"Baby mamas need to party too," he grinned and then rotated his chair to signal the bartender for another beer. Amanda had a hard time breathing. It felt as though the walls were caving in on her a little but she knew it was an illusion because no drug worked that quickly if absorbed orally. Or could they? Anton slapped her leg as he rotated the chair past her.
"Hey Chimp, tell the DJ to start flipping some discs already," he yelled to a friend of his down by the tables.
"We'll have this club pumping in no time," he said with a big smile as his hand came up on her thigh again. She shot him a smile.
"I'll better hit the can then," she said and quickly got her phone and purse off the counter. He let his hand go down on her ass as she got up and he gave it a slap as she walked away. She shot him a cheeky smile over her shoulder but it quickly disappeared as she turned away again. She got her fingers on the buttons quickly and shut the recorder off. She rushed to the ladies room as soon as she got past the corner. Every booth was full though and she paced a little as she waited. She thought about trying to throw up in the washing bowl but then a toilet flushed. She got an angry look by the female that exited as Amanda pushed her way past her. She got down by the bowl quickly and stuck her fingers down her throat. She tried a few times but nothing happen but empty gags. Damn her poor gag reflexes. She'd learnt this in high school when the girls in her team tried bulimia. Yes, it was a very stupid thing to try but she blamed peer pressure and being juvenile.
She hadn't eaten since lunch and how hard she even tried she couldn't get anything up. She felt clamp and wasn't sure if it was the drugs or the gagging causing it. She tried to think quickly. She needed to get out of there. She knew she had to call Fin, he was the only one that would understand what she'd just done. The only one that wouldn't judge her stupidity, probably curse her but he wouldn't judge. She got herself up off the floor and got out of the bathroom. Two girls by the washing bowls eyed her curiously, probably thought she had too much to drink with all the heaving going on in there just now. She paid them no concern and focused on just keeping herself upright and alert as she went back out into the club again.
She peeked around the corner and found that Anton had stepped over to his friend by the table. He would probably see her if she tried to pass him to get to the exit though. Like something sent from above someone called Anton over to the DJ booth though and she got her chance to flee. She brought her phone up quickly and held it to her ear, pretended to talk into it as she passed the table with Anton's friends. She didn't dare to look if anyone of them eyed her and just kept walking towards the exit. She expected someone to grab her from behind and felt such relief once she stepped outside on the curb.
Two doors down there was a restaurant, Philippe she read on the sign above the doors, and she ducked inside. Only about half of the tables had dining guest and she managed to duck the head waiter as she headed straight to the ladies room. It had three stalls which were all vacant and out of habit she aimed for the one furthest in. She got the clasp on and made sure it was securely down before she backed up against the wall. She tried to get her breathing under control. Once she felt able to she roamed through her purse with shaky hands to find her phone again. She easily found his name in her phonebook and hit the green phone perhaps to call him but also to push it back down inside her phone as it looked as though it was trying to jump out of the phone. Two rings before he answered but she lost focus as it seemed his voice jumped from the phone to a wall and then down below the door and slipped out of there.
Fin had seen her name in the window but still answered with his own. Now though as he didn't hear anyone on the other line he checked again to make sure it was her name he'd seen.
"Amanda?" he asked into the phone and it brought her back.
"Yeah," she managed to say even though her tongue seemed stuck to the bottom of her mouth.
"What's up?" he asked since he could hear something was clearly up.
"Can you come get me?" she asked quickly and he caught the momentum change in her voice.
"Where are you?" he asked as he sat up in the couch.
"This…" she started but trailed off.
"Amanda?" he asked with some worry to his voice. He got up out of the couch and over to the door, grabbing his car keys at the same time as he got his shoes on.
Amanda had seen the door vibrate and went over to make sure it was still solid by putting her palm to it. She pulled her hand back as the door seemed warm. She looked underneath to make sure there was no fire outside and felt relieved once she was certain there was none. She chuckled with relief.
"It's not on fire," she said and it made Fin freeze by his door.
"Fire? Is there a fire? Where are you Amanda?" he was crashing down his hallway by now.
"Amanda?" he asked again, this time louder to urge her to reply. She'd sounded amused just now but when she spoke again there was no amusement heard in her voice, more panic.
"The bathroom at this restaurant, Philip something," she went on to give him the street and he knew where the street was. Bronx Zoo wasn't far off and they'd taken Fay there a couple of times.
"I'll find it," he said as he rushed down his hallway to the elevator.
"Why are you in there Amanda? Are you okay?" he asked as he waited for the elevator.
"I'm fine. Just get here," she said and it sounded like she had a smile on her face. Very contradicting.
"I'll find you," he said as the line went dead.
He thought about calling her back but instead hurried down to the garage. The street she'd given him wasn't far so he'd be there soon enough. This time a night at a workday the streets wouldn't be busy with traffic. He found the street no more than ten minutes later and drove slowly as he watched the signs to find the restaurant. During the drive all sorts of things had gone round his head. The thought of her being on a date that hadn't gone well was the one thought finding its way back over and over again. It seemed as the most likely situation but wouldn't she have told him if she had a date?
He'd been preoccupied lately though so he figured he might have missed some things. He drove by a bar he remembered being in last week in relevance to his own case and next door he found the restaurant. He found an open space a few cars down and quickly parked. He rushed to the door and went in. Fin scanned the dining area quickly, the place wasn't crowded so it was easy for him to realize no table was missing a guest right now. A waiter came towards him and Fin flashed his badge and asked for the bathrooms. The waiter pointed him further in and Fin headed that way. He found the ladies room and pushed the door open.
"Amanda?" he said out loud as he found it empty and he bent down to look under the stall doors. Only noise in there was the low sound of some lounge music. He leaned down and found a pair of black high heels in the last stall and he saw them move away from the back wall as he said her name again. He heard the clasp be undone and he approached the door. When it open though he had to take a step back. It was Amanda for sure but she wasn't really dressed as herself. The tight little black number she wore he thought he recognized but it didn't fit with the rest of her wardrobe at home. Her hair was done with seductive tassels by her ears the way he liked and she wore a hell of a lot of more make-up than she usually did. Her legs were bare and those heels took her at least two inches of the ground. She was always a knock-out but tonight she looked like the women Fin usually fell for. Something about her face told him she wasn't okay though. She held a black little purse in one hand and the other one was clinging on to her cellphone as if it was her lifeline.
"What's going on?" he asked and managed to step up to her as she'd remained in the stall door. She seemed unable to answer him and he put his hands on her shoulders. She smiled suddenly but then it disappeared just as fast and he tilted his head slightly as the crease between his eyes got deeper. He grabbed a hold of her face and looked her deep in the eyes. He felt his inside go cold as he realized what was going on.
"What are you on?" he asked. She took a deep breath and blinked her eyes several times.
"I don't know," she said quickly and continued with the same quick speed: "I got him on tape. She's taking over Lazarus operation. I know where she's set up. He told me everything. We have enough to take her down now. You can totally bust her ass. She won't bother you any longer."
