Chapter 4: For The First Time
He looked so pitiful standing there with his head down. Robin had been standing in the kitchen for a good ten minutes, feeling sorry. He was sorry that he led Starfire on, he was sorry for himself, he was sorry that he ever went out with that girl, he was sorry that Raven had seen him give her a goodnight kiss last week, but most importantly he was sorry that he couldn't be with the person that he really wanted.
She made her way down the hallway and turned sharply into her room. She slammed the door behind her and began to hover in meditation. She did this when she needed to converse with...well, herself, the different sides of her self. And right now the emotional and loving side of Raven was her target. She needed to talk to her, now! She was overwhelmed and for her that was an unusual sensation. She had been having difficulty controlling her emotions recently. That too was strange. And it was all because of that sickening little emotion called love. How could Loving Raven try to take charge of her like that? Everything was spiraling out of control.
She had tried everything to avoid it in her past, but somehow knew that she wouldn't be able to out run it forever. She knew in her heart that someone she must really care for would be the only one able to make her lose her control over herself. But she never knew that Beastboy would be that someone.
Raven could foresee most things, but she never saw this coming. 'Beastboy? Beastboy of all people? I mean who would have suspected that little green fur-ball to be the man of my dreams?' 'But he is so kind and sweet and fun loving. Not to mention that he' strong and cares about you.' 'Please. He's a dork. Honestly, him? Come on! You can't be serious Raven.' 'Well, I guess I am serious.' 'Unfortunately...' ' Besides, he has to be the right guy for me. I've never been so emotional before in my whole life.' 'And whose fault is that?' 'Yours. Duh. If you didn't want to love him, you wouldn't have. You lost control, so don't blame me.' 'I never lose control.' 'You're really starting to sound like Robin.' 'How dare you. I'm nothing like him.' 'Please...you both are denying me. You need love, you know it.' 'I DON'T! I need nothing. Besides, it's not love...it's lust.' 'I don't go lusting after anyone. I either love them, or I don't. There is nothing in between. You know that.' 'So what are you saying?' 'I'm saying I love him. He's the only one to ever make me act this way.' 'That is true. I know better than to lose control like that. It could be...' 'It could be that he's a dream come true.' 'No...I was going to say that it could be dangerous for me to lose control like that. Who knows what could happen if I keep on losing my emotional barricade. People could get hurt.' 'He could get hurt.' 'So it's decided.' 'I guess...' 'I have to. There's too much to lose.' 'After all, it is best for everyone.' "I cannot love him. Ever." And then she opened her eyes again and slowly glided down to the floor. She sat there in the darkness and knew that she had made the right decision. It was necessary. Things were getting too intense. She looked at cold, silent, and dark nothingness that surrounded her and knew that this was what her life would forever be. At that same instant, Robin made his way past Raven's door and knew that what he was going to tell Starfire would hurt him more than it would hurt her. He brought his hand to the door and moved away when he thought of two possible scenarios. He thought that Star could either laugh in his face and say, "And I care because," or she could have had feelings for him as more than a friend and would start crying her eyes out at the mere thought of him being with another girl. But then Robin snapped back to reality and knew that Star would never laugh in his face. She wasn't that kind of person. And he also knew that there was no way in a billion years that she would like him as more then a friend. So he took in a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Salutations! Please enter," Starfire said joyfully. Abruptly, Robin wasn't so sure if he wanted to go in anymore. Sure, it could hurt her more to find out later, and yeah, Raven threatened to kill him, but what could he say. After all, how can you find the right words to tell someone that you are falling in love with that you are dating another person? I don't know the answer to that question and neither did Robin. Regardless, he stood tall and decided to be brave. He entered Starfire's room.
As soon as he entered he felt all the blood rush to his brain. He felt sick. Then he looked at her sitting on her bed. She looked so pretty. She was dressed as she was normally, and she was smiling her everyday bright, beautiful smile, but there was something different. Robin began to contemplate if it wasn't Starfire, but actually her bedroom that changed, but no. He had been there a few times before to hang out with her and it seemed exactly the same. But Star. She seemed so...inviting.
She seemed to have an aura of some sort around her because at that moment in Robin's eyes, she was glowing. He attempted to fake a smile, but that only made Starfire grow suspicious of intentions. She had previously thought that he came to pick up where they had left off in the kitchen. She had planned to tell him here and now how she felt, but then she looked at his face.
