Thank you all soooooo much! You rock...that's all I have to really say.
Tear Down The Stars Chapter 8
Spencer's P.O.V
I had my book in my bag the whole time during English. You're probably wondering why I lied to Ashley well so am I. It was only last night that I was telling her step mother that we aren't friends and now she's inviting me to lunch and I'm making up excuses to sit closer to her. My world has been spun on its ass and I#'m kind of enjoying it.
What I'm not enjoying is the fact that Carmen is still refusing to talk to me. I saw the hurt expression on her face this morning when she saw me talking to Ashley and I tried to talk to her about it but she froze me out. I get why she is annoyed but I'm my own person and I'll do what I want. I refuse to be emotionally controlled by Carmen even if it is putting a major strain on our friendship. I miss talking to my best friend about things and I have a lot going on at the moment. The problem is that even if Carmen were talking to me I wouldn't be able to tell her that I may be crushing on Ashley Davies, not that I am or anything.
I'm not listening to a word the teacher is saying because all I can focus on is her leg touching mine. Something so innocent is playing havoc on my mind and my hormones. It doesn't help that I'm pretty sure that Ashley keeps stealing glances of me when I do try to pay attention to the teacher. There she goes again and I giggle slightly making her look at me with a questioning eyebrow. I just shake my head and she averts her eyes back to the teacher. This stupid girly giggling needs to stop whenever I'm around her otherwise she'll think I'm a complete idiot. Ashley adjusts her position and hand grazes my own which causes us both to jump apart. We both look at our hands like they're going to explode and then at each other.
"Miss Davies, Miss Carlin is there a problem?" The teacher demands clearly not impressed with whatever just happened. I struggle to find words as I feel the eyes of all our class mates on us. Ashley doesn't look as dazed but she is used to being centre of attention.
"Erm no sorry" Ashley mutters not sounding as sure of herself as she normally does when addressing teachers. Our teacher clearly feels the same as he gives Ashley a look of concern.
"Okay well lets keep it that way ladies" He tells us and I release the breath I was holding in and I give Ashley a slight smile to thank her for actually having the ability to speak unlike myself.
After 20 more minutes of torture the bell finally rings signalling the end of the period and the start of lunch/ Everybody darts out of the room as usual where as Ashley and I both take our time. All the other drama in my brain made me forget that we are doing lunch together and I'm nervous all of a sudden.
"You coming?" Ashley asks me as she stands over me.
"Yea...yep" I'm an idiot.
"Well you need to stand up" She informs me with a laugh and I know that she's right but my legs aren't listening to my brain. Her smile fades as she sees I'm not standing yet and a frown takes over instead. Oh God I've made her frown.
"Spencer if you don't want to do lunch that's cool" She sounds sad and I feel like an idiot. I quickly jump into action and I'm on my feet in front of her surprising myself and her at the same time.
"I want to do...I want to do lunch...with you" Why have I lost all my brain power and whatever social abilities I once possessed.
"Glad we cleared that up" She smiles again and I'm breathing again. I have no idea why I'm getting so worked up over lunch. There is no way that this is anything but lunch especially not to Ashley who is just being kind. She probably feels guilty for been mean to me and this is her way of clearing her name. Okay if I think of it like that then it's ok, slightly pathetic but it works for me. We make it to my car and we both climb in continuing the silence that followed us from the classroom.
"So did you catch up with Carmen earlier?" She asks me this and she seems unaffected by the question.
"Yep and she continues to hate me and ignore me" I tell her keeping my eyes on the road.
"She's an idiot" Ashley sighs angrily surprising me slightly.
"She has her reason for being mad" I try to stick up for Carmen but I'm even convincing myself.
"I get that she's your best 'friend' but she's acting like a child. If you can forgive me then surely she can move on...well assuming that you will forgive me at some point" She looks nervous and I find it adorable.
"Do you honestly think that I would be going to lunch with you if I still hated you?" I question her and she shakes her head.
"Although my mind can easily changed if you keep implying that Carmen and I are more than friends" I warn her and she holds up her hands in her defence.
"I'm just calling it as I see it. You guys are pretty close plus you're both gay just figured it was the natural thing to do" She explains with a smile.
"I never said I was gay" I tell her with a cocky smirk and she looks at me surprised.