"Slow down," he said once he finally got a word in. He wasn't fully understanding what she was saying. He did get though that they were talking about Mimi. He was still holding on to her face but he'd eased up on the grip and gently let his thumb play over her cheek as he got that she'd done something very self-sacrificing for him even though he didn't get the full extent of it just yet. She smiled at him and suddenly leaned in and kissed him square on the mouth. She let his lips go just as quick though as her eyes seemed to catch something behind him. He shot a glance over his shoulder but should have known she was seeing things that weren't really there. He let his hand fall down to her shoulder again but brought one up to her neck to check her pulse.
"Okay so you taped who?" he asked seriously as he tried to find her vein.
"Anton," she answered quickly.
"You approached Risky Anton on your own?" he asked and tried to keep his emotions in check as he felt his anger flare. She nodded, again her responses were quick and she was clearly on some uppers of sorts. He'd found her pulse and it was blasting way too quickly.
"I saw him at the bar last week, I saw the women he talked up. I thought I could totally pull that off and I did. I told him I knew Mimi but I totally played it like I thought she was a bitch and you know he feels the same. I was brilliant Fin. And I got it all on tape." She held up the phone, still clinging to it like a life line. He couldn't be angry at her seeing some of the clear signs of drug use. She seemed euphoric and for once she showed that confidence he wanted her to carry around all day every day. He took a deep breath.
"You did good Amanda. You shouldn't have but you did good," he told her. "Now, what did he give you?" She seemed to think about it but then her eyes wandered to the side. He shook her shoulder a little to get her attention back.
"What did he give you?" he asked again. He knew how important it was that they knew this and just how she got it into her system.
"I don't know," she answered and it seemed to be the truth.
"Did he give you pills or did you take it up your nose or…" he got interrupted when she started giggling. She found 'up your nose' sounding hilariously funny for some reason and she couldn't stop giggling.
"Hey," he said and tried shaking her again but this time it didn't have the effect as last time when she just kept giggling. He let her be for a while and then she stopped giggling.
"Amanda it's important. Listen to me, what did he give you?"
"Two pills," she answered quickly and suddenly looked very serious.
"Okay, two pills good. Did you get a good look at them? Can you tell me what they looked like?"
"Round. White. I'm sorry Fin. I tried not to take them. He shoved them in though. He kissed me," she made a face that made her look awfully cute had they been in any other situation. "I tried to get them up. They were gone," she got tears in her eyes.
"It's okay Amanda. Don't worry okay I'll get you through this. We need to know what you took though. I'm gonna go next door okay and get him to tell me," Fin let her shoulder go but she immediately grabbed a hold of him instead and crashed into him and folded her arms around him, holding him tight.
"No don't. She'll know then. We'll never get her off your back. Please don't Fin," she begged, very agitated. He got his arms around her and tried to calm her down. He understood she'd gone through a lot tonight for his sake, probably had to have gone against some of her own principals to get Anton speaking and he didn't want her to have gone through all that for nothing. But it was important to know she hadn't taken too much and to best help her through this he needed to know just what it was that was running through her system right now.
"Okay, okay, I'll stay with you okay. Don't worry," he said and stroke her back. She calmed down quickly. He let her go so he could have a look at her again. Her pupils were just very dilated and it freaked him out a bit to see her like that.
"Amanda have you done drugs before?" he asked and tried to catch her eyes as she again was following something in the air beside them. He said her name again and she looked at him.
"Have you done drugs before?" he asked and it made her chuckle. He sighed and tried to stay calm.
"Have you Amanda?" he asked again. He wanted to get an idea how she reacts to drugs.
"A joint in college," she confessed and got a wide smile on her face.
"Okay, do you remember how you reacted to that?"
"I skinny dipped in the school fountain," she said as her eyes wandered again.
"From a joint?" he couldn't hide his surprise. "Oh brother," he said as he figured they were in for a wild night.
"Okay sit down for a while Amanda," he guided her back to the toilet bowl and helped her sit down. He took a few seconds to collect himself. He wanted to take her to the hospital just to have someone check her over but he hoped there was a way to keep it off her record. He had a guy in the hospital before but he knew he'd quit and left town. He knew Olivia had a few connections though. He checked his watch. It was only a little past ten pm but it was still a little too late to call her up. He watched as Amanda reached out towards the toiletpaper only to pull her hand back quickly. But then she repeated it again but didn't get the entire way this time either.
"Okay I'm gonna call Liv okay?" he said as he got his phone out.
"No, no, no," she said quickly and stood up. Fin had to grab her as she stumbled on her heel.
"She hates me. She'll send me to jail," she said with wide eyes. Fin couldn't help but smile.
"No she won't Amanda and she doesn't hate you," he stroke her cheek. Amanda smiled, all signs of the previous paranoia gone in a blink of an eye. He kissed her forehead and he felt her hand land on his chest. It was her hand with the phone in and it seemed to dawn on her how important the phone was.
"Take this Fin. You have to keep it safe. Don't let anyone take it from us. It's the proof we need," she said and forced the phone on him. He slipped it down his pocket and made her take a seat again. He dialed Liv and she picked up on the first ring.
"Hey Fin," she said.
"Hey Liv, am I calling at a bad time?" he said.
"No not at all. I'm just now on my way home actually. Is something wrong Fin?" she asked and Fin wasn't sure how to answer as he watched Amanda make another attempt to touch the paper dispenser.
"I need a favor Liv," he said and asked if she could come to the corner down the street. She said she'd turn right around and be there in a few minutes. He thanked her and they hung up.
"Okay let's get you up and out of here okay?" he said and reached out for her hand who was left hanging in the air right by the paper dispenser. She felt warm under his touch. She looked up at him and for a moment she looked confused. Then she started laughing.
"What are we doing in the bathroom Fin?" she laughed as he helped her up.
"We're getting out of here okay. You feel alright to walk?"
"Of course I can walk Fin," she laughed as he led her out of there. She was walking but unsteadily. A man peeked in through the door.
"I'm the manager, is everything alright in here?" he asked and looked suspiciously at the two.
"Yeah I'm a cop, we'll be out of here in a minute okay?" Fin said as Amanda waved at the newcomer.
"Can I help?" he asked but Fin turned him down.
"No we'll be fine, she just needs some air," he said and tried to smile at the man to lower his worries. He didn't seem convinced but still let them be. Fin grabbed Amanda's waving hand and pulled her body to him. He spun her around so he could have a look at her.
"How are you feeling boo?" he asked as he tried to catch her eyes that were all over the place.
"Fine. Wonderful," she smiled and started leaning one way until Fin caught her and got her back upright. Fin had a look around the bathroom.
"Did you have a jacket?" he asked but her eyes had wandered upwards.
"Hey Amanda, were you wearing a jacket?" he said and got her eyes to come back down to him. She seemed to think about it but maybe not he figured once her eyes wandered up to the roof again.
"Okay never mind, let's try and get out of here then. We're just going out through the restaurant okay and out on the street," he hoped this information would let them pass through quicker but of course that wasn't the case. She stumbled before they even left the bathroom and she dropped her purse. Fin got her before she hit the floor though but as he tried to get her standing she started laughing and her legs just didn't seem to want to stay straight. He managed to keep her upright as he reached for her purse of the floor.
