Later:
"Alright, you two, time for bed," Padme said softly as she hauled two half un conscious force sensitive children into their respective room for the night.
Luke and Leia, too tired to protest, only nodded blearily, their heads already filled with dreams of heroic misadventures and Good Samaritans.
"Do you want to say goodnight to Aira before you go?" She asked as Anakin picked Leia up, grinning as she stuffed one small thumb into her mouth, a tiny smile flitting over a half-asleep face.
"Night, night, Aira," they muttered in unison, eyes drooping as they rested respective cheeks on their beaming parent's shoulders. Lux shook his head. Most would have suspected, with grins like that, the twins parents would shamelessly spoil them, and this assumption would not be far from the truth.
It was obvious Anakin and Padme adored their children, the love they held for the small toddlers evident in every move they made. But what with the rest of the Order's strict mentors there to make up for it, he supposed the twins wouldn't be that bad of brats when they were older, and hopefully they would be brats during their teenage years so that they could all sit back and watch irony work its magic.
He glanced up to Obi-wan to see a small, impish smile on his worn features showing that he; too, was thinking the same. Lux chuckled softly and turned back where Aira was smiling gently at the two, her eyes full of affectionate compassion as she gave both a fond kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight Mr. Light and Mrs. Peace. Sweet dreams," she whispered as Anakin and Padme carefully huddled their smiling bundles upstairs to bed.
Lux smiled and shook his head as the clones quickly made a diplomatic retreat, leaving the rest of the Jedi to the cleaning. Lux was considering taking the same approach when Aira grabbed his hand.
"Lux? Talk to me?" She asked softly, glancing pointedly at the door. Lux, with a glance at the kitchen, where Intrepid cocked her head slightly to the right to indicate it was fine; he nodded and allowed her to lead him to the front porch outside.
He closed the door softly behind him and looked up at her, breathless with the extent of her beauty as she gazed thoughtfully at the full moon ahead. "So?" he asked softly, unwilling to break the spell of her beauty, mesmerized and slightly dizzied by the effect she had on him. She turned, a light blur halo tingeing the edges of her blonde hair.
"Lux, I…" She trailed off, uncertainly, hugging her elbows as if she were chilled by the chilly air. Lux decided she was exquisitely beautiful when she was cold.
"I… I should thank you for tonight. I…I had fun. I really did have fun," she whispered softly, and for some reason she sounded heartbroken, as if her night had not only been a stain ion her heart but the galaxy in general. Lux scowled. "You had fun…yet something bothering you," he stated.
She nodded, biting her bottom lip, and gazed at him, the moon outlining her body from behind. She looked like an angel, an angel who's expression fairly screamed anxious pain, but an angel all the same.
"Yes, I….Ugh, do you think I'm betraying my father with this?" She blurted finally, turning to him with fearsome self-loathing.
"I mean…I liked them. I really liked them. I'm so used to hate, and detestation. I've loathed the Order for a long time, and now suddenly realizing that I can no sooner loathe the people I met tonight as I could love Sidious, I…I feel like I'm betraying my father's memory somehow. What do you think?" She asked him, seeming almost desperate for his opinion.
Lux fidgeted with the hem of his pants, so wanting to give her a good answer, so wanting to try and tell her that it was not wrong to let go of hate, and yet at the same time he remembered the feeling. He remembered that he had begun to think that he had betrayed his father's memory by liking Ahsoka.
"Your father loved you, right?" he asked at last. She blinked startled by the sudden answer and no doubt the seriousness in his eyes. He had no clue how anything could be so differently serious at the moment, it just wasn't right that such a beautiful creature could feel this much pain.
"Of course he did. Very much," she maundered. Lux nodded and walked closer, so that he could see the rise and fall of her chest, which he really needed to stop glancing at before his thoughts betrayed him.
"Then he wouldn't want you to feel hate on his behalf. I…I felt the same way when I first met Ahsoka; I thought my mother was betraying our father's memory by inviting them. I remember we got into a fight about it," he smiled bitterly at the memory.
They never had made up that fight, and now his mother was gone. He would never be able to thank her for bringing Ahsoka and thus the others into his life. He would never get to apologize for not understanding, for letting blind hatred and rage cause him to raise his voice. He had an idea that she would have understood anyway.
"But she was right. If I would have continued hating The Republic and Jedi, then eventually that hate would have consumed me, I wouldn't have the life I have now, the people I have now, and…" he thought a moment.
"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure who I would be without the Jedi. Maybe one day, you'll find they've made you into someone better too," he told her softly, gazing deeply into anxious violet eyes that calmed at the realization of his words. He smiled at the relief he found there. "I'm so glad you came," he confessed softly.
