She would wake up a few more times during the night. He would be by her side every time. Bonnie had left, took a cab closer to midnight and went home exhausted to Amanda's apartment. Fin was happy to get Amanda to himself. She seemed unable to talk still and she was tired but the few minutes he got to see her beautiful clear blue eyes were enough for now. Even though she didn't speak they soon figured out a way to communicate. She squeezed his hand to answer him if the answer was yes or positive. He'd test her by asking if she was in pain and when she didn't squeeze his hand he called her on the lie. When he asked her again she smiled just a hint and then squeezed his hand just a little. Claire was in the room at the time and she made sure to up the drugs a little to take away the pain.
Claire had told him not to spring everything on Amanda right away. That it was better to let her gather her strength and have a few days until they told her everything that had happen. So most of the time she was awake he just held her eyes and held on to her hand. Felt happy to be able to smile at her and have her, even if just a little, smile back at him. Having her back in the land of living was such an overwhelming feeling it was hard for him to just not grab a hold of her and squeeze her tight. He spent most of the night awake not wanting to miss a single time she woke up. So by the morning he was exhausted and feeling a bit more emotional than usual.
During the night Claire had replaced the oxygen mask with a thin oxygen line under her nose and she'd placed a cup of ice cubs by her bed so Fin could moist her lips and mouth when she felt like it. Once she woke up in the early morning she asked for ice with her eyes and he held a cube to her lips. He began to tell her how scared he'd been to lose her. How he'd lost hope for a moment to ever see her, to talk to her and to hold her again. The exhaustion made him put his guard down. As he was done she tried to say something but he hushed her. Stroked her forehead and told her not to rush it. But she seemed determined though and he watched her struggle to get control of her voice. Finally a hoarse whisper came out but Fin couldn't make out what she tried to say. He shook his head and moved even further to her as he could see she wasn't giving up. Whatever she was trying to say obviously was important to her so he gave her time. Once he finally heard her though it was nothing what he expected.
"Big baby," she breathed and he started to chuckle. And once he started he couldn't stop. He stood up and put his lips to her forehead to make himself stop once he saw her eyes falling shut.
"What so funny?" Claire whispered as she came walking back in and found Fin chuckling silently beside a sleeping Amanda. Fin shook his head.
"First words out of her mouth," he started; "and it's a slander." He got a smile from Claire.
"Not out of character I take it?" Claire asked as she checked Amanda's monitor and Fin shook his head.
"Another good sign then," Claire winked at him as she headed back out again.
"A very good sign," Fin whispered as he looked back at Amanda.
Amanda would make slow progress over the next few days. She still slept a lot which Fin knew was good for her but it was still a bit disappointing since he wanted her back to her old self quickly. He tried to keep up at work but every chance he got he snuck by the hospital to see her even during the days. Bonnie got on his nerves though. She was obnoxious and rude to the nurses and she was questioning the doctor's treatment of her daughter. To Fin it just seemed she tried to put herself in center as much as possible and it annoyed him since it didn't help Amanda.
Amanda's sister would show up as well and added to Fin's annoyance. She didn't stay more than one night though. It seemed Amanda mostly sleeping wasn't exciting enough for Kim's restless personality. Fin noticed how hard she had to just stay seated for more than five minutes at a time. After all his years at narcotics he'd learnt to see signs of drug abuse. He thought he saw some in Kim but he figured it might just be some of that psychological troubles Amanda had told him a little about. If the situation was differently he might have cared more to figure out what was what but right now Amanda was his priority.
Amanda's doctor had asked him to talk to her about the shooting as it seemed she currently had no memory of that day nor the couple of days prior to it. He had no problem remembering everything he saw and heard that day she got shot but he tried to keep the details to a minimum. He just wanted her to have that piece of the puzzle that she was missing. She listen to him intensely as he told her the events of that day. They were alone since Fin had asked Bonnie to step out for this. She hadn't been pleased about it but Fin had made sure she saw his and Amanda's doctor's point of view and she had agreed to go home to Amanda's place a little earlier than usual.
