-o-o-o-
Don't you want to share the guilt?
-o-o-o-
Not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy.
I think I should read some new books, learn some new words.
I like to shout, but I also wish I could be quiet.
When I'm quiet people just think I'm sad.
Usually I am.
Kate Nash – Don't you want to share the guilt?
-o-
For two months, Kuzon didn't utter a word to Aang. Sometimes he gave Aang a reproachful look out of his good eye – but that was the only communication between them. On the way to the air temple, Kuzon had decided to take refuge in silence and hadn't spoken since. He'd look the other way whenever Aang tried to talk to him.
He seemed to blame Aang, just like his sister did.
Aang felt this was unfair.
Why did everything always have to be Aang's fault?
-o-
Cloud said it was to be expected. It wasn't personal – so Aang should not take it personally. It seemed like he didn't utter a word to anyone in the Air Temple. He didn't even speak to Cloud.
He'd let Cloud bandage and re-bandage his various wounds in silence. He'd turn his face to the wall and clench his fists the entire time. When she was finished, he would bow in thanks – and then walk off like he had some very important business elsewhere.
Cloud said they should be patient and keep in mind that the boy had lost everything. His whole world had been turned on its head in one fell swoop. He was still recovering. He hadn't stopped flinching when people made loud noises or sudden movements near him yet.
Cloud thought they should leave him be. He'd talk when he was ready. He was a good boy, really. He ate what they fed him, slept where they told him, wore the clothes they gave him all without comment or complaint.
-o-
Aang got a letter back from Toph.
A rather unusual letter.
Katara always helped Toph with her letters when she was alive. Since she had passed, Aang had taken over writing Toph's letters for her. When he was away on avatar business, Toph tried to find a temporary assistant. But none of them were ever quite right. They were never like Katara or Aang. Toph ran through "assistants" like crazy.
Okay kid, write down everything I say EXACTLY.
Are you ready to write?
Dearest, most idiotic and stupid Twinkletoes.
You are tripping donkey-bull balls!
Oops, sorry kid, maybe you better write:
You have your head in the clouds, come back to earth.
He'll find that funny because he's an airbender, you see.
Okay, obviously you have been eating too many cactus juice enhanced fruit tarts up in that temple. You are definitely hallucinating. There is no way you have met Katara and Sokka and Zuko and Suki again. Don't mumbo-jumbo back at me about your "avatar senses!"
Yes thanks Lei Li, with lemon...and a finger biscuit.
You didn't just write that, did you kid?
Kid, you don't have to write down everything I say exactly.
I don't care what I said. I am old and barmy and can be as contrary as I like.
Also isn't it obvious what I want to go in this letter.
He already knows how I take my tea - you ninny!
Incoherent, disgruntled mumbling.
Okay, this is too frustrating. Just tell him that he is either going regular crazy or going senile in his old age.
I know he wants to have the others back – but we can't have everything we want.
I miss them too. I miss them everyday.
But I don't go around imagining I see them everywhere.
Though I wish I did - Any one of those four was eight million times better at writing my letters than you, you silly ninny.
Finally, tell him he has to lay off the cactus juice, stop messing about with those kids and resolve the border crisis – because that sounds like it is getting dicey. The papers here are saying that Chin murdered his son, and that is causing huge instability in Lightning Ridge.
Even ridgians don't like fathers who murder their children. Keep in mind they let it slide when Chin murdered his wife – if you please!
But there is some bad shit going down in that country Aang. I don't like everything they are saying about how unstable it is. Rigid Ridgers are already crazy bastards – we don't want them any more unstable than they already are.
Avatar duties have to come first. No slacking!
Or else I will march up to that temple and kick your arse.
Oi – where the hell is my tea and finger biscuit?
If you just wrote that, you ninny, I will kick your arse as well!
Then there was Toph's customary squiggle at the bottom. It was how she signed all her letters to him. She couldn't ever dictate the words. She had a problem saying them out loud. But Aang knew that squiggle meant:
Love Toph
-o-
Kuzon was always spending time with Tara or Teo. Aang had been right, the children really took to each other. It mystified Aang how a friendship could form, grow and flourish with Kuzon so silent, but one did.
Tara and Teo had been wary and curious when Kuzon first arrived. Kuzon had been shy and unsure around them. But then, one day, almost without Aang noticing, something shifted between them. Something thawed. Now there was only warmth between the tree kids.
Kuzon and Teo often practised sword-fighting together, with long sticks that they had carved themselves. Tara would sometimes join them and sometimes scold them for being such boys – depending on her mood.
The boys' affinity for sword fighting made perfect sense to Aang. Kuzon was actually really good, and Teo was rapidly improving (no small feat considering he was instructed only through silent demonstrations).
