Sorry for the delay. I struggled with this chapter. I never want to go through a birth - in English - ever again. I know I could have made it easy and just wrote 'she had the baby and Liv was by her side' but I wanted to explore the Liv/Amanda dynamic since I'm lacking that on the actual show. In the end though I had to skip everything that had to do with anesthesia cause I just couldn't figure it all out. The lingo is just so very different between our countries so I probably got other things wrong too but oh well. The next chapter is almost done so it will come in just a day or two for sure. Happy reading (I hope)...
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Once Amanda's water broke there was no going back. This baby was coming and it wasn't until now Amanda really realized this was happening. She didn't feel ready though. And she had a hard time believing her baby was ready. Abby called doctor Sandra in and then helped Amanda get into a dry robe. Liv helped too and they changed the cover on the table as well while Amanda was standing up. Amanda felt a bit embarrassed about basically wetting herself in front of Liv but her anxiety about her baby was greater and she just got through it. Sandra did another exam once she got back in and Amanda could see on her face she wasn't completely content with the situation. She tried reassuring Amanda though that there was no reason to be alarmed. The baby was doing fine and the important thing now was to get Amanda ready for delivery.
Sandra informed her that they might have to do a c-section but because of Amanda's scar tissue she hoped they would avoid that. But if it came to that Sandra reassured her they would deal with it and Amanda didn't need to worry. Worry she did though. Sandra could see Amanda was stressed, both by her demeanor and the machines that was keeping track of her well-being so she asked Abby to push in some medicine into Amanda's IV bag to calm her down just a little. The room had been rather busy with nurses in and out prepping for a complicated birth but Sandra made sure everyone that wasn't immediately needed left so Amanda could settle down.
Liv got a chance to ask Amanda how she was doing but Amanda just nodded. She hadn't said much at all since her water broke and Liv had no idea what was going on inside her head. Liv didn't get the chance to probe as another doctor stepped in to the room. She introduced herself as Marjorie Hendricks and put her palm briefly on top of Amanda's arm.
"I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm from NICU, the neonatal intensive care unit and I'll take care of your little one once she's ready to come out. I'm going to steal her almost immediately from you just to make sure her breathing and everything is okay. I'm going to try and talk to you meanwhile so you know what's going on but we might have to work quickly and sometimes I forget in the heat of the moment. But my nurse often reminds me if I do forget," the doctor said with a smile but then got serious looking again.
"This is a premature birth though and there might be complications. Everything looks fine, the scans, the tests but we can't be sure until she's out. We might have to bring her immediately to NICU but hopefully you'll be able to hold her for a while at least. Some test we have to run over at NICU though but we might not have to rush her there. I know it's a lot to ask of you but just try not to worry and ask any question that comes to mind." The doctor asked Amanda if she had any questions right now but Amanda's mind was blank. Doctor Hendricks turned to Liv and asked her if she had any questions probably thinking Liv was Amanda's significant other or something. Liv tried to think off her feet if perhaps there was something Amanda could want to know but was unable to ask.
"She'll be tiny right?" was all that came to mind. Marjorie nodded.
"Yes she is tiny we can see that from the scans but it's the internal organs that we will focus on primarily. Most importantly her lungs since they aren't fully developed by the 34th week. We get the breathing under control first so it won't affect her other organs."
"But babies born at this week can come out fine right?"
"Yes, they can. Some doesn't have to spend almost any time in NICU. This baby has proven she's strong already so I have high hopes she'll come out just as strong," Marjorie gave Amanda a smile.
A little later the two were alone with Abby in the room. Liv had changed into a robe that Abby had fetched her and Abby had also showed her how to scrub her hands thoroughly. Liv did her best to serve Amanda so she could relax as much as possible. Amanda was still being very quiet so Liv didn't have it easy. Mostly of the time the oxygen mask covered her face but she did accept some water when Liv offered it to her and every now and then Liv refreshed the cloth that she kept dabbing over Amanda's forehead and neck.
