I Want You to Want Me
Chapter 10: It Ain't Over till It's Over
When we last left the titans, we did so with heavy hearts. Starfire and Robin's moment of passion ended abruptly, leaving broken hearts, mixed up emotions, and just all around confusion. While some members of the household were brought together by the ordeal, namely Starfire and Raven, the house, for the most part, remained divided. Robin, lost in a pool of endless sorrow, emotion frustration, and perplexity, assumed that Starfire's analysis of the situation must be correct and did as he was asked, remaining in his one sided relationship with Summer and ignoring, as best he could, his emotions for Starfire.
The entire household was slowly falling apart, from Robin and Starfire's fiasco the night before, to Raven and Beastboy's denial, and all seemed to coincide with the arrival of a certain someone named Summer.
As the dawn approached Summer lay sprawled across a bed with pink silk sheets, fresh from the mall. Her auburn hair reflected the sunlight while her face caught each glittering ray. Her shopping bags were positioned around the Titans guest bedroom, and her jewelry thrown carelessly onto the dresser. She slept soundly, dreaming of Starfire's termination from the Teen Titans Team. Her brain vividly produced each tacky and tawdry outfit that she imagined that alien freak would throw into her Louie Vuitton knock off bags (which was enough of a crime in Summer's mind) and dragging them out of the tower as she pleaded to Robin to please take her back. However, every plea was met with refusal from Robin, who picked up her bags, then her, and tossed them out on the front lawn of Titans Tower. Oh! What Sweet dreams had the night been filled with! Summer had not only had sweet dreams, but also freed her conscience from all guilt and threw her plan to keep Robin into action.
Summer had not known that Robin had cheated on her until he confessed, but for some time, she had suspected that he would fall into temptation. After all, that tramp, Starfire, had been trying to intoxicate him since day one. So, that night, while her father was out of town on business, she decided that the best way to beat Starfire would be to fight her on her own turf. So naturally, since Summer was so gifted when it came to enhancing the truth, when she left her key in her house after going out on a date with a guy she met at a party last week, the little light bulb in her head turned on. She decided that instead of calling Robin and asking him to come open her door, she would tell him the heart wrenching tale of a father daughter relationship falling into chaos and despair after one night of going to the movies with girlfriends. Her father of course wouldn't really be the blame, she would say, so that Robin wouldn't confront him, after all, the argument had been unavoidable since her mother's death and her father returning to the dating scene. She would simply ask for a place to sleep to clear her mind and escape the madness of her household. If she played her cards right, who knows, she might even get a chance to sleep in Robin's bed.
After beginning the plan, following her late night phone call, she felt somewhat guilty. Yes, Summer is capable of feeling. And yes, she can feel guilt too. She knew that in order for her relationship with Robin to work, she would have to learn to trust him, after all, why would anyone ever cheat on her?
But when she arrived and Robin confessed his infidelity, she decided that she no longer needed her conscience because he was a lying, cheating, scheming, sorry excuse for a man. But, eventually, she realized it wasn't his fault, the purple wearing tramp was to blame. So she decided that the battle would continue. She would show Robin that she was his soul mate, at least until she found someone better, and in the process make Starfire jealous of her and Robin's relationship and finally coerce him into firing her. The perfect plan! At least it was in Summer's mind.
So as the sun rose she simply continued her appealing dreaming of her Starfire-less future with Robin.
The sunlight came through the blinds, unannounced, as if it owned the room, causing Raven's slumber to be disturbed and her eyes to rapidly flutter. 'That's odd,' she thought, since she wasn't normally awakened by sunlight. She opened her eyes to find that she was lying on lounge chair facing a bed containing none other than Starfire. Then she remembered exactly what had happened. How Starfire was crying, just as she had seen in a vision. How Starfire told her about her escapade with Robin. How she sensed that evil hell spawn Summer in her home. How she couldn't stop Starfire from crying. How she shared Star's pain and longed to speak of her secret emotions towards Beastboy. How they became better friends than ever before. How she told Star to get some sleep and pulled the chair near her bed to meditate and keep an eye on her sobbing friend. It was a night full of good points and bad points. Mostly bad.
