Content

by MorbidPet17

A Finanda love story. It follows our favorite detective team Rollins and Tutuola as they go through the ups and downs of being partners with benefits so to speak. Trying to keep their relationship a secret is straining. They will encounter two major life crisis and a few hiccups along their way can they make it work?

30. Adjusting to change

"Did you have a fun date," Fay said without opening her tired eyes. Amanda hesitated but then answered.
"Yeah I did."
"Was he good looking?" Fay asked with a yawn.
"Yeah he was," Amanda smiled as she felt her cheeks blush. Fay smacked her lips a bit and then peeked up at her mom.
"Was he good to you?" she asked and Amanda stroked her cheek. My gentle little girl she thought to herself.
"Yes, he was very good to me," she smiled. Fay's eyes went shut again as she settled down on her pillow.
"As good as Fin?" Fay whispered and the question hit Amanda in the gut. She'd been able to not think about Fin during the date. She thought about her daughter's question for so long that Fay fell back to sleep.
"No one is as good as Fin," Amanda whispered as she kissed her daughter's head a last time and then slipped out of her room.

Amanda would spend the rest of her awake time that night thinking about Fin and comparing him to the man she'd just been out with. The question would linger through the night finding its way into her dreams. Her vivid dreams had her chasing Fin all over town and him constantly disappearing behind corners and buildings and then as she got there Ryan stood there. Ryan Donnelly. She felt so torn. He seemed like such a good guy and it didn't feel right to compare him to Fin.

Back at work on Monday she tried to keep focused on the case but every free minute memories from the date and the strange dreams kept creeping back into her mind. She tried to keep her eyes off Fin just to keep focus away from her troubled mind. She felt unprofessional and by lunch she decided enough and pushed it to the pack of her mind until later. It worked rather well.

Fin didn't bring up the date even though he was curious. He tried to keep focus on the case but knew his mind was elsewhere most of the time.

Their inability to focus would get noticed though as Cragen came out of his office right after lunch with a stern look on his face.
"Why on earth is Barba stuck alone with a suspect from Riker's over at the court room right now?" he yelled out before he reached Fin's and Amanda's desks.
"Shot," Fin said while Amanda had already gotten up to collect her things so she could head out of there. Nick and Liv were at their desks and couldn't help but look over. Fin and Amanda hurried out of there under their captain's disappointed look.

They both felt bad about what had happen and apologized to Barba. Of course he didn't let them get away without throwing a few blows under the belt at them. They could take it though. Later that afternoon, on the drive back to the station, they managed to small talk a little even if the air between them was somewhat awkward. They would get better at it though.

She met Ryan for a run Tuesday and then they had the book circle Wednesday. Ryan came to sit by her. They both tried to keep a low profile but Amanda felt her cheeks burn a little just by sitting next to him. It was the last one since the circle leader would take a four week break for a little vacation. It was high summer now anyways and the numbers of participants had lowered significant. Even Gayle had been missing tonight since she was in San Tropez with some guy she'd met.

During the coffee break he asked her how her weekend looked. She told him she could probably get a babysitter for Saturday evening but then feared she'd been too blunt. But his face told her she hadn't been and she could breathe again. He would text her tomorrow with the details. He told her he had another place in mind but he needed to check so it wasn't full or anything like that.

That week they'd closed a rather large case that the entire squad had worked at. The two rapists got rather long prison sentences, Barba was much to thank for that as well. No one really knew who suggested it first but they decided to go out and have a few beers to celebrate. It was Thursday Cragen reminded them as they headed out. Cragen had declined to join which everyone felt was a bummer but Amanda actually knew he was seeing this woman since a few weeks back and they had made plans already. Amanda was happy for him and didn't join in the 'boo's' that came when Cragen again turned them down as they headed out.

They hit the local pub as usual. Cassidy was already there, Liv having called him to ask if he wanted to join. Munch showed up as well to everyone's surprise, and joy. Amanda had called her babysitter and made sure she could stay late. She'd promised to be no later than midnight though. Cragen had bought them their first round and everyone made a cheer for the absent captain. The news of the court ruling spread quickly around the bar and the many officers that were in there and the liquids were flowing. Everyone was in a good mood. Barba had showed up but left right after they had dinner.

Around eight the officers in the bar had emptied out some but the SVU squad was still around and regular bar guest had joined them. They were a little spread out over the bar. Fin had seen Amanda talk to Barba at one point, and then a little later Munch. Then there had been some random guy at the bar and then of course in-between she'd been at the table with Liv, Cassidy and Nick. Fin had been by her side but the two hadn't really talked the entire night.

They'd moved from their table to the back and were waiting for the pool table to open up. Fin had been back at the bar to get them all another round and when he came back they'd taken over the pool table. They didn't seem to have started a game yet though and Fin heard Nick and Amanda go at it as he got closer. Fin put the beers down on the tall table next to Liv, Cassidy and Munch and asked what was going on.

"What do you think?" Liv just said and gave him a look.
"They're comparing dicks," Cassidy laughed and got a smack over the chest by Liv. Fin smiled though and turned his head after he grabbed a beer.
"Oh common shorty," Nick said and both Fin and Cassidy got in unison 'ooh' as they both anticipated Nick would be hit by either a pool ball or a cue. Amanda's eyes flared as she shot Nick a look but Fin saw her compose herself. And then with a cool, sassy voice she simply said;
"Rack 'em pretty boy."

Cassidy died of laughter as he hit the table with his palm.
"I'm putting my money on shorty. Pretty boy doesn't stand a chance," Munch said and put a twenty on the table. Cassidy said he was dead certain he would lose but still put a twenty on Munch's.
"This is a game I'd pay to watch," Cassidy smiled. Fin and Liv shot each other a look, they would not gamble in respect for Amanda and just watched the game instead. It wouldn't be a sure win but in the end Munch had walked away with forty bucks and was very pleased. He said he would take his money and run and then said good night. Everyone was getting a bit buzzed by now even though it wasn't that late.

Nick had found an old friend from Narcotics and was sitting at the bar with him reminiscing. Fin knew the guy a little too and had been sitting with them for a while. Liv and Cassidy were back at a table discussing something rather loudly which wasn't rare. Amanda was there too and tried to give Liv support in whatever they were discussing. Fin saw her head for the bathroom though and slipped down from his chair without Nick noticing. He made sure Liv and Cassidy wasn't looking his way either and then slipped into the ladies room.

Amanda felt a little round under her feet and had swapped to drinking soda this last round. She shook her head and smiled at the argument Liv and Cassidy just had. They were just so different people. She had no idea how they made it work. She loved both of them though. She reached for toilet paper as she spotted a pair of familiar feet underneath the stall door at the same time as she heard the low tap.

"What are you doing here Fin?" she asked as she hurried to finish so she could get up from the toilet.
"Let me in?" he simply asked.
"Why? If you need the toilet you've taken the wrong door," she couldn't help but smile. She flushed the toilet. She turned to the door and heard him again ask to be let in. She made sure her pants were zipped up properly and then open the clasp.

His hand was up at the top of the stall door and he slowly pushed it open once he heard the clasp open. When he finally saw her face he could tell she tried to keep a straight face but wasn't quite succeeding. She was amused. That made him hope maybe he had a chance. He'd been quite the whole night. He'd felt her presence during the entire night and watched her as much as he could without getting caught. It had only been a week since he'd been with her last but he already missed her. Tonight he had trouble hiding his desire from the very beginning and now he was done trying.

She just watched him. She recognized the face clearly and unconsciously bit the inside of her cheek to stay sober. Do not fall for this, something inside screamed at her but at the same time parts of her body said something else. She broke their gaze and shook her head as he stepped in though. She tried to stay planted but felt herself easily pushed further in once he actually tried to.

"What are you doing Fin?" she asked as she saw the stall door turn shut behind him. He didn't answer and she looked up at him again to get answers.
"Fin," she just said as she saw his eyes. He didn't have to answer, she knew.
"What?" he asked as his hand tried to grab the side of her waist. She squirmed away though and his hand remained in the air between them. He raised his eyebrow at her and then tried again. She took a sidestep but this only landed her with her back to the wall and when he took a tiny step after her she was boxed in as he put his hands on the wall on either side of her.
"Fin," she said again as his head went down to her neck and she unwillingly turned her head slightly so he got easier access. His breath was warm and his lips even warmer. She let out a sigh and felt a shiver go through her entire body by the slight touch of his lips against her neck.

Fin let his lips wander down and used his finger to stretch her shirt so he could reach that hollowness right above her collarbone. He loved that specific part of her body cause he knew if he touched it just right she would feel it in her entire body. She'd once said it was like he touched her heart when he touched her there. He felt her inhale once he let his tongue play around above her collarbone but he could tell she wouldn't be so easily persuaded. She was still hesitant.

