Two and a half months after she was shot – felt like ages for her but when you thought about it it was a speedy recovery for someone who should have died – she stepped into her squad room again. Fin was by her side which felt good as the room started to applaud and Amanda felt like she wanted to fall through a hole in the floor. She took a careful bow and as gracefully as possible took the hug from the desk officer and then from Liv. She had to keep it up for a while since many seemed to want to hug her. Cragen had come out from his office as he heard the applauds and waited for her in front of her new desk. Both Fin and Cragen had informed her they'd done a desk swop while she was out. Cragen had thought about it for a while but now it only seemed fitting to actually go through with it.

He'd put Liv at Amanda's old desk opposite Nick and moved Fin to Liv's old one and placed Amanda by the wall at Stabler's old desk. That way she had some shelter as she would be bound to her desk for some weeks to come and the partner teams would be seated more logical. Cragen had asked if it was okay with her and then Fin had helped with the actual move of her stuff. As she approached her captain and her new desk Cragen stepped aside only to uncover a vase of flowers there. She thanked them all and then took one last hug from her captain before she finally could take a seat. She felt like she needed to have one right now. It had been a bit more overwhelming than she thought to come back. And she didn't like the attention. Appreciated it but wasn't comfortable in the spotlight. Never had been.

"So just take it easy today okay? Ease in to it, don't sprint," Cragen said when just Liv, Nick and Fin lingered around.
"When doesn't she sprint?" Nick teased and got some looks. Amanda rolled her eyes at him and then turned back to the captain.
"I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me, just go on with whatever you were doing," Amanda smiled in that way Fin knew she was trying to hide embarrassment. Cragen put one last hand on her shoulder and headed back to his office.

"You heard her, get on with whatever you were doing," Cragen smiled as he went. He felt relieved and thankful to have every piece of his unit back in the station.
"You okay?" Fin asked silently as Nick and Liv went back to their desks.
"Stop fussing," she said through clinched teeth but tried to not sound too harsh. Fin didn't take offence though. He could see she felt awkward with all the commotion and he was just happy to have her back. He'd been fussing about the desk swop. He'd made it sound mostly like it was the change he disapproved of but to be honest he was afraid that having to face Amanda every minute at the desk would be too distracting for him. Now that she actually sat there though he felt quite the opposite. He felt blessed to be able to just look up and see her there alive and well.

The day went on and she didn't get much done, mostly because people came walking up to her and wanted to know how she was doing and if she'd really been dead for a while and all sorts of questions. Fin got called out with the others so she didn't see much of him. Cragen went out and got lunch for them and they ate in his office a little bit later. For once she actually enjoyed eating and didn't feel sick. She tried to keep her head up all day, only really letting the pain and strain show on her face as she locked herself inside the bathroom a few times during the day. She knew she couldn't expect that she would be full force but it still annoyed her that she felt so weak and unstable the whole time.

As the shift came to an end she happily took Fin up on his offer to drive her home. Liv oddly enough gave her another hug as she was heading out and said it was really good to have her back. It sounded like she truly meant it. Fin talked her ear off in the car about this new case they'd been called out to and even though she was interested, she really was, she couldn't keep her eyes open. Fin didn't notice until she'd already drifted off to sleep in the passenger seat and he got a smile on his face once he saw her. But then he got a deep crease between his eyes, he feared she'd overdone herself her first day back. She'd insisted on working a whole shift her first day back and he'd known it wouldn't be a good idea.

The next day she couldn't really hide her exhaustion and Cragen ordered her to the bunks for at least an hour when she refused to go home. He'd done it gracefully so no one else would hear and since she didn't want to make a scene she agreed to visit the bunks for half an hour but no more than that. The nap felt nice but she wouldn't make it a habit she told herself. She was sure this tiredness she was feeling would go away as soon as she just got into the old routine.

Cragen kept her on desk duty for two weeks but then she got cleared to at least take statements and interviews. It was a welcomed change and she started to feel a bit more like herself again. She started to feel a little bit bad for pushing Fin away these past weeks. He only meant well. She knew that. And all though she still felt like she needed to keep her distance to him, her feelings were after all stronger for him than the other way around, she started to miss him. Missed his touch. She felt an urge for him so she used ulterior motifs to lure him up once after work that week. She felt nervous for some reason though. Not that she usually used to look at herself but she'd found herself in front of the mirror a few times as she switched tape and she really didn't like the looks of her scars. This is why she hesitated a bit once he'd moved her TV unit that didn't really need to be moved.