So far Amanda had only had mild contractions but she could feel that they started to get more intense. Abby, who was keeping track of her stats, noticed too. Liv hadn't picked up on it until Abby told Amanda to just try and breathe through the contractions.
"Are we getting closer?" Liv asked since she felt like she needed to be briefed.
"I think Amanda's contractions are getting a little more intense right?" Abby asked and once Liv looked at the deep breathing blonde behind the oxygen mask she nodded a little. Liv again felt like she wasn't doing her job properly.
Liv learnt her contractions were still seven minutes apart and Abby informed her Amanda was still not in active labor. Amanda needed to use the bathroom a little while later and Liv and Abby helped her down off the table. Amanda insisted on going in on her own and Liv had to wait nervously outside the door. Of course Amanda handled it on her own though but Liv still felt better once Amanda was back on the table. Sandra came back in and had a quick look at Amanda. They learnt she was progressing well. She was slightly more dilated and she could lose her oxygen mask if she wanted to since her red blood cell count had picked up. Sandra told her to try and relax and save her strength and then left them again. Once Amanda took off her oxygen mask Liv felt more able to connect with her again since she could see her face better. But she struggled with what to talk about.
She'd never felt like she had much in common with Amanda. She seemed more comfortable hanging with the guys, which basically was what Liv had been doing her entire time in the SVU unit. She seemed to be a bit of a tomboy to Liv. Not that Liv was that girly herself but Amanda was very athletic, she liked to watch sports, talk sports, play sports and run around the park. Liv had never figured out the joy of jogging at all and she'd never been into any sport, not even in school. But Liv was in for a surprise. It started with small talk what Amanda did on her spare time and of course sports were mentioned. Liv knew about Amanda's gambling addiction and did wonder how that worked out but it wasn't the time to bring it up. She caught herself hoping she'd get a chance in the future to sit down and have a talk with Amanda about it. Right now though she just wanted to get Amanda talking and try and make her relax in-between contractions. Liv could hear on Amanda's voice when she had one and Liv also learnt the pattern on the machine that Abby kept an eye on.
Once they'd cleared what sport venues Amanda visited Amanda suddenly mentioned the museum of modern art. It was a place Liv liked to visit a lot and it seemed Amanda paid it a few visit as well. Liv learnt that Amanda enjoyed art in high school and later took a art history class in college. It was a nice surprise to find they had one thing in common and it left Liv thinking they might have more in common if they dug a little. But for now Liv stuck to asking Amanda about her favorite painters and exhibitions she'd enjoyed since her move to New York.
Liv kept talking as she went over to the sink to water the cloth down. She felt her phone buzz in her scrub's pocket and had a look at it.
"It's Fin, do you want to talk to him?" Liv asked as she turned back to the bed. Amanda nodded. Liv answered the phone and said;
"Hold on Fin, I'll put you on speaker so you can talk to her yourself." Liv hurried back over and hit speaker as she put it down in front of Amanda. Amanda smiled as Fin's voice was heard;
"Hey Boo, had your baby yet?" Liv watched Amanda's face crack into a wide smile.
"No, not yet," Amanda tried to hide the strain in her voice.
"It's me she's waiting for right?"
"You wish." Amanda smiled. Fin wanted to say 'I do' but held it in knowing he was on speaker and he had Nick eavesdropping by his side.
"How you holding up?" he asked instead.
"Okay. Where are you?"
"Still only half way. You know Nick drives like a lady." Liv smiled as she pictured Nick's face when he heard Fin say that. Amanda smiled too even if just a little.
"How's traffic?" Liv asked.
"Not too bad, we're still more than like two hours away though. Can the little one wait that long?"
"I'm not sure the bigger one wants to wait that long," Liv answered honestly. Amanda smiled a little. She wanted him to be there but she also wanted this pain to ease yesterday. And just as she thought that the pain reemerged. She pinched her face a little which Liv noticed. She shot Abby a quick look and she gave her a nod to reaffirm it was a contraction.