Raven stretched slightly and walked over to Starfire's sleeping figure. She looked down and saw the sunlight enhancing the tear streaks on her soft rosy cheeks. Her eyes were shut tightly and her brow furrowed. She looked so distressed. So pained. And Raven could feel that pain too. She hadn't before understood Starfire's feelings. Or why Beastboy was so upset. But now she was starting to get it. Just as the sun was shedding light on the Tower, some light was being shed on her situation.
Just as she was contemplating all these things, there was a knock on the door. She turned towards the door in disbelief and then looked over at the clock on Starfire's night table to see that it was only five thirty in the morning. She approached the door quickly, not wanting the knocking to persist and awake her fellow teammate and friend.
She turned the knob, ready to see a smug Summer prepared to gloat or Robin ready to apologize. She opened the door and found neither.
"Hey."
She blinked a few times after looking at the figure with a shocked expression. She quickly gathered her thoughts and responded trying not to sound needy.
"Hey, Beastboy."
Robin hadn't slept well at all. After Summer forgave him he felt both relieved and disappointed at the same time. He was so confused. He really liked Starfire, probably more than just like, but he also had feelings for Summer. Sure she was annoying and obnoxious, but there was something about her that he liked and he cared about her well being and didn't want to ever see her in pain or cry.
That still didn't mean that he ever wanted to see or hear Starfire cry either, and unfortunately, he did last night. As he walked Summer to the guest bedroom, fighting his urges to do otherwise, he had to pass Star's room to get to the stairs, and there, in the hall, even before reaching her door, he could hear it. The sobbing. There was an inconsistency in her breathing and she would stop and start again. Just the sound pained him so. It was far worst than when the two of them had quarreled before, because now he wasn't angry with her. He was starting to understand his feelings for her. And part of him wanted to open the door. He wanted to dry her eyes and tell her that she was wrong about their fate. But just as he started to move towards the door a small smooth hand touched his arm and he turned to see Summer standing there, looking distraught and needy, waiting for him to show her the guest bedroom. In the low hall lights she looked beautiful. Her lips were red and her hair was flat, because she had gotten wet in the rainstorm she walked through to get to the tower. Her small frame was shuddering from the cold and she sniffled while somewhat tightening her grasp on his powerful arm. He looked at her, then to the door, and then back to Summer, and as Starfire let out another gasp and Summer turned towards the door looking a little worried and discontent. He took her face in his hands and turned it to face him. He then gave her a warm smile and hugged her slightly while continuing their journey through the darkness, with little light to lead the way.
And throughout the night he hadn't been able to erase the thought that he made the wrong decision by letting Star walk away from him. Or that he had messed up again when he walked pass her door with Summer clinging to him for dear life. Or maybe Star was right when she said that he and Summer belonged together. All these thoughts and images of a crying, yet forgiving, innocent Summer and his make out session with Starfire clouded his mind through the night. That with thoughts of Titan strategies and Slade was enough to send any boy wonder into a fit of tossing and turning all night.
As his alarm went off at five thirty he hit the snooze button for the first time since he was eleven years old and turned onto his side, yearning for sleep and answers, neither of which was to come easily. He knew that the day was going to be no better than the day before.
"So, uh, what are you doing here?"
"Oh, yeah, that," Beastboy said after snapping out of the trance he went into when he saw Raven answer the door instead of Starfire. It was an unexpected, yet welcomed, surprise. Although he wouldn't have minded seeing Starfire in her sleepwear.
"So?" Raven said as she ushered herself and Beastboy out into the hallway to continue their conversation outside as to not disturb Starfire's slumber.
"Oh, I came to check on Star. I heard her early this morning crying. I would have been here sooner, but she stopped and I was, uh, kind of, too tired to get up."
"How noble."
"Yeah. So, um, how's Star, and what's wrong?"
"Oh, um, I shouldn't really say, but something happened between her and Robin-"
"Big surprise there."
"-Yeah, and she discovered that he 'doesn't care about her and is in love with Summer' supposedly. So she cried herself to sleep."
" Man, I hate Summer."
" Who doesn't? If I saw her, I'd sure like to give her a piece of mind after the way she hurt Star."
"Well, at least Star has a friend like you."
"Gee, thanks."
"What? I didn't mean that sarcastically."
"Oh. Well, I don't know how good a friend I am."