He asked Amanda if she had any questions after he was done telling her everything from how they set the sting up to when they took her away in the ambulance. He could tell she was already getting tired and was struggling to form the words of the question she had. He stroked her cheek as he heard her question. Of course she had asked about the boy and if he'd made it. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a photo that he'd brought knowing this question would come. He held up the photo close to her face.
"You see that?" he asked and she gave him a slight nod once she could focus her eyes on a small boy holding on to a woman. They both looked almost insanely happy.
"That's Hector. That's the boy you saved. That's him after you made it possible for him to be reconnected with his mother. He's six years old. He was taken by Vargas gang on his way home from school. He lives in a small village outside León in Mexico. His back home with his mother and older sister now. Thanks to you," he touched her face gently as he saw tears form in her eyes. Wiped one away with his thumb knowing how she hated to cry in front of others.
"His mom's name is Estella and she thanks you and has been praying for you. Hector hasn't been able to stop talking about his blonde guardian angel since he got home. You're his American Idol, that's what his mom says according to Nick who translated the phone call." He swept away another tear that escaped her eye.
"When you're well enough I'm going to scold you for taking such a risk with your own life but for now just know that Hector and twelve other kids are safe thanks to you." He leaned down and kissed her very gently on her lips. As he rose back up he noticed Olivia standing outside the glass and felt a tug in his stomach. He stroked Amanda's arm as she drifted back to sleep. Liv had stepped inside and he came over to meet her. He brought her just outside again with a hand on her elbow.
"How is she?" Liv asked and Fin nodded.
"A bit better than yesterday, it's moving along," he smiled but felt a bit worried about what she'd seen or think she'd seen. He bit his lip. The same one that just a minute ago had touched Amanda's.
"She still doesn't remember the day of the shooting. The doctor asked me to fill her in. I was able to show her that photo of Hector and his mom you know. She got teared up and I… I just… got carried away I guess," he felt as though he was only making the situation worse by trying to explain it. Liv was a kind soul though and she put a hand on his arm gently.
"Don't worry Fin. Seeing your partner down is really hard for anyone of us," she smiled at him. She could tell, and she knew it was hard for him to open up. He didn't have to explain anything to her. It didn't keep her from wondering though. If there perhaps were deeper feelings there. She'd stumbled in her head on the fine line many times with Elliot but the fact that he was married made it easy for her. Nick had mentioned it at times, the possibility of Fin and Amanda being more than partners. Something he'd seen or thought he picked up on that gave away more to their partnership. Liv had always shut him down quickly though. She didn't like gossip.
She knew Fin, well both of them really, could fight their own battles but she knew how hard it could be being a woman in law enforcement and the last thing Amanda needed was one of her own raising doubts. Liv had a hunch too though and it got stronger seeing Fin's reaction after Amanda got shot. That feeling got fueled a bit when she just now spotted Fin kissing Amanda. Even if it hadn't been more than a peck. She knew it wasn't her business though as long as they didn't make it her business one way or another she'd let them be. They were excellent partners and as a team they were one fierce duo. She couldn't wait to have them back to their old ways in the squad room. She'd missed them both.
A week passed by and everything moved along fine. Not that it wasn't a struggle for Amanda. Every little progress came with some pain or at least strain for her but he watched her push through it. He felt such pride as he watched and he struggled to keep his hands off her. He found her determination and diligence very sexy. She'd been up on her feet a few times but was still lacking strength and stamina. She'd just gotten rid of her oxygen line but she was still getting nutrition intravenously since she wasn't allowed solid food yet and was struggling with the fluid food. She got stomach cramps by it and the doctors were locking into what could be causing this.
She'd been moved from the ICU ward as soon as she was able to stand up on her own which had probably pushed her to get up even faster than she should have. She said she felt like a fish in a bowl in that glass room. Both Fin and Amanda were happy for the privacy that came with the new ward and the new room. And what was even better was that Amanda's mom had gone back to Georgia. As soon as Amanda could stay awake for more than an hour at a time they had started to get on each other's nerves and Bonnie had finally willingly flown back home. Fin had toasted 'the bitch be gone' that night by giving Amanda a proper kiss. It had been long anticipated by him and it didn't disappoint. It did however get him to long for more.
"I need the bathroom, can you help me?" she said and sounded a bit rushed. He came around the bed as she tried to get her legs down. He held out his hand so she could grab it as she carefully slipped off the bed. She grinned as she put her feet down.
