She let her eyes wander over the crowd. The smiling, happy, dancing people in their smart outfits. Her eyes went on over the not brilliant but ambitious band up on the stage. The front man was urging more people to join them and the ones who heard him on the dance floor cheered. Amanda looked around though and concluded there was no way they were talking any of the benchwarmers up there. The band should be lucky with the few people they had on the dance floor. Most of the uniforms in this room were not the dancing types. They would not strut their stuff on the dance floor. A spotlight hit her eye and drew her attention to the roof and the decorations on the walls. For a moment she was back at one of those dreaded high school dances that she'd attended in this very room not too many years ago.
She'd liked high school though. Mostly because it gave her a reason to get out of her fucked up home for a while. Kim turned thirteen that summer before Amanda started high school and with adolescences Kim's problems got really out of hand. Their mom had been absent most of that summer because of a new boyfriend that wasn't that fond of kids and Amanda had to handle Kim mostly on her own. That was nothing new though. Kim had been a weight on Amanda's shoulder ever since she was born. But she'd been a lifeline too. A reason to hang in there. To fight. And there had been a lot of fighting going on. Between the two sisters. Between her parents. And then there had been numerous bad boyfriends of her mom's that Amanda hadn't gotten along with.
Sure her time in high school hadn't been all care-free either. Was it for anyone? But she was lucky to be a part of a crowd. She had her girls in the softball team. There was some drama within their group but nothing as bad as the fights that would always be spread over the entire school once some of the cheerleaders or football guys were at it. No her crowd had been cool and such a blessing to be a part of as the rest of her life felt suffocating.
A familiar old song started playing on stage and it brought Amanda back to one of those high school dances. They always made her nervous. So much anticipating in school the weeks before a dance. Who would get asked, who you would dance with and what would you be wearing. Such trivial questions but in high school it had felt so important. She'd mostly gone with a group of girls from the softball team. She'd never been one of the popular ones but she'd been asked to dance a few times. And she'd been asked to the go down to 'the lab' a few times. Oh that lab. It was not really a lab but a supply room to the chemistry room. 'The lab' was the indoor version of 'under the bleachers'. A famous make-out spot but the teachers and janitors never seemed to get wind of the fact. It could hold up to five couples if placed right.
She was far from a regular in there, matters of the heart had never come easy to her. But she had been asked in there once. Tommy Mason. She got a little warm even now just thinking about him. He played baseball. Gorgeous in her eyes. Dark hair, blue eyes, tall and athletic built. First baseman. She'd seen him play often. Never told anyone she had a thing for him though. He'd asked her to dance first. Amanda could tell you exactly where she'd been standing once he asked her, it wasn't far from where she was standing right now. His hair had been combed slick to one side. He looked very sharp in his black pants and white shirt. The baseball guys were wearing bow ties for some reason she couldn't remember now. It had been a slow dance about half way through the dance. She'd hesitated once he'd asked, felt some shyness sneak upon her. But her friend Jessica had said yes for her and pushed her forward. She'd blushed but hoped it was hidden with the bright lights flashing.
He'd been a head taller than her which had been perfect for once she'd finally been able to relax and they let go of each other's hands and just stepped closer into each other's arms. She'd been able to put her head against his chest and it had seemed they were built for each other. He'd gotten her some punch after the dance and as he later excused himself to go to the gents the rest of the girls had come rushing over to her wanting to know everything he'd said and done. She hated being in the center, always had, but being around Tommy made her forget all about that. He'd asked her to the lab and she'd hesitated not wanting some reputation to be easy or anything but since she really wanted to she'd gone with him. It had been as exciting as playing 7 minutes as a child but this time she'd actually been kissed. And what a kiss it had been. They were a couple after that dance but unfortunately it wouldn't last long. Summer came and suddenly Tommy was moving away with his family. Something about the father getting a new job in another city. All the dreams she had about Tommy being her high school sweetheart and being her first was crushed in an instance.
That summer had been devastating. Not only had Kim's acting out escalated, giving her trouble with the law, it had also included a not so nice new boyfriend of her mom's. Amanda tried to shake all the thoughts away and decided to join the crowd she hung around these days. She found her squad where she'd left them as she had fetched them a few new beers from the bar. She handed the beers out and dove right into the conversation they were having. This was a cool group, one she felt proud to belong to. She felt just as home as with her team back when she actually was in high school and just not visiting its premises.
They were at a very different kind of event this particular evening though. Once a year the Atlanta PD held a function where they celebrated special achievements and stand out members of the police community. It was a black tie function and the higher ranks wore their sharp looking uniforms. All the penguin suits and uniforms looked a little out of place here in this high school gym but props to the decoration team. They had made if feel very grown-up and the tables had been beautiful set with white linen and chandeliers. Now that the dinner was over the scene, that earlier held the higher ranks, had been cleared for the band and the space in front of it had been cleared as a dance floor. They had started with just music for ballroom dancing but as the night went on a lead singer had joined the musicians on stage and now they were playing more old rock n roll classics.
Amanda had been on this function once before a couple of years ago. You had to get an invite though but even then it was up to your captain if you could go or not. This year her squad had a special mentioning since they busted a large operation earlier that year. So her captain, Sam Reynolds, had ordered them there. And in formal wear too which she had tried to talk her way out of or at least to let him wear her uniform but since none of the others were she had to cave. So she was now in this little black number. Well maybe not so little but to her anything that showed any part of her legs was 'little'. She'd borrowed a dress from Kim which was stupid in itself but the only dresses she had in her wardrobe were summer ones that didn't really held the standard this event asked for. So she'd tried some of Kim's dresses and they'd decided on this black one that ended just above her knees, with shoulder straps but didn't plunge too far down in the neckline. Of course though it had been enough to get mocked by her fellow squad members. Not the really bad mocking though, she was one of the guys by now and they knew when enough was enough. Teasing was a way of coping with the harsh reality they dealt with in their line of work. It was normal within the group, she'd gotten used it by now and gave right back.
The only thing she didn't get used to though was deputy chief Shane Hall's looks and slurs. Not tonight and not any other day. She'd learnt to stay away from him though and she'd managed to slip out of his invitation to dance tonight rather smoothly if she could say so herself. Her partner Kevin had said 'burn' though so maybe she'd been a little too explicit. But she didn't really care, there was no way she would dance with that guy. She knew that would be an open invitation to get fondled, everyone knew, so it would be more on her than him if she took him up on the invite. That reputation she did not want.
