Warnings: Suicidal Thoughts

Kurt sat down on the stool just as the music started.

Life's too short to even care at all

Kurt recognized the lyrics immediately. Kurt knew that he should have been paying more attention to his boyfriend singing, but he couldn't help the red flags that started going up in his mind. Why on earth would Blaine be singing a song like that? Sure, a lot had just happened with Sebastian, but still, it wasn't that bad was it?

Blaine kept singing, oblivious to the fact that Kurt wasn't paying as much attention as he normally did. Finally, Blaine finished singing, but continued to grip the microphone stand and kept his head down. Kurt immediately got off the stool he had been sitting on and walked over to his boyfriend. "You ok?"

Blaine looked up and took a breath and said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Kurt looked skeptical. They had been dating for almost a year, and Kurt could tell something was just not right. But, looking at the state of his boyfriend, Kurt decided that right now might not be the time to push it. "Well…Look, Blaine, I can tell you are not ok, but I can also tell that you don't feel up to talking about whatever it is right now. How about we just head home for the day?"

"Yeah," Blaine mumbled. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." The two went to their lockers and grabbed theirs things and headed out to Kurt's car in the parking lot. Once they got settled in to Kurt's car, Kurt looked at Blaine.

"Do you want to go and get some coffee," Kurt asked quietly, "or do you just want to go home?"

"Can we just go home?"

"Of course." After Kurt agreed to take him home, Blaine took a deep breath and looked out the window. Kurt was right. There had been something on Blaine's mind, but he didn't know how to bring it up to Kurt. How was he supposed to tell his boyfriend about everything that had happened before they met? How was he supposed to tell Kurt about everything he was feeling now and why he was feeling everything he was feeling?

Kurt pulled into Blaine's driveway. Blaine just looked up at the enormous house and sighed deeply. "Are you sure you're ok, Blaine?" Kurt asked as he noticed that Blaine was not making any attempt to get up.

Blaine took a deep breath and said, "I really don't know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"It's ok, baby. You can-"

"But that's not to say I shouldn't."

"What do you mean, Blaine?"

"Can we talk about this inside? I just think it may be easier if I'm somewhere more comfortable than your car."

"But what about your dad?" Kurt had known that Blaine's father wasn't exactly supportive of Blaine and Kurt's relationship, and with Blaine's current emotional state Kurt didn't want to have to bring Blaine's father into it because Blaine's father could make it even worse. And that was the last thing they needed right now.

"It's fine. Him and my mom are away in France, or Germany, or somewhere for the week." Kurt nodded and turned off the car. Blaine, almost mechanically, got out of the car and went to unlock the house. Kurt could help but think to himself that something had to terribly wrong. Blaine, his normally confident and collected Blaine, was running on autopilot and showed no signs of changing that status anytime soon.

They made their way upstairs to Blaine's room. Blaine just sat at the edge of the bed, while Kurt stood awkwardly at the door for a minute, unsure of what to do. Sure, he had been in Blaine's room many times before, but this time it was different. After a few seconds, Kurt decided his best option would just be to sit down on the bed, facing Blaine. Kurt just looked at Blaine, waiting for him to talk.

A few minutes past before Blaine finally asked quietly, "Do you remember what I told you about Sadie Hawkins?"

"That some guys beat you up because you brought another guy as your date?"

"Yeah, but there's more to that story. And it's not particularly pleasant. I can understand if you don't want to hear it."

"Blaine, I don't know what all happened to you, but I need to know what happened if that's what is affecting you right now."

"Ok, but will you promise me one thing?"

"Absolutely. What?"

"Will you promise to just let me talk until I'm done, with no interruptions?"

"Of course."

Blaine took a deep breath and started his story, "So, you already know about Sadie Hawkins. I asked the only other openly gay kid at my school to go to the dance and that night three guys came and beat the shit out of us. I don't remember much after the beating started. I blacked out and woke up in the hospital two weeks later."

Kurt took a deep breath at this. Kurt felt the tears welling up in his eyes and it was taking all of Kurt's strength to keep the tears from falling. He knew that Blaine was beaten up, but he never specified how bad the damage was. But, Blaine didn't seem to notice Kurt's sudden intake of breath or the fact that Kurt had tears in his eyes that were dangerously close to falling. Blaine just continued his story.

"My parents didn't really come to visit me in the hospital much. My mom was there a few times, but she never stayed long. My dad only came once, but it essentially was for him to come and say that it was my fault. If I wasn't gay, everything would be fine and I wouldn't be bullied or be sitting here in the hospital. What could I say to him? Nothing. At that time, I kind of agreed with him. Maybe it was my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid and naïve to think that people actually wouldn't care, maybe I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital. But there was nothing I could do to change the past. My parents made me go back to that school. I had already missed several weeks of school so I was really behind. On top of that, the bullying didn't let up any. People were just as cruel as before and the teachers, like always, just looked the other way. So, the bullying continued and nobody cared, and finally, I just decided I had had enough."

