Okay, I've warned you. Here's the chapter. I did question whether or not to go with my initial idea/thought or not, I fear I'm putting a rift between the two that can't be fixed. But I decided to run with it and see where it takes me/us/Finanda. I need something to shake Fin to the core cause I'm just not seeing any character development in him & can't seem to write it without something major happening. And since I don't want to put another bullet in Amanda I'm doing it this way.
It's a rather short chapter, for my standards anyway, but I promise to post the next one as soon as I possible can to not keep you hanging for too long... I don't dare to wish you happy reading this time... Let's just get back to Amanda's living room and the interrupted make out session with Ryan...
XXX
She pushed him away a little as she pulled herself up towards the arm of the couch. He sat up suddenly, looked stunned, lips still throbbing. He saw her lick her lips before she pinched them shut, her hand pulled down her tee as she pulled her legs to her. She looked a bit scared. He wasn't sure what was going on. Had he again been too fast too soon?
"I'm sorry," he said as fast as he got his breathe back, "I didn't mean to." He said but wasn't sure what he had planned to say. Her withdrawal came so sudden.
"I'm sorry," he repeated.
"No, it's okay, I just…" she hadn't really gotten her breathe back and with the embarrassment that struck her suddenly she had trouble forming anything sensible right now. Here she was crawling together like some baby right after they'd smooched. He must think I'm a loon she thought to herself as she watched his face. He wet his lips and nervously stroked his hand through his hair. Amanda took a deep breath and let go a little of her legs that she'd clenched to her body.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I…" She still wasn't sure what to say. He turned a little on the couch, got his leg up. It was to be able to look at her better but also to try and cover up the slight hard on he was still feeling pressing up against the light fabric in his shorts.
"What?" he asked as his face turned from stunned back to kind again. He really wanted to know and his consideration warmed her heart.
"I'm sorry if I went too far too fast," he said when she didn't reply.
"No," she said and shook her head, "it's not that. Not at all." She managed to give him a smile and that, along with her words, made him feel just a little bit better. He turned to her even more, fully intending to listen to whatever she had to say. She let her legs go completely and made them fall to the side as she fingered on the hem of her shorts a bit nervously. Her eyes had briefly gone down to the space between them on the couch.
"I…" she started but again trailed off. She gave him a look and the smile he shot her just made her feel like she could tell him whatever and he would understand her without any questions.
"Gayle told you, and we brushed by it briefly a while ago," she had to take a breath but continued; "I was shot." He nodded. He had not forgotten that. Not at all.
"I told you it was pretty bad," she said and he nodded as he remembered.
"Well it certainly wasn't pretty, it was mostly bad. I got shot twice. One went through me sideways and the other one went straight by my heart. I spent days… no weeks, 17 days on a ventilator." Ryan gasped a little as he got the severity of it. Amanda shot him a nervous smile and stirred a little under his watchful gaze.
"But I mean I made it so," she shook her head a little and used a more upbeat voice to get the mood up a bit in the room. She didn't quite succeed though. Ryan still looked grim. She tugged at her shorts a little again but tried to sit up a bit straighter on the couch.
"It's just… it left me kinda scarred."
"Was that why you didn't want to take a swim today?" he asked and she just looked at him for a while but then finally nodded slightly. She hadn't been comfortable taking her tee off right now and not earlier either. She knew she shouldn't be so self conscious, that it was egocentric of her but she couldn't fight it.
"I try not to let it bother me cause I don't want Fay to ever think that scars makes you ugly or should be looked down on or anything, it's just…"
"It was me?" Ryan suggested and actually felt good about the notion. It meant she cared what he thought of her. She nodded as it was no point denying it. He reached out, put his hand, palm up, on her leg and she put her hand in his without hesitation. He squeezed it a little.
"You had major surgery?" he asked and again she nodded.
"Five hours, they did open heart surgery and then went back in for another three hours to fix the damage to my intestines." Ryan made a face that made her understand he got how bad of an operation that was.
"You have the open heart surgery scar?" he asked and she nodded.
"My dad had a heart attack two years ago, he has it too," he let her know so she'd know he knew what it look liked. Amanda gave him a sympathetic look.
"You have a scar on your stomach too?" he asked and again she nodded.
"The bullet went through from side to side but they had to cut me open at the front since I had internal bleeding both in my chest and in my stomach area."
"Any remaining repercussions?" he asked and it felt good that she could shake her head this time around.