"Okay I'm going to carry you if you can't walk," he threaten as she kept laughing but he had a hard time keeping his voice stern though seeing how cute she looked laughing hysterically. She tried to get a grip and patted his chest with a sloppy hand.
"I walk. I mean I can walk. I promise I can walk Fin," she said still with laughter slipping up her throat. He kept her purse in his hand and put his other arm underneath hers. The manager was waiting right by the dining area and Fin tried to send a smile his way. As they passed him though Amanda reached out and grabbed his tie and chocked him a little before Fin could get her to let him go.
"Sorry, sorry," Fin said and got behind Amanda so he could hold down her arms as she was trying to grab things. He apologized a few more times as they went through the restaurant and he was relieved once he saw the door. The waiter rushed forward and held it open for them. Fin thanked him and finally they were outside. He grabbed Amanda by her wrist and led her up the street, it became more dragging that leading though. He saw a familiar car up the street and headed there.
Liv and Nick had been working late and Nick was driving Liv home as Fin called her.
"Holy smokes," Nick whistled as he saw the outfit Amanda was wearing as she came out of the restaurant with Fin.
"What on earth," Liv whispered.
"Are they on a date?" Nick asked. Liv felt like shooting him a reprimanding eye but she couldn't take her eyes of Fin as he came walking over with Amanda in tow.
"What is he doing here?" Fin asked with a bit of bite in his voice and hinted to Nick behind the wheel.
"Nick was driving me home Fin, instead he drove me over here as you asked me to come here," Liv said with a defensive tone letting Fin knew he was being rude.
"Okay, okay," Fin knew he'd sounded harsh.
"Is she okay?" Liv asked and hinted to Amanda who stood behind him looking up into the sky. Fin shook his head as he rolled his eyes.
"You know someone at the hospital who can take a look at her without papers being written right?" he asked. Liv looked at him with suspicious eyes.
"Why?" she asked. Fin throw a glance over his shoulder at Amanda and then back to his other partners in the car.
"She might just have saved my ass tonight but it came with a price. She's flying really high right now," he said and ended with a big sigh.
"I can take her down but I need someone to check her over just in case… I don't know what he gave her."
"Who?" Liv asked.
"Anton. Mimi's… associate. He's in the club," Fin gestured with his head up the street, "She got him on tape giving away some things that can help me against Mimi. She went out on her own. I need to make sure she won't get in trouble for this," he said and Liv could see the hurt on his face.
"I know a few places I can call in a favor," she said and got out. She got her phone up to try and get a hold of someone she knew it a nearby hospital.
"Can I do something?" Nick asked, he'd kept silent since he didn't miss Fin's obvious resentment to his presence.
"I have her phone with the taping, maybe you can listen to it?" Fin suggested.
"Sure thing," Nick said quickly: "Give it to me."
"It can wait til the morning if…"
"Why wait?" Nick said and Fin got the phone up out of his pocket. He handed it over to him and gave him a nod that let Nick knew he appreciated him doing it. Nick asked him to keep him briefed, said goodbye and then drove off. Liv meanwhile, with her phone to her ear, had approached Amanda and put her hand on her cheek. Amanda's eyes came down but kept wandering past Liv's eyes.
"Oh sweetie," Liv said when she realized just how doped up Amanda was.
"Do you have any idea what she's on?" Liv turned to Fin who shook his head. He started to walk towards his car and made Amanda follow. Liv put her hand on the back of her arm and helped Fin guide her over to the curb. She would of course fall and Fin helped her up as Liv seemed to get a hold of whoever she was trying to get in contact with. Liv caught up with them at his car and she told him she'd sit in the back with Amanda and then which hospital to drive to. Liv made sure Amanda was buckled in as Fin drove off.
"I'm not feeling so good," Amanda suddenly said. Fin looked backwards nervously.
"You want me to pull over?" he asked thinking she might want to throw up. Liv had slid closer to her and felt her forehead. It was damp and when she found her pulse it was racing. Liv shot Fin a nervous look. He'd made Amanda's window go down to give her some air and it seemed to pull her attention. Soon Amanda at least seemed fine as she hung out the window with her arm and head, at times cheering at something she saw, and the street lights seemed to mesmerize her. Liv kept nearby and held on to her just in case. As they reached the hospital Liv let him know her friend would meet them at the ambulance bay and Fin parked nearby.
Together they got her out and Liv got her jacket off to cover Amanda with it as they made their way over. They managed to keep Amanda on her feet and Liv spotted her friend right inside the doors and gave him a nod. He said a quick hi but headed straight to Amanda and took a good look into her eyes. He checked her pulse and then told them to come with him. He snuck them inside an exam room and turned the 'occupied' sign on. As the young, black doctor examined Amanda, who he'd placed on a table by the wall, he let Fin knew his name was Jason and he asked them if they knew what she'd taken. Fin told him what little he knew. Jason asked him a few question about her mood and if they knew when she'd ingested the pills. Fin briefed him as best he could.
"Your handsome," Amanda suddenly said and touched the doctor's face with a sloppy hand. Fin and Liv gave each other a quick, amused look.
"Well thank you," the doctor replied with a smile knowing this was the drugs talking.
"I especially like your yellow eyes," she slurred and Liv couldn't hold down a chuckle. Jason smiled and gave Liv a look. With that at least Amanda seemed to lose interest in the doctor and instead started to chase some, to the rest unknown, flying objects in the room with her hand.
"Okay it's definitely some stimulating drug, my guess would be some sort of amphetamine," he kept a hand on Amanda's arm to make sure she stayed up but had turned to Fin and Liv, "she's not in immediate danger or even distress, we could help her down here but that means paper and…" The doctor stopped as Fin shook his head.
"No, I can get her down I just need to know… that there's no harm I guess. She'll be okay?" Liv reached out and touched his arm as she felt the pain in his voice. He obviously felt guilty for Amanda's state.
"Like I said she's probably feeling really fine right now. Depending on her tolerance level coming down can get rough, this is a onetime thing right?" Fin nodded.
"Cause I don't think I need to tell you tolerance in amphetamine abuse is rapidly," Liv cut him off.
"Trust me, it will never happen again." Jason knew Liv well enough to take her word for it. She'd already told him over the phone it was a squad partner of hers so Jason felt secure enough he wasn't helping out someone who would end up in the morgue in a few weeks making him feel guilty for helping out a friend. That had happen once in the past and never again.
"I'll get you a pamphlet of what to expect and keep an eye on her the coming days. Usually if it's just a onetime thing the repercussions aren't so bad but she can be restless, irritable, anxious, aggressive, tense, have mood swings, depression, paranoia and or exhaustion for several days as the drugs wear off. And it will show up on a tox screen for at least a few days," Jason looked at them seriously and both nodded. It had been a while now since they had random drug tests done and hoped it would stay that way for at least a couple of days.
"I'll get her something that will help her in the morning too, I'll be right back," Liv touched his arm in an appreciating way as he walked passed them. Fin walked up to Amanda who was still chasing things in the air with her hand. Just as Liv was about to say something her phone rang.