"I know how hard it was for you, Aira. It takes a truly strong person to forgive something like this. And I know it made them feel better too, they've been forced to do some things that they hate during this war. Knowing that for now, at least, they made it up to somebody for the dealings of the Jedi, well…I think they'll all sleep a bit better tonight," he offered.
He wanted to assure her that she was not the only one who had needed healing tonight. Sometimes it helped to know you were not alone in the process, e ven if the healings were not always for the same reasons.
Aira nodded, then sobered. "They're good people, but…They've all killed, haven't they? Even you, Lux. You've killed," he gulped. "Yes. I have," what else was there to say?
It hurt to acknowledge it, to have it thrown in his face again and again, but that was the life of a hero. In order to stay sharp, to remember that the life you were taking was still life, and you had no right to take it, whether for justice or self-defense it did not matter, you had to be reminded every day just who may have suffered because of your decision.
For all any of them knew, it could have been one of the Jedi inside of the room that could have had a hand in killing Aira's father. Maybe not.
They would never know, and he respected her all the more because of it. She very well could have come face to face and spoken with her father's murderer here tonight, but she had done so with grace and civility.
She had forgiven, though he knew she would never forget. Neither would he.
She studied him a moment more, thoughtfully biting her lower lip. He watched her, wondering what to do now, if there was something more to be said. What all of this meant for him and her.
"There's something about you that is Jedi," Aira said after a long moment where the only sound was that of the wind, the crickets and the whispering of stars. Lux remained silent, aware that he was not meant to answer.
"It's in Padme, and even those clones. An air about you that just…It marks as a hero, like you were destined for greater things, meant to live different lives than the rest of us. I don't know what it is, exactly, but you're special, Lux Bonteri, very special," he found himself blushing at her words.
She thought he was special? He was destined for greater things? He had been told this a multitude of other times before of course but coming from her it felt…Real.
Not just another compliment by another person who knew nothing more of him than just the endless tales of heroics he had pulled off. She knew him now; and still dubbed him special, a hero; that was what really mattered. That was what made his heart glow with pride…And love.
"Well, you know," he said softly, eyes on his feet. "You're pretty amazing, too," he mumbled. "Thanks. I appreciate that. It means a lot, coming from you," Lux looked up at the catch in her voice. When he did, he found her face was grave, and sad. Her large eyes scanned his face as if memorizing each tiny detail for the road.
"What is it?" He asked softly. Aira sighed and took a small step back. The air between them chilled Lux more than the plains of Hoth. "Lux, please don't…" She trailed off, looking down at the ground before she took in a shuddering breath and looked up again. Lux had the distinct feeling this was a goodbye.
But why?
"Lux, I…I like you. I like you a lot," his heart skipped a beat. "But…All the time I was sitting in there, despite the fact that I was having fun, that I laughed more tonight than I've laughed since…Hell, since daddy died, I knew with a gut deep feeling that I did not belong there. I felt like the pariah at the table, no matter how kind everyone was with me, but you…You belong with them, Lux. You are one of them, whatever it is you all are, not really Jedi or heroes, but something…" she gave a half shrug.
"Bigger, better, more amazing. As much as I like you, as much as I like them," she gave him a rueful smile and gestured inside. "I could never be like you. I could never be one of you; I'm not special like you all are," she told him softly, sorrowfully.
He could see the regret shining in her eyes. He hastened, desperate, to dissuade her. "But you are special!" he blurted immediately. He stopped forward boldly, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Yeah," she agreed, nodding confidently. "Special in my way. You all have your own sort of special; you all have something in common that I could never have. Lux…You belong with them, but I could never belong with you all. I'd forever be the outcast, but you can't come with me!" She told him, as if he had been about to suggest it.
He found, with a secret wilting sort of shame; that he hadn't been about too. The thought of leaving the others, indefinitely, was excruciating.
"You love it here, Lux; I can see it in your eyes. You love these people, and I'll bash your head in myself if you dared ever leave them for the likes of me. Still, I can't stay," she cringed visibly. "I'm sorry, Lux," she repeated gently.
Lux stood there, his head spinning, his world exploding, and amongst the ashes, he stood resolute on what she had said. He did belong here.
He knew that, and as much as it hurt, as much as he had come to love this woman in one night, had come to respect and admire her for her strength and compassion, he knew that it could never be. He had a destiny that she did not share.
Not because his family was Jedi, but because he too was one, and as such was forever separated from the rest of the universe.