"Just the scars," she said and felt his hand squeeze hers again. There was a silent pause, not awkward, just silent.
"Well just so you know," he started and waited for her to look up at him before he continued; "I wasn't aiming to go through all the bases tonight. I just got carried away." It made her chuckle a little.
"So you're not a third date rule kinda guy?" she asked with a cheeky smile. He chuckled and gave it a quick thought.
"I count this as our tenth date. Three at the book circle, not counting the debacle before the first one but we did have coffee afterwards so it's a date in my book. Dinner twice, running four times and today. That makes ten." She thought it was so sweet he'd been counting.
"So I'm really not a third date rule kinda guy, I love running the bases a few times as warm-up. You need practice before a home-run." She felt her cheeks blush. Okay, he'd taken that analogy a step too far he realized but he didn't mind making a fool out of himself in front of her. That fact told him a lot about just how right she was for him.
"But seriously," he said and shook her hand a little to make a point, "a couple of scars won't scare me. I see only beauty when I look at you." If her cheeks hadn't burnt before they did now. What had she done to deserve this sweet guy? He shot her the most adorable smile and she felt her eyes tear up a little. She'd already made a fool of herself once tonight and didn't plan to repeat it so she moved into him and buried her face by his neck as his arm draped around her. She snaked her arms around his waist and just let herself be held. It felt really good. Nothing more was said that night. They ended up laying down with their arms wrapped around each other and even though the clock was still young they fell asleep. And to Amanda's shock they slept all the way till the morning.
Fay had woken up around midnight, found them on the couch but let them sleep and headed into her own bedroom where she quickly fell asleep again. Ryan sneaked out in the wee hour of the morning. Amanda offered him breakfast but he said he was still filled with meatballs which made her smile. He gave her a long hug at the door, said he would miss her but would call and then they kissed before he left. Amanda was left standing with her back to the door for a while. She touched her lips where Ryan's just had been. She smiled. So this was what it felt like to have a boyfriend? She'd forgotten this feeling. She liked this feeling.
Once she managed to pull away from the wall she went by Fay's room and throw a glance inside. She wondered when she'd swooped beds. Amanda headed down to the bathroom and pulled her tee over her head. She was left in her bikini top by the mirror and she let her fingers go down the scar on her chest. She then had a look at her face. She turned her head back and forth a bit. Her hair was kind of messy, many strands had fallen out the now crooked ponytail. She touched her own cheek. Beauty. No she didn't see it. She'd never felt anything but bland. Growing up she was always told to not think she was any better than average. Her mom told her to get down of her bridges if she ever felt proud of a softball championship win or a good grade in school. No in their household it was better to keep your head down and try not to be noticed at all.
As she grew older she learnt it was okay to be a little proud of yourself and to strive to be better at everything. She knew it irked some people, her drive, her ambition. She knew she got on Amaro's nerves at times. Most of the time she didn't care but there were times she heard her mama's voice in her head. "Don't think you're special Manda". She shook her head to get the voice out right now. Ryan liked what he saw and even though she didn't get it, it still made her feel good. She would bring that nice feeling with her into a long, warm shower and then she would make a fabulous breakfast for herself and Fay. She figured they earned it for no particular reason at all.
He called her later that day. He said it was just because he wanted to hear her voice. He was waiting for his parents to come, they were driving down tonight to be closer to the airport. He'd sleep on the couch since he was letting them have his bed. Amanda told him she felt sorry for him, having to spend two nights in a row on a couch. He said he wasn't sorry about anything last night, he'd never slept so good in ages. Fay came into the room at that point and when she learnt it was Ryan she wanted to talk to him. Amanda had to cut them off after ten minutes or she'd know Fay could keep going the whole night.
He said he would call her next week just to check in. She said that she was looking forward to it and after some lingering on the line they finally hung up. Fay came back out of her room and teased her for talking to a boy on the phone. Amanda chased her around the apartment for a while for that comment. Fay shrieked with joy as she tried to get away.
Fin started to fully realize what it meant to him now that Amanda had met someone. He was used to having dinner with them a couple of times a week, he usually hung out with them at least one day over the weekend and suddenly... they were just gone. He'd thought he'd miss the physical most but it was everything. He missed just hanging around them, listening to Fay's wild shenanigans and he missed laughing like they seemed to do a lot now that he thought of it.