"So that's all?" he asked as he was done. She nodded.
"Thanks, I…" she wasn't sure what to say really and let the sentence just die with a smile. A smile had saved her before with him and it did this time too. Only thing was that he was turning towards the door and she really didn't want him to leave just yet.
"So, are you…" she started and got him to turn back and face her. She'd put her hands in her back pockets and swayed a bit back and forth on her feet as she was trying to come up with something to end that sentence with. He had raised his eyebrow at her.

"Are you doing something?" she finally managed to ask.
"You want me to hang around?" he asked and she wasn't late to nod. He immediately hung his jacket back by the door and kicked off his shoes.
"There's a good game on tonight," he said as he came back.
"Well I was thinking…" again with the loss of words. She felt stupid having stopped him on the way to the couch and not being able to just come out and ask him. She dug her hands a little deeper into her pockets as she felt her cheeks turn red. Her red cheeks and sudden awkward disposition made him catch up though.

"Oh," he smiled and slowly made his way over to her. She couldn't help but chuckle as he tried his seductive walk. It was anything but, but it did always put a smile on her face and she had a feeling that was his true intention. She pulled her hands up as he stopped right in front of her. She left them hanging though as she wasn't sure what to do with them.

"Are you sure you're up for it?" he asked carefully. She nodded and put her hands on his chest. She started fiddling with his chain as his stare got too intense for her to hold. She waited for him to make a move but nothing happen. To prevent her anxiety from growing even more she reached up and put her lips on his. That seemed to do the trick and soon she felt his tongue demanding access. His hands wandered slowly around her hips and then up her back underneath her tee. Just his touch sent pleasurable shivers through her body. She grabbed his tee and started to move them slowly towards her bedroom. She got lost in arousing sensations through her entire body and they'd reached her bed when it suddenly hit her. She immediately let go of his mouth and she took a few deep breaths as she placed her forehead on his chest feeling somewhat defeated.

"Shit," she mumbled.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I'm not back on the pill yet," she admitted. She'd been thinking about getting that in order but from hospital visits to getting back to work to being exhausted and just feeling like she was on an emotional roller coaster she'd just pushed it forward the whole time.

"Do you have something?" she asked as she looked up at him. He shook his head and placed a kiss between her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Don't be," he said as he traced the side of her face with kisses. "We'll just use the 'ol pull out method," he smiled.
"Yeah you think you can control yourself big boy?" she teased and his attempt to look hurt failed as he couldn't wipe away his smile.

"There's other things we can do," he suggested still with a big grin on his face.
"Oh yeah?" she asked the moment before he bit down teasingly on her lower lip. His tongue came out and played again and she willingly let him in. He started to pull at her tee but she didn't help out as he wanted to pull it over her head. He let go of her mouth and looked at her a bit confused.

"Can I just keep it on?" she whispered as she planted kisses on his neck to avoid his eyes.
"Why?" he asked. She searched for his lips as she didn't feel like trying to explain why she didn't want to get undressed.
"Why can't I take your tee off?" he asked in-between her kisses.
"I just don't want you to," she whispered.

"Cause of your scars?" he asked bluntly trying to catch her eyes without having to let her go. He felt her nod as her lips went down to his neck again.
"You know me Amanda, do you really think I care about them?" he asked as he gently stroked her back underneath her tee.
"I care about them," she admitted. He took a second to process what she'd just said. Her tongue tickling a spot underneath his jaw brought him back and he caught her mouth with his. He kissed her eagerly as he let his hands go down over her behind. He pressed her up against himself as hard as he dared to. Her hands found their way up underneath his tee and he let her pull his tee off. He took the chance once their faces were apart to catch her eye. He pulled back as she tried to catch his mouth again.

"Listen to me," he whispered quickly, "You're beautiful. With or without scars, you are beautiful." He could see by the sudden line between her eyes this was hard for her to hear.
"Beautiful," he repeated with just a whisper.
"I still want to keep my shirt on," she whispered. She did appreciate his attempt to make her feel good and somewhere in the back of her head she did believe he meant what he was saying but she wasn't ready yet.

