We reach my house and I figure Austin can walk back to his house if he wants. Unless he wants to come inside... We get out of the car and Austin walks around to my side.
"Um... I had fun," I tell him.
"Me, too," he says awkwardly.
"Do you wanna...?" I trail off, pointing at my house.
"It's kind of late..." He glances at his house, a few houses over. He acts like we've been at the party all night long when, really, it felt like we were there for maybe thirty minutes. Possibly forty five. It is dark though. "But sure."
I find my house key on my key chain and try to insert it into the lock. But I forgot to turn the porch lights on before I left so I can't really see. I drop the keys into the shadows. "Damn it," I whisper. I feel around my skirt for a pocket that I kept my phone in. No pockets. No phone. I probably left it in the car. "Austin, let me see your phone for a second," I say. He gives it to me.
I click the lock button to turn on the screen light. I shine it on the floor in front of me. There they are. I crouch down to get the keys, hoping Austin can't see in the dark because I feel my skirt riding up. I grab the keys quickly and stand up. I shine his light on the door knob and put the key into the lock, turning it.
I give Austin his phone back as we walk inside. "What time is it?" I ask Austin.
"About nine," he tells me.
"Really?" I ask, lowering my voice so as not to wake anyone up if they're asleep.
"Yep," he says. I lead him up to my room. I open the door and, in the darkness, I fumble around for the light switch. When it turns on, I feel like a vampire. I back up into Austin and shield my eyes.
"Geez," I say. "That's bright." I blink a lot as I take my hand away, trying to make my eyes adjust to the light.
"Not really," he says, "compared to... the sun." I glance up at him as we walk into my room. And I wonder if he was about to compare it to my eyes. Your eyes, they shine so bright. I wanna save that light.
"Yeah." I drop my keys onto my bedside table. "You can make yourself comfortable if you'd like. I'm gonna change into my pajamas."
"Okay," Austin says, plopping down onto my bed.
I grab some PJ's out of my drawer along with a pair of underwear. I walk to the bathroom and slide my underwear on. Then I take off my shirt and my skirt and put on my pajamas. I brush my teeth quickly and run a comb through my hair. I leave the bathroom and throw my shirt, skirt, and shoes into my closet. I'll put them in my dirty clothes basket later.
I climb onto my bed and sit down next to Austin. "Ally," he says.
"Yeah?" I ask, turning to him.
"Did you mean what you said earlier in the bathroom?" Austin asks me.
"Which time?" I ask.
"The second time," he tells me. "Before you kissed me."
I look down and play with my fingers. "I dunno," I mumble. "Maybe." I shrug. "I'm not really sure."
"Well... why'd you say it?" he asks me.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "What do you mean?"
"Like, what made you think that you liked me?" he asks.
"Uh... Demons," I tell him.
"Demons?" Austin asks.
"Yeah," I say. "When you sang the song, I just... I don't know. I saw you from a different point of view. I felt like you were singing straight to my heart." I feel kind of weird telling him this but, at the same time, it also feels completely normal. Like talking to an old friend.
"Well, it's probably just the song," he says. "Have you ever heard a song on the radio and loved it? And thought you loved the singer too? But then you looked up the song and found out you hated them? Maybe that's what's going on here."
"But I knew you were the singer," I tell him.
"True... All I can think of is that love makes you do crazy things," he says.
"What?" I ask. "No one said I loved you." I look down awkwardly.
"No, I meant your love for music," he tells me. "You probably just love the song and it made you think you liked me too." Austin sounds like he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. But he may be on to something.
"That's probably it," I say, not wanting to admit that I like him. I've hated him for years. One little song can't change that...
... Can it?
No. Of course not!
"My brain says I don't like you," I whisper, "but my heart says I do..."
"You know what they say: Listen to your brain," he says.
"What? I thought they said—"
"Nope, it's brain," he says quickly. "Listen to your brain. Because your brain knows best. Your heart can't think for itself. Therefore, you should listen to your brain." He stands up. "I'm gonna go."
"Wait," I say, grabbing his arm.
"What?"
"I'm sorry," I say.
"For what?"
"For... well, scaring you," I tell him.
"Scaring me?" he asks. "How did you scare me?"
"I thought... I thought me saying I liked you scared you," I admit. "But not in that scary way. In the other scary way."
"Oh," he says. "No, you didn't scare me. It's just... it was a change. I—I don't think I'm ready for change." He shrugs. "Not yet anyway."
"I get it," I tell him. Remember earlier when I thought it was about to rain? Well, it starts now. I hear light taps on my window.
"You'd better get home," I say, "before it starts—" pouring. And there it goes. Rain beats on my window as if someone's hurling boulders at it.
Austin walks over to my balcony door and looks out. "I can still make it," he says. He walks over to my door and puts his hand on the knob.
"It did scare you," I say quietly.
