It felt as though the bus took forever to get there. Three SWAT members were down too. The man who first got hit by the van took a bullet to the stomach and got rushed off by the ambulance that was waiting in stand-by a couple of streets down. The other two SWAT had only minor injuries so the next bus that arrived was for Amanda. Olivia told the paramedics they had located at least two gun shots. She backed off to let them work but Fin kept pressure on her chest as they checked her vitals. He'd lost the ability to speak as he lost contact with Amanda's eyes and just watched as the medic ran through his protocol to assess their patient. When the other paramedics gave Fin a tap on the shoulder he dragged himself backwards and ended up sitting by her legs. Liv came around and helped him up to his feet. She held on to him, both to support him but also to keep herself upright. Nick stood a few feet away in only his wifebeater looking as gloomy as Liv and Fin did. The paramedics worked efficient and quickly.
"She still has a pulse," they heard one of the paramedics say.
Amanda was soon on a gurney with an oxygen mask covering half her face. As they were about to whisk her away Fin seemed to come alive again and he followed the gurney out through the alley. Liv turned to Nick and told him to get the car and drive around. He ran across the yard as Liv followed Fin.
"Don't give up on her. She's a fighter," Liv heard Fin say to the paramedics as she caught up to him. One of the paramedics reassured him they wouldn't as they loaded her into the back of the bus. Liv asked them where they were taking her and she got the answer right before they shut the door. Seconds later they were off with light and sound blasting. Nick came driving up and Liv jumped into the front as Fin went for the back door. Nick took off after the ambulance.
"I should call captain," Liv said and was reaching for her phone when she realized her hands were all covered with blood. She felt her stomach turn and looked up only to catch Nick's eyes briefly. She found no help or hope there. He looked as devastated as she felt. She turned her body backwards to check up on Fin, knowing he must feel even worse. He was hunched down in the backseat. Silent. Head turned outwards, staring aimlessly in front of him. His hands laid palms up in his lap. As hers all covered in blood. He had some of her blood on his jaw too. He looked so very pale. Almost as pale as Amanda had looked right before she closed her eyes. She wanted to say something. Tell him everything would be okay. But she couldn't say it with the belief he needed to hear so she stayed silent and turned back in her seat. To do something she grabbed her phone without looking down on her hands again and speed dialed their captain.
"Yeah. No. It's not. We're on the way to the hospital," she was answering Cragen's question, took a slight pause and then continued: "Amanda. She saved a boy's life. Took his bullets. It's bad." That's all she managed to say. The rest was just hums and she hung up when her captain told her he'd meet her at the hospital. Nick had put the lights out on his car and they had caught up to the ambulance. They followed it all the way to the hospital, its siren trying to interrupt them as they were all caught in their own thoughts. Nick took a right turn as the ambulance drove in to the intake and he parked in the closest lot he could find. Liv and Fin were out before he came to a complete stop and he wasn't far behind. The ambulance was already emptied as they rushed into the emergency room. They followed the commotion and got all the way up to the windows of an emergency room.
The doctors and nurses in there worked quickly. Two nurses were cutting of her pants as a doctor lifted the compress on her chest. A pool of blood formed immediately in the hollowness below her ribs. He quickly put the compress down and yelled some directives to a nurse. Another doctor approached and they saw them roll Amanda's body, probably to check for more entry or exit wounds. A nurse spotted the two faces anxiously peeking inside and came outside. The commotion from inside - the beeps from machines, the yelling, the nerves – became clearer as the doors open briefly. The nurse kindly pushed them back knowing nothing good could come of seeing your friend on stretcher like that.
"They're doing everything they can for her," she tried telling them. She had Liv's attention but Fin was still looking over her shoulder. Nick stood a little to the side, he feared to look inside the exam room.
"She's breathing?" Liv asked.
"She has a pulse," the nurse said and Liv knew that was something but also knew avoiding her initial question meant she probably wasn't breathing on her own. The nurse tried to get Fin's attention or perhaps guide him further away but he roughly pushed her hand away and pushed by her, back to the window again.
"I'm sorry, he…" Liv tried but the nurse just shook her head. The nurse got it, she'd been there long enough to have run into all sorts of emotions by now. Then Fin backed away on his own though and Liv understood why when the doors suddenly flung open. A lot of people guided Amanda's gurney passed them. The oxygen mask was replaced by a breathing tube. Machines, lines, fluids were attached to her gurney. A nurse was squeezing a bag of blood that was hooked to Amanda by a needle in her arm. A white sheet was covering her lower half but it was blood spotted already and a larger blood pool was forming on her right thigh area. Her torso was bare but a thick layer of white compress covered her chest. They rushed her by quickly but it played out in slow-motion for Fin, Liv and Nick who watched in horror as their friend looked more dead than alive on that gurney. Fin looked down on the floor as a trail of blood had formed after the entourage.
