A/N – Inspired by a pet peeve of mine. I am amazed by the amount of choice language I hear at work and frankly it gets on my nerves, so I'm using Vanessa and Ferb to vent about it. Oh, and yeah, I'm still here; I've just had a lot of distractions and need to get back in the habit of writing.

It's Not Just the Toothpaste

"Blast!" Ferb Fletcher was an instant too late in pulling his fingers out from under the modular shelving unit. Wincing, he jerked his hand free and shook it to cool the pain.

"Are you okay?" asked Vanessa, who had set down her side of the cabinet without incident.

Ferb shoved his pinched fingertips into his mouth.

"Here, let me see," she reached out to him.

He waved her off with his good hand to let her know he was fine, but persisted in shaking and blowing on his fingers as he muttered, "Ungh, blasted thing…"

"I'm a medical professional," Vanessa insisted, stepping in and taking him by the wrist.

"You're a pharmacist," Ferb's lips bent slightly upward as he qualified her statement.

"Yes. Yes, I am." She raised his hand for a better look. Vanessa had completed her degree at the beginning of summer, at the same time Ferb had finished high school, and now, three months later, he was moving into her bungalow and preparing to start in the Engineering program at Ackerton State. She made a tsk-tsk sound as she examined his fingers, but Ferb could see the sly smile dancing over her lips when her eyes met his. "And I know exactly what you need." Slipping her other hand into his palm, she proceeded to apply a gentle kiss to each fingertip. "Better?" she asked when she had finished.

In response, Ferb gave her a playfully pathetic look and used the index finger of his uninjured hand to tap his lips. Vanessa looked as if she had anticipated this request, and willingly applied the cure there as well. By the time she was done with him, Ferb was feeling no pain of any kind.

Patting his cheek, she remarked, "I'm so glad you have a clean mouth, Ferb. You have no idea."

"Well, I did brush my teeth this morning," he replied, surprised by the comment.

"I'm not talking about toothpaste," she corrected. "I swear, most of the guys I know can't get through two sentences without lobbing a couple of choice words. And it's not like they're mad or anything. It's like, 'I effing went to the effing store and bought some effity eff effing shoes.'" Vanessa rolled her eyes as she recounted this. "I just want to ask them, 'Do you even hear yourself?' And here you are, getting your fingers crushed, and all you say is, 'Oh, dash it all.'"

She did that adorable thing of lowering her voice and broadly mimicking Ferb's British accent and he had to chuckle at this before he protested, "I have been known to use the occasional expletive."

"'Bloody hell' is hardly an expletive," Vanessa shook her head at him.

"My grandmother would beg to differ," he insisted. Vanessa reacted to this with that particular groan of hers that said she thought he was picking an argument with her and she didn't want to play. Ferb had learned when to let up and soothed her by saying, "I'm glad you don't mind it, though."

He placated her with a kiss for good measure and when they parted, Vanessa nestled her head on his shoulder. With a happy sigh, she remarked, "Yeah, the toothpaste doesn't hurt, either."

THE END