There was some concern over this with the other Air Nomads at the temple. Teaching of any martial arts aside from Airbending was strictly forbidden by the sacred texts. But Cloud, as high priestess, allowed it. She saw no harm in it. They were both non-benders and couldn't learn airbending. It made both boys so happy. Well, it made Teo really happy. With Kuzon, it was hard to tell.
He only really looked happy when he went gliding with Tara. He smile a really genuine smile for her, when they sailed through the air together. She had taught him very quickly. Like Teo, he was a fast learner. Now they glided every day before dinner. They had races. Tara would do tricks and show off. Kuzon would try to copy her. He could already do a loop-de-loop.
He liked to test his limits.
He liked to try fly in circles around Tara.
-o-
Aang had seen them, up in the high orchard, that very first day they tried gliding. "You have to hold this pose mid-air...just like this" Tara had struck a pose with her glider to demonstrate.
"You also have to really pull your belly in... like this" Tara had said as she picked up Kuzon's hand and placed it on her stomach. His eyes had widened, and he'd blushed slightly.
"Now you try" Tara had said, in her normal bossy tone. Kuzon had copied her. She'd placed her hand on his stomach and then looked up and said "Good! I think you're ready."
Kuzon evidently didn't feel ready. He'd hesitated on the ledge, then gripped his glider with white knuckles. Tara had smiled at him and leaned over and whispered something in his ear. Aang had no idea what she said, but it evidently did the trick.
When she jumped off the ledge a moment later, Kuzon followed.
-o-
Teo and Tara frequently spoke for Kuzon, especially at meal times. Kuzon wants more rice. Kuzon wants an extra big slice of dessert pie. No he doesn't – you always eat it for him. We never get any! Kuzon would look at Cloud, point to the dessert, then hold up two fingers – to indicate that he wanted two slices.
Cloud had taken to being a bit of a fusspot over Kuzon. She always gave him his own way whenever he directly indicated wanting anything (which was rare, admittedly). Two slices of fruit pie where put in front of Kuzon. He handed one to Tara and one to Teo and rolled his eyes at them fondly; like he thought they were idiots, but liked them all the same.
All that silence at meal times lead Aang to think that Kuzon didn't speak to Tara and Teo either.
He got the surprise of his life when he found out the opposite.
-o-
Twinkle Toes this will be a quick letter.
Do you know how hard it is to find good assistants. I've given up! This one is being written by our kitchen maid, Lei Li – so make sure you bring her back something nice. She deserves it. She's been a great help when she's not making out with her ….0! *&S
There was a lot of smudging on the paper.
Okay, I can't tell you about that now. But I can tell you that you have completely lost it. I am coming up there to that blasted temple myself to kick your arse! By the time you get this, I will be on my way.
Idiot.
There was her customary squiggle.
Love Toph.
-o-
Aang was so pleased that Toph was coming. Not only because she'd meet the kids and see for herself that Aang was not crazy. He was glad because he really needed her help. She was always a great help.
He was nearly out of ideas. He had been working much more closely with the co-operative Cradle Mountain, the surrounding regions and the Northern Water Tribe. He had overseen meetings and steered all the leaders towards a full blockade of Lightning Ridge. No supplies in or out.
He'd wanted to find a peaceful, non-violent solution to the problem of Chin.
A bloodless siege. Starve them into submission. It was the best solution Aang could think of.
It was non-violent, but that didn't mean that people didn't get hurt.
Aang tried not to doubt himself.
It wasn't his fault.
All that Chin needed to do was sign an armistice and the blockade would end.
But the bastard wouldn't sign it.
Toph had always been good at cracking the hardest of nuts. Aang was hoping she'd want to take a shot at this one. And soon.
-o-
Aang had folded away his letter and wandered the old temple. He'd been thinking on Toph and her unique negotiating style, when he heard it. The astonishing sound of Kuzon laughing. He followed the sound and found Kuzon and Tara, sitting under the orchard trees, playing with Momo and chatting!
Suddenly Tara said "oh, I nearly forgot," She got up, reached into her pocket and hid her arms behind her back."I've got something really great for you." Tara sing-songed, with her hands behind her back. "Pick a hand."
Kuzon pointed at her left. She smiled and handed a letter over. "This came for you with the rest of the mail. Cloud asked me to give it to you." Kuzon took the letter and opened it cautiously, while Tara tried to peer over his shoulder. "Well, what does it say?"
Kuzon said "Give me a minute - will you!" fondly, but moved the letter out of her line of sight. He spoke to her without ceremony, like conversations and affectionate admonishments were a normal occurrence between them. His face was happy as he started reading. "It's from my Uncle." he told Tara. "He says he'll be here in a week or two."