"But you're hanging in there right?" Fin asked, concern evident in his voice. Liv watched as Amanda's face crumbled as she tried to just endure the pain. Liv grabbed her hand, Amanda accepted it and squeezed it.
"Fin, just hold on a sec," Liv said and then told Amanda to not forget to breath. Amanda didn't want to make a sound as Fin was listening, she wanted to prove herself strong but she realized it was stupid and finally just took that well needed breath. It came out a bit more squeamish that she would have liked but she didn't really care. It took almost a minute but then finally Amanda's body seemed to relax some and her grip on Liv's hands eased a bit.
"Okay Fin we're back," Liv said as she got a faint smile from Amanda.
"You hanging in there boo?" Fin asked.
"Yeah," she sounded weak but she didn't care at this point.
"I'm gonna tell the lady to drive faster and you just keep crushing Liv's hand until I get there okay?"
"Okay," Amanda said quietly. She didn't want him to hang up. She wanted him there. It made her feel weak needing him this much but she felt weak right now.
"Drive safe Fin," Liv said.
"You keep them safe Liv," he replied.
"Of course, see you in a while," Liv left the conversation.
"Bye boo, I'm coming," he said.
"See you soon Fin," it felt better than saying bye. Liv gave Amanda a quick look before she hit the red phone to hang up the call. Liv had kept her other hand nearby Amanda's so now she squeezed it just briefly to show her support. Amanda smiled and took a deep breath. Liv headed back over to the sink to water down the cloth.
"That one came a little closer right?" Liv asked Abby as she walked back to them. Abby nodded. And the contractions kept coming closer and closer. Soon Amanda was in active labor and Sandra had come back in to take a seat by the end of the table. Amanda's contractions were only four minutes apart and lasted over a minute each time. They looked very painful to Liv but Amanda was a trooper as always. Sandra kept telling her to breathe through them, she wasn't allowed to push. Apparently Amanda wasn't dilated enough. Liv kept focus on Amanda and held on to her hand every time a contraction came. When the day started Liv had no idea that she hours later would be part of this but she figured Amanda was even more startled. Liv tried to think of all those ER episodes she'd seen and all the documentaries where children were being born. This was all too real though. Liv just hoped she was coaching Amanda right and so far she hadn't gotten punched or gotten any evil stares from the blonde so she hoped she was doing alright.
Ginny was back in the room and had taken over the cloth and making sure Amanda was comfortable on the table. Abby kept track on the baby and Liv could tell they had an extra eye on the monitor that was keeping track on the baby's vitals. Liv didn't dare to ask how the baby was doing though. She didn't want to upset Amanda and Sandra would surely say something if it got critical. She focused on just hanging on to Amanda's hand and tried to talk her through the contractions without being overbearing.
"Okay again Amanda just try and breathe through it. No pushing okay?" Sandra guided her as she could see on the monitor that another contraction was coming. Amanda managed to nod before the pain hit full blown. Liv felt Amanda's grip tighten and she put her free hand on Amanda's shoulder as she tried to breathe with her calmly. Amanda's breathing was anything but calm though and Liv could feel the gruesome pain the contractions seemed to bring. The contraction lasted for just over a minute.
"You're doing great," Liv whispered as Amanda was situated as comfortable as possible on the table again. Amanda's grip on Liv's hand eased up some as she relaxed more and she gave Liv an exhausted but genuine smile as she let it go completely. It felt odd holding on to Liv's hand but during the contractions it helped in a way.
"Killing you?" Liv asked with a smile.
"Trying to," Amanda smiled back as she reached for the oxygen mask that Ginny offered her. Before she was able to put it over her face though her face crumbled with pain again.
"What?" Liv asked immediately as Amanda dug her fingers into her arm. Sandra put her hands underneath Amanda's robe as she stood up.