"You want me to get the nurse?" he asked.
"No, you can do it just the same," she said and he helped her get the IV-bag. She grabbed a hold of the IV-stand and he took her other arm and then she shuffled her way over to the bathroom. Her comfy socks made it easier to slide across the floor. She'd been down at the new ward for a couple of days now. She was doing progress every day but he feared it would be a while before he had his partner back at work. He could feel she was still not completely steady on her feet and he held on to her the entire way over to the bathroom. He held the door open for her and then stayed behind her holding her close to steady her up.
"Getting frisky there?" she teased as he locked the door behind them and got his hands on her hips. Her voice let him know she was a little out of breath from the short walk from her bed to the bathroom.
"You wish," he smiled and bent down to put his lips on her neck. He saw her smile as he saw her reflection in the mirror on his way back up.
"Well you'll love this, help me get my knickers off," she said as she started to hitch up her gown. He chuckled briefly as he helped her pull up the gown.
"Well I've already told you how sexy I think you look in these granny pants," he said as her comfy hospital trousers were visible and he started to hitch them down for her.
"I'll make sure to bring a couple home with me," she whispered.
"Always thinking," he smiled and leaned over her shoulder and kissed her cheek. She turned her head slightly towards him and he couldn't help himself and stole a kiss from her. She didn't seem to mind and as their tongues met he got distracted and when he let go off her trousers they fell to the ground. He felt her smile against his lips and he chuckled. She stepped out of them and shuffled her way over to the toilet with her IV-stand. She was too tired to bother about him being in there and it wouldn't be the first time she'd, or he'd for that matter, went to the toilet in front of the other one. He bent down and picked up the trousers from the floor.
"You're too skinny that's why," he said and waved her trousers a little in front of him. She just looked at him, too weak to argue with him right now. He hung the trousers on a hanger by the washbowl as he reached for a paper cup from the wall and poured himself some water.
"I can't wait for you to get home so I can fatten you up," he said as he leaned against the bowl and sipped some water.
"I can't wait to just get home," she smiled.
"So my cooking's not so alluring?" he said and tried to look offended. She rolled her eyes at him and reached for some toiletpaper. He looked away to give her some privacy and he finished his water meanwhile. He tossed the empty paper cup in the bin as he heard her put the cover down and flush. He stepped away so she could get access to the washing bowl but as he saw her wash her hands he couldn't stay away and stepped in behind her. She looked up at him in the mirror and shot him a smile before she looked back down on her hands. He leaned in and put his nose right above her low ponytail and he took a long sniff.
"Sicko," he heard her whisper and he chuckled. He put his hands on her hips as his face resurfaced over her shoulder in the mirror again. He moved his hands up and down a little over her now very pronounced hipbones.
"Way too skinny," he mumbled with that crease between his eyes.
"It's not like I've been on a voluntary cleanse Fin," she said with some annoyance to her voice at the same time as she turned the water off. He caught her eyes in the mirror and let his hands swipe around her body. He was careful over the bandage over her stomach. She let her washed hands rest on the bowl.
"I know, I'm sorry," he whispered and put his head next to hers, "I just want you back."
"I am back Fin," she said seriously. He let his hand go down her groin and he pushed her carefully a bit harder to him.
"All of you," he whispered close to her ear. She put her hand over his arm and stroked him tenderly. Her hand was still damp from the water. He let his lips run down behind her ear and down on her neck.
"I've missed you so much," he whispered and couldn't help but rub his erection just slightly against her back. It felt good to be able to touch her without having to fear getting caught but he tried to restrain himself knowing this wasn't the right time to show her just how much he'd missed her. Her other hand came up to his head and she swiped her fingers over and around his neck. He felt her push her behind up against him and he let out a breath of warm air over her neck as a nice sensation washed through him. He started to pull her gown up with his hand but before he managed to get it all the way up she turned in his arms to face him. They both smiled at each other as her IV line got tangled up a bit. He fixed it so it didn't run around her neck and then he let his hand run down the side of her face as he looked at her. He knew he couldn't hug her tightly cause of her wounds and the pain that he figured would follow with any pressure on them.