"It's Nick," she let Fin knew and then answered hoping he'd found something good on Amanda's phone. Fin looked over at Amanda as she slumped towards him. He felt like doing more than stroke her back but couldn't with Liv in the room.
"Hey," Liv called for his attention, "Nick says Amanda's phone keeps ringing. It says home on the display." Fin's head raced for a few and then he made a face.
"Shot. Fay," Fin said.
"Should he answer?" Fin shook his head.
"I got it, it's probably the babysitter." Liv hung up as Fin scrolled down the contact list on his phone.
"I can't take her home though can I?" he said as he brought the phone up to his ear.
"I can go," Liv suggested.
"You sure?" he asked with a hesitant look. Liv nodded.
"I'd love to," she added. Fin got distracted as someone seemed to answer on the other side.
"Hey Grace, it's Fin. You're with Fay?" he seemed to listen for a while and then nodded.
"Okay, yeah we got in a bit of a jam here but look, I'm sending someone over. Her name is Olivia, she'll sit with Fay until we can get out of it." Whoever was on the other side seemed okay with it and Fin hung up.
"You sure?" he directed the question to Liv and she nodded again.
"Okay cause Grace, that's the babysitter, needs to get out of there rather quickly apparently. I'll drive you over before I take this one home with me," Fin shot a look Amanda's way. She seemed to have entered a bit of a catatonic state, just staring straight ahead. She barely blinked and it freaked him out a bit.
"You doing okay?" he asked and put a hand on her cheek. She turned her head slightly upwards to him but her eyes seemed unable to focus on him. She smiled though and he let his hand go down to her shoulder as he smiled back at her just in case she could see it. Jason came back soon after and gave Fin the pamphlet and some pills for the morning. Both Fin and Liv thanked him a couple of times as they both grabbed a hold of Amanda and followed Jason as he guided them back out to the car. Liv sat in the back with Amanda as they drove to her place. Fin told Liv to call if there was anything she wondered about Fay and they decided to check back in first thing in the morning.
Liv got buzzed in through the front door and headed up to Amanda's floor. She gave the door a silent knock and it didn't take long until a young, brown-haired girl opened it.
"Hi, I'm Olivia," Liv smiled.
"Hi, I'm Grace, common in," the young girl said and held the door open more so Liv could pass.
"Is Amanda okay?" Grace asked as she closed the door and Liv turned around to face her.
"She will be, there was an incident at work, nothing to worry about but she shouldn't be around Fay tonight," Liv tried to explain.
"Scary. I could have stayed if it wasn't for this field trip tomorrow. We're leaving at like six and I still haven't packed," Grace said and walked further inside the apartment.
"So what do you need to know?" Grace asked with a smile.
"Everything," Liv smiled and threw her hands up in the air. Grace chuckled.
"Okay, have you met her?" Grace asked as she gestured for Liv to follow her further in.
"Yeah but only a few times, I was actually in the room when she was born."
"Ah you're Liv?" Grace asked and Liv nodded. She'd obviously heard the story of Fay's birth. They'd reached a door that was only slightly open. Grace pushed it open a little further so the light from the room hit the bed and the sleeping form in it. Grace gave Liv a wide smile and then said a little quieter:
"She's honestly the easiest child I sit for, she's such a joy to be around. Not fuzzy at all. You have her dresser over there," Grace pointed inside the room and Liv followed her finger.
"Just pick whatever in the morning. Neither Fay nor Amanda is picky about that. She's not a morning person though so you might have to do most of the work," Grace shot her a smile and then shut the door a little as she brought Liv to the bathroom between Fay's and Amanda's bedrooms. Liv remembered the place from when she helped then move in a few months ago. It seemed some of the furniture had been replaced though but she might just be recalling wrongly. Liv followed Grace into the bathroom.
"Okay so she's still in diapers at night so you need to give her a quick wash in the morning. She'll be tired so you just place her in the tub, she's not fuzzy she'll just stay in whatever position you place her in basically," Grace let out a chuckle. Liv smiled too.
"So wash her off, she loves taking baths but don't let her fool you in to one in the morning. That's for night time. Dry her off, see if she needs to use the toilet before you dress her and then just dress her in here or in there or whatever. Then it's breakfast," Grace took her into the kitchen. She opened up a few cabinets and pointed out different alternatives.
"She'll eat whatever you put in front of her, not fuzzy as I've said."
"She eats on her own? Fork? Spoon?" Liv asked.
"She can do it on her own. Just slice it up if it's not cereal, put the bib on, put one of her sporks in her hand, she'll use that and her fingers," Grace held up a utensil that looked like both a fork and a spoon.
"And you can just eat what you like when she eats if you want to. Then it's back to the bathroom to brush her teeth. That's one thing Amanda is fuzzy about. Brushing her teeth in the morning is important." Liv nodded with a smile so Grace knew she got it.
"And then get dressed and off to preschool. You have the address here," Grace pointed to a flyer on the refrigerator.
"It's just two blocks away, I think even Fay can get you there."
"Does she walk there or?"
"She can walk but this girl likes to be carried around, thankfully she's an ittybitty thing," Grace smiled, "but you can walk but make sure to hold on to her hand. She loves dogs, and cats, and if she sees one she'll be off so just hold on to her to be safe. You need to sign her in at the nursery school but they are very attentive so when they see you, an unfamiliar face, with her I'm sure they'll ask and guide you right."
"What time does she need to be there?"
"You can leave her as early as seven but class, or more like the gathering with roll call, doesn't start until nine so basically anytime between that. And if you're running late just give them a call. The number's on the flyer too," Grace pointed back to the refrigerator. Liv nodded.
"So I got the routine for the morning. But do I need to wake her up at a certain time? Does she sleep through the night?" Liv got all the questions out that she could think of.
"She could probably sleep till noon if you don't wake her up. With Amanda's hours it all depends on what shift she's on but you need to give her like at least forty-five minutes, let's say an hour with the walk over there. It all depends on when you need to be at work I guess. She went to bed at her usual bedtime so she's fine with whatever," Grace just shrug her shoulders.
"Oh and she might wake up. She dreams a lot but she's not fuzzy then either. Just hold her, walk around a bit, sometimes she falls right back to sleep and you can just put her down in her bed. She'll let you know, oh I don't know if you know but she doesn't really talk?"
"Yeah Amanda's mentioned it but…" Liv stopped so Grace could cut in.
"There's nothing wrong with her, like mentally, she's really smart she just doesn't talk. I mean she says mama but that's about it. But you'll get her anyway, it's the weirdest thing. She like communicates on another level," Grace smiled. Liv liked how much this girl seemed to care about Fay. She had nothing but good things to say about the Rollins.
"So she points and stuff. I'm sure you'll get it, you are a detective after all. So if she doesn't want to go back to sleep after you've walked around just give her some formula if she points that way. I'll make some for you, put it in the refrigerator and you heat it in the micro for a full minute, shake it a little and it's good to go," Grace got going with the formula as she kept talking.
"So formula and then read her a story. She loves stories. You have some by the side of her bed, and over by the couch in the living room and by Amanda's bed. The few times I stayed over she'd always preferred Amanda's bed. And you can sleep in there too. Whatever you prefer. Couch is comfy too," Grace gave Liv a smile as she put the zippy with formula in the refrigerator. Grace's phone buzzed on the counter and she had a look. She rolled her eyes and looked back up at Liv.