So the dinner was over. The food had been good, the speeches a bit boring but it was an open bar and by now the room was getting buzzed quickly. They had tomorrow off but she still didn't feel like getting wasted among all the big and important suits. She wanted to at least be able to go for a run before lunch tomorrow so this might be her last beer for the night. She was feeling all that wine she had for dinner and now the 2nd beer she had afterwards so she didn't really need any more anyways, she could say she'd been partying. But if the guys wanted to go somewhere afterwards, and the deputy chief wouldn't tag along, she might be easily persuaded to join and have another beer or two.
There were only two guys in the squad that had significant others so those had been the only ones on the dance floor so far. But then someone suggested they would all get up there and suddenly she found herself kicking of her inch high heeled shoes and swinging her stuff around with the guys. It had been really fun. Felt a bit like when the girls in her softball team had invaded the dance floor. It felt good to goof of a little.
The whole evening had been fun. They'd been up on stage to accept the reward which was a nice plate for their squad room but also a few benefits like a free dinner and a free seminar out of state. Not too shabby for a job they counted just as important as all the others they did every other day of the week.
She'd swiped her beer on the dance floor so she could rumble around freely without the bottle and they had all lasted a few songs now but people were starting to drop off to the side. She didn't feel like getting too drenched so she decided she had enough too and gathered her shoes from the floor and shook Kevin's hand off her arm so she could get out of there. He wanted her to stay but she shook her head with a smile and he let her go with a disappointed but still kind look on his face. She was in need of a bathroom and headed that way but had to turn as Cameron, another squad member, shouted her name over the music.
"You going to the bar?" he asked once she turned around. She shook her head.
"The ladies," she shouted back at him.
"Get us another round on your way back hey?"
"Ya'all 'fraid he'll catch you for the drunk you are ey Cam?" she grinned at him and chuckled when that earned her a playful finger.
She kept chuckling a while as she headed over the room with her shoes dangling in her hand. She liked how the floor felt underneath her soles. She remembered a time when she'd crossed this gym barefoot before, more than once. She could see the line to the ladies room in the locker room even from a far. All the high rankers had their wives with them. All of them in nice dresses that they seemed perfectly comfortable in and they all made her feel subconscious. She didn't feel like standing in line with them so she changed her route. She knew this school and knew where to find another bathroom. She headed out the main doors and walked down the hallway, passed row after row of lockers. She nodded at two uniforms that were standing out there with glasses in their hands chatting. She tried to walk extra upright so they wouldn't think she was all drunk with her shoes in her hands and all. She threw a glance over her shoulder at them but turned quickly as she saw one of them looking after her. She smiled a little. He had totally been checking her out. Perhaps she wasn't that shabby looking after all she thought to herself with a smile.
She turned the corner and found the door she'd aimed for. The gent's room next doors had an out of order sign on the handle. She smiled as she remembered a time when her team had flushed the guy's locker room after flushing down their sport bras in their toilets. It had been this vendetta about something that Amanda now couldn't remember but they'd decided the guys should have to pay so that was the payback. There was a reason it was the sports bras but Amanda couldn't for the love of her life remember why right now. And it had been a dumb idea anyway because the principal had known it was them after finding twelve or so sports bra down the guy's drains and they all got detention for a month. But it had been so much fun seeing that flood.
As a juvenile you really didn't get that it could cause serious, and costly, damage. That sign had been up for a couple of weeks and she kept smiling as she sneaked in to the familiar ladies room. She took a look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a bit of a mess from dancing so she put her fingers through it after she'd placed her shoes beside the washbowl. She didn't wear much make-up but had still managed to get some mascara below her eye. She wiped it off easily and then straighten her bra strap just a little since she saw it peeking out as she leaned towards the mirror.
"You slut you," she told herself with a smile and headed towards the last of three stalls on the opposite wall. She always used that one if it was free because it had the best writings and carvings on the wall. She sat down with a disappointed face as she saw that it didn't look like when she'd been a student here. It looked like they'd replaced the walls completely. She could understand it though. They'd been covered with scribble. She swiped her hand to the left of the toilet paper. Right there had it been a heart with 'Tommy + Amanda' carved out. Tommy had sneaked in and made that. She had an old photo of it somewhere among her packed up things in her mom's basement. Her mind wandered to Tommy and she wondered what kind of person he was today.
She was interrupted as she heard the door outside open. She wished she'd brought her shoes in. Now that she looked down she couldn't believe she was in the bathroom without any shoes on. This floor could have pee on it or something even worse. What had she been thinking she scolded herself as she stood up to flush the toilet. She straighten her pantyhose and made sure her dress was properly down before she stepped outside. She stopped immediately though as she saw who was in there with her. Deputy chief Shane Hall. With a whisky in his hand that he now took a swipe off. She would learn later that it was whisky as his breath reeked of it when too close to her face.
As soon as she'd seen him she got a premonition this could end bad. Something in her gut told her danger was present. There was a slight chance he'd taken a wrong turn but she didn't think she would be that lucky. She knew he was drunk, he always got too drunk, so she figured she'd be able to take him if there would be a struggle but she hoped it wouldn't come to that. He was the son of the former chief of police. His aunt was married to a state senator or something like that. She knew everyone who'd crossed him had landed in a bad seat. The woman she'd replaced had left, according to rumors, because of this man that Amanda now was standing together with in a very small space.
"Took a wrong turn there deputy chief?" she asked once she gathered herself enough and she walked over to the washbowl furthest away from him. He didn't answer, didn't even look at her. She kept a wary eye on him in the mirror as she washed her hands. He kept his eyes down on the glass he was holding on to and she wondered just how drunk he was. She tried to stay focused and collected but her head was racing. Possible scenarios played out in her head even though she tried to push them out of there. Why had she shattered from the herd she kept asking herself. So stupid. She couldn't wash her hands forever and finally turned the water off. The container with wash cloths where on the wall to her left but she didn't feel like turning her back to him. She shook her hands in the air a little instead.