"What?" Austin asks, turning back to me and leaning a little closer in order to hear me.
"It did scare you," I repeat, "what I said earlier. You're trying so hard to get away from me." I cross my arms over my chest. "You're risking getting pneumonia just because you don't want me to like you. You think that if you spend one more night at my house, in my bed, that I'll fall in love with you and want this wedding more than anything, don't you?" I laugh quietly. "You think I'm gonna turn into Dallas." I look up at him. "Don't you?"
"No!" Austin exclaims immediately, walking quickly back over to my bed and sitting on the edge. "It's not that at all. It's... I... I'm afraid of falling in love with you."
My eyes widen and I'm unable to speak.
"Now you're the one that's scared, right?" he says.
I try to say something, but I don't hear anything come out.
"Maybe I shouldn't have said that," he tells me. My mouth just hangs open, my tongue and lips trying to articulate words, my vocal cords not allowing it. "Like I said, I'm gonna go." He starts to walk out again.
BOOM!
Thunder.
No.
No, no, no. It's not fair. It's not fair to Austin. God knows I won't let Austin leave me alone during a thunderstorm. And God knows Austin won't leave anyway. What are you playing at?
Austin's hand slides off the doorknob, hanging my his side. "Do you want me to stay?" he asks, not looking at me, but at my balcony door.
"Yes," I say, finding my voice at last.
"Okay," he says and he turns around, walking back over to my bed.
"You don't have to..." I trail off. The word I want to use sounds odd so I'm not going to say it. Austin gives me a blank look. But I guess I'm going to have to. "You don't have to, you know, like, uh, cuddle with me." That word just sounds weird. And saying it to Austin? Even more weird.
"Oh, okay... but—"
"If you're really afraid of falling in love with me, then there's no need to provoke your heart," I tell him.
"There's really no reason for me to stay then," he says. "Because you'll continue to be scared."
I sigh. "Then... Then leave," I say. "I'll just see you tomorrow."
BOOM!
Thunder and lightning both at the same time. I jump up and run to my closet. I grab Dougie the Dolphin off the top shelf and run back to my bed, hiding under the covers and holding Dougie close. I shake and shiver, afraid of the thunder and lightning.
Dougie doesn't work as well as he used to. But he's all I got right now. I feel Austin sit down on my bed. "Ally, come here." I scramble out from under my blanket and curl up in his arms, leaving Dougie behind. I jump as thunder claps again. Austin holds me closer. "Now there is one rule."
"What is it?" I ask.
"Don't even think about doing anything adorable," he says in a scolding tone. I just giggle. "Ally," he whines, "what did I just say?"
"You think my giggling is adorable?" I ask, stifling the urge to giggle once more. "Sorry."
"It's o—"
I cut him off by screaming as something outside snaps. Whether it was a tree or just a tree branch, I'm not sure.
"It's okay," Austin reassures me. "It was just a tree branch."
"What if a tree falls on my room?" I ask.
"It won't," he tells me.
"But—"
"It won't, Ally," he says.
Thunder claps again and it rains harder. "Austin, make it stop," I whisper into his chest.
I'm not sure if he heard me.
He did. "I would if I could," he tells me. "I really would."
"Tell me about something," I say.
"What?"
"Tell me about something," I repeat, "to distract me. Tell me about... tell me about your dreams, the dreams you have. You promised to tell me."
"Not yet," he says. "I'm not ready."
I sigh. "Okay. Then tell me about something else."
"Okay, um..." He inhales through his nose, thinking. He exhales, frustrated. "I can't think straight when I smell strawberries," he groans. "Do you know where it's coming from? It's really bothering me."
My mouth falls open a bit and I'm glad my head is facing down so that Austin can't see my open mouth. It's just dawned on me why Austin's smelling strawberries.
My perfume. The perfume I sprayed on myself earlier. I always use strawberry perfume. And I also always use strawberry-smelling conditioner for my hair. I've always used that conditioner but I remember that first day I started wearing strawberry perfume. I wonder if my strawberry smell has the same effect on Austin that his cinnamon smell has on me.
"Ally?" I heard my mom say as she knocked softly on my door.
"Come in," I said.
She opened the door and came over to sit on the edge of my bed. I put my diary beside me on the bed. "I have some old friends coming over today and I want you to try this perfume," she said. "I'd put makeup on you"—My eyes lit up. I'd always wanted to try on my mom's makeup.—"but I think you're a little too young," she told me.
I frowned. "Maybe in a year or two... Anyway, they're coming home from their vacation and I want you to meet them. And I know you've always wanted to use perfume." I nodded excitedly. "And since this is a special occasion, I'm going to let you use this perfume. Here, smell."
She sprayed it into the air in front of me and, like I'd always seen my mom do in stores, I used my hand to waft it toward my nose. I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled strawberries.
"Mmm," I said, smiling. "I love it."