"Rae, you're a great friend," he said causing her to look up and smile at him. Then there was an awkward silence as the two starred at one another. Memories from their last encounter floated through their minds and so they suddenly became very interested in the ground.
"BB, I'm sorry," Raven blurted out.
"For what?"
"You know what for. I just can't take it anymore. I know I hurt you, but I, I had to do that."
"You had to humiliate me?"
"No. I mean I had to end things. I can't feel things like that."
"AHA! So you admit it! You did feel something."
"I didn't admit anything."
"But you just did, didn't you?"
"I don't even have to dignify that with an answer."
"Sorry dude, but your inability to give an answer is enough of one."
"Look, I did feel something. I don't need to be embarrassed to admit that in front of anyone. I'm above embarrassment."
"But I wasn't. Since your above humiliation and embarrassment you figured you'd just hurt me and make me look like an idiot so you wouldn't have to deal with your emotions right? That way you wouldn't have to explain how the calm, cool Raven, ice queen, was about to kiss her teammate to Cyborg? Right?"
"Not exactly."
"RIGHT?"
"Keep your voice down!" He did as she asked, but persisted with his questioning.
"Aren't I right?"
"Maybe."
"Raven"
"Okay, your hunch was correct."
"I knew it. And I'm not just right now, am I? I was right yesterday too?"
"Speaking of yesterday, why were you ignoring me last night?"
"What? Don't change the subject."
"I'm not. That is perfectly on topic. Now why?
"Answer my question first, Rae."
"Not till you answer mine."
"But, dude, I asked first."
"So, I asked second. What's your point?"
"Fine. I ignored you just to bother you okay? I was upset that you didn't care about how I felt and that you were never going to admit that you cared about me at all. So, I just-"
"-You just humiliated me? Seems that I'm not a high and mighty ice queen above humiliation, does it?"
"You're twisting my words around Rae!"
"Please."
"Wait," he said as he realized that Raven was trying to change subjects. "Why am I answering your questions? This is my interrogation, and I'll ask the questions here, so answer."
"Answer what?"
"Raven," he whined.
"Oh, fine. You were right okay," she said waving her arms in the air, looking up and down the hall to be sure that no one was within audio or visual distance. She was barely okay with admitting these things to Beastboy, let alone the rest of the titans and Robin's new pet.
"You weren't dreaming."
"Well, duh."
"Nice. I, there was something about to happen there. And for a split second," she turned away from him and paced back and forth, continuing her dialogue with slight sorrow and longing, "I wanted something to happen, then and in the future."
"Then what happened?" He reached out an arm and placed his hand on her shoulder. At first Raven welcomed the presence, but then she shook off his hand and turned to face him.
"I woke up from that ideal little dream world and saw reality. As soon as those vases broke, so did any and every dream I had been entertaining in my mind of us for the past few weeks."
She walked away and leaned against the wall. Beastboy stood there, confused and no longer feeling sorry for himself, but instead for her. Did he dare to ask her the question that was now playing games with his mind? The words played on his lips, and out they came.
"Raven, why are you afraid to feel?" She didn't dare face him. Not when he was serious. She could see his face in her head at that very moment and didn't' want to have to answer to it.
"Feelings and emotions are just weaknesses. Not only is it not healthy for me to feel anything, but, in general, the idea of love is just ridiculous."
"How is love ridiculous?"
"It's cliché, its complex, and leads to nothing but pain and loneliness," she said as she turned to face him and continued leaning against the wall. "If I wanted to be lonely, rather than falling in love with you, I'd just stay in my room for the rest of my life."
"Did you say you're falling in love with," he paused and gulped, "me?"
Raven's head shot up. She took her weight off the wall and saw the smile tugging at his lips. He looked as if he was having an epiphany. And she was busted. All she had been doing was stating the facts to him. Sure, she was becoming a little emotional, but it was under control. He was in charge of the direction of the conversation. Or so she had thought. She hadn't intended to say that. Especially since that was something she had been holding in and battling for some time now. She wasn't positive that she was in love, but she sure made it sound that way. She didn't know what to do. She immediately placed her hands over her mouth in response. She had to think of something to do or else he might suspect that what he heard was exactly what she meant to say. And it wasn't, was it?