"You're doing okay there deputy chief?" she asked as the silence were uncomfortable. She kept hoping mentioning his rank would get him to snap back from whatever was going on in his mind. She finally turned towards him. She knew her shoes were right by his side but she figured she could leave them and then just have someone fetch them for her if necessary.
"Why didn't you want to dance with me detective?" he suddenly slurred, still not looking directly at her. She folded her arms in front of her. So he had felt burnt when she turned him down she thought to herself and wished she'd handled that differently.
"I just don't really do dancing sir," she tried and tried to sound casual.
"Liar," he said very short and swirled his drink around in his hand. She wasn't sure how to answer that.
"I don't know what you mean sir," she asked once he didn't say anything more.
"I called you a liar," he said and she did not like where this was going. She knew she should not provoke him right now even though in any other situation she would be at his throat by now.
"You're a liar cause you say you don't do dancing but still I saw you strutting your stuff out there with Kev, Lewis and God knows who else you straddled." She felt her nails dig into her own arms as she felt a bit of fury growing in her gut. She didn't take kindly to either strutting or straddled. She would not take that from anyone else and she didn't feel like taking it from him either.
"I don't do ballroom dancing," she said and kept it short.
"More of a pit girl eh?" he said and for the first time really looked at her. More starred though, with a evil looking grin over his face. He took another swipe of his whisky and kept watching her over the rim of his glass. He irked her big time. She kept from saying anything back in response to that.
"I'm going to go back to my squad now sir," she said but hesitated slightly. She'd already figured the space to his left, between him and the last stall, was wide enough to get her through if she just turned her shoulders sideways a little. But there wouldn't be much room. She decided to give it a try and took a few steps towards him. He shifted slightly to the side though and it was all he needed to do to get her to retract again.
"Look sir, all I want is to go back to my squad right now," she said but didn't like how weak her voice sounded so she tried to shape it up.
"And all I wanted was one lousy little dance with you," he said and looked at her like it was the most natural request in the world, "that ain't seem to be happening either."
"Look sir," she started but stopped abruptly as she saw him raise his hand and swing the glass at her. Okay not really straight at her but she still flinched as the glass went flying by her and hit the stall door to her right. She covered her eyes with her hand as it crashed and split into heavy pieces all over the floor. The sound of the thick glass breaking echoed around the small space. As it ringed out she looked at him with wildered eyes. She took a few deep breaths as she'd apparently held her breath during the glass throwing. It came so unexpected. He'd kept his head down ever since he let the glass go and was now shaking it.
"One lousy little dance. You can't even give me that. What's your problem Rollins?" he said and looked up at her. She'd backed up as far as she could, she could feel the wash cloth dispenser behind her.
"Okay let's go out there sir and have that dance. Okay sir?" she tried. She heard how out of breath she sounded. He just shook his head.
"It was one lousy littl' dance and you couldn't even give me that. Winding me up the whole night. That skimpy li'll dress. I saw you looking at me at dinner. Wheeling me in only to stand me up like that. And I fell for it all," he sounded delusional to her.
"Sir I," she tried but he kept ranting cutting her off.
"Liar and a tease. I've seen plenty like you Rollins. Cockteasers. Department's full of you'all," he took a step to her and she got scared she wouldn't get out of there. No not scared, more frantic and she knew she had to try and make a break for it now before it got too late. She aimed for the now even smaller space between him and the stalls. His arm came up though and she crashed into him. He pushed her backwards and she felt like whatever strength she had didn't count for much. It literary felt like everything was going in slow motion for a while. She heard herself beg him to let her go. She felt a big piece of glass underneath her foot and stumbled as she tried not to put her weight on it. She felt his one hand pushing against her stomach as the other one had a grip around her right upper arm. His whisky breath was close to her face and the smell felt just as intrusive as he did. She felt him take a deep breath underneath her left palm that was pushing against his chest.
And all this as they kept moving backwards towards the wall that she'd just left. The time seemed to go back to normal as she felt the wall slam into her back so hard she lost her breath for a second. He hadn't been ready for the wall either though and the impact made both of them bounce slightly off. She tried to make a break to the other side of him and managed to twist her arm out of his grip but as she tried to get around him he grabbed a hold of her and this time as he pushed her back up against the wall she slammed her forehead into the cloth dispenser and she saw only black with bright lights in front of her eyes for a minute.
There might have been more than a minute actually. The ringing in her ear brought her back and as it quiet down she started to get a grip of the situation again. Her left side of her face was pushed up against the white cold tile. She felt the cold tile through her dress too and the front of her thighs. Then she felt him. He was using his head and chest to pin her head up against the wall. His hip pressed down above hers and his knees was digging into the back of her thighs making her completely stuck to the tiles. She felt her left hand pinned down against the wall with one of his and his other hand was pushing her right shoulder into the wall. She tried to swallow. Gathered as much sense back as she could. Her head hurt. Especially the top left side of her forehead.
"Sir?" she managed to squeeze out as it seems they were just standing there.
"Shut up," he sounded out of breath. She could feel every breath he took. Again they just stood there. The silence only broken by the still faint sound of the ringing in her ears.
"I'll dance with you," she tried. She felt his hand move just slightly against her shoulder.
"Too late," he whispered. She tried to remain still. She had to restrain herself from not fighting back, fearing she would freak out if she tried to get lose but couldn't. Freak out was something she couldn't afford right now. She tried to tell herself to stay calm and regain some power until he made his move. If he wanted to take this further - Oh God how did she end up in this situation? - he'd have to let her go just a little at some point and then she would be ready. His hand came up over her shoulder and he squeezed it slightly. The position he had her head in made her look straight down on her own shoulder and she could see his fingers move in tiny circles by the side of her dress strap. She heard him, and felt him, take a deep breath.
"Sir, I promise if you just let me go I'll," she didn't get further when he suddenly made a move with his hip. He pounded his crotch straight into her, so hard it made her lose her breath briefly. A sob escaped up her throat and she had to fight the urge to cry for a few seconds until she could compose herself again.
"You'll what?" she heard him breath just by her ear. The whisky on his breath so strong she would forever detest that smell. He was so close she could feel his cheek against her ear. His hand moved and all she could do was look straight at it as his finger wandered in underneath her strap.
