Chapter Seventeen: Order of Idiot, First Class

When the quartet returned to Hogwarts on Tuesday, they had breakfast in the Great Hall with the other students after changing for the school day ahead.

'Where have you been?' asked Douglas.

'With Remus for the full moon,' replied Harry.

'Are you Animagi, then?' Douglas asked.

'Yeah, we are,' said Harry, 'I hear mum wouldn't let dad train you.'

'No, she wouldn't,' said Douglas, bitterly.

'Never mind, and anyway, I have news for you, starting next Monday, during what was supposed to be your Defence class, you'll be doing something else, I'm not going to tell you what that is now because there are too many ears here, trust me, you'll find out soon enough, okay?' said Harry.

'Er, right, okay, Harry,' said Douglas.

It was then that the bell rang for the first class of the day and off they went.

It was when lunch arrived that next little bit of excitement occurred.

Harry and his friends, along with his brother and his friends, had all sat down to eat lunch when Dolores Umbridge entered the hall accompanied by a portly man with a lime green bowler hat, and they stopped at the table in front of Harry.

'If your here for autographs, you've come on the wrong day, please come back tomorrow,' said Harry coolly, as he noticed the man staring at his scar.

'Insolent and rude, just you like you said, Dolores,' said the man.

'I'm supposed to care what either of you think of me?' scoffed Harry, 'who the bloody hell are you, anyway?'

'I am Cornelius Fudge, Order of Merlin, First Class, and the Minister of Magic!'

'Am I supposed to be impressed?' asked Harry.

'Just like your brother, eh, Potter? A rude, attention seeking little brat and a liar!' said Fudge.

'My brother maybe a rude, brat-like, attention seeking arsehole, but that doesn't give you the right to judge him, after all, you aren't his father,' said Harry, 'but he's not lying about Voldemort.'

Those that heard Harry say his name, shuddered, including Dolores and Fudge.

'Pathetic, absolutely pathetic, shuddering at a fucking name!' said Harry.

'It's not even his real name, either,' said Ron.

'Fear of a name only increases the fear of the thing itself,' said Hermione.

'All this You-Know-Who crap, complete bollocks is what it is!' said Ginny.

Harry then turned to the Minister and said, 'How did a fat moron, who's scared of a name, get to be Minister? I sure as fuck didn't vote for you!'

'No respect!' screeched Umbridge, angrily.

Harry ignored her and said, 'How the fuck did you get an Order of Merlin, First Class? Did you make an exceptional discovery in any of the Magical Arts? Transfiguration or Potions, perhaps, what about others, like Alchemy, or did you defeat a dangerous Dark Wizard? No, wait, it can't be the last one because the only dangerous Dark Wizard of our time is Voldemort, and you don't have the bollocks to say his name let alone face him, so I can only presume that you awarded the highest honour to yourself without doing anything to deserve it because you're the Minister.'

'When are you going to man up and start telling people the truth about Voldemort?' asked Ron, 'Will it be after you've made provisions for yourself and the higher ranking members of the Ministry? Or are you simply keeping quiet because Lucius Malfoy is bribing you to?'

Fudge, flustered, couldn't find the words to say to Harry, so he turned to Dolores and said, 'You told me that he didn't like his brother!'

'There's a difference between not liking ones' brother and not caring when a dumb motherfucker with a ridiculous lime green bowler hat and a liking for Lucius Malfoy's gold, calls my brother a liar and then abuses his power to lean on what was a respectable newspaper to print further lies about him!' said Harry.

'How dare you?' shouted Fudge, angrily.

'I beg your pardon?' said Harry, 'how dare I? I have every right to tell it how it is, Cornelius Fudge, Order of Idiot, First Class, and Minister of Morons! I do not have time for bent politicians who cannot give a straight answer to a straight question, so why don't you fuck off out of here and take your pet toad with you while we fight your fucking war for you!'

Fudge was now red with rage but he decided to leave the hall, but stopped when Harry spoke again.

'Hey, Cornelius, let me ask you something, what sets off the Dark Detectors first; the lead in your arse, or the shit in your brains?'

Fudge could only growl in sheer contempt before Harry said, 'Don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out, numb-nuts.'