"Oh that's great!" Tara said, just as Kuzon's face dropped dramatically. His expression looked really worried. "Are you okay?" she asked instantly, with some concern. She shuffled closer to him and asked "What's wrong?"
"He says he can't wait to show me the rest of the world. He quit his old job and thinks he'll have enough money to buy a teashop in Republic City." Kuzon explained.
"I've heard it's really nice there. " Tara said soothingly, trying to sound optimistic and cheerful...but her face looked sad too.
"But it's so far away. I don't know...I'm used to it here now. And now every thing's going to change again." Kuzon said quietly. Tara scooted closer again and said "Maybe it will change for the better?"
"No, it wont!" Kuzon said quickly and harshly. "If I'm in Republic City, I won't be able to see you..." Tara's eyes widened. Kuzon blushed and turned away and added "or Teo." lamely.
Tara was blushing terribly. She picked at the grass nervously. Then she seemed to shake herself out of it. "Don't be silly" she said briskly. Kuzon looked up in surprise at her. "We're airnomads. I'm nearly old enough for samanera travels. We'll come and visit you all the time. I promise that we'll come visit you so much that you'll be sick of us." He smiled widely at her. She smiled back at him.
Aang felt like he was intruding on something private and delicate.
-o-
Aang brought it up with Tara next time he caught her on her own. They were brushing down Appa together. Appa had rolled on his back, delighted, while Tara concentrated extra hard on brushing out the bristles in between his toes. She was brushing so hard to avoid the question that Aang had just asked her.
But Aang was patient, he didn't mind waiting.
"Well, yes – he does talk to me - and Teo." She said eventually, carefully. Aang asked if she knew why Kuzon wouldn't talk to any of the adults. Didn't she think it was odd that he was so silent and withdraw around other people? Tara shifted uncomfortably. She evidently didn't like talking about Kuzon behind his back. But she also only ever wanted to please Aang. She turned and brushed Appa's fur again and thought for a few moments before saying "He told me that he doesn't have anything to say to anyone else."
"What about his Uncle? He'll be here in a couple of days. Do you think Kuzon will have anything to say to him?" Aang asked. He didn't mean to pry. He didn't like to ask her. But the silent treatment was really getting to him.
Zuko never gave Aang the silent treatment. Zuko would get mad and shout at Aang, but he'd never stopped talking to him like this. Aang used to get a bit sanctimonious whenever Zuko got mad at him. The monks had always told him that anger was bad. He'd tried to pass this wisdom onto a disgruntled Zuko.
Now, in one of life's perverse twists, Aang found that all he really wanted was for Kuzon to have a shout, let it out, show some emotion.
He wished the boy would just let himself be angry about the terrible thing that had happened to him.
Instead, Kuzon just gave Aang silent, disappointed looks. He didn't rant and rage unnecessarily. He kept everything bottled up. It was disconcerting.
Maybe this Uncle Hiro could help him snap out of it. Uncle Iroh had always been great with Zuko after all...
"We'll have to wait and see."Tara said simply as she finished Appa's feet. She hopped down with one graceful bound, and asked if she could be excused. It was getting later in the afternoon, and she wanted to get some gliding in.
-o-
The resolve of Lightning Ridge was weakening and their grain and rice stores ran low. Winter was closing in. The people were getting angry.
If there wasn't peace – there would be revolution.
An endless, bloody, civil war.
And that would be on Aang's conscience.
He could end it all now. He had perfected lightning bending over the years (thanks to Iroh's patience and constant encouragement). He could do it quickly and painlessly. It would be a better death than many felt Chin deserved.
The generous part of Aang wanted to give Chin a second chance, and hoped desperately that Toph could work some magic.
The cowardly part of him knew that this wasn't because Chin deserved a second chance, it was because he didn't want to be directly responsible for another death.
He had been in this situation twice before. A necessary death. A deserved death. Aang always showed mercy. What he thought was mercy.
But mercy was much more complicated than he thought. He could spare one dictator and thousands starved, hundreds would be injured or killed, and a country would be ripped apart from the insides.
He had to call it merciful.
-o-
Uncle Hiro arrived on a sunny afternoon, a few days earlier than expected. Cloud and Aang greeted him in the main atrium. He was younger and more sprightly that Aang had expected.
Cloud asked how he had arrived so early.
Hiro explained that he had the good fortune to run into a generous and wonderful lady, with a Private Airship that was en route to this very temple. He had beguiled a lift from the good lady. Hiro felt that sharing a journey with a fascinating stranger was one of life's true delights. With that explanation, Hiro asked to be excused. He was most keen to see his nephew. Cloud waved him off with directions to the orchard.