"You'll go out there and tell everyone how you've flirted with me the entire night?" His finger played underneath her bra strap for a while until he slowly started to pull it down, along with the dress, over her shoulder. Now she really felt like crying.
"You'll tell them how you asked me to come with you? To this secluded bathroom. How you told me you wanted me in a stall. How you wanted me to ravish you," she could hear the grin on his voice.
"No," she breathed and tried to shake her head. She felt him let go of her left wrist and instead he grabbed a hold of her hair so he could move his mouth down to her neck. She felt his tongue on her neck and she cringed. She tried to move away as his mouth went down her neck and down to her shoulder but that only made him dig harder into her hair and the tiles pressed harshly against her face. She tried to get her hands back on him, push him away somehow or punch him. But she couldn't reach him enough to do more than just fumble with his jacket.
"No?" he breathed with a grin on his face. "So you wouldn't tell them how you seduced me?"
"It's not true," she sobbed not able to hold it in any longer.
"So what would you tell them then princess?" he came up in front of her face and looked at her intensely. She'd seen his true colors before but this was pure evil. He was enjoying this way too much and it made her doubt she'd get out of there before this escalated.
"I wouldn't tell them anything," she said and managed to sound strangely collected. His eyes grew small for a second as he watched her. His eyes went from her eyes down to her mouth. He took forever until he made a move. But then he put his lips down to her shoulder again, this time very softly though, almost something caring about it.
"So you wouldn't tell anyone what happen in here?" she heard him murmur against her shoulder.
"No, if you let me go…" she started but she quiet down as he looked back up on her. He had that evil grin over his face again. He was just winding her up. She realized he had no intention of letting her out of there. She bit down on her lip and tried to think clearly as his mouth came up to her temple. He kissed her there and then went down over her ear. His tongue found its way inside her ear and again she cringed.
"I'm not letting you go," he whispered with his mouth right by her ear. "You've teased me long enough." His hand went down over her chest and somehow he managed to get down in-between her and the tiles she was pushed up against. His hand came down inside her bra and he squeezed her breast roughly to the point it hurt her immensely. She tried to get her hand up to grab him or scratch him but he pinned it down with his arm somehow and how much she even tried to get to him she couldn't. His hand worked her breast harshly while his mouth was down on her throat sucking and biting on her skin. She didn't want to but started whimpering.
"Shut up. You know you like it," he said into her skin as his mouth worked its way up to her ear again. She thought about screaming. Why didn't she scream? Why did she feel unable to scream for help? The school was filled with law enforcement.
"This is what you dream about. What y'all police cunts wants." He pulled his hand up and for a second she felt relief having that harsh treatment stop but then she felt his hand tug at her dress as he pulled it up over her thigh. She tried pushing herself from of the wall by using her hands. But however she tried she wasn't strong enough to push him off her and soon she felt his hand on the inside of her leg. She tried to push her legs together but he used his legs and hand to spread them. Again she heard herself whimper as his hand came up in-between her legs and he squeezed her most private part. She heard his evil chuckle in her ear. His fingers dug into her pantyhose and she felt the thin material rip way too easily. He tugged harshly to rip a big hole over her crotch and then he stuck his hand in there. He found his way in underneath her panties and she cried as his fingers reached her. He'd stopped snickering now and instead had started breathing heavily as his crotch rub up against her back.
"You're not going to like this. I'm not going to treat you like a princess, princess." He ran his tongue over her cheek as he pushed two fingers inside of her. She felt paralyzed. As his touch poisoned her, left her unable to control her own being. So this was what it was like? What it was like to be raped? For a moment she felt oddly calm and collected. She could breathe, she could focus. So this was why you shouldn't get yourself drunk in the company of a predator? Because you wouldn't be able to fight him off. So this was why you shouldn't dress in a skimpy outfit? It would give him easy access to your body. It wasn't right but right now it felt like the only truth she knew.
His grip on her most private part intensified and a wave of pain brought her out of her own thoughts. Then suddenly he pulled out of her and she managed to open her eyes again that she'd supposedly clamed shut. She felt some of the pressure against her lower half ease up and she realized this was the moment she had been waiting for. But she'd wasted her energy and her legs felt numb from the pressure he'd put on them. He was still holding on hard to her hair but she still tried pushing herself out of the wall with her palms to the tiles. She wanted to use her heels, aim for his knees like she'd learnt in defense classes but she wasn't able to lift her leg up high enough. She tried hitting his chins but it didn't do enough harm and only seemed to bug him making his grip in her hair harden.
She wasn't sure what he was doing but she had a hunch. He growled at her to behave but when she didn't he slammed his side up against her and again she found herself pinned up against the tiles. He'd let her hair go though and she had a little more room to move. She managed to get a glimpse over her shoulder and she saw him as he was getting his pants undone. She knew she had to get away now or it would be too late. She gathered everything she got, put her palms close to her body and put her knees against the wall as she pressed back at him. She felt his body buckle and she was about to roll behind his back when he spun around and grabbed her by her hair and arm and slammed her back up against the wall. She never even got a sniff of freedom before she was stuck again.
"Can't run no more princess," he hissed into her ear as he had her face pushed into the tiles again by holding on harshly to her hair. She felt his hand grope underneath her dress again. He was tugging at the already ripped hole to get it wider in the back. She tried fighting him but it felt futile. All she heard was his heavy breathing in her ear and her own pathetic whimpering that she couldn't stop. This could not be happening. His hand was tugging at her panties, the fabric digging into her flesh as he tried to rip them off. Then he suddenly stopped. She didn't realize this at first though and kept squirming underneath his still firm grip on her.
"For fuck sake didn't you see the out of order sign," he suddenly spoke with anger. Amanda got her eyes open and she could see through the mirror the fuzzy outline of a person standing by the door. Shane was still holding on to her hard. She held her breath, wasn't sure why she just didn't scream out for help.
"Can you give us some privacy," Shane said next after having thrown a few looks over his shoulder at the newcomer. His voice sounded less angry this time. Amanda gasped for air and the air got caught in a few audible sobs in her throat. She felt his grip in her hair harden for a second but his other hand had disappeared.