He realized he had to let her know he missed them. He at least needed to invite himself over because he missed them terrible. While driving back from a crime scene Monday he inquired about her weekend. He knew Ryan had met Fay for the first time and Amanda mentioned the circus, a visit to the beach and playing around in Central Park.
"Seems you had a full day," Fin replied and tried to lose the bite to his tone but didn't quite succeed.
"Fay didn't want him to leave," she replied without looking at him. She knew it was childish to bite back but she couldn't help herself.
"So when does the three of you have a date again then?" he asked and Amanda sighed. She didn't want to bring them down even lower and decided to play nice.
"He's away for two weeks so it will be a while," she told him simply. They rode in silence for a while.
"So then maybe I can stop by some day after work while he's gone?" he asked more than suggested.
"Sure, Fay would love to see you. And Ryan wants to meet you too." Fin raised his eyebrow.
"Why?"
"Because you're my partner and he knows what that means to cops," Amanda tried not to roll her eyes, "and Fay talks about you a lot so he's curious about you."
"Oh?" Fin had to admit he liked hearing that Fay talked about him to Ryan.
"Of course. You are a big part of her life Fin, don't forget that," she said and looked at him only slightly facing him. He shot her a look.
"I won't," he said as he saw the seriousness on her face. She shot him a slight smile and then looked away.
She was thinking about something that happen a few weeks back. This particular week a while back she had a day off and since Daisy, the baby sitter she'd hired for the summer, had signed Fay up for a week with swimming lessons at a pool nearby Amanda took Fay. It wasn't so much learning to swim really but more feel comfortable in water which Fay already did so she had it easy. It was for three to five year olds and of course Fay made friends easily and it had left Fay and Daisy at the pool most of the days even though the class were only an hour long.
Fay had befriended this girl name Sarah who was five. Fay had told Amanda all about her earlier in the week so Amanda thought it was nice to finally meet her on the Thursday when Amanda had the privilege to join them at the pool. Sarah was there with her older sister and her friend and they also spent most of the day by the pool. Amanda had invited Sarah over to share lunch with them that Amanda had brought from home. Sarah seemed like a sweet kid and was very articulate. Sarah had a bucket filled with Polly pocket dolls and items that they started to play with as Amanda cleared the blanket from their lunch.
That's when she overheard Sarah ask Fay a question that made her blood freeze a little.
"Where's your dad?" was her question. Amanda waited for her daughter's response and tried to keep from staring them down. Fay had her back to Amanda though so she couldn't see her face but Amanda could see that Fay was looking at Sarah.
"I don't have one," she answered after a while.
"You must have one, everyone has one," Sarah said.
"I have a Fin," Fay said cheerfully.
"What's a fin?" Sarah asked with a troubled face.
"Well," Fay seemed to do some thinking and then continued; "it's big and strong, puts bad guys in jail but are sweet to me and cuddly and funny and eats a lot and like to take naps and give hugs and plays with me." Amanda couldn't help but smile at that but turned away a little so either of the girls wouldn't see it.
"But that kinda sounds like a dad," Sarah stated as she kept putting on an outfit on a tiny doll.
"Yeah," Fay simply replied and kept moving around her doll again.
She shot a quick glance over her shoulder though and Amanda gave her a smile. Fay smiled back before she went back to playing. Amanda put a way what was left of lunch as she kept thinking about what her daughter just said. She was such a sweet kid. She didn't carry much weight on her shoulders, didn't worry much about anything and it made Amanda happy that she was busy just being a kid. She didn't seem to think yet about her origin, she was just a happy and content kid with a lot of self-confidence and a whole lot of humbleness for her young age. Amanda knew though that there would come a day when she would ask about her father, that day was probably soon approaching and she needed to have a talk with Fin about it. She had to be prepared and know how to answer her daughter. She never wanted to lie to her daughter if it wasn't for her own good. In this case it was for Amanda's and Fin's good and it wasn't fair to Fay.
At that point Amanda had only just met Ryan but as she started seeing him that conversation at the pool slipped to the back of her mind but she knew it couldn't stay there forever. Right now though this whole animosity Fin seemed to have towards Ryan needed to be dealt with first. They were on the job though so that also had to wait a while.
Fin went home with her that day after work and Fay was happy to see him of course. Fay and Daisy had been to Coney Island that day. The last time Amanda had taken her there was actually with Fin and they'd seen the Mermaid parade. Before Daisy had said bye for the day she'd told Amanda that Fay had been a bit upset since she thought that mermaids lived on Coney Island and had expected to see some like last time.
