J.R.'s expression was brazen and a small scoff chirped from his throat, "Sue Ellen, I don't think I need to assure you that I've mastered women. Correct me if I'm wrong, darlin', but isn't that the problem we seem to be having?" The list of his female conquests was endless.
"I'm sure you're God's gift to women physically." Her sarcastic remark provoked a childish pout from her husband, "I'm talking about the emotional connection between a man and a woman; the kind of connection that binds a married couple for life. When I became your wife, it was because I loved you and I believed you loved me too. To this day, I'm still not sure if you ever really did." Her husband was a difficult man to read, for fear of vulnerability or weakness.
"Would I have married you, if I didn't?"
The note of affection in his voice permitted the faintest of flutters from her heart. "I honestly don't know." His ability to communicate love, or any deep emotion, had never been J.R.'s strength and Sue Ellen struggled to read between the lines. After a decade, she had finally learnt to do so, but that was in stark contrast to the few weeks Kristin needed to achieve the same task. "I do know you didn't trust me, or the way I felt about you. It's as if you're hard-wired to expect betrayal." If she closed her eyes, she could picture her husband - handsome, as ever - in his tuxedo, as the sunlight illuminated his golden strands, which were slicked to the right.
His instinctive emotional defences flew into position, "Well, you've certainly become more perceptive since your sessions with the good Dr. Elby."
"How could you possibly allow yourself to trust in me when you were raised to believe trust is weakness?" Jock had become more tranquil over the years but Miss Ellie had recalled enough stories of J.R.'s childhood for Sue Ellen to grimace at the tough learning curves her husband had endured. Parents of Jock's generation prided themselves on the transition between boy and man, though many children silently bore the hardship, constantly fearful of failure. It saddened and bewildered Sue Ellen to witness his parents shameless disregard for J.R. and his every futile effort to garner their love and pride, so often side-lined by Gary or Bobby. "How could you possible make yourself available to me when you were so consumed by the need to make your daddy proud?" J.R. poured himself a drink, resistant to her analysis, and Sue Ellen exhaled, "The more you wanted to become Jock, the more I wanted to be your mama. I wanted to be your inspiration, the woman who stood beside you and aided your every success."
"That's the kind of future you envisioned, is it?" His tone mocked her open-hearted confession.
"The kind of future I envisioned..." A dreamy smile spread across her lips; in her haze of youth, she had blindly pictured a future of pure perfection - a home at Southfork, multiple children to occupy her hours of boredom, until her husband returned home from the office as President of Ewing Oil. "... is far from the life you and I have led, but -" Sue Ellen reigned in her bottom lip, "I don't think I'd change a thing. The future I envisioned wasn't realistic to who you were, or who I am."
He frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I owe you an apology and it's long-overdue because it's taken me some time to realise that I should accept half the responsibility for the failure in our marriage. I've let you shoulder the blame for too long and I haven't been fair to you," she conceded, and J.R.'s relief was palpable. Her addiction had painted malicious pictures of her husband in the worst light, in spite of her own part. "I thought I could pretend our problems didn't exist and my refusal to confront you provided you free-reign for all of the affairs. When Julie Grey re-entered your life, I convinced myself I could live with another woman, so long as it was only one other woman." Sue Ellen vigorously fought the tears and sadly shook her head, "I couldn't."
"It worked out for the best in the end, didn't it? We've got John Ross, and now the baby." His philosophical interest in their insecurities had been exhausted.
"Don't you think a marriage should be more than the children it created?" Sue Ellen slyly suggested, her approach toward him slow and furtive. J.R. studied his wife, uncertain as to whether that look in her eye was inspired by lust, or a darker emotion. "I didn't marry you for money or the Ewing name."
"Well, what was it then? What made me so irresistible to you?"
"How you made me feel." The confidence he exuded was like no other man Sue Ellen had encountered; he was alien to her. The slow-seduction J.R. instigated removed any thought for her childish romance with Clint from her mind. "You made me feel invincible." She boldly positioned her body inches from his and earnestly gazed into his eyes, "I've always felt safe with your arms around me."
The palms of her hands caressed each side of his waist, until they rested on his belt, "... and now?"
"Still, nothing's changed." Eight weeks into her pregnancy, an experience she hadn't truly cherished before and one that was all the more daunting in the realm of her newfound sobriety. "Nobody can make me feel the way you do, J.R.." Neither Cliff Barnes or Dusty Farlow had stirred such an effect in her. His love intoxicated her and, like alcohol, once it entered her bloodstream, she only craved more of the same until the inevitable withdrawal. Her lips trembled, as she inched closer and grazed his freshly-shaven skin. She could feel the force of his determination not to respond, as Sue Ellen pressed her hands flat on his back and pulled him toward her.
J.R. firmly gripped both hands on the curve of her shoulders. "What kind of game are you playing?" The physical, sexual distance between them since Kristin's departure had been as brutal as the months after John Ross had been born. Her eyes fired bullets into his weakened defence. "What is it you want?"
Sue Ellen's hand caressed his cheek, as she whispered, "You."
No hesitation needed, his left hand reached for the curve of her head and he jerked Sue Ellen close enough to allow his tongue entrance to her mouth. A seductive moan groaned from her throat causing him to deepen the embrace further. His passion electrified as her hands crawled through his hair and gently massaged his head, all the while urging him closer and closer. The sounds of material ripping from their bodies complimented the scuffle as they edged closer to warmth of the fire, not breaking the kiss for a moment. It was the reconciliation they had both hoped for.