"What's wrong Amanda?" she asked at the same time as she had a feel. Amanda let out a long, painful sounding moan as her grip eased a little around Liv's arm. She opened her mouth to say something but seemed unable to. She squirmed on the table.
"Try and breathe Amanda," Sandra urged her.
"It feels like I'm pulling apart," Amanda managed to explain through tiny, strained breaths.
"She's moving further down your pelvis Amanda, it's perfectly normal you feel this way. I know it hurts though," Sandra explained.
"And my back is killing me," Amanda complained.
"You want to try and stand up for a while Amanda?" Liv didn't like this idea but Amanda nodded obviously keen on trying anything that would stop this crucial pain. Sandra came around to help Liv get her down off the table. Abby made sure the monitors and lines stayed put as Amanda moved. Liv held on to Amanda hard worried she would fall or something but she seemed steady on her feet. Amanda moved her feet up and down a bit where she stood to get blood back to them. She held on to the table.
"Better?" Liv asked and Amanda nodded with her head bent down. Liv had her hand on her back and could feel her deep breaths.
"Can I do anything?" Liv asked. Amanda shook her head.
"Sometimes a back rub helps," Abby suggested but Amanda quickly shook her head.
"Maybe some counter pressure for your back," Ginny said.
"No, don't touch me," Amanda panted. Liv removed her hand from her back. She got a smile from Sandra and a double wink of her eyes. Sandra had seen all sorts of different approaches to child births and you never knew what to expect. In this case though she'd had a hunch Amanda would be just like this. Withdrawn and brave. But Sandra also knew it could change in an instance. Suddenly Amanda dropped down by the table. Liv feared she was fainting but as Sandra remained calm Liv stopped before she grabbed a hold of the blonde.
"Squatting is a very natural position," Sandra smiled at Liv.
"Just let us know when you need help to get up Amanda," Sandra said and took a few steps back to give her the room she seemed to need. Sandra asked Ginny something and they started talking with very low voices. Liv turned her attention back to Amanda. She wanted to do something to help Amanda out but didn't know what to do. She tried to think about what Fin would do but it got her nowhere. She hunched down by Amanda's side.
"Okay think of Afremov and his colorful paintings that you like. All does vibrant flowers. And that one with the woman in that ray of colors. Like she's in a river. A radiant river," Liv hoped their newly found common interest would work as a distraction from the pain. Amanda's face had been hidden behind her arm but now she peeked up. Liv could tell she wasn't feeling that good but she still managed to somehow look beautiful through clammy skin and her hair in tassels. And with the smile that suddenly came over her face she became even more glowing.
"Please don't ask me to be the river," she panted and Liv couldn't help but chuckle. Amanda's smile spread over her entire face.
"I promise I won't," Liv smiled. She felt happy she seemed to have reached Amanda at least a little. Amanda let out a sound that made Liv aware that another contraction probably started.
"Just try and breathe," Liv said quietly and she helped Amanda get in to the right rhythm by breathing with her. The pain seemed to increase though and Amanda swayed a little.
"Let's get you upright," Sandra said as she came back over. Liv saw her grab Amanda's arm and hurried to grab the other one. They got Amanda up off the floor and she hunched over the table with her upper body. Liv forgot herself and put her hand on her back. She moved it up and down as she breathed with Amanda and she didn't seem to mind. Once the contraction subdued Liv pulled her hand back and Amanda rose up a little. She kept leaning on her elbows though.