"Fin," she said again as she tried to stay rational.
"Hm," was his response.
"We can't do this," she whispered.
"Why not," came his late response as he was busy moving over to the other collarbone, giving it the same treatment with his lips and tongue.
"You know that you and me and bathrooms aren't a good mix," she tried a bit of humor to keep her mind fresh. She felt him chuckle against her skin. When he didn't stop though she tried putting her hands on his chest and she intended to push him back but for a moment they just laid there as she felt his muscles underneath his shirt. He'd moved in his leg in-between hers and now he rubbed up against her. She couldn't believe how fast she fell for this and she took a breath and pushed him back.

"Fin," she said as she exhaled hard. She needed the distance from him and she tried to quickly find her sane mind again. He tilted his head a little though, the way he used to when he pleaded with her. She couldn't hide her smile but shook her head. She felt his hand come down from the wall though and landed on her hip.
"Common Fin," she begged as his fingers tugged a little at her tucked in tee.
"Common what?" he asked with a cheeky smile.
"Common, you know I'm trying to date..." she felt his fingers against her skin and he were right at that spot that made her entire midsection feel week.
"...Ryan." she managed to finish.

"You had one date," he stated and made a move quickly so she wouldn't have time to react. He was back with his leg between hers and his mouth was by her cheek as his hand tried to go down her pants. She reached for his wrist and tried to hold on to him.
"I can't do this Fin," she whispered but felt betrayed by her body. Her hands were the only parts working with her as she felt her hip move a little with his leg.
"You had one date Amanda, you're not married yet," he whispered and let his lips play against her cheek and then down over her ear.
"But I want to make it work and I can't if we..." she had to stop as his breath against her ear made her have to inhale hard.
"One date Amanda," he repeated.
"Yeah one date," she echoed.
"You haven't slept with him yet have you?" he asked and hoped for dear life she would say no.
"No, but..."
"You haven't made a commitment?"
"No, but..." she tried to hold on to his wrist but he was pushing downwards and she wasn't sure she wanted to resist him.

She wished she hadn't had so much to drink. She thought a more sober Amanda would be able to resist him. Oh God he smelled so good. She let his wrist go and his hand came crashing down between her legs. She tried to keep them shut but his thigh between hers made that impossible. She leaned into his neck and bit down slightly as his fingers found their way in-between her folds. He found her wetness and brought it forward to her clit. He smiled against her neck as he felt her heavy exhale and slight moan as her body experienced a convulsion by his touch. He tasted her neck as he kept rubbing her clit. She was somewhat lost in a very pleasurable arousal but felt his other hand move towards the button in her pants and she knew she had to stop this before it got... well it had already gone too far but stop it before it went further at least. They were pushing their luck. Olivia, Nick, Cassidy. They were all out there. Liv could walk in at any second.

"Fin," her voice was deep and steamy. She tried to stop his hand from unbuttoning her pants.
"We can't, not here," she whispered.
"Come home with me then," he suggested and came up so he could stare her down. His hand was still between her legs but he'd stopped moving it. He could see she was still hesitant.
"Come home with me," he repeated and this time it was more an order than a question. He moved his fingers slightly and her breath got caught in her throat. He leaned in and caught her lips with his. She opened up her mouth to let him in but he let her go instead.
"Come home with me," he told her again. When she just kept looking at him he folded his fingers inside her and pushed up his thigh making her almost come up from the floor.
"Come home with me," he said slowly. He saw a slight shiver in her jaw and then she bit down on her lower lip. Her eyes look clouded. And then finally she nodded.

"Yeah?" he asked with a nod and she nodded again. He leaned in and kissed her as he brought his hand up from her pants. Their tongues played around but then he grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of there. She suddenly stopped as he dragged her towards the door. He looked back. She'd remembered she hadn't washed her hands but then again maybe it wasn't that important, he hadn't either and his hand had just been... She shook her head and took a deep breath. She needed to focus now, they had to slip by some of their colleagues. He tugged at her to get her going and then let go of her wrist as they got outside.

Fin steered his way past Nick and said bye with a hand on his arm.
"Oh, yeah bye Fin," Nick just said. He seemed a little drunk and was in deep conversation with his old friend from narcotics.

Amanda took the way by Liv and Cassidy and told them she needed to head home to Fay.
"Fin's leaving too?" Cassidy asked and Amanda followed his eyes over her shoulder towards Fin who said good night by the bar.
"Yeah I think he said he was tired," Amanda tried to say a bit flippant.
"Well good night, you did good today," Liv smiled.
"Thanks, you too Liv. Bye," Amanda smiled and headed towards the exit. They watched her leave, Fin had exited right before she reached the door. Cassidy had his arm around Liv and once Amanda had disappeared outside he gave Liv a look.
"What?" she asked.
"Do they often leave at the same time?" he asked and Liv looked back towards the exit.
"I don't know, why?" she asked as she looked back at him again.
"Oh I don't know," Cassidy said with a cheeky smile. Liv kept staring at him as he took a slug of his beer, he still looked cheeky.
"You have a dirty mind," she said with a smile and grabbed her own beer.
"And that's why you love me," he said and gave her cheek a kiss. She tried to fend him off even though she didn't really want him to stop.

They didn't even make it to the end of the street. Fin pulled her into a dark corner and kissed her violently as his hands roamed her body. He wanted her so bad right now he didn't care who saw them. She pushed him off though as she felt herself get too excited. He grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. He hailed down a cab, quickly gave the driver his address and then got his hands on her again. She mumbled his name into his mouth as she felt his hand go down inside her jeans. She wanted him to touch her but she didn't want to give the cab driver a peep show. It was disrespectful as well she tried to tell herself to not get carried away.

On their way up to his apartment they made several stops as he still couldn't keep his hands of her. She managed somehow to keep him from ripping off her clothes before they got inside but then she couldn't, didn't want to, fight him any longer. He even tore a rip in the hem of her shirt as he pulled it off her. He got inside her before they reached the bedroom. He was eager and rough, she willing to play along.

Amanda made it back home to relieve the babysitter before midnight. She'd sobered up by the time she got home and even though she had a very pleasurable time with Fin she started to regret it as the door closed behind the babysitter and she was left in the quiet apartment. She went by Fay's room, she was sound asleep in her bed. Usually Amanda would go in to give her daughter a kiss if she got home after she'd already gone to bed but tonight she didn't feel she deserved to be near that beautiful, innocent little creature sleeping so peacefully. She bit her cheek to keep from crying as she walked down to her own bedroom. She took a shower and hoped some of the guilt would wash of but it didn't.

She was going on a date with Ryan in two days and here she was having sex with Fin. That wasn't the kind of woman she wanted to be. That was no way to start a new relationship.

Friday at work was a little awkward between Fin and Amanda. Neither one mentioned what had happen the previous night. Everyone was a little hung over but Cragen cut his squad some slack. They'd made a good bust and it was important they felt that even though it left them with a bit of headache.

Saturday came and Amanda went out with Ryan for a second dinner date. Everything ran as smoothly as last time and she had fun, managing to push back Thursday night's rendezvous with Fin to the back of her mind. It was a really nice summer's evening and they went to sit down by the water for a while before Amanda had to head back home to Fay. Ryan let her know that he would be leaving town for two weeks soon. It was this family get-away they did every summer. They rented a house in Cape Coral, Florida and just hung out. He said he'd actually contemplated not going since he would miss her. She was really flattered but it also scared her a bit. It seemed he picked up on her hesitation as he apologized for being too forward. He said it wouldn't be the first time he scared someone off with his forwardness. She said it was okay, that it was refreshing and she meant it. She just wasn't used to someone who seemed so in touch with his feelings and was able to share them so candidly. He was as far away from Fin as she could imagine.

"So even though I've just confessed of being too straight forward I still have a suggestion for you," he said a little bit cryptic.
"Yeah?" she asked with a chuckle as she got curious. He'd been holding her hand and now he brought it up into his lap.
"A friend from back home asked me if I wanted these tickets to a circus. He has a son Fay's age but they aren't able to go and I thought since you've told me Fay loves animals and well, I was just wondering if we could go? If you don't think it's too soon for me though to meet her of course? I understand if you think it's too soon though, no problem." She watched him the entire time, caught herself thinking he was so sweet and considerate.
"When? I mean the circus?" she asked.
"It's next weekend. It's in Port Chester, so it's a bit to drive."
"That's no problem, Fay likes road trips almost as much as animals," she smiled.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Be ready to sing 99 bottles of milk about a 100 times though."
"Milk?" Ryan chuckled as Amanda told him Fay didn't find it appropriate to sing about beer when you were in the car. Driving and alcohol didn't go well together.
"She really is a detective's daughter isn't she?" Ryan smiled. Amanda nodded.
"So does that mean we're going? I get to meet her?" Ryan's smile got wider as she nodded.
"Great. I can't wait," he said and brought her hand up to his lips and planted a small kiss on the back of her hand.

A little later as they got up to her front door she got to meet those lips again. This time they landed carefully on top of hers though. She'd seen them coming and froze a little. It felt foreign, these weren't Fin's lips, but it felt good. It ended quickly though and she smiled shyly as he moved back again. He said good night with a big grin and waved as he headed down the street.

As the shift ended one day the following week she was still waiting for him to get back to her with details about the time Saturday. They'd been out running last night and he'd promised to text her today. The day wasn't over yet though.