"Kiss me," she begged and he didn't let her wait. They tasted each other slowly for a while. He stroked her hair with one hand as the other one rested on her hip. She had her hands on his chest but soon let one of them travel downwards. He sighed into her mouth as she cupped his erection and then squeezed it gently. She teased his lip with her tongue and made his tongue came out and play too. He grabbed a hold of her hair and pushed her face harder to his own. She soon had to push him away with the hand on his chest though so she could catch her breath. She leaned down slightly and he put his lips to her forehead as he felt her heavy breathing.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and feared he'd sucked the air out of her. She still had her hand around his crotch though and as soon as she'd taken a few deep breaths she started moving her hand up and down.
"What are you sorry about?" she whispered as she looked up at him again. He smiled down at her and put a light kiss on her lips. She squeezed him a little harder and he exhaled quickly as he felt himself get even more aroused. Her other hand now moved down too and landed on his belt. She started open it up as her lower hand kept squeezing him.
"Amanda, you don't have to," he whispered. She got his belt open and used both her hands to get the button up and zipper down.
"I don't have to what?" she whispered the second before one of her hands sneaked down inside his boxers and got a hold of him.
"You don't have to please me," he managed to breath as her hand formed around him and she started stroking him up and down.
"Who says it's only you I want to please?" she smiled cheekily.
"But we can't," he started but again got interrupted by some arousing sensations that took his breath away.
"Why not?" she asked with the same cheeky face. Her eyes wandered over to the toiletseat and he followed her eyes. He raised his eyebrows as their eyes met again.
"It's not your couch but you can make it work right?" she breathed seductively. He caressed the side of her face.
"Are you sure you're strong enough?" he asked with great concern but had to pay for that when she squeezed him hard.
"You," he chuckled when her grip loosen up and he was able to breathe again. She started to push him slowly towards the toiletseat and he backed up willingly. She let him go and instead started to pull down his pants as they reached their destination.
"Are you really sure this is a good idea?" he asked but really didn't want it to stop.
"I'm really, really sure," she smiled and pushed him down. She pulled the IV-stand around her so it ended up on the right side of her. He watched her pull up her gown and then he pushed his knees together so she could move up over him. He spread his knees again as she was right in front of his face.
"Just take it a bit easy okay?" she whispered and he smiled up at her. Of course he would handle her with care. He grabbed himself with one hand, put the other one on her hip and then gently guided her down. She felt warm and wet as he got inside of her and she let out a sigh as she came all the way to the root of him. He put his hands gently on her lower back, made sure their upper bodies had some room in-between them. She let her gown go and put her hands around his neck to help keep herself upright and give some support to her still wounded core. She started to slowly move her hips back and forth. He tried to keep still but he found himself unable to as his erection grew. He started to move himself up and down slightly, keeping his eyes on her to make sure he didn't take it too far. They found a smooth and steady rhythm that felt good for both of them.
They held each other's eyes for a while. It felt a bit magical to both of them. Both of them needing this unity as proof she was alive and on her way to recovery. After a while the moment got a little too intense for her and she felt tears burn the inside of her eyelids. And not because of any pain. Emotions got too intense. She saw the concern in his eyes as he stopped moving underneath her. She grabbed his jaw and put her lips to his before he was able to say anything. She kept moving her hip and soon she'd lured him to start moving as well. As she was getting tired she soon stopped and let him alone keep the rhythm going. They both started to breathe heavily, she because she was getting exhausted and he because he was getting close to climax. They stopped kissing but kept their mouths next to each other and they breathed in and out of each other as he was getting near.
He felt her thighs tighten around him as he was getting more intense and he feared orgasm was going to take over. To try and hold himself back he grabbed her behind and pushed her down hard against him as he reached his peak and he emptied himself inside of her. In a few long and groaning spasms he came inside of her and she held on tight around his neck. It took over a minute before he eased down and his grip around her behind loosen up. He settled back down with a deep exhale and he separated his face a bit from hers so he could see her. Her eyes were closed but she opened them as they separated. He felt relieved when he saw her smile softly at him. He pulled his hand up and stroked her flushed cheek gently. She looked so darn hot. So sexy even in a hospital gown. He smiled back at her and kissed her briefly. He was getting his breath back. He was still inside of her but had shrunk a few sizes. He knew she hadn't reached orgasm like he had and he let his one hand stay on her behind as he let the one which had just touched her cheek fall down between them. He kissed her as his fingers found her clit and he started rubbing her gently as he felt himself slip out of her. She quickly put her hand down and grabbed his wrist though.