There was something different on his face. There was concern. There was sorrow. There was uncertainty. But most of all, there was pain. That's when her smile began to fade away. She attempted to leave it there so that he wouldn't be concerned further, but she couldn't. Just the thought alone of him being in pain pained her. She couldn't take it. She had to ask.
"Robin, is everything okay? You look so..." and she stopped there. She couldn't find one word to describe his face and how it made her feel.
"Star, I...I'm fine." There was that same old answer as before, only now she could tell there was something the matter. So she stood up and Robin's eyes widened. He didn't know what to do he couldn't go through with it. But he had to. He was about to speak when...
"Robin, I need to tell you something of great importance."
"Star, I need to tell you something to. So stop and listen." She had to stop interrupting him. He needed to get this out now.
'He must stop interrupting me,' she thought, 'I have to get this out now!'
"Star, I wanted to-," but he was cut off. Starfire put her index finger to his mouth to silence him. It worked. He started to melt under her touch. He wanted to move her arm out of the way and kiss her, but he could not.
"Robin, I wanted you to know that I am deeply in love with someone." Before she could continue he felt his heart break into a million pieces onto the floor. He grew dizzy. He couldn't breathe anymore. He had never felt pain like this before. He couldn't allow her to continue. What if she said who it was? What if it was someone he knew? He couldn't handle the rejection, so he knew it was now or never. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her onto the bed. Starfire was startled, but starting to think that this was a good sign. Perhaps she wouldn't have to finish. Perhaps Robin figured out that she meant him. Then he said it.
"Starfire," he said her whole name in such a foul tone. She knew there was something terrible about to come out of his mouth. She knew he didn't want to hurt her, but he was going to have to. 'He doesn't feel the same.' But then...
"You should sit down. I want you to know I'm happy you found someone first off." This confused her. She needed to let him know that he was that someone, but he wouldn't stop. And she didn't push the subject.
"Second, you are my best friend and I wanted you to know first, well, I...You mean so much to me, I needed to tell you first. Raven already knows, but I wanted you to know first. Star...I...um...well...I... I've met someone."
This did not compute. 'What?' Starfire was sitting there on the bed. Robin kneeling before her holding her hands in his and she looked up at him with pure shock and horror. 'Wait Starfire,' she thought, 'Maybe I heard wrong.' So she tilted her head to the side and smiled slightly, giving Robin a sense of relief. Then she said, "What?" But not in her normal caring voice. It was low. It was cold. It was angry. It was like Raven. She didn't mean for it to sound like that. It just slipped.
"I...well...I have a girlfriend, Star. Her name is Summer." Starfire's mind began to jump from thought to thought. 'Summer? Summer? Who was this Summer? Where did he meet her? Why was he looking for a girlfriend? Was he lonely? Was I not good enough? Am I not attractive? What kind of a name is Summer? Really!'
"Star, are...are you okay?" 'Okay? Okay?' No she wasn't okay! The man she was just about to confess her undying love to has told her he has a girlfriend! A girlfriend with a sucky name by the way. She almost embarrassed herself, royally. It had been about a minute or two ago when he asked her if she was all right, so he was worrying and thinking that she should say something. Anything.
Starfire wanted to say that she was fine and happy for him and whatever her name was. But that was not possible. Not probable. Not going to happen. She needed to release this pain. She wanted to cry. But she couldn't cry in front of him. That would make it only worse. He needed to leave. Now. But how could she get rid of him?
"Robin...I am not okay. I am angry with you, so please leave. Now." Okay, that wasn't as kind as she wanted it to be.
"Star, why are you angry?" Good question. What could she say? She couldn't say she was angry because she loved him and wanted to be his girlfriend. Could she? No. Then it hit her.
"I am angry because I am supposed to be your best friend, but Raven knows before me? And S...S," she couldn't get out that home wrecker's name at the moment and Robin was beginning to look concerned. She sounded like she was a guest of Arkum Insane Asylum and it was disturbing. Finally, she managed it, "Summer?! Who is she?! I mean, I never met her! You never asked me if I...I mean she was good enough for you!" Robin couldn't believe she was yelling at him. She had some nerve. After all, her mystery man was unknown to everyone. Or was he? Robin was too angry to dwell on that possibility.
"Star, please. Summer's great! And besides, its not like I ever met that guy your 'in love with.'"
