AN: I realize that this kind of goes against the end of Mockingjay and is a little OOC, but I only realized this when I finished it. And I worked to hard on it not to publish it.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following characters.
Their savior came in the form of cheese buns.
A year with each other, with all the memories, with all the fits, and all the crying had just hadn't been bearable. She cried most of the day, talking to people who weren't there. Her sanity wasn't what it used to be. But of course, she had her moments, the moments when she wanted to get up and be normal again. She would get up and run to the meadow. Stepping over the broken broken bodies, the ones that she killed... She would run away, back to insanity. Sometimes she would grit her teeth and ignore it, but when se held her bow, she thought of Gale, and that led to Prim... She would stop there and crawl back into her shell.
He wasn't doing well either. His second day back, he went roaming around the house, and discovered the room. The room full of paintings, beautiful paintings that told his story... He had lost it. He lashed out at the paint, at his sketches, at the world. Sometimes he refused to talk to her or see her, fearing that he would hurt her. Sometimes he would regain his old self, but even then, it just wasn't same... even baking wasn't the same. It just reminded him of his family.
And their small moments together were bitter sweet. Peeta only went to see her when the doctor told them they had to, and even then he only went when he was certain he wouldn't hurt her. During these sessions, he never stayed long. They mostly just sat together and ate, sometimes pausing to compliment the crust. Katniss always looked like she wanted to say something, but never did. Sometimes, at the end of these sessions, tears pooled in their eyes, and they would wipe them away. Once, on a particularly good day, Peeta had wiped away Katniss's tears and she had kissed his cheek when he left. It was a major step forward, but no one had even talked.
Today was one of the sessions that the doctor had suggested. They had to spend time with each other, doing something one of them enjoyed. They didn't even have to talk to each other, only look at each other and be in the same room.
" Hello. " greeted Katniss, taking off her coat and setting it on the couch.
" Hello. " mimicked Peeta, smiling at her.
Today was Peeta's day. They would be baking. Well, Peeta would be baking, and Katniss would try the food, then not spit it to show her approval.
Katniss walked into Peeta's kitchen and sat on the counter next to the flour. Peeta's hands twitched when he picked up the flour. He got started on making some bread, while Katniss watched and bit her nails. Her eyes wondered to the batch of cheese buns next to her. She picked one up tentatively and bit into it. The bread's flavor flooded her mouth. The dough tasted like sorrow, the cheese like bitterness. Yet the bun was still excellent and tasted exquisite. Katniss hastily shoved the rest in her mouth and chewed. She didn't know how he did it. It tasted like Peeta had taken a needle and drained all his sadness then infused the bun with it. In fact, all of Peeta's cheese buns tasted like this.
" How do you do it? " Katniss blurted out.
Peeta almost dropped his whisk, he was so startled. He made eye contact with her, then looked away. She looked as surprised as he did.
" Do what? " he asked finally.
" The cheese buns. They taste like... Whatever your feeling. " said Katniss.
" What? No they don't. " declared a bewildered Peeta.
" Yeah they do. Like when... before... back then... they tasted like happiness. Now they taste like bitterness and sorrow. " explained Katniss.
Peeta still looked skeptical, so Katniss handed him a roll. He bit into it, but it didn't taste different from his other rolls. They just tasted cheesy and good.
" I don't taste any difference. " he said.
" Maybe if you made a happy one it would taste different. " suggested Katniss.
Peeta thought for a moment. Sure, he could easily change this bread dough into roll dough and add cheese, but nothing made him happy anymore. He tried to think of what made him happy, but the only thing that did was Katniss. And Katniss was broken. She was incapable of being happy, only hollow. But maybe it was because nothing made her happy. And her happiness and laughter would bring Peeta happiness and laughter.
Suddenly Peeta turned to Katniss and crossed his eyes. He stuck out his tongue. For a moment, Peeta thought Katniss had thought he had gone crazy, but after initial shock, she giggled. Then, she started laughing. And couldn't stop. Her face broke put into what it was before- beautiful and radiating joy. She looked so happy. The desired effect.
Peeta got to work. If the rolls really did have emotion in them, then maybe making happy ones would make Katniss happy. And if Katniss was happy... Then maybe everything would go back to normal. Peeta kneaded the dough, quickly and evenly. Katniss had stopped laughing. Now she was staring fixedly at him, and a little bit of a sparkle shone in her eye. Peeta looked at her and winked, and she grinned a little bit. He tried to put that happiness he got from seeing her smile into the dough, but it was quickly fading. He needed to do something quick.
" Knead the dough with me, " he said. " I'll show you how. "
Katniss got off the counter and stood next to him. Peeta separated the dough in half and gave a piece to her. She set it on the counter and copied what he was doing. She did it surprisingly well.
" Your pretty good at that. " said Peeta.
Katniss blushed but didn't say anything. They kneaded in silence, their thoughts wondering towards each other. Peeta looked at Katniss. She was still going strong after seven minutes. The little gleam in her eye reminded him of something. An image flashed through his head. It was of Katniss. She was standing in front of him, and all of the sudden she grabbed him and flung him in front of her, and a knife was coming at him... Peeta shook his head angrily and reminded himself that that never happened. Katniss never tried to kill him. Ever. Peeta mentally changed the subject to how well they were doing today. They had talked more today than all the conversations they had had in the last year put together.
A timer buzzed and Peeta stopped kneading. Katniss took a step back and massaged her hands. Peeta gathered the dough and got out the cheese. He cut the dough into the rolls and Katniss sat back on the counter. Peeta started inserting the cheese into the buns.
" Think happy thoughts. " said Katniss.