"You're doing so good," Liv said and truly meant it. Amanda shot her a faint but appreciating smile. She would remain standing like this for a couple of more contractions and she let Liv rub her back through every one of them. Ginny came around with some water and urged Amanda to drink. Then suddenly Amanda complained of nausea and Liv could tell her legs were crumbling a little underneath her. Sandra told her to get back on the table again and she and Ginny helped get Amanda's legs up so Sandra could do a quick exam. Amanda complained of back pain again and Liv tried to help out by moving her pillow a little. Liv then took the wet cloth that Ginny handed her and swiped it over Amanda's forehead. Sandra asked Abby for some printout and Liv threw a few glances as Abby got a printed piece of paper from the monitor. Sandra had a look at it and gave Abby some new instructions. Meanwhile Amanda had another contraction, very close to the latest one. It seemed to last longer too and peeked in the middle so Amanda lost the rhythm in her breathing. Liv helped her find it again. The contraction succumbed and Amanda relaxed a bit on the table. Liv swiped the cloth over her forehead. Amanda's face eased up a little.
"Okay Amanda," Sandra said as she stood up by her feet, "you're in the last phase now. She's ready to come out but you're not fully dilated yet so we're going to try and breathe through a few more contractions okay. I need you to really try hard and not push okay?" Amanda looked exhausted and just nodded. Ginny came around with some water again and Amanda just accepted it. She didn't have much strength right now to protest or do much of anything, and she didn't feel like she had any sense of how she felt so perhaps she was thirsty. Too soon the next contraction came and Amanda let out a tiny squeal of pain as the pain hit.
"Breathe Amanda," Liv reminded her. Amanda kept whimpering instead though with her eyes clenched shut.
"Breathe," Liv repeated and started breathing loudly to help her out. Soon she got Amanda to follow and both felt relieved once the contraction was over.
"Good Amanda. Don't forget to breathe. How are you doing? Still feel nauseated?" Sandra asked. Amanda seemed to shake her head as she tried to swallow and sit up a little on the table.
"Not so much," she finally managed to say.
"Not so nauseated?" Sandra asked to make sure and Amanda nodded.
"Good. Anything else you are feeling?"
"Tired and…" Amanda put her hand to her chest as she seemed unable to express how she was feeling with words.
"Tightness in your chest?" Sandra asked and again Amanda nodded.
"That's normal Amanda. You want to try the oxygen mask again, it can help a little," Sandra suggested and Ginny was quickly there with it. Amanda let her put it to her face and then grabbed a hold of it. They managed to breathe through another two contractions that came only two minutes apart. Liv felt exhausted just breathing with Amanda and figured this must be so draining for her. And it was starting to really wear her down. She wouldn't mind someone just clubbing her down at this point so she could just go to sleep.
"I have to push," Amanda cried as the next contraction hit.
"No you can't do that yet Amanda," Sandra let her know.
"Just breathe Amanda," Liv whispered.
"I can't, I can't," Amanda cried.
"That's nonsense, you can do anything. Breathe with me," Liv said a bit stern and it seemed to work as Amanda finally breathed. Both felt relieved once the contraction was over. Liv could tell by Abby and Sandra's demeanor that something was up. They exchanged glances and seemed to communicate in their own way. Abby went over to the wall and made a quick phone call.
"Okay Amanda I'm going to let you go ahead and push with the next contraction. We'll take one contraction at a time okay?" Sandra had risen and put a hand on Amanda's upright knee. Abby came back around the table again.
"She's," Liv asked as she glanced over at Amanda, "ready for that?" Liv didn't feel good asking in front of Amanda but she had a hunch something was going on and she couldn't keep quiet. Sandra smiled.
"We're going to give it a try. The baby's showing some distress, nothing alarming though Amanda. I need you to try and stay calm. We just want to go ahead and see if we can do this the natural way or we'll take you to do a C-section okay?"
"What distress?" Amanda asked.
"Her heart rate has slowed down a bit, it's still steady though. You just focus on this next contraction okay and you let Abby focus on your baby." Abby shot Amanda a smile and nodded to let her know she was keeping her baby safe. Amanda tried to relax back on the table. Liv squeezed her hand to let her know she was right there with her.
The next contraction approached and it seemed to start with a peek of pain as Amanda cried out. She gathered herself quickly though and curled her back as she pushed.