"No," she said with a breath. "I can't take more right now," she managed to whisper after another breath and she'd rested her forehead against his mouth.
"I hurt you didn't I?" he said and he entangled his fingers with hers as he removed his hand from between her legs. She started to shake her head still resting against him and was about to say something when they heard the door to her room open. He knew he had locked the door but still looked over at it to make sure. He met her wide open eyes as he turned back to her. They both held their breaths.
"Amanda? You in there?" they heard one of the nurses ask near the door.
"Yeah she's in here," Fin said quickly, "I'm just giving her a hand on the can." Amanda bit her lip and fell apart a little on his lap. She tried not to laugh out loud as it would hurt she imagined and she didn't want the nurse to hear it either. Fin smiled.
"Okay, I'll be back in a minute then," the nurse replied and seemed to have bought it. They heard her leave and they both exhaled with relief. They stayed put for a while, he could feel she was winded and as he stroke the back of her neck he felt a bit of sweat there. He let her rest her forehead against him for awhile. He wanted to offer her to carry her back to the bed but he feared he'd lose his manhood if he did and as long as it was still exposed he'd keep quiet. Finally she came back up and her lips landed on him briefly before she started to put weight on her feet and soon pulled back and away from him. Her gown fell down as she came off his knees. She leaned hard on the IV-stand so he got up quickly and pulled his pants up so he could help her out.
"Will you help me get them back on," she smiled as she gestured towards the granny pants on the wall. He touched her arm as he stepped over to reach for them. She backed up to the wall to lean against it. He bent down in front of her and he had to help her lift her feet up slightly so he could thread the panties back on. Of course he took the opportunity to run his hands up along her soft skin as he pulled them on. He reached the bandage on her thigh and made sure to lift the fabric slightly so not to disturb it. As he pulled the trousers all the way up he noticed some blood on the bandage over her stomach and he lifted the gown even further. A wide strand of blood had seeped through.
"You're bleeding," he said and she looked down.
"It's nothing, it's a wound it's supposed to," she tried to smooth it over but Fin sighed and shook his head as he stood back up.
"You shouldn't have let me," she put her lips against his and it had the effect she wanted as it got him quiet.
"I needed that just as much as you did," she whispered when she finally let him go and looked him deep in the eyes. "Now can we shuffle out of here?" she smiled and he stepped over to the door and opened it for her. He reached out and grabbed her arm as she, true to word, shuffled out of there. He helped her back up in her bed and made sure she settled nicely back down. The nurse came back soon after and he let her know he'd noticed she was bleeding from her stomach wound again. He stayed as she redressed it. No stitches or staples had burst and the nurse said it was nothing serious. Amanda had fallen to sleep before the nurse had put the new bandage on and the nurse smiled at him as she put down the last tape.
"She's doing very well with rehabilitation, a little too good maybe so she probably strained herself this morning with the physiotherapist," she said and Fin nodded even though he knew he was to blame for this one.
"She's pushing herself so hard you could almost think she had enough of us," the nurse winked at him before she headed back out. Fin carefully stroked away some hair from Amanda's forehead and made sure the cover was on her properly even though the nurse had just seen to it. He stood there and watched her sleep for a while.
He smiled as he recalled a night a few months ago. He'd watched her sleep on the pillow next to him back at his place. Suddenly her eyes had jolted up and she'd caught him looking at her. "Stalking much?" she'd said right before her eyes fell shut again and her smile disappeared slowly as she drifted back to sleep again. He could hear her voice in his head now as clearly as he did back then. It was odd cause when she'd been unconscious, when he wasn't sure if she'd wake up or not ever again, he'd not been able to remember her voice. He'd remember things she'd said but not her voice. Now it was back and he hoped to whatever God that still listen to him that not a single part of her would ever disappear again. He leaned down and kissed her hair before he got out of there to let her rest without her stalker present.