They were rapping up for the day and Fin approached her as she went to put two used coffee cups from her desk in the dishwasher.

"You doing anything?" She got startled by his voice but gathered herself quickly and shot him a look over her shoulder.
"What did you have in mind?" she asked even though she knew. He didn't say anything and when she was done with the cups she had to turn towards him. He kept looking at her and she knew he would win any staring match they ever got into so she didn't even try.

"I have to get home to Fay," she said and looked away.
"Sure?" he asked and he noticed the slight hesitation before she nodded.
"Want company?" he asked as she started to walk away. She felt torn again. Just the thought of going home with Fin had made her feel excited but she knew it couldn't happen. Not again. She wanted to give this thing with Ryan an honest chance. And it was one of the rules they had. Fin had even told her many times he didn't want to be the one to come between her and a potential relationship. It had been more than a week since they last hooked up now. She didn't trust herself alone with him but knew she wanted him to always be a part of her life. She had stopped and glanced over her shoulder.

"Just for dinner," she said and it sounded both like a statement and a question. He nodded and then she did too.
"Fay would love to see you," she smiled and they headed out of there together. They took her car and only had to ride to Central Park to pick Fay up.

Fay's school was out for the summer and Amanda had hired Daisy, a college girl that right before summer started to babysit for her, to spend the days with her. Daisy was great, and active too so her and Fay were out and about every day. Depending on Amanda's shift she had days off though which she spent completely focused on her daughter. And they were planning for a week's trip to Atlanta sometime soon. Today though Fay and Daisy had spent most of the day in Central Park. Fin hadn't met Daisy yet but Fay made the introductions.

"Daisy, this is my mom's cool partner Fin," Fay said jumping up and down, "Fin, this is my cool babysitter Daisy."
"Cool," Fin said and shook Daisy's hand while Fay laughed at him.
"Everything's been cool today," Daisy said, "it's the word of the day apparently." Amanda quizzed Daisy a little about the day while Fay jumped up in Fin's arms and let him toss her around a little. Amanda asked if they could drive Daisy somewhere but she had plans nearby so she was fine.
"No, you're cool," Fay laughed.
"Bye kid, see you tomorrow," Daisy smiled.
"Bye," Fay shouted and waved. They got back in the car and rode over to Amanda's.

They stopped by the grocery store as Amanda needed a few things. Fin stayed outside with Fay and let her ride a kiddie ride that was nearby. Then Fin put a coin in a vending machine with rubber balls and when Amanda got back out they were bouncing it against the grocery store wall. Or Fin was mostly bouncing it since Fay had found some ants on the pavement that she was tracking.

"Are you kids ready to head home?" she asked and gave Fin a face that only proved he was a big kid.

When home they made dinner. Fay helped too and of course chose the same task as Fin. She always did when he was around. Amanda got distracted by her phone at one point and the smile on her face as she apparently read a text didn't go unnoticed by Fin. He didn't ask about it though. As they waited for their dinner to get ready Amanda excused herself for the bathroom. Fay had already lost interest in the dinner preparations and was sitting up on the kitchen counter playing some game on her mom's computer.

Fin waited by the table until he heard the door to the bathroom close. He took her phone up and unlocked it. He checked her messages and wasn't surprised to see his name all over the inbox. He fought the urge to read them. His main goal had been to verify Ryan was becoming a big part of her life. He'd checked the guy out. Ryan Donnelly. He had a clean record. His entire family was clean too. Born and raised upstate, had a steady job, owned his own apartment, a car. Fin had found nothing he could use to keep Amanda away from him. He'd always known this day could come and it wasn't such a surprise in itself. The surprise was that he disliked it so much. That the thought of having been with her for the very last time last week made him feel so very... sad. The fact that she didn't talk about Ryan with him told him she did have feelings for Ryan. He knew he had to let her go if this was what she wanted. He didn't have to like it though.

A little later they were all gathered at the table. Fin loved this. Amanda was always fun to be around and the kid was hilarious. The thought of not being able to sit like this the three of them put a damper on his mood though.

Once Fay was asleep and all tucked in she handed Fin a beer, grabbed a soda for herself and then they went to sit down on the couch. He grabbed her foot and she let him massage it a bit but stayed on guard in case he would want to take it further.

"I need to ask you something," she said. He just raised his eyebrow at her. Ryan had texted her the details for Saturday. Amanda hadn't said anything to Fay yet though, Fay could hardly remember what would happen from day to day so this weekend was a life time away for her anyway. And Amanda felt as though she needed to clear a few things before Ryan met Fay.
"So, Ryan...," she started but stopped as she for some reason feared Fin's response. She decided she had to bring it up anyway.
"He wants to meet Fay." She felt his hands stop moving. He reached for his beer on the table and she pulled her foot back a little.
"He got us tickets for this circus upstate this weekend."
"Okay," Fin said simply and had a taste of his beer.
"Is that okay with you?" she watched him from underneath her bangs.
"Yeah why shouldn't it be?" he tried to sound nonchalant. Amanda had a taste of her soda but didn't take her eyes off him. She felt disappointment grow inside as she thought about the fact they just never could discuss anything serious. This was something she needed him to pay a part in but as usual he just left it for her to decide.
"Okay, so I'm gonna say okay then," she couldn't keep the sigh from her voice.
"Sure, have fun, Fay will love the circus," Fin said and reached for the TV remote. Not much else was said and once Fin had finished his beer he got out of there. Amanda was left feeling she'd done something wrong.

Since they needed to drive for a while and Amanda had all necessary things in her car for travelling with a kid they decided to take her car. Ryan waited downstairs for them that morning. Fay was really excited the entire morning but Amanda figured it was more the circus than meeting Ryan. She did however want to dress nice for Ryan and picked her second best tee with a little monkey hiding in some trees on the front. Her favorite one, the one with the unicorn and rainbow on the front, was in the laundry basket unfortunately. Amanda tried to find a pair of skorts that worked with the tee and with a pair of light sandals on her feet they were ready to head out. Amanda had already picked her attire the evening before.

Fay held on to her mom's hand as they approached Ryan. Amanda feared Fay would become shy but it wasn't that bad. She stayed a bit quiet as Amanda made the introductions but as Ryan handed her a tiny blue unicorn on a keychain she quickly opened up.

"You knew I liked unicorns?" she smiled as she checked the keychain out from every angle.
"Yes, your mama told me, she talks about you quite a bit you know," Ryan said. He'd sat down so he was at her level.
"Yeah I know," Fay said and made Amanda chuckle.
"And you knew I liked blue unicorns the best?"
"That I did not know, lucky coincident," Ryan admitted.
"I think every unicorn is blue like the sky from the beginning but then as they jump through the rainbow they get different colors," Fay let Ryan in on her theory. Amanda had heard it many times before but it was always fun to hear since it changed just a little every time.
"Wow, I never thought of that. That makes a lot of sense Fay," Ryan said and Amanda gave him a smile.

"Okay so we better get going. My car's in the garage so we need to head downstairs," Amanda said and led the way. Ryan took the backpack that she was carrying off her shoulder and swung it up on his. Fay kept talking as they walked down. She asked Ryan what his favorite color was and as he answered blue she told him she would paint him a blue unicorn as a thank you card. She would try and make it similar to the keychain but she couldn't make any guarantees it would look just the same.

"I have a very unique style," she let Ryan know and again Amanda had to chuckle. She just never knew what treasures would come out of that mouth of hers. Amanda helped her get settled in her car seat as Fay kept talking to Ryan. Amanda asked if Ryan wanted to drive but he said he was fine sitting next to her. They both got in up front and Amanda got the coordinates for their goal into her car's GPS system.

"Ready for a road-trip Fay Fay?" she asked and shot her daughter a look in the back mirror. Fay nodded excitedly.
"Ready?" Amanda asked and turned to Ryan.
"Ready," he smiled.
"Road-trip," Fay shrieked as they left the garage. It was a thing they did and it made Ryan chuckle. He had a feeling this would be a good day.

They figured the drive would take about 45 minutes and the aim was to get the entire way there but, depending on how late they ran at the circus, make some small stops on their way home. Perhaps even take a bath in the ocean. Amanda had packed for it at least and Ryan too. They had to make a short stop along the way as Fay needed the bathroom. Amanda thought it was just an excuse though as she usually could handle at least an hour in the car. She thought Fay wanted to drag it out because she had fun in the car. Ryan was good at road trips with kids.

They'd so far played 'I spy' and gotten through five verses of 99 bottles of milk. Ryan had promised her cotton candy at the circus so Fay didn't ask for anything as they stopped. She just went to the bathroom and then Amanda let her run back and forth to a wall two times.

"I have aunts in my legs that needs to be run-awayed," Fay said.
"Ants," Amanda corrected her but let the run-awayed slip.
"No it's actually more like nerves in my legs," Fay said as she came running back a second time.
"Nerves eh?" Amanda smiled. When Amanda quizzed her about the nerves Fay let them know it was because she was so excited about the circus and all the animals they would see. All this was explained as her little legs paddled back and forth between the two grown-ups and the wall. Amanda could tell Ryan had a hard time keeping a straight face.