By now though the girl was far from upset. She'd seen a girl that was a little person with a beautiful dress.
"She was my size but an adult. How cool is that?" Fay was so impressed. And she'd gotten her autograph on a card.
"And she had her own cards. So cool," Fay added. That was apparently the high light of the day but she'd seen a man pierce his own skin with giant needles, another man that had danced like a robot and a girl that twisted her body in crazy ways. Fay tried to copy her but it looked mostly as she had seizures or something on the floor.
"So your girl has apparently been to a freak show today," Fin sighed.
"That's Coney Island for you," Amanda sang as she sat the table for dinner.
Fin had looked forward to having dinner with them and expected it to be fun but it was far from it. That was because when Fay had emptied out everything that she had seen during her visit to Coney Island she went on to talk about the circus they'd been to with Ryan this past weekend. It wasn't so much hearing about the circus that bugged him but the fact that Fay, totally giggly, told him that mama had kissed Ryan.
Amanda tried to keep her face hidden from Fin when Fay told him that. She felt her cheeks burn a little and couldn't figure out if she felt embarrassed that Fin found out or if she felt shameful over the fact she'd kissed Ryan. She tried to just sit through it because she wouldn't hush her daughter. She would never keep her from speaking the truth. But then they hit a low point when Fay suddenly said;
"And then they slept together on the couch. Like you two used to do but mama and Ryan are in looove," Fay stretched out the word love, making the situation even more awkward.
"You want some more milk Fay?" she asked so she could get up and away from the table for a while.
Amanda wasn't sure how Fin felt about it all and since he left right before Fay's bedtime she didn't get a chance to pry a little either.
Fin was annoyed. Annoyed at Ryan who he'd never even met. Annoyed at Amanda because she seemed to be falling for him. And he even felt annoyed at Fay since she seemed to be falling for the guy too. But most of all he felt annoyed at himself for not acting to prevent this from happening. For his inability to love the only two people, except Ken, that meant something to him. Why had he ever seduced Amanda? It might have been the dumbest thing he'd ever done in his life.
Fin did drop by another night later that week. Fay's crush on Ryan seemed to have eased a bit thankfully and she mostly talked about some baby rhino that had been born at the Central Park Zoo. She thought they should name him Rhinosaurio. Fin lingered through her bedtime procedure but then felt the tension when alone with Amanda too much to handle and he skipped out. He wanted to respect her wishes and keep his hands off her but he found it hard to.
He did go with them to the Central Park Zoo that weekend though. Fay finally got to see the baby rhino. Now that she'd seen him in person she changed her mind on the name though. He looked more like a Bert in person she let them know. The zoo had named him Sanjay though but Fay said he would always be Bert to her.
Fin's birthday were coming up the following week. He usually didn't want to celebrate it but Amanda kept asking every year anyway and to her surprise he said it could be fun to go out and have a beer after work if no major case came along. They asked the rest of the squad if they wanted to go out for a beer and most of them said yes. Fin asked Liv if she could relay the invite to Cassidy and she promised she would. He would have to work though and never showed up.
Amanda asked Daisy to stay a little longer that day and since they had just solved a case they ended up at the pub rather early. Fin usually was a slow drinker and you rarely saw him drunk. This particular day though he swiped quite a few and before dark he was rather tanked. Thankfully he was a happy drunk and treated his surroundings to many laughs.
It was a work day though and they had an early shift in the morning which had left everyone but Fin taking it slow on the alcohol. As the rest started to feel it was time to call it a night they made sure to get Fin out of there too. He stumbled out onto the street but managed to keep on his feet.
"You okay there buddy?" Nick asked. He'd tried to grab a hold of him as he stumbled but been too late.
"I'm fine, just fine my friend," Fin smiled a bit cross-eyed and pounded his hand on Nick's back a little too hard. Nick shot Liv and Amanda a crooked smile that let them know he felt Fin was a bit too spirited. They felt the same.
"You want an escort back home Fin?" Liv asked as she grabbed a hold of his shoulder so she could look him straight in the eyes.
"My partner can escort me home I'm sure," Fin slurred a bit. Liv kept her grip on Fin but turned her head towards Amanda. Amanda just gave her a nod. It went without saying. He'd made sure she made it home quite a few times after she had a little too much to drink so of course she'd do it for him.
