A/N: Here's something new in the 'douche-verse'…hope it's not horrible…was going to have them make the function but little things kept happening and before I knew it…bam, a few words turned into a few more and so on and so on, and so on…hadn't planned to bring the titular character back this soon but…what can I say?…couldn't help it…it just happened…now, here's where I beg your indulgence while I plead for your time in the form of reviews…they are wonderful for me(and any other writer here at FF), so…tap that button and tell a writer(doesn't have to be me) what you like or hate about their work…Batty, a juicer role is heading your way soon…Chas56, next chapter…Prince Boo Boo, words fail me…disclaimers…I don't own Chuck…I make no money from the pounding of my fingers against the keyboard…all errors are completely my own and I'll blame a poor education and/or a fondness for Jager…I'm still trying to get the perfect opening line for my movie mash up…Steve Martin's 'The Jerk' with lots of fun characters for Chuck's fun characters…Chuck-Navin Johnson, Sarah-the 'thermos song' girl, Carina- Navin's first girlfriend("I should be sending more money soon because my girlfriend has promised me a %*# job"), Casey as the nut bag assassin who 'hates these cans' and later becomes the process server, Morgan as the 'gang banger' known as 'Mrs. Noosebaum' who steals the church…sorry, too much rambling, must stop now…thanks again to the man who steered me into this lunacy, thanks Jim. JT
Bryce Larkin : Douche Bag At Large - Chapter 16
Chuck opened his eyes to find a blonde vision of loveliness staring down at him, her face hovering inches above his own.
"Morning, sleepy head" Sarah said before lowering her lips to his and giving him a gentle kiss which rapidly heated up as Chuck responded to the tongue that was demanding entrance to his mouth. Within minutes, the couple had thrown the comforter from the bed and they were wrapped up in each other, hands grasping and groping as they struggled with each others clothing, each of them determined to get the other naked as quickly as possible. Just as Sarah pulled Chuck's pajama bottoms from around his ankles, the sound of his cel-phone ringing brought everything to a screeching halt.
"You have got to be kidding me" Sarah announced to the room when she recognized Ellie's ring-tone. "We're not even in her apartment and your sister throws a CB" the suddenly frustrated blonde grumbled while Chuck reached for his phone, immediately missing the feel of his hands on her body.
"Morning, El" he answered while Sarah continued her exploration, slowly kissing her way from his neck downwards. "Yes, I'm aware that the event tonight is a formal affair…yes, I'm well aware that I don't have a suit…that would be great but Sarah has already volunteered to take me shopping this morning and I…uh" Chuck suddenly paused, losing his train of thought when Sarah's tongue found it's way to his arousal. "…uh, I, uh…no, nothing's wrong, El…Sarah just, uh, she …" he paused again as he looked down .and found a pair of brilliant blue eyes staring up at him. He almost laughed when she waggled her eyebrows at him before returning to her ministrations. "…um, yeah, sorry about that. Listen El, I've gotta go…yeah, I'm pretty sure that Sarah knows exactly what she doing…oh yeah, she really does…I'm sorry El but I have to hang up now…I promise to call you later…what?…Ellie, it's not like we're going to the prom…ok, fine, I'll have Sarah take a picture for you…yeah, I promise, gotta go now" Chuck finished and then fumbled with his phone before tossing it to the small table next to the bed.
"Oh god, yes! Sarah, this is definitely one of my favorite ways to start the day" Chuck declared as he felt himself slipping closer to the edge.
"Chuck, I really don't need to hear this!" his sisters voice announced from the bedside table followed by the sound of a call being disconnected.
"Oh crap" Chuck moaned when Sarah stopped and then rolled onto her back, making no effort to hide the giggles that quickly grew into a fit of snorting laughter. "It's not funny, Sarah."
"Yeah, it is" she replied, struggling to get her laughter under control, using her fingers to wipe the tears that from her cheeks while watching Chuck sit up and start to swing his legs over the side of the bed. "And just where do you think you're going, mister?" she asked while reaching for and grabbing his shoulder.
"A cold shower?"