Back in the car Ryan asked her if she had any more talents except for drawing. Fay thought for a while and then answered;
"I'm rather fast runner as you saw. Not as fast as mom though but for a kid my age."
"And how old were you now again?" Ryan asked. Amanda saw Fay put up three fingers in the air. She knew Fay had trouble with pronouncing 'three' and she'd learnt by now it was better to just show the fingers straight away. Amanda was working with her though and it was improving. She would probably turn four before she could pronounce it properly though, Amanda tried to not work her too hard.

"Three and already a fast runner. I'm impressed."
"Yes and even do I'm a preview too," Fay said and made Ryan raised an eyebrow.
"Preemie Fay. You were a preemie," Amanda explained to them both as she held down a chuckle. Ryan smiled.
"Very impressive. Anything else you're good at?" Ryan asked and Amanda watched again as her daughter thought hard about it. She'd never been one to brag and Amanda couldn't wait to hear if she'd come up with something else.

"I learnt to go on the toilet by myself when I was rather young," Fay suddenly said and Amanda bit her lip.
"Oh yeah?" Ryan asked.
"Yes. Right mom?"
"Right," Amanda said and tried not to laugh. Ryan could tell she was holding it in but managed to keep a straight face.
"That's very good, a good skill to have. I wet my bed until I was seven so you beat me with many years," Ryan confessed. Fay's nose crumbled but she tried to keep the smile on her face to not make Ryan feel bad.
"Seven?" she repeated though and Ryan nodded.
"Were you a lonely kid?" Fay asked and now Amanda couldn't keep the laugh down. Ryan started to chuckle too.
"What?" Fay asked since she didn't get her own quick remark.

"No I wasn't that lonely actually. I had an older brother that made sure everyone was nice to me in school," Ryan answered her previous question.
"What's your brother's name?"
"Richard but everyone calls him Rick," Ryan let her know.
"Like me," Fay smiled, "I'm Fay, no I mean I'm Faith but everyone calls me Fay."
"Yes, just like that," Ryan smiled.
"Does your brother look like you?"
"A bit I guess."
"I wish I had a brother. Or a sister," Fay said and it was the first Amanda had heard about that. She shot her a look in the back mirror but Fay had turned her head and was gazing out the window. Ryan turned back in his seat since he figured Fay had enough of talking to him but she hadn't.

"Can I meet your brother?" she asked.
"Perhaps one day," Ryan suggested.
"Does he like the circus?"
"Yeah he does."
"Maybe he can come with us next time?" Fay suggested.
"Well let's just see how you behave today okay?" Amanda said.
"I'll be good," Fay smiled, "you'll see. You're lucky to have me." It was Ryan's time to chuckle as Amanda just shook her head a little. She reached back and grabbed a hold of Fay's foot.
"Well you are," Fay giggled as she tried to shake her mama's hand off. Amanda shot her a smile in the mirror.

The car ride went really well and it was only the last couple of minutes Fay started asking if they where there yet. But that was just cause she got excited as Ryan mentioned they were getting close. They were there in plenty of time before the actual show was going to start so they had time to walk around and watch the animals. Amanda made sure to keep a good eye on Fay since she knew how carried away she could get around animals. Fay wanted to tell Ryan everything she knew about the animals though so she had a good eye on where the adults were too.

She asked Ryan to read what was on every sign too that were hanging at the cages. When she learnt the animal's name she kept calling for them until they looked at her. They got stuck by the parrot's cage since one of the three birds refused to look at her. His name was Orbit and he completely ignored Fay's shouts. Ryan tried to help out too and then even threw small bird feeds at him to get a response. Amanda was starting to think the parrot was dead and stuffed but then Ryan hit it with a bird feed in its eye and then it angrily turned its head and stared at them. Even the evil eye made Fay jump around and shout 'victory' and Ryan was declared a hero.

They had some smaller rides set up on the area around the circus tent and cages and Fay got to ride one that looked like a caterpillar. Or 'pillarpillar' as she called it. Ryan and Amanda stood by the fence and watched her ride around. She was alone in the cart at the very front and she waved once she rode by them and then spent the rest of the ride just giggling on her own.

"She's really amazing," Ryan said and Amanda managed to tare her eyes from her daughter and gave Ryan a look.
"Yeah she really is," she had to agree.
"Was she born really premature?"
"34th week so not too bad, she came out fine and developed well. It was just her speech that was delayed."
"Well that seems to have caught up well," Ryan smiled and Amanda did too as she turned her head back towards her daughter that came around a second time and demanded waving.

Once the ride was over she came running down the ramp and jumped up her mother's arms.
"Wouldn't it be awesome if there were pillarpillars like that all over the place and you could just ride them everywhere?" she mused as they headed back to the circus tent as Ryan had spotted they'd opened the doors. Before they headed inside they bought some drinks, popcorn and Fay got her cotton candy. She had trouble carrying it though as they headed towards the opening and her little arms started shaking the way they did when she got overly excited. Amanda asked Ryan to grab it so she could grab a hold of her kid to get her wired down a bit. Amanda felt her entire body shake as she held on to her and she stepped to the side and made Fay look at her.

"Hey squirt, can you handle this?" she asked and Fay nodded with a wide smile.
"Can you wire down just an inch for mama? You're getting me wired too you know." Fay put her arms around Amanda's neck, squeezed her hard and took a few deep breaths.
"It's just all the animals, they make me happy," Fay said.
"I know, and that's fine I just want you to be able to enjoy it okay?" Amanda stroked her back.
"I will mama," Fay said and let her go. Their lips met and then Amanda stepped back to Ryan who was waiting with a bit of a concerned look on his face.

"She okay?" he asked Amanda as he handed the man at the opening their tickets.
"She's fine, just overly ecstatic, she gets like that sometimes," Amanda let him know to calm him down. She felt his hand over hers on Fay's back.

"So you want to sit up front or higher up. Where do you think you have a better view?" Ryan asked.
"Up front," Fay immediately answered.
"Up front it is," he said and led the way. They were among the first to enter so they had no problem finding seats right next to the ring. Amanda put Fay down between them and Ryan handed her back the cotton candy. Fay was still a bit bouncy which was obvious since she had a hard time sitting still. Amanda tried stroking her back a little and it had a calming effect on her.

"So Fay did you know I used to come here as a kid too?" Ryan tried to distract her a bit. Fay shook her head.
"I did. I grew up not far from here and the circus have been coming by here almost every summer since I was your age."
"That long?" Fay asked and it made Amanda chuckle.
"Yes that long," Ryan said to Fay at the same time as he put a finger in Amanda's side to sorta shut her up. Amanda just chuckled more by him doing that though.

"What was your favorite animal when you was a kid Ryan?" Fay asked and put a large piece of cotton candy in her mouth. Some got stuck around her mouth and only added to the already pink shimmer around her lips.
"The lion. Always the lion," Ryan let her know.
"And now?"
"I think it's still the lion."
"Lions are great," Fay agreed. Ryan kept talking to her and soon Fay was sitting completely still in-between them. Amanda really appreciated his understanding and willingness to help out.

By the time the show was about to start Fay had finished the cotton candy and Amanda cleaned her face up. It was an amazing show. Fay was mesmerized most of the time. At times she crawled up her mom's lap, at others she stood up. She laughed and shouted when the acts asked the crowd to. She got to pet a small monkey as it came up on the hoop around the ring and even got to participate in a trick out on the ring during a clown's act with dogs. She was the youngest of three kids that got to come up but she handled herself perfectly and she stood absolutely still as three dogs in a row jumped over her head. Ryan had his camera phone up and recorded the whole thing. Amanda was so proud of her as she came back escorted by one of the clowns and one of the dogs. The clown hoisted her up and over the hoop and Amanda collected the overjoyed little girl. She'd gotten a woven flower that she showed Ryan first thing as she sat down in-between them.

It was truly an amazing show and the kids got to stay inside the tent after the show and pet some of the animals. Fay was the very last one to leave and Ryan had suspected there would be tears once they had to leave but he got proven wrong. Fay kept smiling even as they had to leave. She got to ride the pillarpillar again and then they left the car behind and took a stroll over the street to a restaurant for a late lunch. Fay kept talking about the animals and everything else she'd seen in the tent. Amanda had to remind her to eat her chicken tenders every now and then as she was talking so much. In the end they still ended up with half her food in a doggy bag for later. They took the car and drove a short while until they found a beautiful beach with not so many people around. Amanda took Fay to a changing area while Ryan stayed by the car and changed into his bathing shorts. Amanda kept her t-shirt over her bikini top as she felt a bit self conscious and with Fay in her bathing suit they went back to Ryan. He'd found the blanket in the back of her car and Amanda grabbed the bag with drinks and snacks and then they headed down to the beach.

They left the blanket and snack bag up on the beach and went down to the water edge with Fay swinging between them, holding on to their hands. Fay then quickly jumped into the water. Both Ryan and Amanda went out with her but since Fay stayed in the shallow water they only had water up to their knees at most. Fay and Ryan had a bit of a water fight but then Fay went over to showing him how a dolphin swam and then she went on to other animals. Ryan was impressed by her knowledge but Amanda could tell she was making most of them up as she went. Ryan probably knew as well and just played along.