"Common partner," Amanda said and stepped forward. She got his arm up over her shoulders and she tried to get him moving. She'd thought a bit of walking would do him good but after only a few steps she figured it was probably not a good idea. He weight her down too much and she feared they'd both end up in the gutter if they tried to walk too long.
"Are you sure you can manage on your own?" Liv asked with some concern. She'd remained in the same spot, Nick too, and they watched them try and get going.
"My partner's the best, she can do anything," Fin slurred.
"Right?" he said as he turned his head towards Amanda and tried to touch her cheek with his hand. It turned out to be more patting all over her face though and she removed his hand physically when just trying to turn away didn't work. Both Nick and Liv looked skeptical.
"We'll be fine, I'll get us a cab," Amanda said as she tried to keep Fin's hand off her face. Nick stepped out onto the street to hail down a cab. Liv kept shooting Fin and Amanda skeptical looks. A cab drove in to the side and Amanda got Fin over there. Nick held up the door and helped her get him inside.
"Are you sure Amanda?" Liv asked as Amanda got ready to take her seat next to Fin in the back seat.
"I'm sure. Thanks for tonight guys. See you in the morning," Amanda said and got in before Nick shut the door behind her. Nick tapped the roof of the cab and it took off. Liv followed it with her eyes all the way to the corner. Something made her feel uneasy but as Nick put a hand on her shoulder and told her he'd walk some of the way with her she let it slide. They started down the street and Nick mentioned there was a full moon to which Liv rolled her eyes and sighed; "Great, we'll have loads to do in the morning then."
Amanda spent the cab drive over to Fin's place trying to keep him upright in the back. She didn't mind, she actually liked that she could help him out for a change. It didn't happen often but she had at times had a little too much to drink and she knew Fin had gotten her out of some potential embarrassing situations. So of course she'd do the same for him. So far though he'd done nothing too embarrassing. Sure he had given out a few more hugs than usual tonight, he had told the bartender he loved him and his aim was rather off which she noticed every time he tried to touch her face in the cab but ended up somewhere else. She had to remove his hand from her thigh quite a few times as it travelled up a little too high. She ended up just sitting with it in her lap, keeping it trapped between hers.
"Very romantic," Fin slurred to which Amanda chuckled. She paid the cab driver as Fin stumbled out on his own. Her curfew was still hours away so she would make sure he got upstairs and into bed properly before she headed home. They had a work day tomorrow but she figured he'd come in late, if at all. If it was one time you had the right to party and skip work though it was on your own birthday she figured.
He waited for her out on the curb, she could see he swayed a little, and put his arm around her shoulders as she came up to him.
"Okay let's get you inside," she said.
"Let's get us inside," he corrected her. Amanda had an arm around his waist and the other hand placed on his chest trying to hold him up. They managed to get through the front door somehow and over to the elevator. As they waited for the cage to arrive she put him against the wall for support but he wouldn't let her go and pulled her into his arms.
"You're a good partner," he said and kissed her on the top of her head. Amanda smiled and patted his sides a little.
"Thank you Fin, you are a good partner too," she replied. The cage let them know it was there with a little ding and the doors opened.
"We are good together right," he slurred as she more or less shoved him into the elevator.
"Yes we are Fin," she said and pushed the button to his floor while she kept her other hand on him to keep him against the wall. As the doors closed though he grabbed her hand and pulled it down to his lower regions.
"Fin," she said and pulled away her hand.
"Common, partner," he smiled in that adorable way with his head a little tilted. She shook her head at him but couldn't hide the smile. He seemed to give it a rest quickly though and they reached his floor. She grabbed his arm, put it over her shoulders and started to move them down the hall. They met one of his neighbors and Amanda shot her a smile as Fin mostly stumbled along.
"Where's your keys?" she asked as they got to the door.
"You have to strip search me for 'em," he smiled down at her. She pushed him up against the wall with a not such an amused smile on her face.
"Common, haul them up," she urged.
He sighed and started to fumble down one pocket without finding them and then went for the other. Of course he had to drop the keys once he finally found them and got them up. It was Amanda's time to sigh and she crouched down to fetch them off the floor. She felt Fin's hand on her head though and he jerked her a little so she fell towards him. Her head ended up bouncing nearby his crotch and she tried to get up quickly. Fin was smirking and she gave him a stern look.
"Not funny Fin," she said without any of that amusement Fin seemed to find in the situation. She got the key in his door and shoved the door open. She grabbed a hold of him and forcefully got him inside. He stumbled in the dark inside and when Amanda got the light on she saw him rolling over on his back amongst some shoes, swearing a little. She snickered a little to herself with her back to him as she closed the door. He kinda earned it she thought to herself. She bent down though and helped him get his shoes off.