"Oh no you aren't!" she announced in a firm and husky voice. "I'm not through with you yet" she added, pulling him back onto the bed and throwing a leg over his waist. Before Chuck had a chance to say a word, she demonstrated that she was more than ready for him when she shifted a little and then slid down onto him in one smooth motion. Placing her hands on his chest, she smiled down at him. "I think you need to find a place for your hands" she told him and then paused the rhythm she'd set up when she felt his hands settle on her hips, "and as much as I like the feel of them on my hips, that wasn't the place I wanted them" she added while grabbing them and pulling them to her breasts. "Much better" she purred as she began thrusting against him again while her hands stayed atop his, guiding them.
"So, uh, where are you going to take me shopping?" Chuck asked, trying to take his mind off of the sensations that were flooding his mind.
"Shopping, Chuck? Do you really think that shopping is what I want to hear you talking about…right now?"
"Well, I don't know enough about baseball to talk statistics and I'm pretty sure that you don't want me to start quoting from 'Wrath'…"
"And you don't believe in talking dirty?"
"Well, that would sort of defeat the purpose…for me…right now."
Nodding her head and smiling when she realized what he was rambling about, Sarah leaned down and took his ear lobe in her teeth and gave it a hard nip before straightening back up.
"Ow! What the hell, Sarah?"
"Did that get your mind to a different place?" she asked with a knowing smile.
"Yes, yes it did."
"Good, now just remember that your hot and horny girlfriend is more than willing to bite, whenever you need her to."
"Yes ma'am" he replied with smile as Sarah closed her eyes and began to pick up her pace while he simply reminded himself of the feel of her teeth on his ear.
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Chuck looked into the bathroom mirror and couldn't help smiling around his toothbrush as he watched the woman standing beside him, working her toothbrush with almost the same motion he'd been using. With almost identical timing, they both spit into the sink and then reached for a cup of water to rinse their mouths out.
"What's so funny?" Sarah asked after using the corner of her towel to wipe at the corners of her mouth, ridding herself of the last evidence of the mint toothpaste they'd both used.
"Nothing" he answered after wiping his own mouth and turning to leave the bathroom. He'd only taken two steps when he had a passenger, Sarah having leapt onto his back, her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs wrapping around his waist. Without thinking, he flashed and with a quick step to the side, he dropped a hip, shrugged a shoulder and grabbed one of the thin wrists that were around his neck before leaning forward suddenly. Moments later he was staring down at down at the bed, taking note of the shocked look on the face of a naked Sarah Walker, the towel she'd been wearing hanging from his hand.
"What the hell?" the blonde agent asked, clearly confused about what had happened. "How did you do that, Chuck? Did you flash on me?"
"Um, yes?" he answered with a big smile.
"What's so funny?"
"Well, I have to admit that I much prefer your flash to mine" he replied, waving the towel in his hand.
"How…how exactly did you do that? I know quite few styles of martial arts and I have never seen that style before" Sarah said, making no move to take the towel from Chuck's hand.
"I'm not sure. The flash wasn't intentional. It was more like a sub-conscious thing. The Intersect just choose something to get me out of the position I was in."
"Then why didn't you follow through with an offensive move to incapacitate me?" she asked as she got up from the bed and made her way over to the Chuck's overnight bag and started pulling out clothes, tossing some blue underarmor shorts across the room to him.
"I'm not sure. I had some options but I just didn't feel the need to use them" he answered as he dropped the towel in his hand and caught the underwear. He watched as Sarah made her way back across the room, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt in her hands. Before he could move, a naked agent was standing in front of him, her hands pulling at the towel that was wrapped around his waist. "I'm pretty sure that I can dress myself."
"I'm sure you can but today I get to pick out your clothes and watch you put them on" she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed, his towel now in her hands. "Now, start getting dressed" she ordered as she lay back on the bed, her eyes never leaving him as he did as he was told.
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Chuck looked at his watch for what felt like the thousandth time since he'd been banished to the dressing room, Sarah refusing to let him pick out any of the suits he'd tried on during the last two hours. He'd found out the hard way that the plastic bench in the small alcove was freezing cold when he'd tried to sit down almost and hour and a half before and he'd been standing ever since. He'd been reaching for his phone when the sound of someone at the curtains caught his attention and he spun around, expecting to find Sarah standing there with an armful of clothes for him to try on only to find himself staring at the last person he expected to see.
