheeks for a change. "Good. Don't go easy on me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he replied with a grin.

Five card games and four ales later, Hawke let out a yawn. She didn't even want to think about waking up early tomorrow to meet with the Arishok, but unfortunately she had to. With the Deep Roads trip just around the corner she had to make sure all her affairs were in order, and though it wasn't her responsibility she felt she had to make sure Kirkwall was safe. After all, Bethany would probably be staying behind.

"As much as I would love to continue kicking your ass, I think it's time I go, Cullen."

"You just want to quit while you're ahead," he remarked, but his eyes were joyful. "Though I suppose it is a bit late."

They stood up in unison, with Astrid slipping the cards into her pack and Cullen dropping a few coins on the table to pay for their drinks. "Oh, let me pay. I've got my coin purse!" For once, she actually could afford to pay for both of their drinks. With the few things she'd agreed to do before departing for the Deep Roads, she would have more than enough to join the expedition.

"No, no," Cullen insisted. "I asked you to meet me tonight. And besides, I owe you." He handed her a small bag heavy with coin, her payment for saving Keren.

"I—I don't even need this, Cullen," she said as they strode through the thinning crowd of the bar. "I just wanted him to be reunited with his sister. He was, right? How did it all work out with the templars?"

Cullen glanced down at his feet as they reached the exit and departed into the cool night air. "He, ah, he's with his sister, yes. Unfortunately, the Order did not think it suitable for him to return right away. He can serve as a recruit, but must wait ten years before he can be approved for full knighthood."

"Ten years?" Astrid exclaimed. "But he's fine! Whose idiotic idea was that?"

"Er…mine." Cullen shoved his hands in his pockets. "I need to look out for the other templars, and the mages. There can be no chance of possession or the entire Gallows could fall."

Part of her was tempted to think that might not be a bad thing, but rationally it would be horrible. She could still remember watching her father teach Bethany about magic like it was yesterday. Demons are never the answer, darling. Still, Keren wasn't possessed.

"You saw Anders test him though! There's no demon inside of him!"

"I don't wish to offend you, but I remember your mage from Circle Tower, Hawke, and I'm afraid I cannot trust him. I respect you and your service to the Order enough not to report him to the Knight Commander, but I cannot trust the word of a rebel apostate," he said.

Right. She remembered their little exchange after the ordeal with Tarohne, but at the time she'd only cared about breaking it up. Now she was curious-Cullen and Anders knew each other. Sort of.

But while she wasn't on good terms with the mage for the moment, the statement still sent a surge of anger through her. Astrid trusted Anders more than anyone besides Bethany or maybe Varric. He wouldn't lie about an innocent man being possessed by a demon to take down the circle. If Cullen had been stationed at Kinloch Hold while Anders was there, he should know that. The man was noble, good, even if he didn't believe it himself. She opened her mouth to protest the claim but shut it at the apologetic look on the templar's face.

Cullen was just trying to do his job. He had people to take care of, just like her, and it comforted her to know that he included the mages in that category as well. Finally she sighed and folded her arms over her chest. "What a peculiar situation this is."

"Because I'm a templar, and you ally yourself with mages?" Cullen asked with a small chuckle. "Yes, it's a tad complicated." His face quickly turned downcast however, and he met her gaze with a questioning look. "Does this mean you think this should be our one and only date?"

Astrid stared at him under the pool of moonlight next to the Hanged Man. Cullen was funny, intelligent, and incredibly kind (after she realized the recruit he was beating when they first met was a demon, of course), but how much could she really share with him? Even after a few ales, she still had her guard up, ready to change the subject should family or magic arise in the conversation. He definitely had a dark past with mages, but was unwilling to talk about it yet. However, he wasn't like the other templars she'd met. Not once did she see him act downright cruel to a mage. Under all the armor and strict authority he seemed…soft, different.

"Beliefs are a huge part of us," Astrid started. The man nodded vehemently. "I-I'm not sure if I can look past us not seeing eye to eye on some things, and I have a feeling that might be difficult for you too. But," she continued, "I think you're a good man, and I had fun with you tonight."

"As did I," he said, smiling.