"Good Amanda. Common," Liv cheered on as she held on to her hand and with the other one rubbed her spine up and down. Amanda fell back on the table as the contraction ended.
"You did good Amanda," Sandra said and then turned to Ginny and asked for some hot compresses. Liv wasn't sure what this was for but assumed they had it all under control. It would feel better though if Liv could just get this baby to magically appear right now. Liv turned her attention back to Amanda and tried to get her to talk to know what she was feeling and in need off. But she was so withdrawn it worried Liv. It seemed they had to wait for the next contraction but Amanda seemed to be in need of the break so it was a good thing.
For the next contraction Sandra told Amanda it was okay to push but that she should try to hold back just a little if it was possible. It seemed like an impossible task Liv thought but tried to help her through it as best as possible and Amanda handled it great. Afterwards again Amanda got a few minutes break and Liv gave her water and kept reassuring her she was doing great. Ginny handed Sandra another couple of hot compresses just as the door open. Marjorie, the NICU doctor, came back in followed by two nurses that pushed some portable equipment that looked like a small operating table. Marjorie whispered a hello, told them to try and ignore them and that they would set up in the corner. Sandra gave her a quick nod.
The next contraction seemed intense and Amanda cried out through clinched teeth. It lasted for more than a minute and Amanda panted for air as she fell back down to the pillow. Liv wiped her forehead while Sandra told her she was doing great. Sandra then turned to Ginny and told her to set up for an episiotomy.
"What's going on?" Liv asked.
"I might have to do a small cut. This isn't unusual. It's moving a long rather quickly and it's to prevent tearing. Don't worry Amanda, your daughter is eager to see you that's all," Sandra smiled and sounded convincing enough for both Amanda and Liv to relax a little. Marjorie came up to the table as they had set up their things in the corner. The nurses went over to sit by the wall to not be in the way or crowd Amanda.
"How are you doing Amanda?" Marjorie said and rubbed her leg just briefly. Amanda just gave her a nod.
"Hanging in there?" Marjorie said and got another nod. Marjorie continued over to Abby after had placed a quick hand on Sandra's shoulder. Abby showed her some of the printouts. Liv felt better knowing Marjorie, and Abby, were there for the baby so she could concentrate on Amanda who was resting her eyes right now. Liv let her be for the moment, hoping she could rest if just a little.
"Is it normal that the contractions slow down like this?" Liv asked quietly. Sandra popped her head back up and nodded.
"Yes, during birth they are usually spaced further apart which is good so the mother can rest in-between," Sandra smiled and kept her voice soft to not disturb Amanda too much.
"So she is having the baby the natural way?" Liv asked but Sandra gave her a wishy-washy face.
"I think so but we have the OR set up just in case. If the baby crowns, if we see the head within the next few contractions, I think we'll be able to do it here. As always, time will tell," Sandra gave her a wink. Liv felt Amanda grab for her hand and immediately grabbed hers. She helped Amanda up so she could push. Mid through though Amanda cried out in pain and Liv shot Sandra a worried look. Amanda stopped pushing and tried breathing instead.
"Amanda just breathe," Sandra said as she looked up.
"It burns," Amanda cried as she lay back down thankful the contraction was over.
"The head is coming that's why. With the next one we'll try to start with breathing okay and then just push if you feel like it okay?" Sandra didn't get an answer but Amanda heard her. Ginny came around with a new wet cloth for Liv but when she tried to put it on Amanda's forehead she pushed her hand away. Amanda gave Liv a quick look and Liv could tell by her eyes she was struggling.
"You're doing great. She'll soon be here okay and it will be all worth it," Liv said and felt her own eyes tear up. She squeezed Amanda's hand.
"When you see her all this will be over," Liv smiled, "you can do this okay?" Liv got a small nod and then tried the cloth on her forehead again and this time Amanda let her.