"Chuck, good to see you" the unexpected guest said with a smirk.
"Batty?" Chuck replied after taking note of the employee name tag that was pinned to the front of his visitor's shirt.
"I don't have a clue. I just grabbed whatever I found in the first locker I came to. I don't have much time and…"
"Sarah's here."
"I know, that's part of the reason that I don't have much time so, if you don't mind, let me say what I need to say and then I'll disappear again…hopefully before Sarah or Casey catches me."
Casey's here as well? Chuck asked and then, after a moments thought, realized that he wasn't surprised to find out that his second watcher had tagged along. "Alright, Bryce, what the hell are you doing here?"
"Well, first things first" Bryce answered before dropping his shoulder slightly and launching a roundhouse punch at Chuck's jaw.
Before he had a chance to panic, Chuck felt the intersect activate and the next thing he knew, Bryce Larkin was on his knees, his right wrist cradled in his left hand. Ignoring the options for a second, crippling blow, he opted to step back and lower himself to the cold, plastic bench.
"Jesus, Chuck, you didn't have to break my wrist" Bryce blurted out, the pain obvious in his eyes.
"You took a swing at me, Bryce. Was there a reason for that or were you just trying to remind what a huge douche bag you are?"
"I took a swing at you to see if you could handle yourself, to see if your babysitters had been teaching you anything. I guess they have. Was it Casey who taught you that wrist break trick?""
"I didn't break it…I could've but I didn't. It was a simple nerve strike, you big baby. Here.." he said, holding out his right hand, "…give me your arm and I'll fix it. I thought that you spy types were supposed to be tough and stoic and all that shit." He waited until Bryce had held his arm out to him and then grabbed his forearm and, after closing his eyes for a second, he used two fingers and pressed at a point just at the inside of his elbow. He watched as the pained expression seemed to melt off of his former friend's face, releasing his hold when the Intersect's instructions advised him to.
"How?" Bryce asked as he slowly got to his feet while he massaged his arm. "Oh shit" he blurted out after he put two and two together, "you uploaded it, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Why?"
"Isn't that why you gave it to me?"
"NO! I just wanted you to keep it safe until I could get back and reclaim it."
"Well, as I seem to recall, you never mentioned that little fact."
"If you remember, I wasn't in the best shape when I stopped by. Bullets and explosions can really take it out of you. I can't believe you uploaded it. Is it always that fast?"
"Well, it was slower at first but after I tweaked the program, it worked a lot faster."
"You changed the program? How?"
"I re-wrote it" he replied while lightly tapping the side of his head and watched the look of shock that took over Bryce's face.
"You re-wrote the program…in your head? I can't believe it."
"Well, your belief doesn't change the fact. Now, what do you want…and if you take another swing at me I'll use the second option the Intersect gave me, and trust me, it isn't anywhere near as much fun as the nerve strike."
"Well, I need to get the program back from you."
"Well, that may be a bit of a problem."
"And why is that?"
"I broke the program up and stashed the pieces…it'll take me a little while to gather them up. You'll have to check back with me tomorrow. I've got plans for tonight and I won't have the time to gather them all together for you until later. Why do you need it back, if you don't mind me asking.."
"I plan to upload it so I can get back to the mission I was originally tasked with."
"Bryce, as tempting as it would be to let you try, I can't do it. It would probably kill you."
"And what makes you say that? Afraid that someone might be able to put it to the real use it was intended for? "
"No, asshole" Chuck replied and then closed his eyes briefly, "your test scores from Flemings class indicate that your image retention rate just isn't high enough. Believe me, if I thought it would work, I'd be happy to step back and let you take the lead but the sad truth is that you just couldn't handle it."
"And I should believe you because?"
"You're right Bryce, you shouldn't believe me…after all, I'm the one who got you kicked out of Stanford by framing you for cheating, and then I slept with your girlfriend so, give me a day and I'll be happy to watch you upload the Intersect and then after you made the evolutionary step from 'piece of shit' to 'brain dead piece of shit', I'll have Casey drop your worthless, drooling waste of space at the nearest mental hospital because I'm pretty sure Director Graham won't want you back."
Jesus, Chuck, what the hell has hap…" Bryce suddenly stopped talking and pitched forward into Chuck's arms, his eyes rolling back into his head.
