Ian's POV:

It was the next morning, morning after our new experiment. I couldn't tell what had happened, I could only say Anthony and I had kissed, but that's it. It felt so right and wrong at the same time. It felt like cheating, but who was I cheating? No one.

I ruffled my light brown hair, and yawned widely. I had a great dream for a while. I've seen a lot of nightmares, especially in recent nights for some reason, so it was good to have some normal dreams for a change. I heard that Anthony was up. I heard the bathroom door open and close couple of times. I got up from my bed, rubbed my eyes, and walked to the door. Anthony was flipping through the TV channels, looking really tired. "Hey man!" I said happily, trying not to remind him about yesterday. He didn't answer anything, just slowly took a breath, and turned around to face me. I shocked right away, when I saw his eyes. They were all puffy from crying, reddish, and swollen. "Oh Anthony.. What happened?" I asked terrified, sitting next to him. He gave me a hug, but still didn't say anything.

When his arms were around me, I could feel his breathing starting to slow down, as his heart beats. I was still really worried about what happened, so I pulled gently away from the warm body and tried really hard not to start crying too. I'm really sensitive person, so I almost every time start crying when someone else is crying, even I didn't know the reason. "You know, you can tell me anything?" I said, putting my right hand on his forearm. "I… Umm… Ian, I…" he stuttered quietly. "Just say it man", I said, trying to be understanding. "Well, I… It's really hard for me to say this, but… Ian… I think Smosh is over", he said, and then burst into tears. I was just sitting there. I couldn't say anything. I just was. "Wait, what? Anthony, you can't say that! Smosh isn't ending! We can't let our fans down. You can't let me down!" I said, starting to cry as well. I took my hand away from him, and buried my head to my hands, breathing heavily, like someone was chasing me in a dark alleyway. "Kalel got a job from Maine, so we are moving there. I don't want to break up with her. She said that if I'm not coming, she's still going. So…" Anthony said sounding really sad. I bet it was really hard for him to say it out loud. He knew I would be pissed – again. "What the fuck man? You are kidding me right!? This is some really douchey joke, and you are laughing at me being so stupid, right? There's no way in HELL I'm gonna let you move in freaking Maine! It's so fucking far away!" I yelled, being really mad at him. "Yesterday you knew you were moving! You kissed me and made me feel good as fuck, and now you are moving away! You ruined my freaking life Anthony!" I started crying even harder, tears dropping to my beige colored carpet, forming little different kind of shapes. "Why are you doing this to me Anthony? Why are you doing this!?"
"I'm sorry Ian… I know it's hard for us both, and… I don't want to lose Kalel. I love her! But it doesn't mean that I don't love you, or that I don't care about what's happening to Smosh. That just isn't possible anymore, if I'm moving to other side of the country. I want you to know that what happened yesterday was something weird. I liked it too much, 'cause I'm not gay. I love Kalel, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her! She's everything I need. It sucks ass to leave you, Ian. You'll always be my best friend, but I need to move", Anthony explained. I probably heard less than even a half of his sentences, but I didn't care. Anthony wanted to move away from me. He wanted to abandon me, leave me alone, crying myself to sleep every night, because he wasn't here. "Whatever, man. It's your life. Do whatever you want. I don't care. Let's remove our account from You Tube, let's forget everything that happened between us. Let's just forget everything, okay? You are moving to Maine with Kalel, I'm staying in Sacramento all by myself, eating crappy food again or…" I said pissed, and then stopping at the point when I realized what I was saying. Crap… There's no way out anymore. Anthony is going to ask anyways… "Or what?" he said, like I knew he was going to. I squeezed my knees lightly, hoping Anthony wouldn't notice.

"I've been.. Well, I've been really depressed every time you left my house, when we had no Smosh stuff. You went to Kalel's place for a while, and then came back. I easily handled that, 'cause I knew you weren't so far away. But that time, when you went to Tokyo with her… I was seriously dying in here. I was so depressed during your vacation, I started starving myself. I started running again, and I lost ten pounds of weight. I felt like it wasn't enough, so I started cutting myself. It made me feel little better for some reason, so I kept going. I haven't told you anything about that time. Once, I was in the bathroom and… My sister, Lauren, was in my house for a visit. And she noticed I've been there for a while, and she came to the door asking, if I was okay. I didn't lock the door, so she came in and saw what I had done to myself. My hands were covered in blood, and she started screaming at me.. She called the ambulance, and it didn't take long when they came, and helped me… I cut my self so deep in the veins, that the blood didn't want stop coming… They putted five stiches to my hands… And I still have marks there, but you haven't paid any attention to them", I told him. Anthony's face was expressionless, he's eyes were blank and his hands were shaking.

"I… I… I did it to you… I made you do those… It's my fault… My fault… Everything… Ian… I'm so sorry… I didn't want leave you… I didn't know you were so unhappy. You covered it up so well, I didn't see that you were in so much pain… Ian, why? Why did you do that? Why… You hurt yourself… Ian, why…" Anthony said stuttering. It was hard for him to form full sentence, I saw he was in shock. He was paler than normally and he's pupils were expanded. "I felt so left out when you had Kalel and all of my friends are dating. I don't have anyone, and it feels like crap sometimes. When you are away, there's no one I can lean to, there's no one I can talk to about my concerns, there's no one to wrap around my arms when I'm feeling cold, or I need comfort. When I want to watch a movie, it feels bad to not have anyone besides me, there's only one pair of eyes watching the screen. It feels terrible. But you don't know how it feels, because you always get the girls. Girls always walk away from me, 'cause I'm so fucking shy. I can't help it, but I just am. And it sucks… You don't even need to try! And I'm in so much trouble when I need to even ask homework from some girl. I fucking hate my life. Just leave me here alone, I'll do fine, I guess", I said, looking to the ground. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