"My mom, I better head out," Grace said but added; "If there's nothing else?" Liv tried to search her brain but came up blank.
"I'll write my number down," Grace said and grabbed a little notepad from the counter, "I'll be up for at least another two hours, probably longer, so just text me if there's anything you come to thing off. I'll answer by the morning if I don't catch it until then."
"Oh I won't bother you," Liv said but got cut off.
"But do. Amanda's done so much for me. I'm thinking about studying law and she gave me her old books and she took me to see that AD you work with, dang I forgot his name."
"Barba?" Liv said and Grace nodded.
"So cool." Liv wasn't sure if she was talking about Barba or the court but it didn't really matter.
"So anyway, send me a text if there's anything you come to think of and I'm like five minutes away," Grace made her way over to the door. Liv followed her some of the way. Grace grabbed her bag and jacket by the door and was about to say goodbye once she remembered.
"Oh don't forget to bring blanky to school. She needs blanky with her."
"Blanky. That's a blanket?" Grace nodded.
"You can't miss it, it's planted to her side when she sleeps."
"Blanky. Got it," Liv said and then they said their goodbyes.
The apartment fell quiet once Grace shut the door behind her. Liv just listen to the silence for a while. She took a deep breath and looked around the room. Her earlier hunch had been right. The couch was not the same one as she'd seen Fin and Cassidy carry up the stairs. She soon lost interest in the furniture and sneaked back to Fay's bedroom door. She pushed it open just a little bit and the light again hit her bed. She could only see a little bit of the girl's adorable hair sticking up from underneath the cover. She fought the urge to sneak inside and have a closer look. Her smile grew ridiculously wide as she felt a warm excitement in her stomach area. She knew the circumstances why she was here wasn't good at all but she still felt happy being there. Right now she was responsible for this little girl and it felt good. She managed to pull herself away from the door finally and she decided to send Fin a text. 'I'm here. Fay's fine & sleeping. Grace got me briefed. How are you doing? Liv'
She walked down to Amanda's bedroom to have a look but got a text back just as she stepped inside. 'We're havin a party. Unfortunately. Atleast she's happy. My neighbors probably not so much. Call if u need to, we'll be up prob.' Liv couldn't help but smile. She put down her phone and had a look around the room. She felt as though she was snooping a bit but then again no one would catch her so she took a stroll around the room. She hadn't really pictured Amanda's bedroom before but for some reason this wasn't how she would have pictured it. It looked like a bedroom Liv could've decorated. She had always thought she was so different from Amanda it was weird in a way to feel this comfortable in her bedroom.
She looked closer at a photo on the dresser. Fay was hugging her mom's entire face tightly. She couldn't be even a year old. Fay was kissing her mother's cheek and Amanda had a wide smile on her face. They looked to be outdoors somewhere, with trees in the background. They both looked very happy. Very cute. A larger photo of Fay was hanging on the wall by the side of the bed, she was all dolled up so it was probably a professional photo. It looked rather recent. Sitting down in a nice dress with a stuffed toy in her hands. Hair up in two small rolls on either side of her head and a bright smile as she looked a little to the left of the camera. Liv pictured Amanda standing beside the photographer making faces at her daughter to get her to smile for the camera. Probably not such a hard job. Every time Liv had seen the girl she'd been smiling.
Liv walked back out, took a peek inside the girl's room and then headed down to the living room once she'd made sure Fay was still sleeping. She sat down in front of the TV for a while but nothing caught her interest and she started to feel sleepy quickly. Liv thought about staying on the couch but stretching out on a bed felt more inviting so she turned the TV off and headed in to Amanda's bedroom again. She turned a few lights off but let some be on in case Fay woke up. She fell asleep quickly once she'd laid down but she wouldn't get to sleep that long.
By 2 am Liv stirred a bit on the bed. She opened her eyes to an unfamiliar room and it took her a moment to remember where she was. Once she remembered though she quickly sat up. Something had woken her up. And there it was again. A child's cry. She got her feet down on the floor and hurried towards the door. She only got a few steps out in the hall once she saw the little girl come out of her bedroom. Even with tears in her eyes she was the most precious little thing. Her curly blonde hair framed her head like a halo and the many colors in her pajamas lit up her skin. She held her blanket close to her chest with both hands. Blanky, Liv thought to herself. Liv couldn't really get a read on her face. She looked tired, sad and perhaps a bit scared.
"Oh hi sweetie. Hi Fay," Liv said carefully and sat down on her heals where she'd stopped. The girl looked at her with big, still tearfilled eyes.
"Do you remember me? I'm Olivia. I work with your mama," Liv tried but didn't seem to reach the girl. She seemed frozen in time almost. Liv feared she'd start crying even more and she saw the worst case scenario played out with the girl screaming hysterically for her mother.
"Did you have a bad dream sweetie?" Liv asked. The girl brought one of her hands up to her mouth and she pinched her lip. Liv saw her shift weight on her tiny, bare feet as she tried to look around Liv, probably looking for her mother in her bedroom.
"Mama had to work tonight okay? She's not here, she's at work," Liv got the girl's eyes back on her again.
"I work with your mama, see this?" Liv put down her knee on the floor so she could reach her badge that was still hanging on her belt and show it to the girl. The girl blinked a few times as she looked at the badge. She seemed to recognize it and she took a step closer to Liv.
"Your mama has one just the same right," Liv smiled as the girl took another step to her. And then the little girl took the last few steps over to Liv and quickly crawled up in her arms, wrapping her tiny arms hard around her neck.
"Oh sweetie," Liv whispered as she wrapped her arms around the tiny thing. She was clearly in need of a hug. Her body was still warm from the bed and she smelled like a mix of soap and that alluring baby smell. Her crazy hair tickled Olivia's cheek as she got up off the floor with the girl in her arms.
"You'll be fine. I got you," Olivia whispered as she started moving out towards the living room, rubbing her hand gently over the girl's back as the other one held on below her diaper dressed behind. Her tiny legs and feet cling on around Liv's midsection. They passed the living room like that for a while. Olivia wasn't sure if the girl was still awake or not but didn't dare to check in case that would wake her and she didn't really mind walking around like this. It felt really good to carry her like this, having her tiny arms wrapped around her neck, feeling her tiny breaths against her. But then Fay stirred and Liv selfishly felt a little happy that she was still awake. Fay sat up a little in her arms. Olivia gave her a smile and then finally Fay smiled back. She seemed wide awake and only a little sparkle in her left eye hinted that there had been tears falling earlier.
"Hi there," Liv mused as she gently removed that little hint of a tear and then let her hand move down on her tiny shoulder.
"You're doing okay? Nightmare's gone?" Fay just smiled at her and then put her finger to Liv's cheek. It made Liv smile even brighter.
"Do you remember me Fay? I'm your auntie Liv. I was there when you were born you know," Fay raised her eyebrows at that and it made Liv chuckle.