Fay soon found a kid to play with on the beach. That was usually the case. She often found someone to play with wherever they went. Amanda said hi to the girl's parents who were sitting nearby. They seemed to have a few older kids around too. After a while Amanda and Ryan went up to sit on their blanket, it wasn't far from Fay and Amanda kept an eye on her the whole time. Ryan too, even though his eyes wandered over to Amanda every now and then. He was really enjoying his time with Amanda and Fay. He'd been nervous, more than nervous actually. He'd actually never dated anyone with a kid before. Thankfully he did have good contact with his sister's kids and could use that a bit. It did help also that Fay was a really adorable kid. She didn't seem anything like the kids he noticed throwing tantrums at the supermarket or the one's interrupting social gatherings with crying or loud complaints that they were bored.

"She looks like she's having fun," Ryan said finally as they'd been sitting quiet for a while. Amanda shot him a look and nodded.
"She likes the beach," Amanda started but then added with a chuckle, "heck, she enjoys most things. She's easy to please."
"Yeah, I kinda figured she was," Ryan smiled. Fay had found something in the sand, held it up as the other kid came running and then they laughed after they both let out a tiny shriek as Fay dropped whatever she was holding. Ryan figured it was something alive.

"Have you been alone with her the whole time?" Ryan asked carefully but then realized the question might get misunderstood and tried to explain;
"I mean, I'm not asking about your dating history or anything, I was just thinking… her dad…"
"It's okay, I got it," Amanda smiled but wasn't sure how to answer his question though.
"I… I've never lived with her dad. She wasn't really planned. He's been around though, at times," Amanda shot Ryan a shy look. She wasn't sure what else to say and left it at that. Ryan thought it might be a sore subject and didn't probe more.

"I really had fun at the circus," he said instead, "I can't believe she went up there all on her own? Okay it wasn't lions on stage but still. Pretty gutsy."
"She's a gutsy kid," Amanda smiled.
"Really gutsy. Take after her mom perhaps?" Ryan said and put a light elbow in her side. He'd felt like touching her for quite some time, elbow had to do for now.
"I'm not sure I'm all that gutsy," Amanda said shyly and readjusted her ponytail a bit.
"You run around with a gun all day, chasing bad guys. That's gutsy in my book," Ryan said and leaned back a little on the blanket. Amanda followed his example, leaving her hand just an inch from his. Something Ryan of course noticed.
"Yeah I guess that's kinda cool," Amanda said a bit cocky and tried to look a bit cocky too. Ryan chuckled and Amanda's face broke soon too.

Fay came running up to them and they both sat up a little.
"Chelsea wants to see my new unicorn can I have it?" she asked quickly. Amanda went on a search in her pockets to find it.
"Just make sure you don't lose it already okay?" she said meanwhile.
"I won't," Fay reassured her.
"You're having fun with Chelsea?" Ryan asked and Fay nodded all smiley. Amanda found the keychain and handed it to the kid and she shot off like a canon ball.

"Okay so she can probably stay here for the rest of the day," Amanda warned him.
"I don't mind. I'm enjoying my company too," he said and met her eyes briefly. They watched the beach for a bit.
"You wanna go for a swim?" Ryan asked after a while. Amanda really felt like it but she didn't want to take off her tee so she felt torn.
"Nah, I think I'll stay dry today," she decided, "but you can go if you want to?"
"Nah I'll rather stay with you," he said with his eyes on Fay who was running around the other kid in a circle for some reason.

They were sitting a little apart and when they sat up Amanda had placed her hands in her lap. She readjusted a little though and he caught the opportunity to grab her hand as it was down on the blanket close to his own. Amanda looked from her hand up to his face when it happen. She looked a bit stunned but then shot him a shy smile. His thumb had only caressed the top of her hand at first but when she didn't seem to object he dared to fully grab it and brought it over to his lap.

"I really don't mind spending time with my family but I still find it sad I have to leave for two weeks right now," he said. She wasn't sure what to say and just smiled at him. She didn't want him to go away either. She liked having someone to run with, someone that would hold her hand in public and that she shared so many common interests with.
"You won't be anywhere near Florida for the next two weeks by any chance would you?" he asked and she chuckled as she used her free hand to brush a few lose strands of hair behind her ear.
"I was planning a week or at least a weekend back home in Georgia sometime during the summer but there's still some distance there I'm afraid," Amanda smiled.
"Going home to see your folks?" he asked and she nodded.
"Well it's mostly for her sake, it's the only grandparents she has," Amanda said and nodded Fay's way.
"And the only grandkid they have right?" Ryan asked and Amanda nodded.
"Will your sister be there as well?"

"Maybe. Florida sounds a bit better as a vacation destination though. What do you and your family do while together?" she asked to get off the topic of her own family. Ryan told her about boat rides, scuba diving, snorkeling and fishing with his dad, brother and brother-in-law. Barbecues at the beach with the entire family, playing in the water with his sister's kid, going on rides down by the docks, an obligatory outlet visit for some shopping one day as ordered by his mother and sister. It all sounded very nice and normal and just so very… perfect. The thought of having just the slightest chance of being a part of that made her excited but it also scared the hell out of her.

"That sounds great," she said once he finally stopped talking.
"It is, I have a feeling you and Fay would fit right in. You'd probably hand with the Donnelly boys more than the girls though," Ryan smiled and gave her a wink. Amanda felt her cheeks burn a little as she nodded and then looked back over at Fay hoping he wouldn't notice. She hoped the sun would cover the blush.

She quizzed him a little more about his family and what they liked to do while on vacation or just around his parent's home. He didn't mind sharing and she didn't have a problem picturing them as he told. She'd been picturing happy families in her head since she was a kid. She cut out models from the mail order catalogue. A smiling, neatly dressed mom. A smiling, handsome dad. A couple of smiling kids. Sometimes she cut out furniture too and placed them on a paper that was their home. She imagined them talking and really listening to each other. Imagined them laughing and hugging and caring about each other. It would be fun for a while. It would be fun until mom noticed she'd cut up the catalogue and she was rewarded a smack over the head. And until the cut outs flew all over the place by the wind draft her mom made as numerous slaps landed on Amanda's body. It wouldn't be so fun to spend time in that locked closet but at least at times she could fight the darkness with those images of happy families in the mail order catalogue.

They let Fay play for well over an hour as they kept talking on the blanket. The entire time he held her hand in his. He just seemed so kind. He talked about his family with such warmth and he seemed like he had nothing to hide. She imagined that in the dictionary beside the word 'gentleman' there would be a photo of him. Of Ryan Donnelly.

When they finally decided to break it up he went ahead with their stuff to the car as Amanda went to collect her daughter. She exchanged some words with the other girl's family as she let Fay wrap up their game. The family was from New York too and they ended up exchanging numbers just in case the girls felt like a play date later on. Fay gave Chelsea a hug and then waved goodbye to her family as she took Amanda's hand. She walked a few steps in the sand on her own but then made a sound that let Amanda knew she wanted to be picked up.

"You had fun?" Amanda asked when she was up in her arms. Fay nodded with her eyes glued to the unicorn keychain.
"Chelsea thinks I should name her Buttercup but I think she's actually a him," Fay said with her thinking voice. Amanda placed a kiss on her daughter's temple.
"He could still be named Buttercup though," Amanda suggested and Fay gave her a blank look.
"Yeah I guess," she said after a few seconds and studied her new unicorn a little more.

Amanda placed her in the back of the car and stripped her off the bathing suit. Ryan politely gave them some distance. Amanda had thought about washing them off but Ryan had kept his trunks on and just put his tee back on so she figured she could just go in what she was wearing too. And Fay had dried up so she just swiped the towel over her a little to make sure the sand wouldn't shave underneath her clothes as they were put back on her. Fay said she needed the bathroom so they made a short drive up to a diner so she could go before they took off. They ended up buying ice-cream there too and were left sitting outside the diner on a brick wall for a while as they watched the beach in the distance.

Fay of course managed to spill ice-cream on herself but then a minute later Ryan did too and it made them all laugh out loud. Fay urged Amanda to do it too so she could belong to their spotted family. Amanda was quite happy to be the odd one out though and they headed back to the car. Ryan offered to drive and Amanda had no problem with it being used to Fin driving often. Fay seemed to get a little tired as they drove off, she never fully fell asleep but she stayed quiet for a while. They kept looking back at her and shot each other smiling looks. They talked a little with low voices about what music was best for long drives. It seemed he didn't share her like for good old country music but he admitted he'd never given it a chance so who know, maybe there was an old cowboy lurking below the surface. It made Amanda snort and she covered her mouth and nose as she shot Fay a look. She kept leaning back in her seat though with her eyes somewhere in the distance outside the window.

"She's not really ready to give in just yet is she?" Ryan asked with a whispered as he too had shot Fay a look through the back mirror. Amanda shook her head.
"It is her usual nap time though," Amanda said as she noticed the clock on the dashboard.