Looking up from the unexpected weight in his arms, Chuck found Sarah standing at the entrance to the small stall, her left arm full of clothing and her right hand still balled into a fist. Turning slowly around, he lowered an unconscious Bryce to the plastic bench, leaning him back so he didn't pitch forward onto the floor. Turning back, he noticed the smile flitting about the blonde's mouth as she extended the arm full of clothes towards him.
"Go try these on while I call a clean up crew to come pick up this asshole" Sarah told him, already pulling her pone from her pocket.
"Hold on a minute, Sarah. I can't believe I'm saying this but we need to wait until Bryce is awake again so I can finish the conversation we were having."
"What? You can't be serious, Chuck. What could you possibly have to say to this douche bag?"
"Sarah, please, just trust me. If the talk doesn't go well, you have my permission to break his nose before turning him in…ok?" Chuck asked, hoping that he might get the chance to find out what was really going on with the 'mission' he ex-roommate was supposedly on. While he waited for an answer, he felt movement behind him and was surprised when a dazed looking Bryce Larkin got to his feet. Before he could say a word, Sarah stepped forwards and lashed out, her fist connecting with her ex-partner's nose, the cracking sound leaving no doubt that he now had a broken nose.
"What?" the blonde asked, an innocent look on her face. "You did say that I could break his nose before you talked with him, didn't you?"
"No I did not, and you know that."
"Oh, sorry. Why don't you go into the next stall and try these on while I make sure 'Batty' here…" she said after taking note of the name tag that was now covered with the blood that continued to flow from the broken nose, "…doesn't get into anymore trouble. I'll be right over to make sure that everything I picked out fits you. Chop chop, Chuck. We don't have a lot of time and the talk you want to have will only take up more of our time. Go. Shoo" she finished while transferring the clothes she'd been carrying into his hands as she moved to Bryce's side and guided him back to the plastic bench at the back of the stall while gently pushing the curly headed nerd towards the front of the dressing room.
Chuck decided to follow her instructions, hoping that Bryce didn't get anymore damaged while under Sarah's care. Once he'd changed dressing stalls, he set about slipping into the clothes that Sarah had picked out, trying to listen in on the conversation going on in the room next to him but being frustrated by the blaring muzak and the hushed tones that the two spies were using for their 'talk'. He'd just finished doing the last button on the jacket when he heard the curtains rustle behind him and he turned to find one of the sales clerks standing there.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Carmichael, your fiancé assured me that it would be ok to hand you these shoes that she wanted you to try on."
"My fiancé?" Chuck asked, suddenly confused, wondering what the poor salesgirl had been told.
"Yes sir, the beautiful blonde who's been helping you with your new wardrobe."
"Yes, of course. Sorry, I'm just a little flustered today."
"Not a problem at all" the young woman assured him while taking the time to give him a casual once over before handing him the shoes that Sarah had selected for him. "If there is anything else that I can help you with…taking any measurements that might be required for any alterations" the woman offered, pulling her small tape measure from her pocket, "in case we have to adjust your inseam" she added as she openly stared at his crotch only to jump when a woman cleared her throat behind her.
"Believe me, honey, if anyone needs to measure my fiancé's inseam, I'll be the one doing it" Sarah said, making no effort to hide the displeasure in her voice. "Why don't you run along now, before you lose this sale because of some silly misunderstanding" Sarah finished as she stood aside and waited for the salesgirl to make herself scarce. Once they were alone, Sarah stepped in and pulled the curtains closed behind her, taking her time to scan Chuck from head to toe, pausing to twirl her finger and smiling when her 'model' caught on and slowly pirouetted for her, taking his time as she instructed him earlier when he'd been modeling the first suit she'd selected for him.
"Fiancé?" Chuck asked as he posed for his beautiful partner, once again feeling a strange cross between embarrassment and pride as her eyes seemed to drink in every detail. When he heard the approving growl, he knew that she was happy with what she saw and he wanted to blush because of the attention…and the obvious hunger in her eyes.
"Yes, I'm sorry about that but the sales girls all seemed to want to make sure everything fit you just right so I had to make sure that they knew that you weren't some piece of meat to be stared at and lusted over…"
"Unless it was by you?"