"Yes I was," Liv continued even though she couldn't imagine Fay got what she was talking about, "you were the tiniest little thing and you gave you mama and me a bit of a scare you know." Liv let her hand go down the girl's arm and soon she held on to her little hand.
"But you were just perfect. And very adorable just like you are still," Liv got her palm up to her lips and kissed it gently. Fay smiled but then yawned and put her head down on Liv's shoulder again.
"Oh you're tired sweetie. You wanna go back to sleep?" Liv started walking towards her bedroom but then Fay shook her head without getting it up off Liv's shoulder.
"No?" Liv asked and tried to have a look at Fay's face. She still had her eyes open.
"You want me to make you some formula? Read a story?" Fay nodded.
"Is that yes to formula? Or story? Fay, you want some formula?" Liv asked to make sure and the girl nodded again. Liv figured it wouldn't hurt if she made formula and Fay didn't want it anyways so they headed into the kitchen. Liv got the formula out and shook it a few times before she stuffed it in the microwave.
"Okay Grace said full steam one minute," Liv talked mostly to herself and once the microwave was set she took a few steps around the kitchen and tried to rock Fay gently. The girl's head popped back up though and she pointed to the fridge.
"What did you see?" Liv asked as she walked them closer. Fay's finger landed on a drawing.
"You made that?" Liv asked and Fay nodded with a big smile on her face.
"It's beautiful," Liv said and rubbed Fay's stomach gently to affirm how much she loved the drawing. It was mostly just blocks of different colors but for a two year old the blocks were very coordinated and the colors went from light to dark back to light again. Liv couldn't help but see a piece of paper by the drawing that read Gamblers anonymous and had two weekdays and times and a place mentioned further down.
"And who's that?" Liv mused as she saw a photo of Fay above the drawing. Fay smiled and turned her finger on herself. It was one of those photos you were set up for in school, the ones that rarely came out fine but of course Fay look adorable at this photo too. Her smile wasn't as bright but you could see life in the girl's eyes and her outfit and hairdo made the photo complete.
"Yes that's Fay right? Cute, cute, cute," Liv smiled and wiggled Fay in her arms. The microwave let them know the formula was done and they headed over there. Liv made sure it wasn't too warm before she handed the zippy mug to Fay. She immediately put it to her lips and tipped the cup up.
"Okay should we read you a story while you drink that?" Liv suggested and moved down towards the bedrooms.
"Your room or mama's?" Liv asked and headed towards Amanda's since it looked as though Fay hinted that way with her head. She put down Fay on the bed and she quickly sat down on her knees with the cup and blanket in her hands. Liv bent down by the bed and looked at the large stack of books down by the bed stand.
"You guys read a lot don't you?" Liv said as she looked through them. She grabbed the five that was on top and got back up. Fay had moved herself up the head of the bed and Liv sat down next to her.
"Okay, so which one do you want to read then Fay?" she asked and spread out the books a little in her lap. Fay pointed to one and Liv got a little surprised when she saw which book it was. Where the wild things are by Maurice Sendak.
"Wow, are you like twelve or what?" Liv smiled as she brought the other books back down. She remembered getting scared by this book as a kid herself and when she saw the movie a few years back she would remember having those feelings as a kid. Fay helped her open the book and Liv smiled at her eagerness. She got down a bit so she'd be closer to Fay and the girl quickly got in underneath her arm and rested her head on Liv's shoulder. Liv's heart skipped a beat as she felt the tiny body against her own.
"Okay so let's see if Max still gets in trouble," Liv mused and then started reading. She could tell Fay knew this story, surely had read it with her mom several times. She pointed to main character Max every time they turned a page and Liv felt her little body shiver the first time a monster appeared on the page. Liv got afraid she was scared but Fay looked completely relaxed as she gave her a look. Liv got interrupted a little while later as Fay suddenly stood up and Liv got impressed when Fay leaned over her to place her cup that she was done with on the bed stand beside Liv.
"You do dishes to?" Liv smiled as she lay back down. Fay got her blanket and snuggled up next to Liv again. She patted her hand against the book page to get Liv reading again.
"Okay okay," Liv chuckled and Fay shot her a smile as she looked up at her.
"You really are adorable aren't you," Liv smiled and then continued reading. Liv could tell Fay was getting sleepier and sleepier. Her hand didn't go to Max on every page and suddenly she felt Fay's finger in her hair. Liv had a hard time concentrating as she felt the girl's finger entwine her hair over and over again. Liv imagined this was how Amanda and Fay had it every night and Liv felt a sting of envy. They had a few pages left when Liv could tell Fay was asleep. Her body was still, her finger stuck in Liv's hair and with the blanket and thumb in her mouth she made the cutest muffled snoozes.
Liv carefully close the book and then just sat there for a while enjoying the moment. She was starting to feel tired herself though and she knew her neck would feel really bad in the morning if she stayed like this. Even though she feared she'd wake Fay she tried to slide down a little on the bed. Fay stirred but Liv noticed she easily just rearranged herself to the new position so Liv got her head down on the pillow and soon had Fay's arm over her and her head close to her own. She dared to put her hand above Fay's little one and smiled as she felt the warm skin underneath her fingers. A little later she fell asleep very peacefully with the now confirmed notion there was nothing better in the world than kids.
Meanwhile Fin hadn't gotten much sleep as Amanda was still wired. He'd been able to cross off many of the effects on the pamphlet the doctor had handed him earlier. This last one involved some very indecent proposals and even though it was far from uncommon they had sex when alone Fin knew the increased libido probably was an effect of the drugs right now and he didn't feel right exploiting it. It did take him a lot of mental strenght to keep her off him and not just give in.
Even before they'd reached the hospital he'd seen agitation, paranoia, increased confidence, increased heart rate, increased body temperature and hallucinations. He crossed them off the list just to have something to do while Amanda was dancing around the room. Since they got home he'd seen euphoria, sense of wellbeing and feeling more energetic and he crossed them off the list too. He went through the rest of the list and figured he could probably cross off 'feeling more awake and alert' and 'abrupt shifts in thought and speech'. And then this last one 'increased libido'. Check.
Once they got to his place she'd first started drinking a whole lot of water and she'd felt warm under his touch, her heart still beating fast and her pupils were dilated to the extend he barely saw her blues. He'd suggested she'd lie down but of course she didn't like that suggestion. Instead she'd gotten some music on and she'd started dancing around like his living room was some rave party. He'd made himself some coffee since he figured he wouldn't get much sleep and probably needed some stimulant too to help him stay awake with her. Once he came back from the kitchen she'd undressed down to her bra and panties and Fin hurried to pull the curtains just in case. He got her one of his tees and helped her put it on as her feet kept pounding. Her bra would soon come flying through the air and he couldn't help but smile as she jumped up on the sofa next to him swinging her hips almost violently. He feared she would trip though and he guided her down after some stumbles that nearly had her falling over.
He tried turning down the music a little as the clock reached midnight and he feared neighbors would start pounding the walls if he didn't get the sound down. He wished he could turn a button on her too just to get her wired down just a little.