"I have yet to tell him first of all Robin. Second, you do know him. And very well I might add. And thirdly, how dare you! Yell at me when you are the bad friend and betrayer of trust!" She hit a nerve.
"What! I didn't do anything wrong, Star! Summer likes me. I like her. The End. It's not my fault that your mystery lover doesn't love you back! Okay?" But he crossed the line.
Starfire's face was mixed with insult, shock, pain, and anger. She had never been angry with Robin before. They had never argued, but that was it. There's a first time for everything. And Robin thought he won too. He always won. 'Not today.'
"Get out! Get out now you disgusting pervert! I have never been so insulted in my life!"
"Well now you have princess!"
"Leave my room now! I have never disliked you so much in my entire life!"
"Well your not exactly my favorite person right now either!" And with that he left the room. Starfire slammed the door shut and locked it. She threw a picture of the twosome at the door and collapsed there. Finally. She could cry.
But she didn't just cry, she howled, and rocked back and forth, and for a moment or two she couldn't breathe. And the tears...they wouldn't stop coming. It was infinite.
Beastboy, Cyborg, and Raven all heard the mayhem and came out of their rooms to see what was going on. They could hear Starfire's crying and found Robin before them stomping down the hallway with his fists clenched.
"Dude, what happened?"
"Yeah man, is Star okay?"
"Humph, who cares?" They were in shock. Since when did Star hate Robin and Robin hate Star? When they stop caring about each other? They stood there in confusion watching Robin walk away.
"So...anyone want pizza?" Raven and Cyborg looked at Beastboy with disgust and just stood there in shock.
Robin went to the living room to find an uninvited guest as he fought the urge to cry; Beastboy longed for Raven as he stood alone with her in the hallway with shock; Cyborg made his way to the living room to talk to a dear friend after being flabbergasted by the past few minutes; Raven looked at Beastboy, attempting to resist his unintentional charms, after all it was necessary; and Starfire sat alone in her room, in darkness, crying endlessly, angry at Robin. It was new for her. It was unwanted, but it happened, For the First Time. Hi! Please keep reviewing! I love it! Just a note: I have nothing against people named Summer. Summer is the name of one of my best friends. So, if your name is Summer, sorry. And again, if you have a suggestion for a name of a chapter, let me know! I'm always open. Lovin' It, LILY
He looked so pitiful standing there with his head down. Robin had been standing in the kitchen for a good ten minutes, feeling sorry. He was sorry that he led Starfire on, he was sorry for himself, he was sorry that he ever went out with that girl, he was sorry that Raven had seen him give her a goodnight kiss last week, but most importantly he was sorry that he couldn't be with the person that he really wanted.
She made her way down the hallway and turned sharply into her room. She slammed the door behind her and began to hover in meditation. She did this when she needed to converse with...well, herself, the different sides of her self. And right now the emotional and loving side of Raven was her target. She needed to talk to her, now! She was overwhelmed and for her that was an unusual sensation. She had been having difficulty controlling her emotions recently. That too was strange. And it was all because of that sickening little emotion called love. How could Loving Raven try to take charge of her like that? Everything was spiraling out of control.
She had tried everything to avoid it in her past, but somehow knew that she wouldn't be able to out run it forever. She knew in her heart that someone she must really care for would be the only one able to make her lose her control over herself. But she never knew that Beastboy would be that someone.