Kurt had a feeling that he knew where Blaine was going with his story, but he just didn't want to believe it. Blaine would never do something like that, right?

"I came home from school that day, and the house was empty. Both of my parents were working late as always and Cooper was doing whatever Cooper does. I went upstairs and took all the sleeping pills from the bathroom cabinet and went to my room."

No, Kurt screamed internally. Kurt could feel the tears running down his cheeks, but made to attempt to wipe them away. Blaine just kept looking at the floor.

"I came in here and dumped all the pills on my bed and just stared at them for a minute. I put a few in my hand, and swallowed. I don't really remember taking most of them. But obviously I did, because I blacked out and woke up in the hospital again." Blaine had started crying, but he continued to just stare at the floor.

"I- I just felt so worthless. Like, why should I be here if no one else even seems to care? I felt like I was doing the whole world a favor. But that plan had backfired, seeing as I actually woke up in the hospital. After that, Cooper managed to convince my parents to send me to Dalton. But because of the beating that landed me in the hospital and all the bullying that happened after I went back, I ended up having to redo my freshman year went I started at Dalton. Yeah, I was still depressed for a while, but I managed to move on." When Blaine paused, Kurt wasted no opportunity to pull Blaine into his arms. Kurt had been crying for most of the story. Blaine just latched on to Kurt and sobbed into his shoulder.

They sat there for a few minutes before Kurt finally asked, "B-but how – how did you end up in the hospital after -?" Kurt couldn't find the words to finish that sentence. "Who found you?"

Blaine looked up and said, "Cooper. He doesn't have any form of a schedule and just does what he wants. He happened to come home shortly after I blacked out, or so I was told. He was the one who called 911 when he couldn't wake me up."

"Oh, Blaine." Kurt leaned back against the headboard, keeping Blaine completely secure in his arms, although the sobbing hadn't let up at all. There was nothing Kurt could do now, except hold his boyfriend.

They sat like that for hours until Kurt's phone rang. He wasn't planning on answering, but saw the time and that the person calling was his father. "Hey, Dad, I –"

But Kurt was cut off by an angry Burt. "Kurt, where are you? You said you were going to be home an hour and a half ago."

"Yes, Dad, I know I said that, but some things have come up."

"What kind of things?"

"Look, I don't want to go into too much detail or anything, but could I stay at Blaine's tonight?"

"No, Kurt. I –"

"I promise, no funny business or anything. It's just I don't think he wants to be alone right now, and frankly I don't want him to be alone right now. Please Dad?"

"What happened?"

"I'm really not entirely sure, but it's not good. Please can I stay?"

"Kurt, no. You are not staying at Blaine's."

"But, dad, –"

"No, Kurt, listen to me. You can both come here. I can understand that Blaine doesn't want to be alone, but I'd rather you two were not completely alone at Blaine's house."

"Fine. We'll be there soon."

"Ok, kiddo."

"And Dad?"

"Yes, Kurt?"

"Thanks."

"No problem kid. See you soon."

Kurt hung up the phone and looked at Blaine, whose eyes were red and puffy from crying for the last two hours. Kurt couldn't help but think that he couldn't look much better than Blaine. After all, Kurt had started crying before Blaine. "Hey, we're going to go over to my house, ok?" Kurt whispered gently. Blaine just nodded and leaned off Kurt. Kurt stood up and pulled Blaine up with him. They made their way out to Blaine's driveway and got in the car.

It was a very silent car ride home, but Kurt's mind was racing, just as it had been since Blaine started singing his song, which although it was only about three hours ago, it felt like days ago. The one thing Kurt kept coming back to in his thoughts was why now, all of the sudden, did Blaine start acting like this. There had to be some kind of reason behind it, even if Blaine hadn't mentioned anything yet. Sure, it could have just been something that Blaine was thinking about a lot lately, but Kurt was willing to bet that there was something else behind it.

Blaine didn't move or say anything during the entire car ride, although that didn't stop Kurt from constantly glancing over at his boyfriend. Yes, Kurt should have been paying more attention to the road, but he could stop thinking about what was going on with Blaine.

After an hour of driving, they finally made it to Kurt's house. Kurt put the car in park and got out. He walked around to the other side of the car and helped Blaine out and into the house. It was worse than when they went to Blaine's house. At least then, Blaine was going through the motions, even if it was completely mechanical. Now, it was as if he had completely shut down. Blaine leaned on Kurt for support as they entered the house.

Burt was sitting in the living room watching ESPN when they entered. Burt didn't know Blaine the way Kurt did, but he could tell something was wrong with Blaine. Blaine was completely leaning on Kurt for support to stand. With the state that Blaine was in, Burt didn't even think twice before giving Kurt a look that said, 'it's ok, you boys can go upstairs'.

Kurt just nodded and headed upstairs to Kurt's room. Once there, they got settled on the bed. Blaine curled into Kurt's side. Kurt just held Blaine until they both fell asleep, because honestly, what else could Kurt do right now?

Author's Note:

Please let me know what you think.

The next chapter will be up in a week.

Thanks for reading!