"That's exactly right. Now, let me grab your street clothes and you can get changed back into them while I take care of having everything packaged so we can take it all home."
"Everything?" Chuck asked, bewildered as he tried to remember all of the clothes he'd tried on during the last two hours.
"Of course. I can't have my 'fiancé' looking anything but handsome whenever I have him on my arm."
"So, not only am I engaged, I'm also your arm candy?"
"Well, of course" Sarah answered, her hands held out as Chuck slowly removed the clothes he'd just finished trying on. "While I'm taking care of everything, you can have that little talk with Bryce that you seem to think is so important. You'll have ten minutes and then we're going to your place so we, and by that I mean me, can decide which of these yummy suits you'll be wearing to the function tonight. I'll be back shortly" she informed him after taking the last of the clothes, and the shoes, and turning to leave. "Ten minutes, Chuck" she said after pausing and turning back to him, giving him a slight nod of her head as she indicated the stall next to them.
"Yes ma'am" Chuck answered with a nervous smile as he reached for his jeans that Sarah had brought in to him just moments before. I'll see you soon, honey" he added, smiling when he realized that 'honey' might be one of nicknames that Agent Sarah Walker wasn't fond of.
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Back in his own clothes, Chuck walked back into the dressing room he'd occupied just minutes before, hiding a smile when he found Bryce Larkin leaning back against the rear wall, both sides of his nose stuffed with tissue. Closing the curtains behind him, Chuck stood waiting, wondering when the man in front of him would start talking.
"Chuck, are you absolutely certain about me not being able to upload the Intersect?" Bryce asked, his attention now on Chuck.
"You know there are very few absolutes, Bryce, but trust me on this, if you try, you'll probably die."
OK then, well, in that case, there's no need for me to get the Intersect program back from you as long as you're sure that you can keep it safe."
" I'm very sure that I can keep my copy safe" Chuck answered, watching as Bryce gently removed the wads of tissue from his nose and the gingerly ran his fingers along the sides of his nose. He waited and about thirty seconds later, he got the response he'd been waiting for.
"Your copy? There's more than one? How the hell did that happen and who else has a copy?"
"When I first uploaded the Intersect, it hit me hard and I was out for a while. Ellie went though my computer and copied the program. She's got it stashed somewhere and she told me that if something ever happened to me, she'd upload it herself and go after whoever she thought might be responsible" he said and turned around when he heard the sharp intake of breath behind him. Sarah had joined the 'party' and she didn't seem to be overly happy with what she'd just learned.
"How could Ellie upload it if I can't?" Bryce asked, less than thrilled to find out that there might be someone else who could do what he had come to learn he was unable to do.
"Ellie took the image retention test and her score indicates that she'd be able to handle the upload, maybe even better than me…so there's a fun little bit of news to remember" he said as he looked from Bryce to Sarah and then back again.
Both Sarah and Bryce looked shocked about this latest news, each realizing that there was now someone else who would need to be watched.
"Listen guys, we are the only ones with this bit of knowledge and I want it to stay that way. Ellie wouldn't use it unless she felt the need was great. She told me that and I believe her. As long as we keep me safe, everything will be fine." When he didn't get any response from the other occupants of the tiny dressing room, Chuck eased past Agent Sarah Walker and stepped out through the curtains. Stopping just outside, he looked back at the two Agents who were both still stunned.
"Bryce, it was great seeing you again" Chuck said, making no effort to hide his sarcasm, "I really hope we can do this again, real soon. Sarah?…SARAH!…would you mind if we got out of here? All of this 'modeling' has worn me out. I'd like to stop for lunch before we head back to the apartment to start getting ready for tonight" he said before reaching out a hand and taking one of hers in it, pulling her along behind as he headed for the checkout counter, afraid to see how many bags were waiting for them there. He wasn't really looking forward to the function tonight but he told himself that he had to go, that he and Sarah needed to identify El Ciudad and maybe, if luck was with them, apprehend the murderous scumbag…and maybe have some great hors devours as well.
A/N: Second shot of me begging you to take some of your valuable time and tell me how wonderful(or not-so-wonderful) I am. Yup…it's reviewing time…if you don't mind.