-o-
Toph's arrival was as dramatic and full of admonishments as Aang expected. He was called a fanciful idiot who had taken leave of his senses (multiple times). He was admonished for making Toph come all this way. He was told that she thought a blockade was a good idea – given the circumstances . Yes people were suffering, but Aang shouldn't blame himself for every bit of human misery and human stupidity out there.
After Aang had set her up in the best and warmest room, and fluffed her pillows and brought her tea, (just how she liked it) Toph decided to explore the temple, saying jovially "Come on, I want to meet these hallucinations of yours!"
Notes:
Lovely readers, you've reached the end of chapter two. thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.
Don't you want to share the guilt is a title of a Kate Nash song that I dig. This chapter hints at few of the things Aang feels guilty about. The other person he energy bended, would be rather prominetly featured in the guilt department. We will find out all about what happened when Aang was thirty-six in a few chapters.
I think Aang has a very clear cut idea of what it is to be merciful, and he has always tried to be merciful. But his concept of mercy has been challenged many times. I think he would avoid killing at all costs. His reluctant to take life is not wrong, but it is very problematic when dealing with dictators. Is it mercy to spare one life if that leads to the continued suffering of thousands? Aang is faced with that question numerous times in his life.
Putting the whole world before his own spiritual needs - I think that Aang would always struggle with this. He would struggle to know what is right. I actually think that Aang would grow to be self aware enough (at this age) to realise when he had made a selfish choice. I think he would feel guilty about those choices, but he wouldn't necessarily choose any differently.
Aang will always think of round-a-bout ways to tackle problems, rather than taking them on head-first. Sometimes this will be great, and sometimes not. In this case, he has facilitated a blockade of Lightning Ridge, instead of directly confronting Chin. (But that confrontation is coming). Aang acknowledges that this decision has spared him peforming an unpleasant duty, but has condemned thousands to more suffering. He has to call it merciful to justify it to himself.
Aang has many things in his life that he feels guilty over. I think that would just come with the job of being the Avatar. In all his years he hasn't learned to process and deal with that guilt in a constructive manner. In this chapter he projects his feelings of guilt onto Kuzon's silence. He thinks that Kuzon's silence is some sort of indictment on him.
Really, it's nothing to do with Aang. Kuzon's got his own thing going on now.
I think that Kuzon would use silence as a coping mechanism. Zuko's anger seemed like it was directed outward a great deal, but I think there was no one he was angrier at than himself. Aang is used to dealing with that outward anger, and so the silent treatment throws him for a big loop. That anger was often a shield for what was really bothering him, and a way of pushing people away. Zuko did not communicate his feelings very well. Kuzon directs his feelings inward and has chosen not to communicate with the adults around him at all, rather than waste time/energy being outwardly angry. Zuko's spirit did eventually learn to curb his anger.
I also I think Kuzon's silence would be mostly directed at the adults. He would be very mistrustful of adults after a history of abuse, and partly because he is still sorting things out for himself. But he has been talking freely to Teo and Tara this whole time when no grown ups are around.
But he spoke to Tara first. Make of that what you will.
Answers to a few questions.
I see the kids as 11-13ish. Everyone is a non-bender except Tara, who bends air. I wanted to take a closer look at the bender/nonbender issue in later chapters, and I felt having a bigger portion of non-benders would help in the story that I want to tell.
So there were a few questions about the nature of Lightning Ridge and Cradle Mountain. Why can't the firenation just come in and sort it out if they are former colonies?
I see the Avatar world post the 100 years of war would eventually fracture into different nations. Think Europe after WW1 and how all those empires crumbled and many new countries were born. I think the Earth Kingdom would be much like the Austro-Hungarian empire, A collection of very different ethnic groups and regions, who happen to share a border. I think that they were "united" into one country following the first Chin war. But after the peace, several regions and principalities would have resented centralised control from Ba Sing Se and opted for independence.
The Firenation, on the other hand, is a bit more like Britain with many overseas colonies. Lightning Ridge is not beholden unto the Firneation simply because it is a former colony. Australia is a former colony of England, but that are not in charge of us. I think that following the 100 years war, there would have been a bit of turmoil in the colonies, but eventually most of them would have gained independent status and become either self governing entities or sovereign nations. They still would have firenation/earth kingdom heritage, but they would have their own customs and laws.
This is a long way of saying that I think that the Avatar world should have broken into multiple nations rather than remained as only four. Lightning Ridge and Cradle Mountain are two of the new "nations" and exist as two completely independent city states.
Next chapter: We will properly meet Uncle. Aang will get some advice (but that is to be expected when Uncle is around). There will be a trip to the Northern Water Tribe where there will be some healing.
Til then lovely readers...