All of a sudden she felt like taking a shower because she felt drenched and Fin followed to keep an eye on her. Then she was back to dancing again though. Now in a new tee that almost reached her knees and that was all she wore. She jumped down by his side on the couch suddenly and started telling him about this idea she had. He couldn't follow her though. First it was something about a new smoothie flavor and then a quick jump to something someone said to her last week, back to a great name for a smoothie. Tropic-pine-ngo. She made it sound like the world's best invention. He asked if she was hungry but she shook him off almost violently and then she went over to a subject Fin connected with pot like he connected fashion with anorexia. Conspiracy theories.
There was something about the Montauk project on Long island and then how she thought Munch might be involved. Fin couldn't pretend he didn't find it entertaining to listen to her as she talked about time travels, Nazi gold and some horrible monster from a foreign world. Munch would surely have loved it, both to listen and to know Amanda thought he had time travelled. He was almost disappointed as she jumped back up and started dancing again. She kept talking though and let Fin knew that if they ever developed psychological warfare at Montauk or a monster came through the underground tunnel she would have his back. She showed him how she would crush the monster with her bare hands. And with that Fin crossed off 'a sense of power and superiority over others' from the list on the pamphlet.
An hour later he was getting very tired though and tried getting her to wire down. Every time she sat down next to him though she had these weird tics going on with her body and she started scratching her neck to the point it was getting red. So he let her keep dancing for a while longer and hope she would wire down on her own. She wouldn't though and by 2 am her libido kicked in hard. She was all over him and he struggled to keep her off, literary because she was very intense and flexible but also because he had a hard time saying no to her in general. Especially as she was dressed in only an oversized tee that she tried taking off every chance she got right now. She got frustrated as he kept turning her down though, to the point she got aggressive and had he'd been able to he'd cross that off the list too.
"My body feels like a porn star," she suddenly said as he held on to her wrists and tried pushing her away a little.
"What?" he chuckled as he wasn't sure he'd heard her right. It took a while for her eyes to focus on him but then she gave him an almost shy smile and for a second she seemed like her old self.
"My body feels like a porn star," she repeated a little quieter as her smile spread across her face.
"It does does it?" he smiled as his heart just melted. He let his grip around her wrists ease a little as he took a deep breath and kept watching her. His partner was crazy. She'd been crazy for putting herself in harm's way and that had left her drugged and crazy in another way. He was angry at her because of this but then he also felt a hint of admiration. Nick had texted him a few hours earlier letting him know Amanda had caught Anton on tape giving away some crucial information that they most likely could use to bring Mimi down. That left Fin feeling such a relief he hadn't felt since back when Amanda woke up in the hospital after her shooting or after the birth of Fay.
Amanda squirmed a bit on top of him, letting out a sound that told him just how frustrated she felt and he let go of her wrists completely.
"You won't hate me in the morning if I take advantage of you?" he asked and stroke her cheek gently.
"I'll love you," she smiled and leaned a little closer to him.
"It's not under duress so I'll hold you to it," he said and with her on his hips he got up off the couch. She squealed cheerfully as a teenager with Bieberfever and he didn't evaluate the fact that made him feel even more turned on.
An hour later she finally drifted off to sleep by his side and he soon followed. He'd wake up only an hour later though feeling her body tremble. He immediately sat up and put his hands on her. She was breathing shallow and rapidly and he could clearly see pearls of sweat on her face and down by her collarbone.
"Amanda?" he asked and shook her a little. She opened her mouth slightly and her lip started shivering. He opened her eyelid only to find her eye rolled up. He checked the other one, it was in the same state.
"Amanda? Hey? How are you doing?" he asked very concerned about what was going on with her.
"I'm cold," she managed to stutter. He wasn't surprised, he'd checked her forehead and she clearly was running a fever. He quickly went into the bathroom and put a towel under the cold water. He came back out and put it on her forehead. It seemed to hurt her more than it eased but he still used it to wipe her down a little. He didn't like the fact her eyes were rolled up inside her head but other than that the fever seemed to be the main problem making her body tremble and cause her great distress. She complained again of being cold and he bundled her up properly. He went back into the bathroom and drenched the towel again as he got her a glass of water too. He made her have some water and then let her settle back down as he used the towel on her forehead. He stayed by the side of the bed, kneeled down and at times fell asleep with his head next to her still trembling body. He woke up every time she jerked. At about five am the fever seemed to have eased and Fin climbed back in bed after he'd change the bedcover. He was too tired to bother with the sheet right now though.
He woke up from his phone buzzing at the bed stand when it was about 9 am. He was too slow to respond but checked the phone log and saw he'd missed a call from Liv. He checked on Amanda who seemed to be sleeping peacefully and then sneaked into the bathroom with the phone. He made a visit to the toilet first and then phoned Liv back. She was apparently at the station, Fay was doing good and Liv had dropped her off at the nursery school about 8:30. Liv asked how they were doing and Fin briefed her in only so few words as he got interrupted by yawns ever so often. She asked him what he wanted her and Nick to do with the tape and Fin let her know he'd be in in just a few.
He got in the shower for a quicky, got dressed and then went into the kitchen. He pushed a cinnamon roll in his mouth and poured two glasses of orange juice. He emptied one quickly as he felt dried up and then rinsed it and filled it with water. He was still chewing on the last of the roll as he reentered the bedroom. He put the two glasses on table by her side of the bed and next to them he placed the sheet of pills the doctor had sent them home with yesterday. He kneeled down by her side and stroked her arm gently. Her skin felt just the right temperature. He stroke away some hair from her face and whispered her name gently.
"Amanda?" the second time he whispered her name he grabbed her arm a little and she let out a tiny whimper. Her brows frown but it seemed to hurt and she eased them down again.
"How are you doing?" he asked and started stroking her arm gently again. Again all he heard was a tiny whimper.
"Amanda, can you hear me?" he had to make sure and he saw her try to water her mouth a little before he heard a husky 'yes'.
"I have to go into work okay? Get the tape in order that you got last night. Do you remember?"
"Where am I?" she asked with the same husky voice and without opening her eyes.
"You're at my place. In my bed and just stay here okay. Rest. Recuperate. I've left you a glass of water and a glass of OJ by the bed. You have some pills there too that the doctor gave you, take one if you don't feel better a little later okay?"
"Doctor?" she asked.
"Yeah we saw a doctor yesterday. Don't worry though. It was off the books. You'll be fine," he patted her arm a little as she sighed.
"I won't scold you right now for what you did but just don't ever do this again," he had to say it but then he leaned in and kissed her temple carefully. Her face still crumbled up by the light touch of his lips. He leaned back again and just watched her for a while.
Something was nagging in his stomach. This felt familiar in a way, something that happen in the past and that he'd fought to push away. Another woman he'd cared about a lot but tried to not think about because of her fate and the part he had in it. Nothing could happen to Amanda. On the job was one thing, sure he didn't want her to get hurt there either but it was a risk they'd signed up for. He'd have her back and she'd have his. But off hours? Fay needed her mother. Fin preferred to be selfish, put his needs first, but it suddenly dawn on him Amanda and Fay meant too much to him he was willing to put himself second. For Fay's sake Amanda needed to stay away from trouble. Perhaps she needed to stay away from him? The thoughts going around his head made him felt sad and he tried shaking it off.