A few minutes later though as they started to get near the city Fay's voice was heard again as she started with the 94th bottle of milk on the wall. It made Ryan laugh and Fay seemed pleased with herself. Amanda joined in and they got to 91st before Fay grew bored and instead wanted to talk about all the animals they'd seen today. Ryan told Amanda not to forget to remind him to send over that recording of Fay up in the ring and Amanda promised. That one she'd like to save herself so.

Ryan asked if home was their destination as they got further into the city but Fay protested loudly.
"I don't want to go home yet mama," she whined. Amanda shot her a look though and the whining disappeared quickly from her voice.
"I want to stay with Ryan though," Fay said.
"I saw you had a set of tailball back there, wanna go to Central Park for a while?" Ryan suggested and before Amanda could answer Fay had given her approval.
"Yay, Central Park," she shouted, "I suck at tailball though." Amanda made a stunned face.
"I do. Fin says so," Fay said and held out her hands in the air to explain herself.
"Fin, that's your…"
"Partner," Amanda filled in.
"I worship Fin," came Fay's voice from the back. Ryan shot her a look through the back mirror.
"He told me to say that," Fay added and Ryan looked to Amanda.
"You have to meet him," she tried shaking it off as nothing. Ryan smiled.
"I would love that," he said and Amanda shot him a nervous smile.

The traffic in was rather bad but finally they got there. Then there was a problem with parking though. They found one rather far away from the park. Ryan handed Amanda the blanket and then grabbed the backpack and the set of tailball. Fay grabbed a hold of their free hands and then they walked towards the park. The park was still buzzing but the masses had cleared for the day and they found a green spot without having to walk for long. Ryan grabbed one racket and backed up a little as Amanda stayed behind Fay who had the other racket attached to her hand. Her hand was a little tiny for the grip and Amanda had already figured out that was what was causing her hassle with catching the ball properly. For a three and a half year old she did have a good ball control.

Ryan threw the ball at her finally and it bounced off the back of her racket to the ground. Fay got it up quickly though and tossed it back. Ryan was impressed by her overhand throw and let her know. Fay beamed. They went on like that for a while, Fay managed to catch only a few of Ryan's throws but didn't let it bring her down. Amanda made sure to cheer her on.

Soon Fay wanted Ryan and Amanda to throw the tailball between them and she would try and catch it. She made up new rules as they went until finally she had a fair chance to catch the ball. At one point Ryan managed to throw the ball right in Fay's face, not on purpose of course, but Amanda could see how guilty he felt as Fay fell backwards. Amanda knew Fay was tough but as she stayed down for a bit she figured it might have hurt her after all. Both Amanda and Ryan of course rushed forward, Ryan perhaps even more so, but as he leaned in over her Fay said with a rather grim voice:

"I got it, you're out." She clutched the ball close to her chest.

Amanda wasn't sure what made her laugh the hardest, Fay's awesome humor or Ryan's face. She was leaning more towards Ryan's face. His face changed quickly as he got Fay was okay though and the relief set in. He gave Amanda a mischievous smile and then grabbed her as she kept laughing. They stumbled over and landed on their knees right next to each other. He kept tickling her which only made her laugh more.

"Hey, hey," Fay suddenly interrupted them and they both quiet down.
"I'm the one that was hurt here," she said and gave them a no-nonsense look.
"I know, I'm sorry sweetie," Amanda said and extended her hands. Fay ran the few steps over with a big smile.
"Are you okay Fay, I'm so so sorry," Ryan said and touched her hair gently. Fay just smiled at him from her mom's warm embrace.
"I'm okay," she said.

"I'm not as ticklish as mama you know," she let him know.
"No?" Ryan asked with a shake of his head.
"No, she's very ticklish," Fay said and tried to wink with her eyebrows the way Fin always did at her.
"Oh," Ryan said and got his hands up.
"Oh no," Amanda said as she knew what was coming. His hands dug into her side as Fay went for her neck.
"No fair," Amanda laughed as she fell down over with Fay landing on top of her and with Ryan by her side.

Minutes later they all lay exhausted by each other's sides, Amanda a little more exhausted then the rest of them having laughed so hard.
"I told you she was very ticklish," Fay said as she reached up and touched Ryan's cheek. Fay was in-between the two and Amanda looked over and saw her daughter's hand on his cheek. Ryan smiled at Amanda as his eyes left Fay. He truly seemed like a genuinely nice guy she thought to herself. He reached out and touched Amanda's forehead as he'd been able to read her mind and wanted to say thanks. Amanda could have stayed put for a while but a dog ran up to them and of course Fay jumped up at once.

"Can I, can I, can I?" she asked and tried desperately to keep her hands behind her back. Amanda had told her she could not pet dogs until she asked the owner's permission. She forgot at times but this time she managed to remember. And the dog was even sniffing her. Amanda sat up and found the owner nearby.
"Is it okay if she pet him?" Amanda asked him loudly and he nodded.
"Hi doggie," Fay was already sitting down on her knees by the dog, stroking him gently. The dog licked her face and she started to giggle hard. Ryan had sat up too and came crawling over to Amanda. He sat down so close she felt his shoulder against her back.

The dog owner came walking over and Fay asked him everything about the dog - his name, age and even his parent's names which the dog owner didn't know. Fay then told him they'd been to the circus and that she had dogs jumping over her head. Amanda shook her head a little as she listen to her little one just go on and on. She felt Ryan's hand on her back and she shot him a look over the shoulder. His hand came up to her shoulder and he squeezed it gently as he smiled at her.

After a while Amanda let Fay know that the dog probably wanted to keep going on his walk now and she pulled her into her embrace as they said goodbye to the dog and his owner.
"Oh he was so cute. Wasn't he cute Ryan?" Fay asked and turned her head towards him.
"Cesar was really cute," Ryan agreed.

Amanda dug out the tube with soap bubbles that she only noticed was still in there when they were at the beach earlier. She blew some and let Fay chase them all over the grass. Fay wanted Ryan to blow some and he got to re-experience blowing bubbles, it had been ages since he'd done that last.

When they got back to the car it was already six o'clock. Ryan was delighted he was still with them. He'd figured it would just be the circus and the car rides back and forth but as the day went on he just didn't want to leave. Going home to his empty apartment seemed so boring compared to spending time with this beautiful and smart woman and her charming kid. He knew he had a habit of being too pushy though so he tried to just go with the flow. So far he didn't think he was overstaying his welcome. And when Fay said she was hungry and she wanted Ryan to eat with them he felt overjoyed but stayed calm and collected and let Amanda decide if he was welcome or not.

"Are you sure you don't have any other plans?" Amanda reassured. Ryan shook his head.
"Please mama," Fay begged.
"Well sure, I don't mind at all," Amanda said and Ryan couldn't keep his smile going from ear to ear.
"You wanna eat out or," Amanda started but Ryan shrug his shoulders since he wanted them to make the choice.
"Meatballs," Fay suddenly shouted.
"Have you been?" Amanda asked Ryan and he shook his head since he really wasn't following.
"The restaurant on Bedford avenue?" Again Ryan shook his head.
"You like meatballs? They really have the best ones," Amanda said, "but they have sandwiches too with like chicken or vegetables. We usually order to go. We can eat at our place?" It was a suggestion from Amanda that Ryan loved. He couldn't wait to see their place.
"Okay let's go then," Amanda said.
"Yay, snickerdoodle," Fay shouted as she climbed into the car.
"It's a cookie she always gets when we go there," Amanda explained to Ryan as he got in on the passenger side while Amanda buckled Fay in. She got behind the wheel and drove them over the bridge. They parked outside the restaurant and went inside.

"Cool place," Ryan smiled as they stepped inside. Every table was filled so it must be a popular place. Ryan followed them towards the counter.
"The coolest," Fay mused, "that's Binky." Fay pointed to the man behind the counter.
"Eat her a lot?" Ryan asked Amanda with a raised eyebrow and a smile.
"Guilty," Amanda admitted right before she said hi to Binky behind the counter.
"Well if it isn't little miss Fay Fay and her mama," the man smiled, "how are we today?" Fay had climbed up on to a high wooden chair by the counter. Amanda kept her hand in the air behind her just in case.
"We've been to the circus," Fay smiled, "I had dogs jumping over my head."
"No kiddin?" Binky asked with big eyes.
"For true. It was awesome."
"I bet," Binky chuckled, "so what can I get you more than a snickerdoodle then?"

Amanda gave him Fay's usual order and then picked her own from the daily's. Amanda turned to Ryan and he went with almost what she ordered for herself.
"I'll get it for you straight away, be right back," Binky said and started to walk into the kitchen.
"Don't forget the snickerdoodle," Fay shouted after him. Amanda was right there and told her to tune it down since people were eating.
"Never," Binky shouted back though and Fay smiled mischievously. Amanda turned to Ryan.
"Can I treat you this time?" Amanda asked, "you've paid for everything else today."
"Not the gas," he corrected her.
"Please?" she asked and he nodded after a slight hesitation.