"Okay let's get you in bed," she said and got up to try and get him up off the floor.
"You know there's plenty of room in there for you too," he smiled.
"I'm sure but I have a curfew at home, a baby waiting," she said as she tried to get a good grip on him to get him up. They made a few unsuccessful attempts to get him up and Amanda complained he had to help out more. He just seemed to find it funny every time he fell back down and she came more or less crashing after him.
"Common Fin, help out a little will 'ya," she complained again. He seemed to hear her and grabbed a steady hold of her hips and then forced himself up, keeping himself perhaps a little bit too close to her person as he did but she couldn't be sure he used the situation or really needed to so she let him. Once he managed to get up, Amanda's knees almost buckling in the process, and he were face to face with her he however did lean in to kiss her. His lips just reached hers, the alcohol very eminent on his breathe thank you very much, when she pushed him away with a hand on his chest. The intoxication made it easy for her to shove him off but she also saw him stumble and as she didn't want him to fall back over she grabbed a hold of his shirt and pulled him in.
"Make up your mind woman," Fin grunted at this pushing back and forth business.
"Well stop acting like some cavemen stupid," she said and pulled him with her still holding on to his shirt.
"Who's the caveman now," she heard him grunt as she made her way to the bedroom with him in a firm grip. She let go a little and grabbed his arm with her other hand. Once in the bedroom he again tried to grab her but she easily slipped out of his drunken grip and she pushed him down to sit on the bed.
"Okay, you need anything? Water? Advil?" she asked but he shook his head. She'd get some for his bed stand once she got him in bed she figured.
"Okay let's get you in bed then," she said but didn't have the chance to make a move until he did. He grabbed a hold of her and pulled her into his arms.
"Sounds great, let's get to bed," she heard him moan as she felt his mouth dig into her midsection.
"No Fin, you're going to bed, not me," Amanda fought him off.
"Oh common," he complained.
"No common, I have to get home Fin," she said, "you want help or not?" She looked at him seriously and he looked bummed but as though he got it.
"Raise your arms," she ordered him and he managed to do it so so. She still got his shirt over his head though and put it down at the end of the bed. She felt his hands come up around her ass but she slapped his arms away easily, gave him a stern look and then reached for his belt buckle. He grabbed a hold of her hair again though and forced her head down a little towards his crotch.
"Fin, god damn," she said and slapped his arm away again as she got back up.
"It's not funny," she shouted as he snickered again.
"Just a little funny," he said and held up his fingers to show her a small measurement between his thumb and finger. He peeked at her through the space and he looked so silly she had to smile. She decided to let him get away with it even though she didn't appreciate his plump assumption. She reached for his belt again but then he reached for her pants and she froze until he withdrew his hands. He chuckled as she got his belt open and then whistled when she quite easily swiped it out of his hoops.
"Skillful madam," he snickered and gave her ass a slap. She ignored it as it stayed at that and she got down to get his button and fly open so they could get his pants off.
"Why can't you stay?" he whined a bit.
"I've already told you why," she said and then swore silently as she had trouble getting his zipper down. It seemed stuck in his boxers.
"Ryan," he said with spite in his voice. She averted her eyes up to his face briefly but he was looking somewhere in the distance.
"That's part of it yes," she admitted as she went back to his zipper.
"But you haven't slept with him yet right? I know you haven't," Fin speculated.
"How do you know I haven't?" she was curious even though she knew she should probably not try and discuss this with him. At least not right now.
"You don't put out to just anyone," Fin said and managed to stroke her hair gently.
"Ryan's not anyone," she said though and looked him deep in the eyes. He held her eyes for a while but then his face changed into a smirk again.
"Well it's not like you're married or anything yet, you haven't committed to anything yet," he said and looked away.
"Well I'm committed to giving him a fair chance anyway. Oh this isn't working, you have to get up so I can get your pants down," Amanda had tried enough. Fin snickered.
"You say you want to commit but here you are trying to get my pants down," he laughed. Amanda stood up and tried to give him a serious look. It was kinda amusing though she had to admit. He looked at her with a smile on his face.
"Stupid drunk, get up will 'ya," she said and gestured for him to get up. With some effort he managed to get back up and he held out his hands to give her access to his pants. His gestured looked a little bit crude but she still went for his zipper. His hands folded around her though and he brought her in close.