"Sorry I just assumed" She sounds a little sad at the thought that I'm not gay.
"Do I give off a gay vibe?" I figured I could have some fun with this.
"Erm...well no and yes" She replies softly.
"No and Yes?" I challenge.
"You're not your stereotypical West Hollywood lesbian but there is something about you plus you're totalling sleeping with Carmen" Ashley started off the sentence in a serious tone but that soon changed.
"I am not or will I ever be sleeping with Carmen. I love her as a friend but that's it...she's not my type anyway" I argue.
"Ok then Spencer Carlin what is your type? Male? Female? Butch? Femme? Goat?" Ashley throws a number of questions at me and I can't help but laugh. I've known somebody so determined to find out my sexuality and I'm flattered that she has thought so much about me. I pull into the parking lot of the diner that she told me to go to. I turn off the engine and I look at her. I didn't mean for the look to be so intense but it just ended up that way and she was looking straight back at me making me freeze for a moment.
"You really want to know?" I check before I tell her and she simply nods not really moving the rest of her body.
"I like girls...and that's all you need to know Davies" I tell her with a flirty smile and she smiles back like I have told her the best thing in the world.
"So you're not denying your love of farm animals?" She teases referencing her previous questions. I don't reply I just laugh and climb out of the car. I continue walking and she is soon walking next to me and feels good to have her next to me. Everything felt great until we walked into the diner and we walk straight into Carmen. Ashley looks at me as if she asking me what to do and I don't know because I'm doing my best rabbit in head lights impression.
"You two get lunch together now?" Carmen snaps as she eyes Ashley with nothing but anger. Ashley goes to say something and I know it will be equally as mean so I step in.
"It's not like I have my best friend to get lunch with at the moment" I argue and she looks shocked by voice, to be honest it shocks me but I don't like her tone and I am fed up of walking on glass around her.
"That's your choice Spencer" She informs me as she looks back towards Ashley who is visibly bursting at the seams to say something.
"No it was yours Carmen. I have tried to talk to you but you actually ran away from me this morning"
"You were talking to her Spencer what did you expect me to do?"
"So I'm not allowed to talk to anybody but you?" I ask folding my arms in annoyance. I hate arguing with her but I can't continue with our current pattern of her ignoring me.
"No just not Ashley Davies. Fuck Spencer do you not remember how she treated you when you moved here. I was the only one that was there for your and this is how you treat me" I am shocked by what she is saying and I'm annoyed that it always comes back to the same thing. I will always be grateful for Carmen and how she looked after me but I put myself in the firing line for her and she acts like she did me a favour.
"Just leave Carmen before we say anything else we don't mean" I warn her because I realise we have an audience and I don't want my personal life aired in public, it's not my style. I feel under pressure and I am waiting for Carmen to say something back but then I realise that her eyes aren't on me or Ashley but our hands. I follow her gaze and I'm as shocked as she is to see that Ashley has taken hold of my hand and I feel her warmth and her support.
"Seriously Spencer?" She hisses as she walks out of the diner leaving us just stood there. I feel exposed and I need to be away from all the eyes that are looking at me. I have managed to spend the last few years without drawing attention to myself and that has all just been ruined by Carmen's jealousy and my insane need to be near Ashley Davies. I feel my hand been tugged and I don't fight it because I can't be bothered and I don't want to. Ashley guides me by my hand away from the diner, away from the stares and comments. She's still holding my hand as we make our way down to the beach and I don't want her to let go. We stop and she's looking at me with her big brown eyes and she looks like she's trying to say sorry. I need to let her know that this isn't her fault and that it's okay but my words don't come out.
"I'm sorry about all of that" She tells me and she means it which pulls me from my daze.
"Don't you dare apologise. None of that was your fault Ashley I promise you that. Thank you for not saying anything"
"One of the hardest things I have ever done" And she's laughing again and I feel relaxed when I hear that laughter. I believe her when she tells me how hard it was for her not to butt in because I have seen Ashley fly off the handle at people for dumber reasons. I wouldn't say that Ashley has rage issues but she has a mouth on her and she will always fight her corner. To see her step back and just support me made me realise just how many layers there actually are to Ashley Davies which only intrigued me more.