Binky came back within minutes and handed Ryan two paper bags with containers and then he fished up a smaller paper bag out of his apron pocket and handed it to a smiling Fay. She said thank you and then turned to Ryan and asked if she could go on his back. He feared he wouldn't really be able to hold on to her with the bags in his hands but he really didn't want to turn her down and thought he would figure it out.

"Jump up," he said as he turned. Amanda watched them a little out of the corner of her eye as she settled their bill. The food was cheap here so she managed a good tip that she left in the jar and thanked Binky before she hurried after the two. Ryan didn't have to worry as Fay clung on to him as skillful as a monkey baby. As they got to the car Amanda helped her daughter down off his back and brought her around the car to buckle her in again. Ryan put the bags in the seat next to Fay and then jumped in the front.

Fay made up her own song in the back as they drove the last bit. There was something about a perfectly round meatball, how the divine smell made a rumbly in her tumbly and how she soon would eat the meatball. Ryan chuckled and Amanda looked over at him and smiled. Ryan thought it smelled divine too in the car but he was a little more excited to see their apartment. Once parked down in her garage he got his bag and the paper bags while Amanda grabbed a hold of Fay and the backpack in the back.

They rode the elevator up under silence but Ryan and Amanda's eyes met from time to time. Fay was occupied with some string hanging from the backpack. Once they reached their floor though Fay wanted to get down and she ran down the hall shouting how she wanted to show Ryan her room first. Amanda told her to hush down and that she could do that. Fay was jumping up and down a little as she eagerly waited for Amanda to get the door unlocked.

"Hey, slow down, he's not going anywhere but inside," Amanda told her but it didn't stop her from jumping up and down. Fay was the first one in and her sandals flew here and there as she sat down to get them off.
"Common Ryan, see my room," she said and again Amanda told her to slow down.
"Let me take those and just go with her cause she's gonna keep nagging," Amanda said and took the paper bags from him. He put his own back pack down on the floor and when he took a step inside Fay grabbed his hand and pulled him with her down the hall. Ryan looked around the living room quickly, he liked what he saw so far.

Amanda went into the kitchen with the food. She put the oven on and put the food inside so they'd keep warm as she wasn't sure how long Fay would keep him occupied. Then she sneaked back into the living room and quickly went over it with her eyes and then shuffled some stuff down underneath the table and hid some of Fay's toys behind the couch. It had to do she thought to herself and went back to the kitchen to empty out the back pack from today's clutter.

She wanted to check that her bedroom would clear an inspection too before Ryan got there and she sneaked by Fay's bedroom unnoticed. She gave it the same quick make-over as the living room and then took a look inside the bathroom. It just had to do, she had no time for miracles she sighed. She went back into her bedroom and quickly jumped out of her bath trunks and got into a pair of panties and a regular pair of shorts. Then she headed back down the hallway and peaked inside Fay's room. Ryan was sitting on Fay's bed as Fay went through her toy bin, apparently letting him know every toy's name and origin.

"Hey," she said and he looked up, "you wanna change, shower, before we eat?"
"If you don't mind my attire I don't?" he said and Amanda's smile let him know he passed.
"Okay, so Fay, maybe we can eat and then you can keep introducing your toys to Ryan after?" she suggested and Fay said okay. She and Ryan exited and Amanda just pointed down the hall.

"So that's my bedroom and you have the toilet there to the left if you need it," she let him know. He was curious to see her bedroom but could wait. They headed back to the kitchen and Amanda asked him what he wanted to drink. Fay helped her carry over drinks to the table which took her back and forth three times. Ryan took the plates and utensils as she handed them to him with a smile. Amanda got the containers out and put them all on the table. Once opened and she'd figured out which one was Fay's she served her daughter first. She noticed Ryan waited for her after he'd put his food on his plate but Fay just dug in before Amanda had even gotten her dish on the plate.

"Eat while it's hot," Amanda let Ryan know.
"Pig out," Fay said with half a meatball stuffed in her mouth.
"I hope you'll like it just as much as we do," Amanda just said.
"It looks really good, and smells the same," Ryan said and picked up his fork. First bite put a even wider smile on his face and he nodded.

"Good eh?" Amanda said and got more nods from him. Fay kept quiet a while as she ate but after a while she got talking again and wanted to know Ryan and Amanda's favorite parts of the circus. Ryan said it was when this adorable three year old was in the ring and there were dogs flying over her head. Amanda had to agree. Fay was pleased and she reenacted the number and managed to fling a piece of meatball across the kitchen. Amanda was used to it, they had numerous spots on the wall by the table that was caused by flying food as Fay often was very animated. Amanda just went to pick it up, threw it in the bin and came back to the table.

"That was a little cloudy with a chance of meatballs," Fay said and it made both her and Amanda laugh out loud. Ryan didn't get it.
"It's a movie, an animated one," Amanda explained with a headshake as she settled down.
"Have to admit I haven't seen that many animated ones," Ryan confessed.
"They're the best," Fay said, "maybe we can go to the movies sometimes? All three of us."
"I'd love that," Ryan said quickly. Amanda nodded with a smile.

Fay went on to tell Ryan about her favorite movies and then she quizzed him about his favorites. It seemed that he, again, shared some common interests and likes with Amanda. He also had a thing for Wes Anderson's dysfunctional families and he liked Tim Burton's dark humor. Amanda wasn't used to this whole compatibility but she thought she could get used to it rather quickly. He caught her looking at him and he shot her a smile. She looked caught red-handed and it made him warm all over. It seemed he wasn't the only one daydreaming a little about this new relationship of theirs. He reached out and touched her knee a little as she looked away with some blush spreading over her cheeks. She shot him a shy smile and it was the most adorable smile he'd seen.

After they'd cleared their plates, that how good the food was, Fay had her cookie and was kind enough to let Ryan and Amanda have a small piece of it each. Amanda put some coffee on and as it was brewing they had a look around the rest of her apartment. It felt a little embarrassing having him in her bedroom for some reason even though he stayed mostly by the wall and just checked it out with his eyes. He commented on the lovely photos she had of Fay on the wall. They headed back out into the living room as Fay wanted to show him some photos they had in the living room. Amanda took a detour passed the kitchen and got them two cups of coffee and then joined them on the couch.

"It's still a little hot," Amanda warned him and he put the cup down on the table to let it cool off. Fay had gotten a photo album out, it was the only one they had actually. After Kim cleaned out her place and the few photo albums they had disappeared Amanda had felt reluctant to go through it again. She learnt at an early age to keep memories on the inside since physical ones could easily get lost. Or stolen. Or left on a curb as you had to flee an apartment that your mom hadn't paid rent for the last month.

But when you had a kid, Amanda had realized, some items were necessary to have around. And items did make up a home even if the people in it would always be more important. The old photo albums had been ones she'd ordered online and all the photos was still saved there and she'd made one, a little thicker, album with photos of Fay from birth to present. Ryan loved going through the photos with Fay. She had to ask her mom a lot of times where and when the photo was taken. Ryan adored the photos of the newborn Fay. She was so tiny but still perfect with that little beanie and the oxygen line under her nose. Ryan also liked seeing Amanda, even though she most often was behind the camera but there were some of her with Fay in her arms.

He did see this detective Fin in some of the photos, it seemed they hung out quite a lot. He had picked up that Fay mentioned him from time to time. Other than Fin he only found one photo of Fay with her grandmother. He could see Amanda had her mother's genes. At least the physical ones even though her mom did not have the same kind smile as Amanda did. He would not tell her that part though. He got to see a photo of her sister too.

"She kidnapped me once," Fay said suddenly though and Amanda froze a bit. Ryan looked to Amanda.
"It was a misunderstanding," Amanda said with a low voice, gestured it off like nothing and immediately felt bad. She was glad Fay seemed distracted by the next page in the album and hadn't heard her. She did not want to lie to her daughter but she just felt it was way too soon to even scratch on the surface of her messed up family. Ryan didn't pry thankfully.

Amanda had noticed that Fay yawned as they reached the end of the album and figured she probably had to call it a night soon with Ryan so she could get Fay to bed. It felt a bit sad that this day would come to an end. It had been pretty much a perfect day. Ryan told Fay he had some photos in his phone and she ran to get it from his backpack by the front door. Fay got up in his lap and sat there while they went through the gallery in his phone. Amanda came in a little closer so she could have a look too.

She could see he brushed by a few rather quickly, they were of him hanging in some bar with his friends. Nothing PG but she thought it caring of him to still wanting to shield Fay from that. Fay loved the photos of his niece and nephew. Amanda liked seeing Ryan with them. They ended up watching the recording of Fay at the circus a few times. It made them all laugh. Amanda said it was enough after the fifth time though and Fay spun around so she faced Ryan.

"Thank you so much for taking us to the circus Ryan," she said all smiley.
"You're very welcome. I had very fun. This entire day has been really fun," Ryan said and looked over at Amanda too. She couldn't object.
"Wait here," Fay suddenly said, "I'm going to give you something." She took off sprinting down the hall. Amanda watched her disappear and then turned back to Ryan.