"Privacy?" he repeated and Amanda felt his body leave hers a little and the grip in her hair loosen some. Shane obviously tried to make it out to be something consensual going on in there. She could now focus enough on the shape in the mirror to see it was a woman in a dark dress and with dark hair. She wasn't moving. Amanda felt her breathing go down a little. It felt as though she'd been saved but she wanted free from his grip. She managed to get her palms up on the tiles. She tried pushing herself out a little and when she felt Shane's body give way without a fight she held her breath and turned towards the stalls. She felt his hand in her hair slip out as she took a step away from him. She kept her head down and planned to just move out slowly but as she felt her freedom she couldn't help it and rushed towards the door. She felt the other woman looking at her but she didn't dare to meet her eyes. The other woman stepped to the side so Amanda could get out of there. The woman had black opentoe highheels on. Amanda had time to register her toenails was painted in a dark red shade. Then she was out of there and she ran quickly down the hall to the exit.
She didn't stop running until she reached her house. She rented a place upstairs from this little ol' lady. It had its own entrance by a side latter and she ran up there. Not even when she'd locked the door behind her did she feel safe enough. She put her back to the door and slid down sobbing like a mad woman. She crossed her legs and folded them to her as the void in her pantyhose became very apparent and uncomfortable. She would sit there for a very long time until she finally was able to control her weak and sobbing body. She got up, put everything she'd worn in a plastic bag that she hid in her closet and stepped into the shower where she remained for a couple of hours. She would a couple of days later give the newly washed dress back to her sister and toss the rest in the trash can but for now all she wanted to do was try to get her head around what had happen.
She wasn't sure what do to. Part of her wanted to report him, nail his ass to whatever public place she could reach the fastest but the other part, the bigger part, felt just so small and scared. She knew he had power upstairs. He would twist it. He'd say she seduced him in some weird way and she'd seen innocent women before getting the tables turned on them. She knew it could happen. And even if she managed to convict him the reputation would always be there. There would always be people in the force who'd look at her and wonder if perhaps maybe she didn't do something to deserve what happen to her. She wasn't sure she could take that. Her entire life she'd just wanted to be left alone, to stay out of the spotlight. Which wasn't easy when you had a mom like hers. And then a sister who started to act out already in primary school and whose reputation spread to her older sister as well. Not to mention her dad, she didn't even want to go there. Her sister's involvement with drugs became a hassle when she started out as a cop and Kim always managed to drag her sister into her messes.
No, Amanda had enough drama in her life already. She didn't need this either. As she looked at herself in the mirror the day after she felt nothing but cold. The cut in her forehead that probably needed stitches but was now taped up. The left side of her jaw was bruised. So was her left wrist, she had dark bruises on the back of her legs and small lacerations on her hips where her panties had dug in as he tried to rip them off her. How she managed to save the bottom of her feet from that glass was beyond her. They were just sore from running barefoot home. No, she decided no one would see her like this. No one. Ever.
Jennifer Camp
Jennifer Camp had never considered herself a brave woman. No she worried constantly about her detective husband, never took a fight against Sally who was the brutal president of the parent-teacher group nor did she fight her battle for her rightful place in the grocery store line once someone cut. She'd fled many scenes where her conscious told her she'd chicken out or did wrong and it had given many dollars to the collection at Sunday mass. But she knew the instant she saw that young woman so harshly pushed up against the bathroom tiles that this was a scene she could not flee. To this day she wasn't sure what had made her not even flinch as that man yelled at her. No this was not a scene she would flee.
Just like Amanda, Jennifer had tried to avoid the long line to the bathroom and as she wasn't that much in need and felt like catching some air anyway she decided to take a stroll around. Her son would soon attend this high school so she figured it could be fun to have a look around. She'd seen the out of order sign on the bathroom door, turned to keep walking but there had been something. She wasn't sure if she'd heard something or if it was that seventh sense she believed in that got her to turn back. She'd known exactly what was going on as she stepped inside. Nothing that man said would make her believe this woman wanted this to happen to her. The way he was holding on to her, but foremost the pure panic in the young woman's wildered eyes as she tried to look over her shoulder.
Her heart had been aching as she saw that young blonde woman with blood running down her forehead sneak by her. But then she'd turned her attention back to that awful man and starred him down with as much disgust as she could send his way. And he'd fumbled with his pants and buckle, murmured something about it going a bit overboard and then she'd made him get around her as he walked out. And she hadn't crumbled once. Not even as he'd left and she realized she could have been a victim too did she regret anything. She'd gotten the shoes of the side of the washbowl and headed straight back in to find her husband. She'd brought him to the side, showed him the shoes and told him what she'd seen.
Jeffrey Camp
Jeffrey Camp was by all means a righteous cop. Sure he'd bent the truth a little at times, cut some corners but he knew right from wrong. His heart was in the right place. As a cop he knew how to hold his head calm as he listen to his upset wife and what she'd seen in the bathroom just now. He asked her if she could ID the two and Jennifer remembered seeing the blonde woman up on stage earlier tonight. She'd told another cop's wife how much she liked that woman's dress. She'd fitted in so well with her all male squad even in a dress. Jennifer looked around the room and got her eyes on Shane who was now back at the bar downing yet another whisky. Jeffrey had known though as his wife pointed the deputy chief out that this wouldn't be such a clear-cut situation to sort out.
After he made sure that the woman that he figured must be detective Rollins from special victims, who'd he'd encountered on some sting operations and thought of as a great cop, had walked out of that bathroom on her own he told his wife he would deal with it. He'd been quite surprised about the persistence his wife showed as she didn't feel all that comfortable about no cuffs being slapped on that man right at this instance. He should be in jail she'd told him. And he had agreed but just told her that it was a bit more complicated than that. His wife had asked him then if he figured that woman was to blame in any way and she'd looked very angry with him. He'd told her he didn't think anything of that sort but he was afraid the detective could be in even more trouble if he did something irrational right now. Jennifer had settled with this even if she wasn't happy with it.
The next day Jeffrey had called Captain Sam Reynolds and asked for a meeting. He'd handed over Amanda's shoes to him and told him everything his wife had told him. Jeffrey knew Captain Reynolds had a good reputation and he trusted him to handle it the way he saw best. Jeffrey knew Shane Hall well, he was happy to have him out of his squad, and he knew Reynolds would be in for a fight if he chose to bring it on. Either way Jeffrey trusted Reynolds to see detective Rollins got the help and support she needed after what happen last night in that bathroom. And both Jeffrey and his wife was willing to testify if it was necessary.