Raven could foresee most things, but she never saw this coming. 'Beastboy? Beastboy of all people? I mean who would have suspected that little green fur-ball to be the man of my dreams?' 'But he is so kind and sweet and fun loving. Not to mention that he' strong and cares about you.' 'Please. He's a dork. Honestly, him? Come on! You can't be serious Raven.' 'Well, I guess I am serious.' 'Unfortunately...' ' Besides, he has to be the right guy for me. I've never been so emotional before in my whole life.' 'And whose fault is that?' 'Yours. Duh. If you didn't want to love him, you wouldn't have. You lost control, so don't blame me.' 'I never lose control.' 'You're really starting to sound like Robin.' 'How dare you. I'm nothing like him.' 'Please...you both are denying me. You need love, you know it.' 'I DON'T! I need nothing. Besides, it's not love...it's lust.' 'I don't go lusting after anyone. I either love them, or I don't. There is nothing in between. You know that.' 'So what are you saying?' 'I'm saying I love him. He's the only one to ever make me act this way.' 'That is true. I know better than to lose control like that. It could be...' 'It could be that he's a dream come true.' 'No...I was going to say that it could be dangerous for me to lose control like that. Who knows what could happen if I keep on losing my emotional barricade. People could get hurt.' 'He could get hurt.' 'So it's decided.' 'I guess...' 'I have to. There's too much to lose.' 'After all, it is best for everyone.' "I cannot love him. Ever." And then she opened her eyes again and slowly glided down to the floor. She sat there in the darkness and knew that she had made the right decision. It was necessary. Things were getting too intense. She looked at cold, silent, and dark nothingness that surrounded her and knew that this was what her life would forever be. At that same instant, Robin made his way past Raven's door and knew that what he was going to tell Starfire would hurt him more than it would hurt her. He brought his hand to the door and moved away when he thought of two possible scenarios. He thought that Star could either laugh in his face and say, "And I care because," or she could have had feelings for him as more than a friend and would start crying her eyes out at the mere thought of him being with another girl. But then Robin snapped back to reality and knew that Star would never laugh in his face. She wasn't that kind of person. And he also knew that there was no way in a billion years that she would like him as more then a friend. So he took in a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Salutations! Please enter," Starfire said joyfully. Abruptly, Robin wasn't so sure if he wanted to go in anymore. Sure, it could hurt her more to find out later, and yeah, Raven threatened to kill him, but what could he say. After all, how can you find the right words to tell someone that you are falling in love with that you are dating another person? I don't know the answer to that question and neither did Robin. Regardless, he stood tall and decided to be brave. He entered Starfire's room.
As soon as he entered he felt all the blood rush to his brain. He felt sick. Then he looked at her sitting on her bed. She looked so pretty. She was dressed as she was normally, and she was smiling her everyday bright, beautiful smile, but there was something different. Robin began to contemplate if it wasn't Starfire, but actually her bedroom that changed, but no. He had been there a few times before to hang out with her and it seemed exactly the same. But Star. She seemed so...inviting.
She seemed to have an aura of some sort around her because at that moment in Robin's eyes, she was glowing. He attempted to fake a smile, but that only made Starfire grow suspicious of intentions. She had previously thought that he came to pick up where they had left off in the kitchen. She had planned to tell him here and now how she felt, but then she looked at his face.
There was something different on his face. There was concern. There was sorrow. There was uncertainty. But most of all, there was pain. That's when her smile began to fade away. She attempted to leave it there so that he wouldn't be concerned further, but she couldn't. Just the thought alone of him being in pain pained her. She couldn't take it. She had to ask.
"Robin, is everything okay? You look so..." and she stopped there. She couldn't find one word to describe his face and how it made her feel.
"Star, I...I'm fine." There was that same old answer as before, only now she could tell there was something the matter. So she stood up and Robin's eyes widened. He didn't know what to do he couldn't go through with it. But he had to. He was about to speak when...
"Robin, I need to tell you something of great importance."
"Star, I need to tell you something to. So stop and listen." She had to stop interrupting him. He needed to get this out now.
'He must stop interrupting me,' she thought, 'I have to get this out now!'
"Star, I wanted to-," but he was cut off. Starfire put her index finger to his mouth to silence him. It worked. He started to melt under her touch. He wanted to move her arm out of the way and kiss her, but he could not.
"Robin, I wanted you to know that I am deeply in love with someone." Before she could continue he felt his heart break into a million pieces onto the floor. He grew dizzy. He couldn't breathe anymore. He had never felt pain like this before. He couldn't allow her to continue. What if she said who it was? What if it was someone he knew? He couldn't handle the rejection, so he knew it was now or never. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her onto the bed. Starfire was startled, but starting to think that this was a good sign. Perhaps she wouldn't have to finish. Perhaps Robin figured out that she meant him. Then he said it.
"Starfire," he said her whole name in such a foul tone. She knew there was something terrible about to come out of his mouth. She knew he didn't want to hurt her, but he was going to have to. 'He doesn't feel the same.' But then...
"You should sit down. I want you to know I'm happy you found someone first off." This confused her. She needed to let him know that he was that someone, but he wouldn't stop. And she didn't push the subject.
"Second, you are my best friend and I wanted you to know first, well, I...You mean so much to me, I needed to tell you first. Raven already knows, but I wanted you to know first. Star...I...um...well...I... I've met someone."