Anthony didn't look to my eyes. He was looking at my left hand that had large scars in it. "Why haven't I seen those before?" he asked carefully. "Well… Lauren gave me this concealer that matched my skin color, so I have been using that on the scars", I said, stroking my bruises. Anthony was so terrified about the things I was doing to myself, and behind his back. He looked into my eyes, wiping my tears away, and said with a soft tone: "We are going on a vacation to Finland, because I know you'll like it. Just don't cry, okay? I don't want to see you crying." I was kind of amused about what was happening. Anthony was the last person wanting to go to Nordic countries, but maybe he did it just for me. I had a slight peace of hope for that. Maybe he did it just for me. Just maybe.

Anthony's POV:

Ian seemed really surprised for my "gift". I wanted to make him happy for one more time before I was going to move to Maine. Kalel and I were going to leave from Sacramento to Maine in two months. We should book the trip to Finland as fast as possible, otherwise, it wouldn't be guaranteed to even be able to go there. "So, what do you think? Do you want to go?" I asked grinning. "Umm… Weren't you leaving already?" Ian asked with a serious face. "Well, we decided to leave after couple months, so we still have time together, Ian. Let's enjoy these couple weeks we still have together! You wanted to see the world! Now would be the chance. Even I'm not very interested because it's seriously freaking freezing in there, but I would like to go anyways", I said, trying to cheer my best friend up. He didn't seem so upset anymore, he looked like he was weighing the various options he had. "I guess that would be fun", he said, and giving me a little adorable smile. I knew, these last weeks with Ian, would be totally amazing in every kind of way. "Would you like to go, and check some flights? We can leave as soon as you want to. You decide", I said, pulling Ian with me to my room, where I had my iMac. "Mmkay", Ian muttered, and walked lazily behind me. I laughed a little bit at him, and I could sense that he was at least smiling he's cute smile.

"So this goes at 13th of August. It's a day flight", Ian said, looking at the screen very closely. "Yeah. Did you see how long does it take! It's fucking thirteen hours, man! How are we going to take it for so long!" I laughed. Ian didn't laugh at all. He was still staring at the screen. "The same way you and Kalel did, when you went to Tokyo", he said teasing me with a very awkward way. His words made me blush, but I decided to stay quiet. I would just make it worse. "Should we book this flight?" He asked, looking at me for the first time. "Yes… Just do it already", I said murmured. Ian made a couple clicks, I didn't even pay attention of what he was doing. "So, it will totally cost about $1200 for flights, and $2460 for hotel. It's not a five star hotel, but I think three stars is just okay for us this time. It's costing so much money anyways", Ian said. "We're not billionaires you know. And we were going to donate some money to charity, didn't we?" Ian smiled for a change, and I smiled slightly back. "Yeah, sure!" I replied, giving him a high five.

Anthony goes home! (I wanted to jump a bit)

I opened the door, and walked in. I heard Kalel recording a vlog or something, because she was talking to herself. Buki was laying on the couch, and Pip was hiding behind the brown tea table we had in our living room. "Babe, I'm home!" I yelled happily. I heard Kalel saying something to the camera (if there was a camera) and I saw her running to me. "Yayy! Daddy's home!" she screamed, and our cats followed her, filled with excitement. "It's nice to see you around here, mister busy-ass" she laughed, and gave me a kiss on the lips. Nah, that didn't feel the same at all as it did with Ian yesterday, not even close! I grinned, and greeted Pip and Buki, who were spinning in circles around my legs, so I needed to really watch out for not stepping on them. "I was just making a Watch Us Live And Stuff- video, wanna join?" she asked kindly. "Okay, why not", I grinned, and followed her to kitchen, where she was recording.

After filming a mail video, I was really exhausted, but I needed to tell Kalel something, she would not gonna like. I already knew it. She hates Smosh, because it takes so much of my time. And for the cherry on top, she hates Ian. There is no one in this whole world she hates more than him. The have a really dark past together… At high school, they were dating a while, but they broke up, because Kalel really likes to be a bitch sometimes, like she ruled the whole school. It's sometimes was really annoying, but I got used to it. Ian was the person who introduced Kalel to me for the first time, for some reason, I really liked her back then. I just can't find the same sparkle and passion no more. She just can't give me everything I need. She just can't satisfy me enough. "Honey…" it really was hard to say that. "I need to tell you something", I said carefully. "Okay, hit me with your best shot!" she sang, and laughed to her awesome joke. Really "awesome" joke. "So… Uhm… Ian and I… We are… Uhm…" I stuttered quietly. "You are what? Dating?" she asked sarcastically. "Hell no! But… We are taking a break from Smosh, and… We are going to Finland! Isn't that awesome!?" I smiled, and waited for her reaction. "Yeah, it's cool. I think… How long are you guys there? Where ever it is…" "Well, we are there for two weeks. And I know our moving is coming, but Ian is really upset about it, so we are going on a vacation together" I said. "Have a great vacation then! Ian is always better option than me, right? I know about you guys! I know everything!"

Hey everyone! This chapter was kinda boring, nothing
really happened, but forgive me! The next chapter will be
awesome! It's going to have lots of action going on, so
don't forget to check it!

Lotta Hecox :33