Sam Reynolds
Sam Reynolds had a good reputation in the police department. He'd gotten to his position by earning it, not like some who sneaked up the latter with manipulation or connections. Sam considered himself to be a fair person with a good sense of what was right or wrong. He'd learnt to take battles as he climbed the latter but this was a battled he'd seen coming and felt a nervous turn in his gut as detective Camp told him about last night's events as his wife had read them. Yes Shane Hall was well-known, not only because his father was the former chief of police for the Atlanta PD but also for clashing with coworkers, especially the female ones. He was rude quite frankly, had an old school view on female cops that surely was triggered by the fact he felt inferior to probably anyone on the force since he knew he'd gotten to his current position thanks to his father and not on own merits.
But Shane Hall wasn't stupid. He could perhaps even have gotten there on his own but he was lazy and spoiled. He had friends on the force but that was probably thanks to his connections too. Hall senior had a good reputation, Shane did not. Nothing of this you could read in his file though. His dad had paid off many people to keep his son's record clean. Sam didn't know for sure but he had a feeling his last female detective on the special victims force, Janet Hollister, had left because of the way Shane treated her. She only lasted for a couple of months. She'd never said anything to Sam about Shane, just that she wasn't cut out for the job.
But Shane had a reputation to get touchy feely with the females in the force and numerous complaints from women working the streets. The sad truth was that the latter group Shane could easily dismiss because of their line of work. The women on the force were harder to dismiss though. That's were Shane's fathers money and influence came in handy. There were rumors floating around that he'd actually knocked one up and she was bought off with a house out of state. And this was when he was still married to his now ex-wife. Another rumor said a former assault victim of his was now working security in some mall after Shane's father turned everything around on her and she couldn't get back on the force.
And now Amanda was his latest victim. Sam had feared this. Putting her on a force with Shane in the midst had even been something that he'd put on the list of reasons not to bring her on. But she'd proved herself to be tougher than she looked when they got to borrow her from patrol for different decoy missions. She could easily pass for a teenager if they set the room right and she didn't mind risky situations. She had a good vibe around her, was known to have a sense of humor which you needed in this line of work. The guys liked her and not just cause she was easy to rest your eye on. No she'd proved herself to be just as good, and striving to be better even before she came on. She had ambition that girl. She was special.
Sam had been smitten that he couldn't lie about. He was married though and he would never stray. But he did catch himself looking at times and did daydream about a different situation, a different time for the two of them. He didn't have the best of marriages and when times were especially rough he caught himself thinking Amanda was the type of woman he should have gone for. So this situation was very hard for him. He took it personal. He'd hinted to her when she started to stay away from Shane, not one of Sam's proudest moments, but it had seemed she'd already heard the rumors. Sam knew she'd worked some sting operations with Shane when Shane was still on vice.
Shane had been through most departments by now. Finally a promotion seemed to be the only thing left when no one wanted him. Sam hadn't been happy having him as his deputy chief though but at least Amanda had seemed to hold her own. Sam tried to have her back without getting too much of a papa bear whenever Shane got a little too foulmouthed around the squad room or off duty. Sam had heard several of his squad members stick up for her as well. Shane had a way of indirectly send slurs Amanda's way in a way Sam detested but they were hard to address and Shane seemed to always have an excuse up his sleeve. He was slick.
But Amanda was tough. She held her own and even Shane seemed to have gotten used to Amanda in a way. Like he let her be a part of the group. Four years with his force now and she was a very valuable member. He felt sick when thinking about what had taken place at that event last night. An event he'd forced his squad to attend and he'd even talked Amanda in to dressing up. She'd looked stunning in that dress. He'd caught himself looking at her several times during the evening. He'd seen her last with the guys liven up the dance floor. She'd looked like she was having fun. He'd left soon after though since his wife had one of her usual headaches and wanted to leave. He wondered now if he could have stopped Shane had he stayed. Another thing he would hold against his wife in the future.
He tried calling Amanda but she didn't pick up. Not on any of the five times he tried. Late in the afternoon he got a text from her with not much to be read between the lines on how she was doing. She simply wrote she saw he'd called but she was busy with family but that he should text if she needed to come in. He knew her family, especially her sister, a little too well. Her father also had a record but he'd never met the man in person. Sam knew Amanda tried to stay clear of her family as much as possible so using them as an excuse told him that is was just that, an excuse. He fought an urge to drive over to her place. He knew where she lived, he'd been by a few times. Mostly just to drop her off but he'd been inside twice for a beer. They'd had a beer and talked. She was very easy to talk to but his wish to take it a step further seemed to always make the situation a little bit awkward, at least to him. He hoped she'd never picked up on it though. He texted her back that things were cool for now but he wanted to see her in the morning. He took the night to think about how to handle the situation.
The next morning though he wasn't that much clearer. He really needed to talk to her. He drove by her place but either she wasn't answering or she was already out. Once at work Cameron let Sam know Amanda was out with Kevin to try and shake out a potential suspect in a case they were working. She managed to avoid him the entire morning but right after lunch he caught her in the squad room though and called her in. She looked as usual, perhaps just a little bit pale and she had a wary look over her face.
"You avoiding me?" he asked as he closed the door behind them.
"No, sir," she said with her back still to him. He decided to close the blinds a little and rolled the peg between his fingers. He caught her anxious look over her shoulder as he turned back towards her. He came up by her side and they faced each other. Her hair was out which was somewhat uncommon. He tried to figure out her state of mind by looking seriously at her. She gave him nothing. He decided trying to lure her to say something wouldn't be futile and he needed to play out his cards head-on. He reached up to see if she had a wound on her head or not but she flinched immediately. His heart broke a little with that scared face she momentarily got as she'd shied away from him. Had Shane broken something here? Something that couldn't be fixed?
He let his hand linger in the air as she quickly calmed down. When she came up to her previous position he kept moving his hand carefully forward so not to spook her. He gently swiped her bangs away and was sadden but not surprised when he saw the skin toned tape that hid the cut. She avoided his eyes when he let her go and looked at her.
"Detective Camp's wife brought your shoes in," Sam said calmly and hinted to the plastic bag on his desk that held her evening shoes. Amanda kept avoiding his eyes.