"They're taking her to OR. Just wait here for me and I'll bring you up to her," the nurse said and hurried down the hall to the admittance desk. Liv took a deep breath and looked from Nick to Fin. Nick was still looking the way the gurney had disappeared to and Fin was looking down on the floor. She followed his eyes and found the trail of blood. Amanda's blood. She took the few steps it took to get over to him and without asking for permission she wrapped her arms around him. It took a few seconds but then she felt one of his arm wrap around her as well. And she needed that. She could feel the usually big strong man shaking and she held on a little tighter. Buried her face on his shoulder and held on. They both felt like crying but none of them did. Liv let go of Fin when she felt Nick's hand on her arm. The nurse was coming back. As soon as she got their attention she waved them to her and they were quick to respond.
"I'll take you upstairs," she said and guided them to the elevators. They rode up in silence. The nurse took them down a hall and pointed out a bench outside some swing doors.
"I'll see if a floor nurse can set up some other waiting area for you cause you'll probably be in for a long wait, and somewhere you can clean up," the nurse said and smiled at Liv. Liv nodded thankfully.
"But she's in there," the nurse added and pointed to the doors before she left. Fin felt somehow better knowing that he was close to her again. Liv managed a thank you before the nurse disappeared. They were left just standing for a while, no one really knew what to do. Nick was the first one who moved. He was starting to feel a bit nauseated and had a seat. He put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths. Liv had a seat next to him and put a hand on his back. She'd always felt just a little bit better if she could comfort someone in situations where she was affected herself. She leaned back against the wall and took a few deep breaths herself, leaving her hand on Nick's back.
Fin started to feel contained in the vest he was still carrying and he ripped it off. He tossed it to the floor to the side of the bench and then took a stance a few yards from the doors. Liv finally took her vest off too and put it down by Fin's before she leaned back against the wall again. She tried avoiding looking down on her arms and hands as the now dried blood freaked her out a bit. She wished it would just magically disappear. She looked at Fin who was staring at the swing doors. She saw the concern on his face, in his whole body really. Although she was concerned too she couldn't fully grasp what he was feeling. Sure her partner in the past had close calls but never anything this serious. This was devastating. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
This was how Cragen found them as he minutes later rushed down the hall to where a nurse had pointed him. Fin was turned away from him, just standing in the middle of the hallway. Nick and Liv on the bench. Nick dressed in only a wifebeater with his head in his hands. Liv leaned back against the wall with her eyes closed. Her hands laid palm up on her knees. Cragen could see the dried blood that covered them.
"Hey," he said to let them know he was there. Liv open her eyes and slowly got up when she saw him. Fin spun around and Cragen could see the blood on his hands and his face.
"Have you heard anything?" Cragen asked as he met Liv half way. He gently stroked her shoulder and down on her arm. Liv shook her head. He walked over to Fin who had turned back to the doors. Cragen patted his arm.
"How are you holding up?" he asked but didn't get an answer. Cragen turned to Nick who had sat up on the bench. He gave the younger man a nod. Nick leaned back against the wall.
"She'll be fine. She's tough," Cragen said to encourage them but knew it was pointless at this time. Only a good word from the doctor could give them hope right now. But it would be many hours before they heard anything. Another nurse told them they could wait in the waiting area as she figured the operation would take some time but they declined. She told them where they could clean up and Liv thanked her. Fin didn't want to leave at first but Liv talked him into it and they disappeared for a while.
Meanwhile Cragen asked a nurse for a tee for Nick and then sat down to get his account of what had taken place during the strike. Nick told him as accurate as he could remember and there wasn't much really. Everything went very fast. From a clean strike to disaster within just minutes. Nick had many times blamed Amanda for being too quick on her feet, rushing into potential dangerous situations, too eager for her own good. And perhaps he'd say it this time too if he stood eye to eye with her. But it was pointless right now. Pointless to judge. She'd saved that boys life. That was all that needed to be said right now. He was alive with only minor scrapes and bumps from flying bullets and that was thanks to her. When she was upright and all right he could scold her for being reckless, in fact he couldn't wait to be able to do that.