"So you're an expert at drama how long will the masses be talking about this?" I ask her as we sit on the sand.
"Well not to be big headed but with my involvement I'd say until at least the end of the week" She jokes and I know she's right because of how King works. If Carmen and I just having an argument sans Ashley Davies then nobody would bat an eyelid but as Ashley was stood next to me and she was holding my hand it will be top of the gossip chain for a while.
"You know I can call Kyla and get her to start up some new drama. I can promise you that it will be way more exciting than what just happened" This Ashley at her kindest I assume and I smile at her.
"Thanks" I mumble as I lay my chin on my knees worrying about going back to school.
"She loves you Spencer" Ashley says this with a sigh and I look at her but she's focusing on the water ahead.
"I know" I tell her because of course I have noticed but I've just never said anything.
"Do you love her?" She is still looking at the water which I'm grateful for.
"No but sometimes I wish that I did because it would be easier. I mean she already knows me and I know her"
"Sounds far too easy to me" Ashley informs me with another one of her perfect smiles.
"Oh yea?" I'm intrigued to hear Ashley's thoughts on relationships because from what I hear she's not one for relationships.
"I dunno I just think that if you want to do the whole 'love' thing then you should never settle for anything but perfection. What ever there is between you two doesn't sound perfect and you deserve perfect Spencer" I think my heart just stopped working and all because of Ashley's words. She has just blown my mind and melted my heart a little bit.
"And what do you deserve Ashley?" I can't help but wonder what she actually believes she deserves in life.
"Well that all depends on who you ask"
"I'm asking you"
"Then I would have to say probably not perfection" She looks sad I realise just how much of an act she puts on for everybody. That bravado is so far from the person she shows me and I worry all the time that she'll cut me off at ant point through fear of showing me too much.
"I think you're wrong. I think that everybody deserves something perfect at some point and I don't think you give yourself enough credit"
"I don't need a cheerleader Spencer" She dead pans and it sort of hurts but I know that this is just how she is. I can feel my facial expression change to a semi hurt one and she sees it, I know she does because she's frowning again.
"We should probably go" I announce as I get to me feet heading up the beach towards the car. I get so far when I feel her warm hand on my shoulder turning me around. Her big brown eyes are full and she's begging me to listen with them so I stay quiet.
"You're going to get sick of me apologising all the time but I'm sorry. I'm not used to people saying those sorts of things to me. I mean people tell me I'm hot, sexy etc all the time but nobody has ever told me that I deserve something perfect" She is looking at me so intensely that I can't even blink in case it stops her looking at me altogether. This is way more intense than the pool and I know that we both feel it.
"Well you do Ashley and I'll tell you constantly if I have to until you get it through that cocky head of yours" I smile as I say this and so does she.
"I'm not cocky" She argues and I scoff at her.
"You are possibly the cockiest person I have ever met. Everybody knows that you're hot Ashley you don't need to keep telling us" I joke and she raises an eyebrow at me clearly amused by something I said.
"Do you think I'm hot?" She asks me and I see real shyness on her face. I feel myself going red because there is no way I can deny it. The girl is incredible looking she could easier be a model or something. She has this perfect hair that smells insane and her eyes are a really strange mixture of deep brown and gold. Then there's her body, I do not have the words to describe her body. I've got her body is so hot it stops my brain from actually working. Obviously I can't say all of this to her because she would probably just laugh at me or something else equally as scarring. Her eyes are boring into me and I know that I need to give an answer.
"You're okay" I say and I mean to sound more sure of myself but I know that I don't. She looks slightly taken back from answer and takes a moment to process it then she leans into me getting so close that I forget how to breathe again. Just as her lips are close enough to my ear she exhales.
"Well Spencer Carlin I think you are more than Okay" She whispers into my ear, then she simply steps back and smiles before heading back towards the car. I know that I look like an idiot just standing there but that's the effect that she has on me. In my defence Ashley is a pro at this sort of thing. I mean she is always seducing girls, I've seen it with my own two eyes. I don't do too badly but I'm less forward that Ashley when I'm hooking up. God even the thought of hooking up seems stupid to me at the moment because all I can see is Ashley then I remember that she is walking a few feet ahead of me and I need to catch up. I hurry to her side and we continue to walk to my car, I just hope my brain is still engaged enough to drive.