"Can you tell me what happen?" he asked and hoped she would start talking. Now that he looked at her closer he could tell she had some powder on her face. Like the foundation and stuff his wife used but he'd never seen Amanda wear before. He scanned her face, looking for covered up bruises.
"Amanda?" he asked once nothing was said in a while. Her eyes were moving all over the place but never landed where his were. She'd grabbed a hold of her left wrist earlier and his trained eye told him she was hiding something. When she didn't say anything he reached out for her arm and when she struggled it only made him so much surer.
"Captain. Sir," she tried but he still pulled her arm to him and firmly but not too harshly pulled her sleeve up. The anger grew in his gut when he saw the bruise around her wrist. He tried to catch her eye but she kept avoiding his.
"Do you have more?" he asked and tried to get his head in front of hers so he could try and get inside of her mind. She couldn't avoid his eyes any longer.
"I'm fine captain," she said but could hear how uncertain she sounded. She pulled her arm to her and pulled down her sleeve. She met his eyes straight on and hoped that would convince him.
"Do you want to file a report?" he asked and she immediately shook her head.
"No, absolutely not sir," she said and she felt sobs luring down her throat.
"Amanda," he started and felt so bad seeing her like this, "Detective Camp told me what his wife saw. What Shane did to you…" She cut him off by shaking her head and she walked of, over to the window behind his desk. He followed but stayed by his desk and leaned down against it.
"I'll help any way I can," he said and took a deep sigh. He knew this would get messy but he didn't care. She turned around and looked at him.
"I'm not filing a report captain," she said and tried to sound as steady on her voice as possible.
"I can't just let this go Amanda. We can't let him keep doing this," he said.
"We? We," she shook her head, "I'm not going to start this torch line. I'm not," she said and folded her arms around herself. She needed to breathe and took a few deep breaths.
"What if he tries it again Amanda? What if no one walks in?"
"I would have fought him off. He was drunk. Nothing would have happen," she said and believed herself.
"Something did happen Amanda. He hurt you and he had no right to."
"I'm fine captain. Honestly. I need to get back out there, Kev and I brought a suspect in," she started for the door but he stepped in her way and she shied away in a very, for her, unfamiliar way. Sam shook his head as she backed away from him. This was not the Amanda he knew. She was trying so hard to hold it together but she felt nothing like herself today. She needed to get out of there.
"I have to go sir," she said and tried a new path to the door.
"I'm talking to him Amanda," he said to her back.
"Fine, you talk, I'm not pressing charges," she said and left his office. Sam took a deep breath and tried to get his own emotions in check.
When Shane walked in for his shift later that day Sam had called him into his office. Sam had tried to keep his emotions down as they talked. It hadn't gone that well. But Shane had folded quite easily which took Sam by surprise and put a weird twist to the conversation. Shane even shed a few tears. He told Sam that his drinking had gotten out of control since his wife left him and now that the divorce was finalized he'd started to feel depressed and very alone. He told Sam that he still didn't have a place of his own to live at, how his life was really down the drain. Sam did feel a wee bit of sympathy for the man but he still remembered why they were there in the first place and he managed to get back to what had happen Saturday night.
When Sam asked him about it Shane came clean and said he'd probably crossed a line thanks to the alcohol. Then he'd changed his mind and said that he certainly crossed a line and that the alcohol made him think Amanda had flirted with him and that he probably picked up the wrong message from her. He seemed shameful when he admitted he didn't have a clear perception of exactly what had happen in the bathroom.
Shane switched from probability to certainly with the shift of a hand and Sam got a suspicious feeling he was being played. And then when Shane mentioned his father's name and how they had a long talk yesterday about how Shane needed help with his alcohol issues Sam knew for sure he was being played. Shane told him that his father had seen to it that he got enrolled in a substance abuse program starting next week. It was an outpatient program so it wouldn't conflict much with work. Shane mostly kept his head down in a shameful manner but now he looked Sam straight in the eyes, still with a shameful gaze, and said that that was of course if he still had a job.
Sam hesitated and Shane took the opportunity to tell him that he would of course apologize to detective Rollins and he would never ever go near her again. Shane asked him to just call Rollins in and ask her. That Shane wanted the chance to apologize to her and if she didn't accept his apologue he would take whatever punishment the captain felt suited the crime he knew he had committed. But he wanted at least a chance to make amends for it.
To this day Sam would regret ever listening to Shane and not taking actions as he should have. He would call Amanda into that office and give Shane the opportunity to ask Amanda for her forgiveness. What Sam didn't know was that Shane had gotten to her earlier that morning. He'd already apologized but he'd also added, imbedded with the sob story about his divorce and his abuse issues, that he hoped she would understand seeing how her own sister was right now submitted to the Second chances institution. He told her he knew her sister had a prison sentence to serve if she didn't complete the program this time around. He also let her know in so many words that his father was one of the major contributors to that institution, that he had influence with the staff there and how his dad hated to see the lost causes even though there would always be some who didn't want to be saved or get better.
So now that Amanda stood as far away as she could from Shane, she'd turned down the offer Sam made to have a seat. Her gut was filled with anger but her self-sacrificing need to keep her sister out of harm's way made her push it down as best she could. Shane pleaded his case once again, this time even more elaborated, and then he asked her to forgive him. Sam turned to her and asked if there was a chance she could accept the apology. As he asked it he heard how ridiculous it sounded. If this had been anyone but Shane Hall, the son of the former chief of police, he'd been arrested now and probably sustained a few minor injuries to his body since he attacked one of their own. Sam watched as Amanda nodded but at the same time he saw the hurt playing all over her face. Sam asked again if she truly felt it sufficient enough that Shane enrolled in a substance abuse program for the harm he'd done to her. He watched her bottle her feelings up once more before she was able to nod. He felt bad as she saw how close to tears she were.
Sam felt like a coward but he also feared for Amanda's career if they did not settle this with Shane. The fact that is was Amanda maybe should have made him fought harder for her but it was also just because it was her that he didn't. His emotions were clouded when it came to her. This would forever be the biggest mistake he made in his career and he would never forget the sick feeling in his gut as he saw the disappointment in Amanda's eyes before she turned and walked out of his office. So when years later he got the chance to make amends he jumped at the chance with no hesitation. He didn't pay one thought to risking his own job or reputation. All he could think about was finally getting the chance to bring down Shane Hall and, hopefully, be able to feel he did Amanda right.