The gesture was contagious. A grin slowly spread across Astrid's face. "What I mean, is that I would feel like shit if I didn't at least give it a chance. I mean, you know, if you want to."

That familiar blush crept onto his face and ears. "Yes, of course," he said quickly.

The man offered to walk her home, despite the docks and the Gallows being in the opposite direction. They didn't hold hands, but stood close enough for their shoulders to brush against each other as they walked, Astrid limping slightly from the fighting earlier.

"This one's mine," Astrid said as they arrived at Gamlen's. "Well, my uncle's really."

"Ah, the, er, gentleman at the Blooming Rose?" Cullen asked.

"You're too kind. I was thinking the 'rat' or maybe 'annoying old badger'" she laughed, taking a step toward the stairs. Astrid tried not to wince as her foot hit the ground.

"Are you alright? I thought I saw you limping, but I wasn't sure. You hold yourself too well," Cullen observed.

"It's fine. I'm going to get it looked at tomorrow. This woman Lirene just across town is quite good."

The templar raised an eyebrow. "Not the mage? He healed me quite well that day with Wilmod. I probably should have thanked him better," he admitted hesitantly.

"We're not really speaking right now. We got into an argument." The thought of it made her bite down hard on the inside of her cheek.

Cullen seemed to hesitate before speaking. "He didn't look very pleased when I asked you for a drink. Am I…stepping on any toes?"

"What, me and Anders? Never. Nothing will ever happen with us." Astrid's stomach twisted and churned. Thinking it and saying it aloud were two totally different experiences. She felt like she was saying something dirty…which was weird, because that really wasn't ever a problem for her. Astrid shook it off. "We're just not like that…he's not like that."

"Not like what?" Cullen asked curiously, studying her face.

"Uh, interested in me," Astrid said with a small laugh. She meant to seem light and nonchalant, but the words tumbled out forced and awkward. Astrid fought the urge to cringe.

"If that's true, he's a fool," Cullen murmured.

He stepped toward her, closing the distance between them in the darkness. The templar looked down at her with apprehension, as if to ask is this okay? Hawke bit her lip.

She had a dozen worries on her mind lately: the Deep Roads, her family…Anders. Her mother had advised she wait on him, that he'd come around. Yeah, fat chance, she thought. Astrid meant it when she said she and the mage would never be together. What if she wasted all of her time pining over him and didn't see the person right in front of her? Slowly Astrid leaned forward, resting her hands on his shoulders as their lips met.

His lips were light as they brushed against hers, moving with all the gentleness she would have expected from him. However, she hadn't expected the pounding in her chest or the goose bumps that sprang on her skin as his arms circled her waist. Without thinking, her hands slid up his neck so her fingers could entangle themselves in his short curls. Cullen gripped her tighter and deepened the kiss, pulling Astrid closer as she melted into him.

They broke off nearly gasping. Astrid swept her hair out of her eyes and grinned at him. "You're bold for someone so easily embarrassed."

"Yes, well, ah, that's why I should probably get going. I'd hate to redevelop my stutter," he joked, face completely flushed as he smiled. "I hope we can meet again soon?"

"Of course. I do have some time before I need to go to the Deep Roads."

"G-good. I'll see you then." Now it was the templar's turn to cringe. "I uh was mostly joking about the stutter. "Old habits die hard, you know?"

Astrid laughed. "I know, Cullen. We'll be in touch."

Despite the nagging pain in her leg, the girl entered Gamlen's old hovel feeling good. She wasn't sure how everything would pan out with Cullen, but he seemed to be someone worth taking a chance on. With time her family could probably understand. Well, Astrid thought as she recalled Bethany setting the barn on fire over a tantrum in her teen years, maybe. And if Beth could walk by templars on the street everyday without being accused of having magic, she could certainly go without arising another's suspicions. Besides, now she could take steps to get over her dumb crush on Anders and see him professionally, or as a friend at least.

"Darling, where have you been all day?" Leandra asked from her spot by the fire.

"You don't want to know, mother," Astrid joked. But really.

Bethany, who was rubbing their mabari's belly with a laugh, looked up at her with raised eyebrows. "Mother says a charming young man came by earlier with flowers for you."

"Yes, they're over by the table," Leandra said. "His name was Anders. Very nice boy."

Shit.