"You can keep your tee on this time but it won't be a habit," he told her with a smile but he was also being very serious. There was no way he would let her hide anything from him. He'd worked hard to get her comfortable with her own nudeness in front of him and there was no way he'd let her fall back now. He got that she now had two large scars covering her front that would need tape for at least another few months but that didn't scare him nor would he let that in any way define her.

Their mouths interlocked again and he spun them around so he could guide her down on top of him as he laid back on her bed. He had a hard time keeping his hands in check, wanting to pull her tee off her so his hands could roam her body. She had straddled him and he felt her hands work his belt buckle as their mouths stayed connected. She got his pants open but before she was able to pull them down he grabbed her carefully and gently guided her down to his side without letting go of her mouth. He got up over her but made sure to not put any weight on her.

He reluctantly let go of her mouth, held her eyes a second before he started to travel downwards. He went down her neck, made a slight jump down to her chest. He searched for her nipple through her tee and he bit down carefully as he found it. He heard her gasp for air and her hands came up upon him. One landed on his head as the other one dug into his shoulder. He'd loved to stay and tease her a little more but he was eager to go further down so he kept going. He unzipped her pants quickly and started to pull them down. He got his feet back down on the floor and stood up so he could pull her pants completely off. He tossed her pants to the side and then was left paralyzed for a while just watching her. It didn't take long until she squirmed a little under his stare and she reached out her hand to get him to come back down to her. He reached out and let his fingers entwine with hers.

He watched her take a deep breath as he got down on his knees by the bed. She knew what was coming and just the anticipation of it made her all hot and bothered. He held on to her hand and held on to her eyes for as long as he could before he put his lips down on her thigh. With his free hand he pushed her leg a little to the side so he could trail kisses down on the inside of her other thigh. He'd heard her breathing picking up and as he got closer to his goal he felt her try and get away from him. He let his free arm snake in underneath her and he got a grip around her so he could keep her in place. Her grip on his hand harden as he placed a kiss as close as he could get to her most private part without actually being on it. He pushed his palm hard into hers as he used his tongue to get between her folds.
She pushed her palm to his as she felt his tongue swipe over her. She let out a deep moan as he dug into her deeper. Oh yes he had been right when he suggested there were other things they could do while she was off the pill. He took his time pleasing her, taking her there not only once but twice before he let her go and then she retaliated the favor. They both went to sleep exhausted and satisfied that night.

Forth week back Cragen finally let her leave the squad room to go on what seemed like easier jobs such as talking to victim's families or taking witness statements. She started to feel like herself again even if she felt very tired came night time and the fact food still got her feeling a bit queasy. She longed for the day she could go out for a run. Her physiotherapist had said she could try the treadmill at low speed soon. It couldn't happen a day too soon.

She decided to get herself back on the pill as well. She wanted to go back to the old routine even though she found it a bit funny to hear how Fin bought condoms from a skinny, adolescence in a gas station who wanted to give him high five. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that the kid found the size he bought impressive or if it was the fact Fin had granted him the high five that made her chuckle. Either way she trusted the pill more than she trusted a condom so she got a new chart from the pharmacy and started taking them again. The day after though she started feeling ill with a pulsating pain in her stomach area. She tried to bite it down and treat it with breakfast. When that didn't work she tried a regular pain reliever as she got to work but that didn't do the trick either. Olivia told her she looked pale and even felt her forehead and found it clammy. Amanda tried to brush it off with overdoing physiotherapy yesterday even though she hadn't been. Liv seemed to buy it. After lunch though Fin came crashing into the ladies room where Amanda hid out for a bit since lunch hadn't helped either to ease the pain.

"What the hell Fin?" she said as he actually scared her entering the small space with a loud bang. He walked straight up to her and he looked angry. If the pain hadn't been so bad she'd probably felt a bit intimidated because he had the angry look down to a fault.