Present day
The entire flight was nerve wrecking. It wasn't the flight that bothered her though. It was the destination. She was flying back home, yes Georgia was still and would probably always be home to her. Even with everything that happen there, all the bad things. Thankfully she had all the good things to come back to once this was over with. She tried to keep her mind from going down the destructive rabbit hole and just think of what Fin and Fay might be up to in New York. Once the plane landed though she didn't feel ready at all and had a hard time just getting up out of her seat. There was a gap in the aisle and she managed to get up and followed the slow moving queue of passengers towards the exit. A bit of panic threaten to spread from her gut as the man behind her came a little too close for comfort but it eased up once she exited the aircraft.
Since she had her bag with her she headed straight past luggage claim and towards the exit. Anxiety grew with every step she took towards the exit and what was awaiting her as she left the airport. She scanned the arrival hall quickly with her eyes and saw Sam wave as he spotted her too. Her mood changed quickly though as she saw her old partner Kevin by his side. And then when he without any hesitation wrapped his long arms around her in a warm hug she for a moment felt completely calm. She'd been blessed with many good partners over the years on the force but Kevin was one of the really, really good ones. Up there close to Fin. She could always count on him to have her back, he was easy-going and they had a lot of common interests. He was, just like her, very athletic and enjoyed running and climbing and didn't mind her tagging along.
He took the back seat with her as Sam drove them into town and she appreciated that he tried to keep her chatting to distract her even though she could see the reason why he did this. He demanded to see photos of the 'lil one and he went through every one she had on her phone. He got to see Fay diaper dancing in a clip too and it got Kevin laughing. He said she had her mom's moves and it earned him a slap on the arm. As they reached court though he had to work hard to keep her distracted. They went in underground since the press was waiting on the court's steps. Amanda had hoped she could just go up on the stand once she got there but they wouldn't call her until after lunch as previously stated.
Kevin hung around to keep them company. Sam had fixed food to be delivered and they had a room to themselves in the back or the actual courtroom. Amanda had a hard time keeping her thoughts from wander a couple rooms down though and eating didn't go that well. Kevin had done his best to keep her occupied but had probably felt he wasn't that successful any longer and probably did best to let her be. He asked if she wanted him to stay, asked if she needed another familiar face in the room but she shook her head and she didn't have to explain why. He got it and didn't take offence. He let her know that a couple of guys from the old squad would be at Appelbees, a place they knew Amanda liked, later on tonight if she had to stay the night. And if not he'd see her around. As they hugged each other goodbye he whispered 'he's already down, all you have to do is finish him, we all have your back'. Yes Kevin was truly one of the good ones she thought as she watched him leave.
As the clock kept ticking she started pacing the room. She could tell Sam felt awkward and his attempts to calm her were futile. She would be calm once she was back on the plane to New York. Suddenly a bailiff knocked on the door and the wait was over. No return. Sam walked a step behind beside her as they followed the bailiff to the court room. She felt his hand land briefly on her back as he derailed to take a seat on the benches. She followed the bailiff up the aisle and kept her head down as she felt all the eyes that turned towards her. She made the mistake of looking slightly up as the bailiff held the gate open for her and of course the one pair of eyes she met was Shane's. He looked old. Older than she remembered. Perhaps he was just tired? Worn down. Good. He tried to smirk but she could tell it didn't really reach his eyes, he wasn't feeling so secure he wanted to let on. It made her feel just a tiny bit better.
The bailiff got her attention back by gesturing her forward. She might have jerked a bit but the man had the kindest smile on his face once she looked up at him and she managed to send him one back. She took a deep breath as she stepped up into the stand. This courtroom felt so very different than the ones she had visited lately in NY. This room felt bigger, more old school with a railing out of wood around her witness stand. She tried to keep her eyes away from the crowd on the benches. She couldn't handle intrusive, curious eyes right now. She focused on the bailiff and the oath he made her repeat before he asked her to have a seat.
"Are you sitting comfortable detective Rollins?" She got a bit taken by surprise by the judge's question. He looked like the stereotype of a judge. Older, bald head, glasses. Kind though. He had kind eyes she reflected on. She gave him a nod and an awkward smile. She managed to say 'thank you' and then looked back down on her hands.
The room fell completely silent. She couldn't even hear a car outside the windows, perhaps there wasn't even a road out there. She couldn't remember right now. Someone moved down by the benches and it creaked. Her eyes wandered down the room even though she didn't want to but she spotted Sam quickly. He shot her a smile and she took a deep breath. A chair pulled out and got her attention. The AD rose and he too shot her a quick smile. She felt unable to smile back and just tried to stay calm and collected. She needed to do this. Just get through it. Face it. Bury him.
"Detective Rollins. Thank you for flying down here," the AD started. Amanda just nodded a little.
"I know this isn't the most pleasant reason for you to come back home but I'm going to try and make it as easy for you as possible," he paused to get her acknowledgement. She knew this was just a show, he needed to come off as the good guy, but she still appreciated it. He reminded her of Barba in some ways. He had a heart, it was just buried a little. He went on to ask her about her present job and it felt good to be able to talk a little, steady her voice, before she had to go into the more embarrassing stuff. She knew she would have to sit there and tell everyone about touches on her behind. Could you say ass in court? Behind was probably more appropriate. She had to tell about the decoy wiring and his hand on her breast. That time she'd slapped his hand though. But how did she explain all the other times when she hadn't done more than give him an evil eye. Would they think she didn't mind? That she deep down had liked his attention? Would they get it had been a slow process? That he'd pushed her limits a little at a time and played mind games on her. That he made her doubt what really happen. Made her question herself and her part in it. Maybe he was right?
"Detective?" She got pulled by her thoughts when the AD raised his voice the second time he called out her title.
"Yes?" she said right after she swallowed hard.
"Are you ready Amanda?" he asked and she twisted the question in her head. Was she? Was she finally ready to deal with this and get on with her life? To stand her ground and trust that the legal procedure would do its part? Was she ready to tell it like it was? Tell her truth?
"Yes. Yes I am," she let him know and took a deep breath.