"Sleep with me," he said as she looked up. She shook her head at him and tried to get away as he tried to catch his lips with hers. He caught them though and for a moment she let him. His mouth were just as eagerly and tempting as always but as his tongue wanted access inside she managed to gain some sense and she got out of his grip.
"Fin, let's just do this now," she said and got back down to his zipper. She felt just a bit hot and bothered and just wanted to be able to get out of there before she lost herself. She got his zipper down and folded down his pants a little but feared she'd get his boxers down in the process and that was a sight her hot and bothered mind couldn't handle right now. Her hesitation gave him the chance to grab her again. She turned her face away though so his mouth couldn't get access to hers.
"Oh common, you can't tell me you don't want me," he whispered right by her ear and she felt his hand go down over her ass. His hand came in a little between her legs and he pushed her into his thigh. He moved her so she rubbed up against him a little and she couldn't lie, it did feel nice. She felt his lips and then his tongue against her ear before he whispered;
"You can't tell me you don't want me to fuck you." His words alone made her feel aroused and then there was the hand between her butt cheeks, his thigh against her clit, no it had to stop. She tried pushing away from him. The first attempt was lame she had to admit but the second one she managed to get some distance from him.
"Fin, stop it," she whispered as she tried to get rational again. His hand moved from her behind to the front though and he roughly pulled the first button in her jeans open.
"Stop it," she said and managed to sound a bit harsher. It made him freeze but he still had one of her wrists in his grip. The grip eased a little though and she felt his fingers play a little over her skin. She watched his fingers and she couldn't say she didn't want those fingers to play over the rest of her body as well. But not like this and not in the future either if he couldn't commit to more than what they had before.
"Fin, I really just want to make sure you get a good night's sleep okay? Help me out a bit," she said without trying to sound like she begged. She didn't dare to look at him though and kept her eyes on his grip around her wrist. She saw him let go and she put her hand down as she took a small step back. She wet her lips before she looked at him. She couldn't read his face, he just looked… blank. She wasn't sure what she had hoped for. Perhaps a bit of sadness, something that told her he felt regret about the situation they were in. Not the situation right here and now but the situation with her and Fin and Ryan. If he said something, acted in some way that let her know there was hope for something more, then maybe she could wait just a little longer for him.
She looked down again, wasn't sure what to do. Next thing was to get his pants off she figured and then tucked in for the night. Then she could leave.
"Okay lay down and we try and get your pants off," she said as she took a little sidestep.
"Yes, let's lay down," he said and tried to grab for her again.
"No, you…" she started but he managed to get a good grip on her and pulled her in again. Her side was pushed into him but as they fought a little he got her around so her ass was right by his crotch. She stopped fighting him for a while and just breathed. She could feel he had a hard on and it made her feel even more flustered. One of his hands went up over her breasts, up to her throat and grabbed a hold a little as he pushed her head up to his so he could get his mouth on her collarbone by leaning over her shoulder. His other hand found its way down between her legs. He rubbed her over her jeans for a while.
"Fin," she breathed. She wanted it to be a plea for him to stop but she understood if he didn't interpret it that way. His hand went up to the rim of her jeans and she inhaled, leaving him even more space to push his hand down inside her pants. He got straight down inside layers of fabric and her entire body shivered as his fingers stroke down between her folds. He went directly for her wetness and brought it back up to her clit. She took a few deep breaths as fast rolling waves of pleasure hit from the inside and out. She lost the battle for a while, rested into him as he rubbed her clit. This just felt right, she couldn't lie to herself.
But her brain cells suddenly kicked back in. She couldn't do this. She said his name again, this time it sounded more like the plea to stop that she'd aimed for earlier. She grabbed his wrist to urge his hand to release her core even though his treatment made her feel good. No great. But she couldn't go there anymore. When she tried to pull his hand out though his grip around her throat tighten. It made her sober up a little more and she told him to stop. He seemed to hear her as his mouth left her shoulder and slowly his hand withdrew from her pants. She leaned out from him a bit as she got her breath back.
"I just can't do this," she whispered. She stepped out of his warmth and turned around.
"I want to but I can't," she said when she had his eyes with hers. His face still looked blank though and she couldn't tell where his head was at. But then he suddenly grabbed her again. Grabbed both her wrists and he pulled her down with him onto the bed.