Two contractions later Sandra let them know the head of the baby was crowning and they would try and get the head out with the next one. Liv wasn't sure when she last felt this kind of rush. Not even four hours had passed since Amanda called for her attention in the squad room and since then Liv had gone through almost all emotions on her spectrum. Right now she felt mostly excited though, with a hint of exhaustion. Amanda felt mostly exhausted. She wanted to feel happy and excited but she was just drained and she felt disconnected from her lower part. There was nothing glamorous over birthing a child she caught herself thinking right before Sandra interrupted her.
"Okay here it comes Amanda, remember to breath and then push carefully when I tell you." Amanda looked anything but thrilled and Liv grabbed a hold of her hand.
"Common Amanda, this is it. Breathe with me," Liv urged her and then started with the short inhales that had worked for them so far. Amanda took a deep breath and then joined Liv. Marjorie stepped up behind Sandra as the contraction hit.
"Okay now push Amanda," Sandra said. Liv helped her curl up and squeezed her shoulder as her face crumbled.
"You're doing so good," Liv kept repeating close to her ear.
"Okay head is out, relax Amanda," Sandra said and Liv couldn't hide her excitement.
"Her head is out," she repeated.
"Okay now I want you to push one more time, a really big push so we can get her out. Okay?" Sandra looked up and got a sluggish nod from Amanda. "Go," she said and Amanda pushed for dear life. Liv held on to her hand and put her other hand on her neck. After only thirty seconds she fell back on the table again and Liv wasn't sure what was going on. She heard no baby scream. Wasn't there supposed to be a baby screaming at this point? Marjorie, one of her nurses and Sandra was working down by the end of the table.
"Good job Amanda," Sandra said as she kept working, "she's out." Amanda looked up just as Marjorie rushed over to the other side of the room with something in her hands. That something must be her little girl but she didn't even see a glance of her and she didn't make a sound.
"What's wrong?" Amanda panted.
"Marjorie can you tell us anything?" Sandra said as she kept her head down by Amanda's feet.
"She's a perfect little girl, heart is beating. I think we just have a slow starter here," Marjorie said and Liv was finally able to breathe again. Marjorie and the two nurses were working with the baby while Sandra and Abby were down by Amanda's feet.
"Amanda I'm going to put some pressure on your uterus okay? It's just to get your placenta out quicker okay?" Sandra stood up and changed position so she could reach better. Abby was helping her out.
"You let me know if you feel any discomfort Amanda," Sandra said but Amanda was completely numb. She tried to keep her eyes focused on what was going on across the room. Liv kept holding on to her hand also with her eyes across the room.
"Why isn't she crying?" Amanda asked, now with her breathing under control.
"She's pinking up. And moving now. You'll hear her soon," Marjorie said. Sandra sat down as Marjorie spoke to her patient on the table. Sandra had delivered the placenta but was concerned now that she saw that the bleeding didn't come from that as she had expected. Suddenly the tiniest cry was heard in the room and it put a smile on everyone's faces. Liv couldn't help but laugh a little as she locked eyes with Amanda briefly. Marjorie picked up the little bundle and came over to the table. Ginny appeared suddenly by Amanda's side and opened up her robe a little over her chest. The tiny creature Marjorie held with a steady hand underneath her chest cried a little as she closed her fists in the air. Marjorie put her down on her mother's chest and within a second she had calmed down as those familiar heartbeats reached the newborn again.
"Oh my godness," Liv whispered as the little one made a few tiny attempts to move those little arms and legs of hers. Amanda couldn't talk, couldn't move. Feeling her tiny weight on her chest made it hard for her to breath. She was just so perfect. How could that have come out of her just now? Unbelievable. Amanda didn't know she'd moved it but she saw her own hand land just barely on the girl's back. She was so soft. Wasn't babies supposed to be wet and icky? Amanda moved her hand up to her head. A slight coat of black short strands covered her tiny head. She cupped her head gently and then came down to her cheek and over those perfectly curled lips of hers.