"It's probably a drawing and it's usually a unicorn. You should guess unicorn, rainbow or ocean. It's the safest bet," Amanda said quickly. Ryan chuckled.
"On rare occasions it can be a wild thing too."
"A wild thing?"
"You know the book, where the wild things are?"
"Oh yeah, one of my favorites as a kid."
"Fay's too even though it scares her," Amanda let him know. The room fell a bit quiet as they just waited.

"I want to thank you too, for taking us today. Fay loved it as you hopefully can tell," Amanda said to fill the void with something as they waited.
"And her mom? Did she have fun too?" Ryan asked and Amanda nodded.
"Good. I thought it went really well. I have to admit I was a bit nervous. Feared the kid would hate me or something," Ryan confessed.
"That kid doesn't hate much," Amanda said with a slight chuckle.
"I've noticed. You did a good job raising her," Ryan said and his hand landed on top of her knee that was pulled up a little on the couch next to him. She watched the hand and then her eyes went up to meet his.
"Thanks," she smiled shyly. He felt very much like kissing her there and then. The moment had been perfect if they weren't expecting a kid to rush back in any second. He couldn't get his hand off her knee though. Her skin was so soft and warm and his thumb couldn't stop moving back and forth a little.

Amanda felt the tension in the room, or perhaps it was only inside her. She liked the way his hand touched her knee but it also made her nervous. She shot a nervous look down the hall. Still no Fay.

"I'm just gonna see what's keeping her," Amanda said, waited until he pulled his hand back and then got up leaving her cup on the table. He reached for his as he watched her exit. She looked damn good in those shorts he couldn't help thinking. He took a zip of his coffee but since it was cold he just held on to the cup for a bit as he let his eyes go around the room. He soon heard a psst though and looked back over where he'd last seen Amanda. She was peaking around the corner and gestured him over with a smile on her face. He put his cup down and hurried over.

"You have to see this," she whispered and then shuffled silently down the hall. He walked after. They passed Fay's bedroom and then she stopped by her bedroom door and shot him an amused smile before she took a step inside. Ryan couldn't hold down a 'oh' as he saw the tiny little figure all sprawled out on her mom's bed. She was turned the wrong way, faced down and snoozing comfortable. Amanda shot him a smile as she tip toed over to the bed. She knew Fay was a heavy sleeper but it still felt natural to tip toe. Ryan stayed by the door and watched as Amanda put a blanket over her. She rearranged her arm and head just slightly, planted a light kiss on her forehead and then turned the bed side lamp on as she headed back over towards Ryan. She turned the light off at the door and then shut the door a little before they headed back down towards the living room.

"Wiped out," Amanda said cheerful as they got a little further down.
"That was one of the most precious things I've ever seen," Ryan told her as he spun around in the middle of the living room.
"She is precious, asleep," Amanda joked. Ryan just smiled. He felt a little unsure if this meant the day was over or if he could sit back down on the couch.
"You mind me sitting down for a bit, finish the coffee," Ryan asked a bit carefully.

"Sure, the coffee yeah," she said a bit nervously and bit her lip as he turned his back to walk over to the couch. He sat down and grabbed his cup. He knew it was a bit too cold for his liking by now but if drinking it meant he could linger a bit he'd do it. She sat down at about the same spot as earlier but left her cup on the table. She leaned her elbow on the couch and leaned her head into her hand a little as she tried to act casual even though she felt a bit anxious on the inside. He took a zip of his cold coffee and tried to act as though it tasted okay. He held his cup in his lap for a bit as he let his eyes wander over to her.

"So when are you leaving for Florida?" she asked even though she knew it was Monday morning.
"Early Monday we fly down. We rented a car for the two weeks and we'll meet my sister and her family at the house when we get there," Ryan told her.
"Like flying?" she asked just to say something. Ryan got an indecisive look on his face.
"Not sure I like it but it does get you where you're going fast." Amanda nodded in agreement.
"Can I call you while I'm down there?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," she said a little hesitant.
"Don't worry I won't call you every day, every hour," he smiled, "I'll just check in once, or twice." He leaned forward and put his cup back on the table.
"I'm not worried," she said as she fiddled a little with her hair. He moved up on the couch, got his leg up a little mimicking her pose.
"I like talking to you that's all," he said. He put his arm down on the frame of the couch and his hand landed right by her elbow. She was very aware of how close his hand was but tried not to sway her eyes that way. Unconsciously though she wet her lips and he couldn't take his eyes of them for a second.

She felt as though the room felt very warm all of a sudden. She was still only in her bikini top, tee and shorts and she managed to somehow feel sweaty but exposed. She'd stayed away from his kind, brown eyes for too long and she had to look at them again. He smiled. He looked so kind she wasn't sure she'd ever seen someone give away such strong vibes of kindness. And at the same time he was fine. He was damn fine and she felt a hint of desire in her gut. A desire she had to try and ignore because it felt like it could come bursting out of her gut if she didn't. And then his fingers came up on her elbow and it didn't help with the ignoring part. He stroked her arm gently and it made her unfold her arm so it landed next to his.

"I like talking to you a lot," he whispered as his hand travelled over her arm and up to her cheek.
"I like you a lot," he continued as she leaned in just slightly into his palm. She couldn't keep her eyes on his. It felt like it hurt when she looked at him. His thumb played over her cheek and finally she had to look at him again.
"Is it okay if I like you?" he asked with a smile. She swallowed hard but then nodded barely detectable.
"Good, I'd prepared to beg a little but this makes it easier, and me less pitiful."

Amanda had to chuckle and it felt nice. Made her relax just a little. She'd bent forward a little as she chuckled and his hand fell down on the side of her neck. He liked that he'd been able to make her laugh, he'd noticed she'd tensed up. Once she came back up though she quickly got a serious face. She could see his eyes going from hers down to her mouth and even though she tried she couldn't help but bite down on her lip. She felt his hand around the side of her neck travel back some and then as he slowly leaned in he used his hand to urge her to meet him. She didn't have time to think, she just followed his lead and soon his lips were on hers. Warm, soft lips. She noticed a hint of coffee still on his breath as he moved himself closer to her and her eyes fell shut.

His free hand came up on her hip, moved up a little to her midsection. His other hand found its way up into her hair a little, she felt his fingers entwine there. Their lips just went over each others for quite some time. He was in no rush, wanted the moment to last. He'd only planned to linger on her lips a short while but now he felt himself unable to stop. He didn't want it to end. Ever. He intensified the kiss a little, tried to get her to open her lips. When she responded he felt pleased for a short second but then the lust overtook him again. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in closer. He turned his head the other way and he dared to taste the bottom of her lip. The one she so often bit down onto.

He sucked it in a little as he didn't dare to bite on it. He felt her respond when he treated her lip a little harder, she pushed up against him a little harder and it allowed him to take it further. His tongue swept over the gap in her lips and as she separated them even more he took it as allowance to move inside. He used his hand in her hair to hold her tight as his tongue went inside and he felt a jolt all the way down to his stomach as her tongue came to meet him. God she was amazing. He really hadn't meant to do more than kiss her but he felt himself fall down over her on the couch.

She unfolded her leg as she felt him move in over her and then she let herself be guided down. Their legs stayed mostly by the side of the couch but as the kiss intensified even more, tongues roaming around and in and out and saliva being exchanged, the rest of their bodies travelled up upon the couch as well. He stayed by her side though, his lower body only slightly leaning against hers. His one hand lay mostly still underneath her head while the other one had moved back down to her hip. He let it travel up and down her side a little as he concentrated more on how good she tasted and how well their lips fitted. Her hands had gone up around his neck and he felt her slender fingers play around in his hair a little. Her touch and the way she tasted made him excited, yes it made him hard and he tried not to push up against her too much.

It had been a while now since he'd been with a woman, he was coming up on five months actually. He'd never been one for one night stands and masturbation left him feeling mostly empty and shameful. Being without sex for so long wasn't the reason he now felt himself get excited. This wasn't just any woman, he thought this was the woman. He'd felt it almost immediately, back there at the book store. He'd tried to play it down a little though, knowing he'd been in similar situations before and it had only landed him heartbreak. But she had been special from the very start. The only feeling coming close to the one he felt when with Amanda was the one he had for Cindy in 2nd grade. He'd set fire to his baseball cards only to prove his love for her. But this was the same feelings but in a grown up way. This was what he'd been searching for all these years. He felt it.

She didn't feel warm any longer, she felt hot. His lips tasted so good and she loved the way his hair felt underneath her fingers. She wasn't used to have her fingers entangled in hair while kissing. It felt so good just kissing. Kissing was nice. For a moment it was all she could think about. But then she felt his hand, the one that had been stroking her side so nicely during all that kissing, come up over her stomach. It still felt nice though. But then she felt him slowly starting to tug at it. She felt the air on her skin as a gap emerged between her tee and shorts. The lights were all lit and they pierced her eyes as she opened them up. She pinched them shut but she knew she had to break this up and she pushed him away a little as she pulled herself up towards the arm of the couch. He sat up suddenly, looked stunned, lips still throbbing. He saw her lick her lips before she pinched them shut, her hand pulled down her tee as she pulled her legs to her. She looked scared. He feared he'd gone too far, too fast.