"Look, I didn't say that. I simply said that-"
"-Please Rae, I just heard you. You said, and I quote, 'If I wanted to be lonely, rather than falling in love with you, I'd,' blah blah blah blah." She was in a state of panic. He was smirking. She was left without another play to run. So she did the most logical thing possible. She lied.
"That's not what I said at all. You're, you're twisting the truth."
"Who? Me?"
"Yes you. You're putting words in my mouth."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
"Oh, that's really mature, BB."
"Almost as mature as lying about how you feel."
"I don't feel and I DON'T lie." She said this while turning her back to him and putting her hands on her head, covering her face with her bent arms, shaking her head back in forth, as if trying to convince herself.
"Sure. And I'm supposed to believe what some lying girl who's in love with me says? Yeah, right." She shot around and approached him. She pointed one finger and pressed it into his chest with anger etched on her face.
"Damn right your supposed to believe what that girl says because that girl is me," the minute she said this she realized what she had done. She had fallen right into his trap, that is if Beastboy was possible of creating a trap, and so she continued, "Oh, crap."
"AHA! You admitted it!" He had won. He knew it, she knew it, the American people knew it. And unless she wanted to argue some more at five thirty in morning then she had to square with him.
"Look, I like you a lot, okay? I admit it. It's just that, well,"
"Raven, I've liked for some time now and I want to experience it with you. I mean I know I'm immature and I play videogames way more than any normal human being should, and there's that whole, I'm green thing, but I can- "
"No, it has nothing to do with any of that."
"Well, then what's wrong? I mean before you were embarrassed to share that you experience these emotions, but now you have and after what happened in the hall last time, I know that it's gonna be hard, but, I like you, dude, I can't believe I just said that out loud, but I do, and well, I might even love-"
"-Love is a strong word. And a strong emotion, which I cannot afford to
experience." She started to walk away from him with her head down in sadness, but not before allowing him to see the pain that saying that last statement caused her.
"Raven, please. Why are you punishing yourself? It doesn't have to be like this."
"Yes it does. I have to protect everyone."
"From what?"
"From me," she shouted as she turned on her heel to face him. She had one hand on her chest to emphasize that she was the danger and had tears welling up in her eyes. Beastboy shook his head to show that he understood.
"Raven I understand that you're doing this to protect other people, but why should you have to suffer in the process?"
"I signed up for this job, so that's my problem. After all, that's what we do. We suffer so no one else has to."
"That's not true or fair Raven and you know it. If you really like me then you should at least explore the possibility-"
"-The possibility of what?! Destruction? Chaos? Losing Control? Letting my dad win? Hurting our friends? Or did you mean hurting you?" At that very moment a light bulb in the hallway blew. Raven regained control and took a deep breath.
"You're doing this to protect me?" She didn't look up or answer. "Are you Raven?" He said and put a hand on her shoulder. Raven looked into his eyes and saw how much he cared about her. She had been wrong before, when they had their fiasco, when she thought that she would have to live in eternal darkness, because as she looked at him, she knew that she didn't have to. He didn't want her to live in the darkness, alone, anymore. He wanted light shine on her all of the time and her to be warm, not that dreadful cold she was before. And she wanted it too. Suddenly, the entire trauma that Starfire had been going through popped into her head. Images of the crying and sobbing because she wasn't with the person that she loved and had to hide her emotions and pretend they weren't there were floating around. And Raven didn't want to be like that. She wanted to feel. And not feel pain, but bliss. And love. She wanted to make it, but she knew that she wasn't that strong. She couldn't hold in the ache anymore. She fell apart. Right there in the hallway. Right there in Beastboy's arms.
"OH! BEASTBOY!" She wailed and threw her arms around his neck. He was taken aback by Raven's emotional outburst, especially since Raven didn't touch people. And she didn't cry either. But here she was. No longer the strong and stoic Raven from the past, but a vulnerable version of Raven, weeping and wailing, grasping onto him for dear life, her tears soaking his shirt. He did what anyone would do when the person they loved was crying, he wrapped his arms around her and patted her head and rubbed her back. Her wailing ceased, but her breathing was still erratic.
"Raven," he whispered as both their grasps tightened, "its okay. Shh. Everything's going to be okay."
"But I don't want to hurt you, or anyone. I don't want to lose control."
