They arrived back at Baker Street 20 minutes later " I think you better go say hello to a certain someone before you frighten her and give her a heart attack" John said nodding to Mrs Hudsons flat. "Come on Hamish " he said leading his son up the stairs leaving Sherlock downstairs. Sherlock sighed after he watched John and Hamish walk into their flat and walked over to Mrs Hudson's door and knocked on it waiting for her to answer. A minute or so later she opened her door seeing the tall slender figure stood in front of her " Sherlock?" She said in disbelief " No Surely I must be seeing things!"
Sherlock smiled slightly " No Mrs Hudson it really is me, I know you thought I was dead" He began.
She took a back as she looked at him, almost making sure it was him " Sherlock! " she shouted slapping his arm " Don't do that! We've been out of our minds and John and Hamish! Didn't you ever think about them!" She started to say loudly " you've pulled some stunts in your time but never this!" She sighed as she walked back into her flat clearly not amused by Sherlock so called stunt.
"No! Mrs. Hudson, you don't understand. I was protecting them! I had to, otherwise they would've been killed. I couldn't risk it!" Sherlock calls after her as she's walking away from him.
" Oh I'm sure! Leaving poor John and Hamish like that! Some sort of father you are!" She said back to him
Sherlock stills and has to hold back even more tears. "I know. I'm a horrible husband and an even worse father. I know, you don't have to t-tell me."
" Go on be off with you, it's them you need to make it up to. Three years of it. " She said shooing him away.
Sherlock wiped at his face and nodded before making his way upstairs back to their flat.
The door had been left open and Hamish saw his dad walking up the stairs and smiled, he still barely believed this was actually happening that his dad was back. When he arrived at the doorway Hamish grasped onto him " Tea Sherlock?" John asked.
"Tea would be lovely." Sherlock said as he moved towards the sofa with Hamish and sat down. Sherlock looked around. Nothing had changed...except a few added items here and there.
Hamish sat down at his dads side as he leaned onto his chest holding his torso, now he had gotten him back he never wanted to let him go. John arrived back with the cups of tea 5 minutes later handing him a cup as he sat down next to Sherlock with his own cup.
"Thank you." Sherlock told John as he accepted the cup of tea. One arm around Hamish and one holding his tea, he continued looking around the flat.
" Nothing has changed " John said as he saw Sherlock's eyes scanning the flat " we kept it just as it was , Hamish insisted " He said
"It was perfect just like it was it reminded me of you" Hamish smiled looking up at dad/
Sherlock nodded with a small smile. There was a question at the tip of his tongue, but he held back from asking it right now. Things were perfect just as they were. Hamish nuzzled his dads chest feeling content that he was back, honestly it was the happiest John had seen Hamish in a very long he hasn't been the same since Sherlock 'died' John thought to himself.
Sherlock smiled and kissed the top on Hamish's head lovingly. "Hey, Mish? Would you do something for me?"
He looked up at his dad again " yeah sure" he smiled.
"Eat something." Sherlock said looking down at his son with a serious expression.
The happy smile soon faded from his face as he let go of his dad " I don't want to " he said as he looked away from his dad and down at the floor.
"You need to, Mish. Please?" Sherlock softly begged him.
" No! " he said slightly loudly shifting away from his dad so he was no longer hugging him close. He pulled his knees up close to his chest as he held himself in a bundle.
Sherlock sighed a bit at his sons refusal. "Why don't you want to eat?"
" Because I don't want to! " he now shouted getting up from the sofa he was sat on with his dad. He ran off to his room slamming his door as he fell onto his bed. John looked to Sherlock " This is exactly what I've had to put up with the whole time you've been gone."
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Sherlock told him looking at him. "Why won't he eat? I'm home, I'm not leaving him again. Why wont he eat?" Sherlock asked unable to understand.
" Did you just expect him to be to be all fine and back to normal when you got home? It doesn't work like that Sherlock the damage has already been done. Yeah he started to be like when you were gone but it's just got worse it can't be fixed just with you coming back you know. There's no magical cure to this. "
"I know, John. I know. You don't have to yell it at me." Sherlock said to him, leaning back on the sofa and crossing his arms.
John sighed " Sorry, it's just been hard. You were gone and Hamish is like this, I had to stop working for a while and he stopped going to school. I had to make sure he was having at least one meal and taking his medication but even that has become a struggle. You know that was the 3rd time he's been to hospital for collapsing like that."
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I was just trying to protect you both. I've only made things worse here, though." Sherlock said quietly to keep his voice from cracking and his emotions showing. Words couldn't describe how guilty he felt.
" Yeah I know you were Sherlock, but real life went on, we couldn't cope without you. Hamish couldn't cope. He needs his medication, will you go give him it?" He asked getting up from the sofa as he went to the cupboard in the kitchen getting some tablets out and getting a glass of water.
"Yeah. Yeah I will." Sherlock said shrugging off his coat and taking the tablets and water from John before making his way up to Hamish's room.