"Fin," she said as she tried to get her hands down somewhere on the bed so she could push herself back up. But he held on and after a bit of tug and war she stopped and looked at him.
"Sleep with me," he said, still with that blank look on his face.
"No Fin," she said simply, "it won't happen." She was about to try and get up again when he suddenly flopped her over and came up on top of her. It felt… excessive. She felt… threaten. She lay still for a moment. Swallowed hard. Tried to get a grip on the situation.
"Fin," she whispered but it felt as though he wasn't there for some reason. Her wrists were pinned down on the bed but not hard and she tried to twist them free. It made him hold on tighter though and she felt him pull her upwards, his knee came in between her legs and he used it to push her up further on the bed.
"Fin," she tried again but a little louder. His mouth came down on her neck though, teeth biting, tongue eager, lips hungry. She tried to squeeze him out by pinching her head and shoulder together but he was determined. His mouth came down over her throat and went down over her tee. He found her breast and bit down. Hard. It made her arch up against him. He found her nipple and she feared teeth but instead he sucked in. A fear of pain turned to a pleasurable sensation and the sudden shift in emotions made her head spin. He left her breast but she could still feel the wet circle he'd left there as her heart pounded hard in her chest. He came back up to her throat, up along the other side of her neck. She tried his name again but not as loud this time. She felt out of breath for some reason.
The grip on her wrist suddenly disappeared but then she felt her upper body get twisted over. He folded her in some way, managed to keep her lower body on the bed as he pressed down her face in the bed. She felt his fingers dig in hard at the back of her neck. For a moment she couldn't breathe but managed to twist her head a bit so her airways were open. She took a few breaths as she tried to get the sense back in her body. She felt his hand work on the buttons in her jeans and she panicked again. She tried to get a hold of him, one arm was stuck underneath her but the other one was free. It fumbled around in the air though, she felt his face, his head from time to time but she couldn't manage to grab him or push him off. It only made his grip over her neck harden and she moaned with displeasure.
He got her fly open and she felt her pants getting ripped down. This wasn't happening. For a second she couldn't even see the tumble of sheets in front of her face, she saw only pure black panic. He let her neck go and she was back down on the bed and before she could do any damage he had her wrist pinned to the bed again. She didn't get a look on his face, it was down by her neck again. He let one wrist go and she felt his hand go down in-between them. He pushed her pants down even further, used his knee and then foot to help out. She tried to get her hand on his face. He buried it at her neck though and she tried to grab a hold of his tee, force him up somehow. Get him to look at her. Get him to stop. But she still didn't want to hurt him. Didn't want to scratch him, bite him. She just wanted him off her. She felt her pants being completely ripped off her and then he used his knees to push her legs apart.
"Fin," she surprised herself at how loud she screamed.
"Stop it," she tried when he didn't seem to hear her. Her fingers dug in hard in his scalp. His hand came back up and he got a hold of her wrist and soon her arm was back down above her head, hand pinned to the bed next to her other one. He collected them even closer together and managed to hold them down with only one hand. His other hand travelled down between them again. She felt it go up the inside of her thigh and she struggled to get him off. His fingers found their way inside her panties and soon he was rubbing his fingers against her clit.
"No, Fin," she cried. She wanted him to stop but still felt herself push up against his fingers as waves of pleasure ran through her. What was happening? She felt her own body betray her. His touch had always made her feel good and it did even now. She felt tears well up her eyes.
"Fin," she cried again. Her body might enjoy this but her mind didn't. She did not want this to happen. The more she fought him the more pain he caused her and in some fucked up way the wetter she got. Her arms were hurting bad now and for a moment she just let them rest on the bed. He kept pressing them hard into the bed though. Her breathing was heavy. He managed to touch her clit in a way that made her gasp and she arched up against him again. Why? Why was her body enjoying this?
"Please stop," she begged as she stopped resisting all together and just fell back on the bed. She hoped this would make him react, snap him out of whatever trance he was in. Perhaps he'd ease up on his tight grip on her and she could get away. She needed distance from him cause the way his mouth felt against her neck, it devoured her. His fingers was still rubbing her clit and it felt too good. When his hand suddenly left her panties though she felt it go for his own crotch and she feared what was next. She started fighting him again. She tried to get a hand loose but to no use. She thought about kicking him but her legs felt numb and the more she tried to move the harder he pushed down her core to the bed.
"Please Fin, stop," she begged one last time as she felt him against her naked body.
"Don't do this," she whispered.