"You won't hurt me. I may be small, but I'm one tough dude. And you won't lose control. I won't let you." He wouldn't let her. Those words hit her very soul and as she took her head out of his chest and rested it in the crook of his neck, she breathed him in and knew that somehow things were going to be bright.
"Beastboy"
"It's okay, Rae," he said and kissed her cheek and much to both of their surprises, nothing exploded or broke and no one died. How they didn't know, but it was a sure enough sign that things could work. They embraced each other again, this time for a ten-minute period, in bliss. And this bliss was above any that either ever could have wished for.
Summer wrapped the warm towel around her. She peered into the mirror over the sink. Her hair was wet and she was pleased with herself, as usual. "Beautiful as usual, Summer." Out of nowhere, while posing in front of the fogged bathroom mirror, that little light bulb in that diabolical brain of hers began to flicker.
"I wonder what that tramp is doing. She was crying last night. I wonder if she's still blubbering," she said to her reflection while writing Starfire's name in the fogged mirror with her index finger. "No matter," she replied to herself while smirking evilly. "She'll be gone soon enough," she said while crossing out Star's name and writing her own with Robin's with a heart as a border. "There," she said with a smile. "Now that is beautiful." She began to chuckle and turned on her heel walking out of the bathroom into the hallway. She decided that it would be a great way to start the morning if she could hear that loser still crying as she passed, so she made her way there without a moment to spare.
Her bare feet left wet footprints on the carpet in the hall. She ran her fingers through her wet, brown hair and hummed a tune reminiscent of a boy band smash hit. I know, eww.
She unexpectedly saw two figures in the hall, and they were hugging. And they were right in front of the tramp's door! Her first assumption was automatically that it was her beloved significant other and the other woman. How could he?! And after her star studded performance too! She could have easily have not forgiven him and called Todd or Chris or Wally, but she didn't, and this is how he repaid her?! Oh! What an evil, disgusting, arro- oh wait a sec, it was that green loser and that freaky Goth girl! Oh, well, that was different. What a piece of gossip and quite an unsuspected twist! The freaky Goth chick and the green freak of nature were hugging and kissing in the hallway. Well, time to pretend like she was happy for them so they could like her and in turn keep Robin in her favor.
She walked swiftly, haughty, unbeknownst to them. And when she was within twenty yards, she slowed her pace, and tip toed quietly. Raven so wrapped up in the way she felt right now, could not sense her presence. And so, when she was almost on their heels she pounced.
"Hey there you two!" Raven's eyes shot open in horror and she and Beastboy immediately parted, leaping a good four feet apart. She stood between the two in the hallway.
"No, guys, It's cool! Congratulations! And don't worry, if it's a secret, it's safe with me," she said with a smile that looked painted on. On the outside she was a condescending, yet sincerely caring person. On the inside she wanted to puke at the mere thought of two losers in love.
"Yeah, thanks, Summer. That'd be great," Beastboy said trying to clear the awkwardness out of the air.
"No prob. But you know what's really great?"
Silence.
"That you proved me wrong. There is one girl who likes you. Isn't that lucky? You found her," she said, adding a smile for effect. Beastboy looked completely heartbroken and Summer looked at him with satisfaction, thinking that her job was done; his happiness was destroyed. Raven seeing this grew angry. She had enough of Summer, and so she queried, "And just what is that supposed to mean?" Summer's focus shifted to Raven. 'Hmm, that Goth geek is still standing strong. Well, I'll just have to break her too,' Summer thought.
" Nothing, but my sincerest happiness for you." Raven eyed her strangely as Summer continued, "Oh! How rude of me! I didn't say congrats to you. You must feel left out," she said patronizingly, " like you Goths normally do. Well, Congrats on finding each other, your totally a match made in heaven."
"Thanks," Raven said, angry and really fighting the urge to kill Summer right here right now, regardless of the consequences. After a pause Raven smiled slightly and replied, "and you and Robin are a match that can only be made in hell."
Summer's smile was wiped off her face. Did this reject know whom she was dealing with? No one insults Summer! The girls in this household really needed to learn how to control their attitudes when she was in their presence. However, this train of thought ended by Raven speaking on Summer's angry disposition.