"Don't worry about Fay okay. Liv stayed the night with her and she's at school already. I'll call Eva a little later and ask her to pick her up afterwards. We'll see how you're feeling a little later and what we'll do about her." Amanda felt a little bad she hadn't even paid Fay a single thought up until now but the amount of pain every single inch of her body caused her made her forget about that for now.
"But stay here okay. Liv got your keys and your phone's at the station so stay here and use my home phone to call me later and we'll figure everything out. Try and eat something a little later. There's cinnamon rolls on the counter," Fin couldn't help but smile as Amanda's face told him what she thought about the bare thought of rolls right now. He placed a kiss on her arm and hoped it wouldn't hurt as much as her temple and then got up so he could head to the station.
Once at the station he hung his jacket on his chair and then he headed towards the lounge with Nick and Liv. Nick asked him how Amanda was doing as Fin poured himself a well needed cup of coffee. Fin gave them a short summery of the night and morning, leaving out the most embarrassing parts to spare Amanda. And of course the intimate parts. Nick handed him a transcript of the recording she'd had made last night. It was gold.
"We should bring it past the captain," Liv said as they planned what to do next. Fin had doubts though. He wouldn't agree to any actions that could harm Amanda in any way. He'd caused this and would take any repercussions if there would be any. But he realized holding it from the captain may lead to worse consequences so he finally nodded in agreement. All three of them made their way over to the captain's office and Fin asked if he had a minute.
"Of course," was his immediate response but Fin could tell he got wary as all three of them walked in and Nick closed the door behind them. Cragen put his pen down and watched them a bit suspiciously. His eyes landed on Liv but she seemed to avoid his eyes which made him even more worried.
"We got something that might be useful to take Mimi down," Fin started.
"Mimi Escobar?" Cragen asked and Fin nodded. Fin leaned in and handed Cragen the transcript. Nick had put Anton's full name on there but Amanda's was signed with the single letter R. Not the most clever choice but Nick had been tired last night and it was the only thing he'd thought of. Cragen gave them all another look before he let his eyes quickly go through the pages. The three detectives all waited a bit nervously. Cragen went back and forth between two pages but then closed the transcript before he got to the last page. He gave Fin a look since he was the closest.
"Is there a reason Rollins isn't in yet?" he asked and it didn't go unnoticed that both Liv's and Nick's eyes went to Fin's back.
"She might not be in today but she's fine," Fin said a bit cryptically. Cragen looked down on the transcript as his hand swiped over it. They all waited for his response.
"What do you want to do with it?" Cragen asked without looking at them and it was hard to hear on his voice where his mind was at.
"I can get it to some of my friends over in narc and they will bust it or we," Nick gestured between himself and the captain as he had looked up as he started to talk, "take it to my old captain." It was only suggestions from his part and Nick hoped the captain knew this. Cragen looked down again. He didn't seem happy with any of it.
"You went out and did this without my authorization?" Cragen asked as he looked back up. Again Liv's and Nick's eyes went to Fin, this time a little more subtle though but Cragen spotted it.
"It's on me captain," Fin said. Cragen flipped a few pages in the transcript as he sat up a little more straight in his chair.
"I have a hard time believing it was you that," Cragen looked down on the page, "Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet. He said that to you?" Liv cleared her throat a little, it was seldom she heard their captain talk like this and it was awkward.
"Another one? It's not the crudest one," Cragen asked but Fin kept his trap closed. Liv was silently praying Cragen wouldn't go on to another one of Anton's lame pick-up lines. Hearing them come out of their captain's mouth just seemed wrong.
"Maybe one from R? Not as crude but it will not sound good in court," Cragen sounded angry but it thankfully didn't seem to be escalating.
"It wouldn't have to," Nick stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Liv's hand in the air but it was too late as he saw Cragen's stern glare at him. All he'd wanted to say was that the transcription wouldn't have to be used, they could say it was an anonymous tip.
"Leave us," Cragen said once the room had been silent for a while. Nick stayed still, waiting for Liv to make a move first. She'd know whether or not they should stay put. Liv's eyes wandered from Cragen to the side of Fin's head and then back to the captain again. She took a deep breath and then turned for the door. Nick followed and closed the door behind them as the captain told him to. They walked over to their desks but remained standing there looking back at the captain's office. Fin remained standing with his back to them, hands still in his pocket in that sheepish way he sometimes did. Cragen remained seated, he was talking but didn't seem enraged which was probably a good sign.
Liv and Nick stayed quiet. They had to wait a few minutes but then finally Fin came back out holding the transcript in his hand. As usual his face told them nothing. He went straight for his chair though and grabbed his jacket. He nodded at Nick as soon as he turned.
"Let's go pay your old captain a visit," he said and Nick gave Liv a confused look.
"Well go then," Liv said to him and it got him moving. As usual he felt like he missed something and while Liv just seemed to roll with it, Nick had a hard time doing that.
Fin would never let him in on what was said in that office. It would remain between the two in there. Fin had a hard time trusting people but should know by now that he could trust his captain. Cragen had calmed down once they were alone. He'd asked a few questions but Fin had not told him much. The not talking had told Cragen enough though, he'd figured out quickly Amanda had gone out on her own. Cragen could tell Fin wasn't happy with it and they would have a confrontation the three of them in a few days. But for now Cragen just made sure Amanda was okay and then gave Fin the go ahead to pay Nick's old captain a visit. He told Fin though that he didn't want SVU to be a part of any bust against Mimi's quarters and Fin would hear him.
Four days later the NY drug enforcement task force would hit five locations simultaneous, they busted both Mimi and Anton in one of them. 26 arrests, five of them were people way up on the food chain and drugs with the street value of about $12 million were confiscated along with a large amount of weapons. It was considered a great bust and the initial source would be listed as 'anonymous informant'. There would be a few informed people though that knew they had Amanda to thank for it all. Fin was one of them but he was torn since he still felt as though she shouldn't have done it.
Amanda would have regrets also but only because the way she felt the days after her high. She would never understand why people did drugs. Sure she had some pleasurable memories of that night but they felt unreal and like they happened to someone else. Like she remembered them from watching a screen of someone else experiencing them. What was the fun in that? And the hung-over. Worst ever. She'd slept the entire day, waking up only as Fin came back home that afternoon. Fay got to stay at her neighbors that night as Amanda kept sleeping.
She was back at work the day after though but still not feeling like herself. It would take a couple of days until she felt back in old form. Cragen would call her and Fin in to his office the day after the bust. He'd let them know the result, not knowing Fin had already made himself informed. And with not so many words Cragen let Amanda know she should feel good about the bust but never ever do this again. Neither Fin nor Cragen came down on her too hard though since they both knew her well enough by now to know she did some serious scolding at herself.
Fin felt as though he'd gotten his life back and it was all thanks to Amanda so he couldn't come down on her too hard. He stuck around her place for a couple of days as she was getting back to her old self. He took care of Fay best he could so Amanda could be left at her own like she seemed to be in need of right now. He kept a good look at her too though.
At times you needed someone to keep an eye on you. Little did they know though that later that year Fay would be the one they should have kept their eye on. A parent's worst nightmare would come true.