Liv watched them with tears in her eyes. She had a prefect view of that little face and that tiny hand trying to cling on to her mother's body. And the way Amanda looked at her made Liv smile like a fool. Amanda was mesmerized by the little one and rightfully so. She was tiny but perfectly shaped. Liv hadn't seen such a perfect newborn ever before. Not that she'd seen many newborns but this little girl had to be a prime example of perfectness. She was breathing and moving and absolutely gorgeous.
Liv got disturbed though by Sandra's strained voice as she asked Abby for some medical supply Liv never heard about before. She could tell on Sandra's face that not everything was okay down by Amanda's lower half. Liv swallowed hard and felt the happy tears get sucked back in as a slight nervousness washed over her. Liv unconsciously reached out and put her hand on Amanda's head in a protective manner. Marjorie had exchanged looks with Sandra and she approached the bed again.
"We have to whisk her away I'm afraid. She's a little lethargic which is perfectly normal for a preemie but she's fine and we'll take really good care of her," Marjorie said and then just gently picked the little one up from Amanda's chest. Ginny was quickly there and covered Amanda's chest up again. Amanda put her head back down on the pillow. Her face told of the anguish she felt of being parted from her daughter. They watched Marjorie and a nurse wrap the little one in a blanket and then put her on that portable table before they left the room. Liv looked back down at Amanda and saw her close her eyes as she wiped them from tears. Liv stroke her hair in protective manner.
"Okay Amanda," Sandra said without leaving her focus from the task she had at hand, "you did so good. Really good. I'm having a slight problem here with a bleed that won't let up okay?" She managed to look up to give Amanda a smile to make sure she didn't freak her out too much. Liv watched Amanda too but she looked mostly just exhausted. She was pale though and suddenly Liv feared something terrible was happening here and looked back at the doctor. She'd gone back down between Amanda's legs.
"What's going on?" Liv asked with obvious concern in her voice.
"It's not a big bleed," Sandra said and looked back up at them, "but it just won't ease up so I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you to the OR Amanda. Put you to sleep just for a little while. Okay?" Amanda nodded just barely. She was just so tired so if she was supposed to feel worried about this they just had to come back a little later.
Liv was worried enough for the two of them though and she stroke Amanda's hair as she grabbed her arm with her other hand. Ginny had started to detach Amanda from the machines on the wall and put whatever that could on the bed. Sandra laid a quick compress in and outside of Amanda's body and then with the help of Abby got her legs down. Liv briefly let go of Amanda as Abby and Ginny helped her get situated for transfer. Liv stepped over to Sandra who was getting out of her bloodstained scrubs.
"What's going on? Is it dangerous?" Liv asked. Sandra shook her head.
"It's a small bleed. Any bleed is bad though. I'm having trouble seeing where it comes from but in the OR I'll have better equipment and I'm sure everything will be okay," Sandra tried to calm her but Liv would not calm down until she learnt Amanda was okay and not bleeding. They had started to wheel the table out of there and Liv caught up to Amanda's side to grab her arm again.
"You'll be fine," Liv said as she caught Amanda's eyes. Amanda just nodded, still looking extremely tired. And so frail. Liv felt guilty for some reason. Like she hadn't done her job right, like she didn't have Amanda's back.
"Will you make sure she's okay?" Amanda said so quietly Liv barely heard her but she knew who she was talking about.
"Of course," Liv said and squeezed her arm. They all rode up a floor. Since they were alone in there Sandra took a look underneath Amanda's sheet. She gave Amanda a quick smile once she put the sheet down again.
"We'll take good care of you and we'll have you back with that precious daughter of yours in no time," she said convincingly and then gave Liv a smile too.
Liv couldn't go with them any longer than the swing doors to the OR. Sandra let her know there was a waiting area just around the corner and she'd be out to let her know how Amanda was doing just as soon as they were done. Liv felt a sense of deja-vu as she watched the doors to the OR close behind Amanda. Please God let her be okay Liv begged and hoped someone was listening to her.