"Oh, sorry if I offended you, but that statement is considered a compliment coming from one of us Goths. It's probably just something one of you little unintelligible populous wouldn't possibly be proficient in fathoming." Summer looked dazed and confused. Her expression said, "what?" meaning that Raven's insult went right over her freshly shampooed head. Raven was relishing Summer's stupidity. And Beastboy, who even understood, was amused and appreciative. Summer, moments after a few chuckles from BB realized that she had just been insulted, exploded and without being able to play mind games anymore said, "How dare you!"
"How dare I what," Raven said simply. Beastboy's smile and laughter ceased.
"How dare you insult me. Do you even know who I am?"
"Yeah, you're hell spawn." Beastboy couldn't help but laugh again, only causing Summer's anger to increase.
"Look, you little Goth reject, you may be accustomed to other girls quivering in fear-"
"Not just girls, actually,"
"-WHATEVER! Look, witch, you may be used to Robin's girlfriends being nice and letting you do what you want, but I'm not one of those girlfriends okay."
"Obviously. I caught onto your act a long time ago. You are nothing but a lying, cheating, gold-digging, social-climbing, little tramp. For a long time, I've let you get away with treating Star the way you have and playing Robin, but a word of caution, if you don't back off and leave them alone, then I will personally see to your disposal."
"Is that a threat?"
"No. Just a warning."
"Well, a word of caution to you, I'm running this household. Robin is wrapped around my well manicured little finger and when I get the chance, Starfreak will be gone. And you can believe that if you," then she turned and pointed to Beastboy, "or you try to cross me or get in my way, then you will be the next to go. I'll have Robin send you to martial arts training in Timbuktu and I'll spend my time covered in gold and Gucci. Okay? So you might as well try to worship me like he does, because no matter what you say or do, he's gonna believe me, not you two dorks. So go with the flow. Cause No matter how cute little Starnerd may be, I've already won and she's outta here like a fat kid in dodge ball. Clear?"
"Crystal," Raven said, trying really hard not to strike Summer. "Only just so you know, you're right and wrong."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. Robin won't believe me, or BB, or Cyborg. You're right. But I'm sure that he'll believe cute little Starfire over the superficial you. As soon as Star spills the beans, your game's over. Checkmate."
"And you think she will?"
Raven nodded.
"Really? I don't think so. I'll shut her up personally if I have to, or just cover it up. In case your tacky hood has been covering your eyes, I'm really good at covering things up."
"I've noticed. And while you may try to hide how you really are, all the make up in the world won't cover that ugly mug up forever." Summer couldn't believe that this weird girl was trying to argue better than her. She just wouldn't give up. So she snapped. She walked up close to Raven and got in her face. Their noses were just inches apart.
And she said, with her head moving from side to side, "I'm gonna show you what it's like to live under my rules."
"Is that a threat?"
"Absolutely." And with that she turned on her heel, looked at BB with a scowl, and walked down the hall to her bedroom, ready to make Raven pay. Raven watched her walk away and knew that this day, this week, was going to be a painstaking process that would ultimately lead to the undeniable win of Starfire.
And so Cyborg slept soundly, unaware of all that had happened thus far; Starfire slept, dreaming of what could have been, tears dried on her rosy cheeks; Robin showered, hoping that the hot water could wash away his troubles and confusion, searching for answers in soap; Beastboy watched in disbelief, Summer and Raven eye each other, amused and yet amazed that what had just occurred was reality, better than any video game; And Raven stood in the hall contemplating the possible future, watching Summer storm down the hall, her hair snaking into curls like Medusa. Summer's rage was rival to any rage Raven had ever experienced. Raven wouldn't let Summer walk all over Star, or herself, and Summer wouldn't let Raven win. While Summer walked down the hall and Raven stood and watched, Summer turned to enter her bedroom, only before entering, stopping to eye Raven. The girls stared at each other, in the darkened hallway, the dim lights catching the venom in their eyes, saying in their minds in unison, 'It ain't over till it's over.'
Hey Everybody! Finally Chapter 10! This fanfic is turning out to be much longer than planned, but I don't want to leave anything out. Hope you liked this chappie. I needed a BB/ Raven chappie, and some Summer bashing. So, here you go! Enjoy! Please Review! I LOVE FEEDBACK! Any who, later!
Lovin' It,
LILY