As Fin and Liv got back the nurse arrived with a clean white tee that Nick thanked for and pulled over his head. Cragen asked Liv if she wanted her bench back but she took the floor instead, age before beauty he smiled at her. Fin would soon join her on the floor. The nurse came back a little later and asked if she could get them anything. Liv asked for some water and the nurse went to fetch some for her. She soon came back with four bottles for them all. Liv took care of Fin's too since he was fully concentrated on the doors to the OR.
"Do you know anything," Liv asked as she took the bottle from the nurse. The nurse smiled at her and shook her head.
"They're still working on her," she said but Liv had a feeling she knew more. As long as they were working on her though there was hope and she couldn't ask for more right now. The SWAT team leader would visit as they waited. His main concern was how Amanda was doing. Cragen asked about his men knowing some took bullets too.
"The two minor has already gone home. My man Scotty took one to the gut. Bad but not critical."
"The perps?" Liv asked.
"Five dead, two in custody."
"The kids?"
"All fine. Thirteen altogether. Starving but okay. They are being taken care of. We also found two women in the basement. They are being questioned right now." Liv nodded and the team leader turned to Cragen.
"Your detective saved that boy's life. No one else spotted him. He would have been shot if she hadn't gotten him out of there. You can be proud of her," he extended his hand and Cragen took it.
"My squad always makes me proud," he said and briefly looked around the hallway. The team leader nodded. He told them to keep him informed about her progress, added that he'd told his men to give blood and then said his goodbye. Two officers from their station stopped by a little bit later. The rumor had spread quickly and the entire force took it personal when it was one of them. Cragen told them what little he had and thanked them for checking in. Fin paid no attention to anyone else than the people going in and out of those OR doors. But no one came for him, no one came to talk to him. The nurse checked back two more times. No news though which was all they asked for really. Liv made sure Fin had some of his water.
All but Fin took short walks up and down the hallway every now and then. The stress really got to them and walking it off helped just a bit. Fin found himself unable to walk around though. Every now and then he rested his head in his hands or against his knees but mostly he just kept watching those doors. More than three hours went by which felt like the triple. Then finally a surgeon still in scrubs came out and stopped as soon as he saw them. They all got up to their feet as fast as possible. They could tell by his headpiece he'd been sweating.
"Amanda Rollins?" he said and they all nodded.
"I'm Doctor Philip Young. I've been working on her for quite some time now. I won't sugarcoat it. It's a miracle she's still hanging in there but she is. Her heart stopped twice during surgery but we were able to bring her back. One bullet went straight through her chest. It only scratched her heart but it did tear some of her arteries making her loose a whole lot of blood. It did some other damage too but that caused us most concern. We're taking a short break but we're soon going back in to look closer at the second wound. It passed through her entire abdomen sideways. So far we've only stopped the bleeding, I can't tell you what damage are done down there yet," the surgeon finally stopped talking.
"What are her chances?" Liv dared to ask. The doctor gave her a serious look before he took a deep breath and then answered.
"I'm not much for percentage. It will be a long night. If she makes it through the night it will be a long road. I can't give you more than that I'm afraid. Now I really need to get myself rehydrated before I head back in," the doctor gave them a nod and turned on his heel. They were all frozen solid for a while before Nick finally broke the formation. Fin then turned to the wall as he took a few deep breaths. Cragen looked at Liv who looked back at him. Cragen nodded.
"She's hanging in there, you all heard him. She'll make it through the night and we'll help her down whatever road she'll be on," he said trying to sound secure. Liv turned to Fin, concern he was falling apart. But he held himself upright. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder not knowing what else to do. He shook her of though and started to walk down the corridor. She took a step after him but Cragen grabbed her arm.
"Give him some space Liv," he said quietly. Liv turned to her captain with tears in her eyes. She knew he was right. There was nothing she could do to help either Amanda or Fin right now. She looked back towards Fin. He kept walking down towards the window in the other end of the corridor.
He stood for a while and looked outside without seeing anything. Everything was a blur. Then his vision cleared and he saw the sun setting behind a building. Amanda loved sunsets, and sunrises. Something so refreshing about them both, she'd told him once. He'd never thought of either of them as refreshing. But seeing her watch a sunset with those clear blue eyes were refreshing. He feared he'd never be able to see that again.
As the last rays of the sun disappeared behind that building he suddenly remembered a poem, or perhaps a prayer, his mother used to recite some nights. He used to hear her through the thin wall. It was something about the lord keeping his eye on all poor creatures born to die. It had given him chills to hear it as a child but now it brought tears to his eyes as he recalled his mother's voice and that last paragraph; Bless us all this night I pray, and to the sun we all will bow, and say, good bye but just for now.