"Are you in pain?" he asked, looking very seriously at her. Liv had told him the moment he got in from an assignment with Nick that she'd shown signs of being in pain. Amanda should have known Liv had figured her out. She was after all the queen bee detective in the squad room. Fin had searched the floor to find Amanda and by the time he reached the ladies room he'd worked himself up from just concern to a level of anxiety so the bursting in had been a bit more dramatic than necessary. Now that he saw her pale face though he got back to feeling concern again and he reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Are you in pain?" he asked again but this time with a lower, friendlier voice. She looked away and shook her head.
"It's nothing really," she said but he made her face him again by grabbing on to her chin. He didn't ask again, just stared her down.
"Okay, it's kinda bad but I'm sure it will pass," she admitted and averted her eyes to get away from his stare.

"Where's the pain?" he asked as he let her chin go. She gestured to her stomach area.
"Since when?"
"This morning," she gave him a brief look and he made a face that told her he wasn't happy with her for hiding it all day.
"I'm taking you to the hospital," he said and waited for her to object.

"There's really no need…" she started but he turned and went over to the door and held it open for her. She shook his head at him but he just raised his hand and waved her over. She knew she wouldn't win this fight and she wasn't sure she wanted to either since the pain just wouldn't ease up. She sighed as she passed him though just to make a point. Fin put his head in to Cragen's office to let him know he'd take Amanda to the hospital to check something up. Liv looked concern but didn't ask anything as they passed them. Nick was out of sight thankfully because Amanda knew he'd poke his nose in their business if he saw them leave.

Fin drove her to the hospital and he felt a bit relieved as they learnt at the reception desk that her doctor, Ally Berkoff, was on and would be able to see her. They rode up to Berkoff's floor with the elevator and Fin let her know he'd wait outside while she saw the doctor. Ally came out of her office to get Amanda and she waved Fin's way. He raised his hand to her as he sat down on a bench in the hallway.

"So what's going on Amanda?" Ally asked as she closed the door behind them.
"I'm sure it's nothing but I have these stomach cramps," Amanda felt embarrassed now as the pain had subsided some on the drive over.
"Since when?"
"This morning."

"Cramps? Can you elaborate a little more? Is it on the inside or more around the scar tissue?" Ally asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's not the scar, it's like the pain is in my entire stomach. It's a constant ache that peeks from time to time," Amanda tried to explain but didn't think she did such a good job. Ally looked concerned.

"I feel a bit feverish too," Amanda admitted. Ally put the back of her hand to her temple and then turned it and felt her forehead with her palm.
"You're feeling clamp. Let's get you on the table and check it out," Ally said.
"Just pull down your pants a bit and pull up your shirt for me," Ally said as she put her hand on the table as a signal to Amanda to get up there. Amanda did as told and then laid down. Ally had put on a pair of gloves meanwhile and now stepped up to the table. She took a look at Amanda's scars first.

"The scars looks intact," she told her and then went on to press a little around her stomach to locate where the pain were at. Amanda's face pinched with every push though.
"You feel a bit bloated. Might be your bowels. Have you eaten something out of ordinary lately? Is your stool normal?"

"Food still doesn't sit well with me so I don't think it's that. My stool is... working. I went back on the pill yesterday, could that be it?" Ally looked troubled. She put a thermometer in her ear and as soon as it beeped she let Amanda know her temperature was a little on the high side but not what she would diagnose as a fever. She checked her blood pressure next and found it a bit elevated but again not alarmingly so.

"We might have to send you down to get a abdominal x-ray but let's have a look with the ultrasound if we can spot some obstruction in there," Ally went over to the wall to get her equipment. Amanda sighed. She felt like such a nuisance.

"Don't worry, we'll find out what's causing the ache," Ally smiled as she got back to the table.
"This is going to feel a bit cold," Ally warned as she smeared some gel on Amanda's stomach. Amanda just leaned back and let Ally work. The doctor moved the transducer around her stomach and Amanda waited for her to say something. Ally then hummed and seemed to focus in on an area to the left of her stomach. Amanda tried to watch the monitor but couldn't make anything out of the blurry image.

"What?" she asked once Ally hummed once more and Amanda got a bit anxious.

"Well," Ally started and pushed a button on the machine for the image to freeze. She removed the transducer and turned the chair around so she faced Amanda again. Amanda felt scared as Ally's face looked troubled.

"Well what?" Amanda asked eagerly.

"Well Amanda it looks like you're pregnant."