This did not compute. 'What?' Starfire was sitting there on the bed. Robin kneeling before her holding her hands in his and she looked up at him with pure shock and horror. 'Wait Starfire,' she thought, 'Maybe I heard wrong.' So she tilted her head to the side and smiled slightly, giving Robin a sense of relief. Then she said, "What?" But not in her normal caring voice. It was low. It was cold. It was angry. It was like Raven. She didn't mean for it to sound like that. It just slipped.
"I...well...I have a girlfriend, Star. Her name is Summer." Starfire's mind began to jump from thought to thought. 'Summer? Summer? Who was this Summer? Where did he meet her? Why was he looking for a girlfriend? Was he lonely? Was I not good enough? Am I not attractive? What kind of a name is Summer? Really!'
"Star, are...are you okay?" 'Okay? Okay?' No she wasn't okay! The man she was just about to confess her undying love to has told her he has a girlfriend! A girlfriend with a sucky name by the way. She almost embarrassed herself, royally. It had been about a minute or two ago when he asked her if she was all right, so he was worrying and thinking that she should say something. Anything.
Starfire wanted to say that she was fine and happy for him and whatever her name was. But that was not possible. Not probable. Not going to happen. She needed to release this pain. She wanted to cry. But she couldn't cry in front of him. That would make it only worse. He needed to leave. Now. But how could she get rid of him?
"Robin...I am not okay. I am angry with you, so please leave. Now." Okay, that wasn't as kind as she wanted it to be.
"Star, why are you angry?" Good question. What could she say? She couldn't say she was angry because she loved him and wanted to be his girlfriend. Could she? No. Then it hit her.
"I am angry because I am supposed to be your best friend, but Raven knows before me? And S...S," she couldn't get out that home wrecker's name at the moment and Robin was beginning to look concerned. She sounded like she was a guest of Arkum Insane Asylum and it was disturbing. Finally, she managed it, "Summer?! Who is she?! I mean, I never met her! You never asked me if I...I mean she was good enough for you!" Robin couldn't believe she was yelling at him. She had some nerve. After all, her mystery man was unknown to everyone. Or was he? Robin was too angry to dwell on that possibility.
"Star, please. Summer's great! And besides, its not like I ever met that guy your 'in love with.'"
"I have yet to tell him first of all Robin. Second, you do know him. And very well I might add. And thirdly, how dare you! Yell at me when you are the bad friend and betrayer of trust!" She hit a nerve.
"What! I didn't do anything wrong, Star! Summer likes me. I like her. The End. It's not my fault that your mystery lover doesn't love you back! Okay?" But he crossed the line.
Starfire's face was mixed with insult, shock, pain, and anger. She had never been angry with Robin before. They had never argued, but that was it. There's a first time for everything. And Robin thought he won too. He always won. 'Not today.'
"Get out! Get out now you disgusting pervert! I have never been so insulted in my life!"
"Well now you have princess!"
"Leave my room now! I have never disliked you so much in my entire life!"
"Well your not exactly my favorite person right now either!" And with that he left the room. Starfire slammed the door shut and locked it. She threw a picture of the twosome at the door and collapsed there. Finally. She could cry.
But she didn't just cry, she howled, and rocked back and forth, and for a moment or two she couldn't breathe. And the tears...they wouldn't stop coming. It was infinite.
Beastboy, Cyborg, and Raven all heard the mayhem and came out of their rooms to see what was going on. They could hear Starfire's crying and found Robin before them stomping down the hallway with his fists clenched.
"Dude, what happened?"
"Yeah man, is Star okay?"
"Humph, who cares?" They were in shock. Since when did Star hate Robin and Robin hate Star? When they stop caring about each other? They stood there in confusion watching Robin walk away.
"So...anyone want pizza?" Raven and Cyborg looked at Beastboy with disgust and just stood there in shock.
Robin went to the living room to find an uninvited guest as he fought the urge to cry; Beastboy longed for Raven as he stood alone with her in the hallway with shock; Cyborg made his way to the living room to talk to a dear friend after being flabbergasted by the past few minutes; Raven looked at Beastboy, attempting to resist his unintentional charms, after all it was necessary; and Starfire sat alone in her room, in darkness, crying endlessly, angry at Robin. It was new for her. It was unwanted, but it happened, For the First Time. Hi! Please keep reviewing! I love it! Just a note: I have nothing against people named Summer. Summer is the name of one of my best friends. So, if your name is Summer, sorry. And again, if you have a suggestion for a name of a chapter, let me know! I'm always open. Lovin' It, LILY