He cleared his throat, blinking away tears. "I…I understand," he croaked. Aira looked up at him with concern, with affection…With the sprouts of love they had to pull up from the roots.
"And I…Agree. We're not meant to travel the same path," he said softly, huskily. Force, why hadn't anyone ever told him love hurt this much?
"But we're still friends," Aira surmised quickly, then looked at him uncertainly, cocking her head. "Aren't we?" She asked again. He gave her a lopsided grin and squeezed her shoulders.
"Always," he promised, throat tight, the lump in it pestering him mightily. Aira smiled in relief, but then scowled. Her bottom lip puckered. Lux's eyes blurred.
He closed them. She bit her lip and stepped from underneath his touch. "Thanks again, Lux, and tell them…Thanks, Just thanks. I'm pretty sure they can fill in the gaps themselves," she said, and did not specify whom she meant. Lux did not need specification. He nodded.
"I will. You be careful out there," she was a pilot smuggling things for the Rebellion, after all. She gave him a cocky grin and put one hand on one delicately crafted hip. "Careful isn't my thing," the teasing glint fell away to smooth into gentle waters of violet regret.
"You stay safe, too, Lux. I'll…I'll think of you, a lot," he could no more answer to this than he would have been able to answer to the assumption that he had killed before. There was nothing he could say.
He could only nod, and watch as she gave him one last tiny smile and turned, walking into the desolate night, cloaked by darkness, still with a halo of moonlight around her as she made her way towards the base and where her ship lay waiting, fueled, for her departure.
He watched her, heart trembling, yet strangely at peace, or at least content that though he had not found a soul mate today, he had found a new friend.
Finally, when she had walked too far, without looking back, that he could no longer see her, that's when he went back inside.
He sighed as he made his way back into the warm confines of the kitchen, already scrubbed into perfection. He looked up just as Ahsoka and Padme as topped teasing Anakin and Intrepid and Obi-wan had ceased lecturing Nava. They all looked up, and he knew his sorrow was transparent by the grave looks they bestowed upon him.
"She's gone," he answered the unspoken question in their eyes. "But why?" Padme asked softly, her brows scrunched in pained confusion. Lux knew she had liked Aira. "She seemed like she was enjoying herself," Lux nodded.
"She did. She left here without hatred, without any more bitterness about her father's death, she said she laughed more tonight than she has since he died, and she told me to tell you guys thanks for that. But…" he shrugged helplessly, still numb on the outside with cold, bittersweet content on the inside.
"She knew she couldn't ever truly belong here with us. Her destiny lies within a different path," he said, and with all the weariness within him, he knew he sounded more mystic and wise than he had for a long time. Perhaps this was his normal behavior now.
For a moment; a contagious silence. Then, Intrepid sighed, pulling fretfully at her right head tail. "We're sorry, Lux," what for? was his first thought but knowing the others they'd find some minor, insufficient doubt to blame themselves for. He chuckled softly.
Ah, family. He had known Aira would like them.
"Don't be, it isn't anyone's fault. She knows where she belongs and I know where I belong, and it's not together, that's for sure. Everything worked out for the best," mission complete. Success, right? So why did he feel so tired and melancholy again?
She might as have dumped me for all I'm feeling, he thought. Then remembered that they had never been in a real relationship to start with. "True, but we know how much you liked her," Ahsoka said with a small sigh of understanding and regret.
"Heck, we liked her too, she had spunk," Padme muttered. "And," Obi-wan nodded thoughtfully, eyeing him earnestly. "She did like you as well," Lux smiled, shifting his feet.
"Therefore we all liked each other. Mission accomplished," he said softly. None of the other smiled, though amusement twinkled briefly in various sets of eyes. Nava regarded him with a mother's worry.
"Will you be alright, sweetie?" she asked him softly. The others turned serious once more, the same question reflected in each eye. "Yes," he sighed at last. "I'll be just fine with some time and action," the others looked very much like they doubted this, but nodded anyway.
Slowly, Ahsoka and Intrepid, both muttering quiet curses towards the fates as they led him away, drew Lux back upstairs.
Before he was hauled into bed for a good nights' rest, his eyes went to the windows outside, where he could see, just vaguely, a small dot of light shoot into the air and then whiplash amongst the stars. Aira was gone, back to the stars where her destiny laid waiting.
Lux glanced at Intrepid and Ahsoka at his side, then the other Jedi quietly debating behind and around him. He smiled happily with a sudden burst of well-being; sure that everything was, for the moment, completely perfect in his life. Lux Bonteri laughed softly. His destiny was right here.
And he had no regrets.
THE END