" Good luck " John whispered after Sherlock had left as he returned to the table pulling out his laptop. Hamish was sat on his bed reading a book.
Sherlock knocked on the door lightly. "Mish? Can I come in?" He asked.
Hamish looked to door. He got up from his bed and opened the door then went and sat back on the bed and he continued to read not saying a word to his dad.
Sherlock entered his son's room and sat down at the foot of the bed. "What are you reading?" He questioned lightly.
He held the book up so Sherlock could see the title before returning it back down, still not talking to him.
"Please talk to me, son." Sherlock begged him.
" I know what you're going to do " Hamish said looking to Sherlock's hands.
"I know you do Mish." Sherlock sighed. "You deduce just like I do, you know that? I'm sorry I wasn't here for the past three years." Sherlock apologized once again to his son, setting the tablets and water down on his bedside table.
I'm not taking them " Hamish said before Sherlock attempted to give him them " Why do you keep saying that? Sorry doesn't make the last three years go away " Hamish said picking his book up again.
"Just a bit ago, you wouldn't let me out of your sights and now this. I'm not forcing you to do or take anything, but what happened between the door and the sofa that made your attitude change towards me so quickly?" Sherlock asked him.
" I remembered what it was like to not have you, you tried to make me eat, I don't want to! You're just like him."
Sherlock nodded. "You're right. I am, I care about you enough to not want to see you sick, or any worse than you are now, because you're not eating. I've been there. I know what it's like, and what you're going through."
" How could you possibly know what I'm going through! You don't know anything!" Hamish shouted at his dad. John heard the raised voices and he glanced in the direction of Hamish's room sighing.
"Because I had the same bloody eating problem until I married your Father." Sherlock told him raising his voice a bit as well.
"You did?" Hamish said quite surprised.
"Yeah, I did." Sherlock tells him. Happy that he wasn't yelling anymore.
"Then you'll understand why I don't want to eat, why can't people accept that!"
"Because they don't know what it's like to not be hungry the way they are when they eat." Sherlock tells him honestly.
" I'm sorry for shouting at you. " Hamish apologized as he huddled close to his dad thinking maybe there was someone that actually understood him.
"It's okay. I used to get that way with Uncle Mycroft. I'd scream and shout and sometimes hit. I just didn't want to eat."
Hamish smiled faintly " You two never got on " he commented.
John had walked to Hamish's room standing at the doorway decidng to see if everything was alright from the shouting he heard earlier. " Everything alright?" He asked.
"Yeah, everything's alright." Sherlock tells John before chuckling a bit, "no we never really did but I know now that he just wanted to help me get better." He said to Hamish.
John smiled as he left the pair of them " I know, but I just don't want to " Hamish told his dad.
"I know you don't, Mish." Sherlock told him. "I didn't really get better until I married your Father, like I said. I didn't have a need to get better before that because I didn't have anyone that I really cared enough about to get better for."
" So does that mean that I don't have to ?" He asked hopefully.
"That depends. Do you care about your Father and I enough to want to get better or not?" Sherlock asked him. " I know we both love you and would do anything for you."
" Of course I care about you both! You're my dads, I just don't want to eat, why does it make a difference? It doesn't mean I care about you both any less " He feeling a little lost and confused with himself.
"I know, Hamish." Sherlock pulled him closer to him, "we just want you healthy. We don't want to lose you."
He sighed as he was brought closer. " Why is everything so hard Dad?" He said as he lent against him.
Sherlock shrugged a bit. "Because life isn't easy...but in the end it's worth it."
" What's the end? " He questioned " When you're dead?" Hamish asked.
"No, the end is when you make the decision or allow yourself to get better." Sherlock told him softly before bending down to kiss the top of his head.
"Then why do you call it the end?" He asked.
"Because it's the end of the pain and suffering you've gone through by not eating."
" But I'm not " Hamish denied. " I'm okay now that you're back " He smiled faintly, looking up to Sherlock.
"It still is not healthy, love. Not at all." Sherlock told him. "I got to the point where I would eat, but I only ate every three days and only enough to keep my mind functioning and me standing upright."
" I don't care, I don't like it " he sighed. " I do that! But Father moans at me saying it's not enough eating every 5 days, he said I'm just like you."
Sherlock chuckled, " You are just like me. All I'm asking is that you gradually try and eat a eat a bit more. I won't force you, I just want you to try though. Can you do that for me? Please, Mish?"
He looked up at his dad and back at the floor as he thought about the question " okay then, but as long I don't have to take those either " he said looking at the tablets on the bedside table.
"Don't tell your Father but I'm sure I can figure something out, okay?" Sherlock said. "Can I ask why you don't like them though?"
" I don't want them. They're annoying. Father always said they were just vitamin tablets but I don't believe him " Hamish admitted.
Sherlock nodded. "Alright. Don't tell him and I'll make sure that you don't have to take them."
" Really? " He said quite surprised " Thanks " He smiled hugging his Dad.
"Of course, Mish." Sherlock hugged him back, just a bit tighter.