"Good," she said, holding the bottle out to me, "because it's yours."
"Really?" I asked excitedly, sitting up straight. "You're gonna let me have it?"
"Of course," she said. "So go spray a few sprays on yourself. The Moons will be here in about an hour."
"I've heard you talk about the Moons," I said. "I always thought it was cool how their first names both started with M's. Aren't they in love? Is that how most love stories are?"
My mother's eyes shined brightly as she thought of something. "Some are. It does make it considerably cuter sometimes when their names start with the same letter," she told me.
I looked up dreamily, clutching the bottle of strawberry perfume in my hands. "I hope, someday, I marry a boy with a name that starts with an A," I said to her. She just smiled brightly.
I look up at Austin. "We have some strawberries downstairs," I tell him, deciding to omit the part about my strawberry perfume. And the part about me unconsciously telling my mother I wanted to marry Austin. Now I knew why her eyes shined and she smiled brightly.
"Awesome," he says. We stand up. Austin keeps his arm around my shoulders as we walk downstairs to the kitchen. He only lets me go when I open the fridge.
"We're almost out of strawberries," I say to him, showing him the carton of strawberries.
"Um, do you have any strawberry ice cream? Pop tarts?" Austin asks me.
I look in the fridge once more for anything strawberry, then in the freezer, then in the pantry. "Ah, we've got pop tarts," I say, pulling down the strawberry pop tarts and setting the box in front of Austin, who's now sitting at the island.
I sit down beside him as he pulls out one of the silvery foil packages. He opens it and takes a bite of his pop tart, smiling a little to himself. "I really like strawberries," he tells me, absentmindedly. "I've liked them a lot since I was little. In fact, I started liking them around the time I met you." He tries to make sense of it. "Was the juice box strawberry-flavored?" he asks me.
I shrug. "I dunno," I lie. "Maybe." I hear thunder and I jump. Austin pulls me from my seat into his lap.
"It's okay," he whispers, looking down at me. He takes a bite of his pop tart then sets it down. His breath smells like cinnamon mixed with strawberries. But it still smells enough like cinnamon to get me drunk on it. He blinks, scanning my face once, twice, three times, each time lingering on my lips for a few extra seconds.
"Austin," I whisper back, trying to stop him from doing something he'll regret later. He hushes me. I shake my head as he starts to lean down. "No," I say weakly. "No, no, no." Nonetheless, I close my eyes in anticipation of his lips on mine. He says my name softly once right before the gap between us ceases to exist.
Before the kiss gets too serious, I shove Austin away from me and get out of his lap. "Austin," I say, "stop."
"But—"
"No," I say. He gets down from his seat.
"Ally," he says, walking towards me and making me back up. I hit the wall and Austin traps me against it. "I can't..." He caresses my face. "I can't help myself..." he whispers, leaning down again.
I push him away. "Yes. You can." He shakes his head. "Leave," I tell him. He tries to say something but I just repeat the word: "Leave." I hear thunder outside, telling me to let him stay but I try my best to ignore it. For Austin's sake.
"Ally," he whispers, leaning his head against mine. He takes a deep breath.
"Is it real?" I ask.
Austin stares into my eyes, his black pupils seeming to stand out against his brown irises. "What?"
"Is this real?" I repeat. "Are you really falling in love with me right now? Or is it just my strawberry smell, clouding up your common sense?"
He blinks. "Your strawberry smell?" he asks.
"Austin, listen to me," I say firmly. "Is... it... real?" He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off, giving him one more chance to find out before he says, "Yes." "I'm going to let you kiss me one more time," I tell him. His eyes seem to light up. "You kiss me once. If you feel something, then it's real. If it's just a kiss to you, then... it's just a kiss."
"What happens if it isn't real?" he asks me. "What then?"
"Then we tell our parents the truth and go our separate ways," I tell him. "Metaphorically since I'll probably still have to give you a ride home from school."
The rain outside seems to fall harder, if that's even possible. Austin kisses me, his hands now on my waist. I put my hands on his arms, not wanting to put them on his neck as usual and get too into the kiss. The kiss is short, sweet, and to the point. When he pulls away, it's almost too soon.
"Is it real?" I whisper, barely audible. Austin heard it though, as his head is still inches from mine. He looks as if he's struggling with himself internally as he says the next word.
"No."
And I hit the ground.
Don't worry about Ally. I can tell you now that she's perfectly fine. :) Kinda. ANYHOODLES, I'll try to update tomorrow. I'm not going to school (I'm skipping because I'm just that badass. Lol, jk. I'm a goodie-two-shoes depending on the time of day.) so I'll try to get a lot of writing in tomorrow.
Good night. Don't let the bedbugs bite. And if they do, get a shoe, and beat 'em till they're black and blue. :) Sweet dreams!
Unless it's morning or sometime during the day. In that case, have a nice day!
LoVe, KeNzIe