She was probably trying to break the awkward silence, but the awkwardness in the room just increased times twelve. Peeta didn't know what to do, so he picked up his pace and tried to think of what made him happy. What would make him happy would be to have the old times back. Like kissing on the beach with Katniss, back when everyone was alive... A plan was set in motion.
" Can you help me put the buns in the oven? " asked Peeta.
Katniss nodded and slipped off the counter. She approached Peeta.
His heart and mind were racing. This could go very well, or extremely wrong. There was no in between.
When she stopped and reached out for the pan, he grabbed her hand. He pulled her closer, until their noses touched. Without hesitation and just a little courage, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
It was instantaneous. A sunset appeared in his mind, fogging his mind and reeling heart. A sunset. Exactly what he saw when he first kissed her.
They pulled away at the same time. They were both blushing bright red, and Katniss looked uncertain. Her eyes kept bolting to the door, but she also looked like she wanted to kiss him again...
When her eyes had looked like they settled, Peeta was still euphoric. He had never felt happier in months. Grinning ear to ear, he grabbed the cheese bun pan and shoved it into the oven. Before the ecstasy ended, Peeta set the temperature and closed the oven.
Meanwhile, Katniss was horrified. At first, she was so happy it hurt, but then the next she really realized what had happened... It was all too much. Should she leave now? Should she kiss him again? Should she pretend nothing ever happened?
It seemed option three was the best.
Katniss sat back up on the counter, looking away from Peeta. She tried to keep all her conflicting emotions at bay, but it was like trying to keep Prim away from an injured person, or Finnick away from Annie...
Peeta leaned against the counter. He wondered why she wasn't saying anything. Or why she didn't leave. Peeta sighed and tried to clear his mind, but all he could think of was the way his lips tingled from kissing the mutt... Mutt. He had kiss a mutt. A mutt was sitting on his counter. Peeta wanted to scream, partially becuase a mutt was in his house, and partially because he knew Katniss wasn't a mutt but couldn't control that he keep thinking of her as a mutt.
Peeta made a small noise from the back of his throat and he knew he needed to get Katniss out of there. He was probably going to have one of his fits. But he could control the fits, at least for a little while. But he still needed to get her out of there, quick.
Peeta reached out and turn the heat on the oven up by over seventy five percent. Now the cheese buns would only take five minutes to bake; Peeta could hold back a fit for five minutes.
But it was harder than he thought. He felt like the mutt, the one who is wired to kill. That thought repulsed him so much that he wanted to kick and scream. Another side of him just felt that Katniss was the mutt, and mutts needed to be killed. And the rational side of him had to fight so hard to keep himself composed. It worked, with difficultly. He refused to look at Katniss, in fear of hurting her.
Peeta waiting for what felt like a millennium for the timer to buzz. He didn't know what Katniss was doing, or if she was even here... The buzzer chimed, startling Peeta. He opened the oven quickly, not even bothering to cover his hands with mitts. His fingers burned, but he forced himself to shove some rolls into a bag and fling them at Katniss without looking at her. He didn't hear a noise, so he assumed meant she had caught it. Which meant she had been looking.
Katniss grabbed the bag midair and mumbled and thanks and goodbye. Then she ran to the door and pulled it open, eager to escape this place. A rush of cool air engulfed her face, and she realized she had been sweating profusely.
Katniss ran at full speed to her house and almost kicked open the door. Tears ran down her face, for no reason, for every reason. She threw herself out a couch and buried her face in a pillow. A warble sounded around the room, and it took her a minute for her to realized that what she was hearing was herself singing. She couldn't control it; a mountain air was coming from her mouth. She sang the tears away, rocking herself back and forth with a pillow pressed to her stomach. She touched her fire mutt skin and ran her fingers through her dry hair. A cat wondered into the room, meowing.
Katniss sang until she felt her throat couldn't take it any longer. The cat had climbed up onto the couch and settled itself against her leg. It now purred softly, heat and comfort emitting from its muddy yellow coat.
Katnis rested one hand on the cat, another on the couch. It was met with a rough feeling, so Katniss looked down and found that the cheese bun bag was still next to her. She ran her fingers on the canvas and finally opened the bag. Oh, it smelt so good. Katniss lifted one to her nose, then to then to the cat's. It sniffed it suspiciously and pawed it softly.
Katniss's mind pushed the subject of Peeta to her. She tried to push it away, but her brain prevailed. Katniss's hands fumbled with the cheese bun. She just wished there was a way to make everything easier. For fate to decide if she should fight for Peeta or flee from it all. Wait... there was.
Katniss held the cheese bun to her mouth and took a deep breath. If it tasted like hope and happiness, then she would go talk to Peeta. If it didn't, then she would get away from Peeta. One bite would decide it all.
She closed her eyes and took a bite. Something flooded her mouth. It was unrecognizable. She hadn't tasted it in... Forever. It reminded her of that dandelion she saw in the schoolyard, of the first time she had shot a rabbit, of Prim's laugh... It was hope and happiness.
Katniss forced herself off the couch. She roamed around the enormous house, looking for a comb. She found one tucked beneath the tv. She combed her hair and braided what was left of it into two, the kind little school girls wore. Buttercup led her to the door, as if he had known what she was going to do. Katniss opened the door and walked out a different person.
The world looked different when you looked at it in hopeful eyes. The birds seemed to chirp louder, the grass seemed greener, the colors seemed brighter. Katniss walked passed Haymitch's house, where he was undoubtedly passed out in, and ambled onto the green of Peeta's lawn. She walked up his front steps and knocked on his door.
He opened the door in a few seconds. She threw her arms around him and kissed him on the lips. He kissed her back, his hand on the small of her back. They kissed, melting into each other losing the world. When he pulled back, she was staring into his eyes. They looked hopeful and happy. Little did Peeta know, the hope and happiness was mirrored in his eyes.