I Want You to Want Me

Chapter 14: Why Do I Feel So Sad?

There she was. Staring at herself in the mirror. She was cute. Not Starfire cute, but no one cold ever be so sweet, right? And she was nice. I mean, nice enough not to murder someone no matter how annoying they were, but the fact that she was thinking about it didn't count, the fact that the person lived was the point, right?

She had even learned how to love. She had learned that her emotions couldn't rule her life. That she was the one in charge here and she could do whatever she wanted to whomever she wanted. She had learned the meaning of the word control. Yet she had still managed to learn that you weren't punking out if you did show some emotions. Emotions were something that you had to learn to live with. They could be great at times, but only to a certain aspect. Kinda like boys, she joked to herself at a time where she definitely could use a laugh to lighten things up.

Boys. No, not boys. Boy. Beastboy to be exact. He had taught her that she didn't have to be alone. That if she ever was alone, he would be there to help her. To save her. To love her. He loved her. And she really liked, no loved him. He was her first real boyfriend. He really cared. She actually kissed him. She kissed him and nothing blew up. No one was injured. Everyone lived. And she felt this inexplicable emotion that had never before reared its head. Love. And, although unexpected, with his help, she was in control of it. It didn't control her. He told her it didn't have to. She was joyous during their first make out session, during Beastboy's game station break, that she wanted to scream about her new found emotion, this love, from the mountain tops.

She didn't. No one heard a peep. No one knew. Not one person knew about this love. It was a secret. And why? She loved him. He loved her. They weren't ashamed. They were in control. They were ready. Everyone would want to be happy for them. They were a match made in heaven. Everyone should know about this requited love.

Requited? She wasn't so sure that it was anymore. After all, only moments before hand Beastboy, the object of her affections, her "boyfriend" as it were, didn't tell Cyborg about… "Them."

Was there even a "them" anymore? Beastboy was not only lying about them, but he was planning on going club hopping with Cyborg. And it wasn't something new. Apparently, as she lay in her bed awake every Wednesday night, dreaming sweet dreams of the boy with the jade colored hair, wishing for him to notice her, wanting him to want her, he was out partying with Cyborg. And if what if he shared Cyborg's less than committed ways with women? (After all Cyborg never had a girlfriend. He had girls. The only semi- girlfriend he had was Bumblebee, who visited occasionally and was coming to the party for Star. He'd probably be rid of the others by then. In any case, he went to parties where teenage girls were flocking towards any hero and he womanized like no other, after a few autographs and flexing his muscles). Beastboy was a liar. He was a womanizer. He didn't tell anyone about them.

But then again, couldn't she have said something. She didn't tell him to tell Cyborg the truth. Maybe he was thinking of her. Maybe he wanted to discuss it with her. But just the same, did he have to say it the way he did. Like a jerk. Like she wasn't good enough for him.

Was she good enough for anyone really? Would anyone ever want her? As she had thought before, she wasn't as cutesy as Starfire. She didn't have Summer's money, or allure. (Or sparkling personality, she joked.) She wasn't sexy, like the girls that threw themselves all over Beastboy. She was just…Raven. Just Raven.

After another moment of feeling like crud and arguing with her emotions she finally realized that Just Raven was just fine.

She wiped away her one tear that had managed to escape and just as she was ready to leave there was a knock on the door.

He really felt like a loser. Cyborg had gotten a phone call after Robin had hung up on Summer and left Beastboy all by his lonesome where he was able to ponder why he had lied about Raven.

Why was he embarrassed to be with her? Was he embarrassed to be seen with her? No. He wasn't, he just didn't want to be made fun of by Cyborg, he didn't want Robin to make jokes at his expense, and he didn't want to be rejected.

Rejected? You say. You wonder, what would he fear rejection from? Not what, but who. Although he and Raven had shared many a snog, BB was still is insecure little green self, deeply afraid that Raven was embarrassed to with him. That if he told Cyborg about their relationship, not only would he be made fun of, but also she might try to forget about him. She might not really want to be with him.

He wanted to be with her though. And her being away from him even for just these measly six minutes was enough to cause him to go crazy. He wanted her back here with him.

She wasn't like all those other girls. She didn't fawn over him because he was a "hero." She actually told him the truth and made fun of him. She outsmarted him. Yes, it's true she wasn't cutesy, but he didn't want someone cutesy and annoying. If he wanted that he would have been fighting with Robin for Starfire a long time ago. She was perfect. And he wasn't. And right now, no mater how much it would hurt his pride, he wanted perfection back in his life.

He got up. Up off the couch and made his way to the bathroom door. He took a deep breath and reminded himself, 'I am Beastboy. I am the man. I am her man. Dude, you got this.' And so he raised his hand and knocked. She opened the door and met his hopeful eyes with teary ones. Something he had only seen once before. After all, Raven didn't cry. She wasn't emotional in that sense.

"Oh, Rae…I, I'm an idiot." She didn't want to laugh. She told herself as soon as she saw his face that she was going to make him pay, that meant no laughing at his stupidity, but it was simply irresistible. So she smiled and wiped the tears that fell from her eyes and massaged her gray cheeks.

"Yes, yes you are."

"I'm sorry Raven. I didn't mean it how you took it. I, I just thought that maybe you wanted me to keep us, if there is still an us, a secret, because maybe you didn't want to be seen with…well, me. And if you're still angry I understand. I just thought you should know I didn't mean it like that. And I wasn't gonna go with Cy to the club. I wasn't, I swear. I had forgotten about it, but that's no excuse. I'm, I'm just sorry. I'm so sorry. Cause really you are really cool and pretty and I would love to go out with you and-" Before he could finish his speech, which was completely real, not fabricated, she had by this time found his mouth with hers and the two were joined again. As he realized what was going on, he began to respond with more energy than she had when she had started this. He swung his arms around her, and although she was at first taken aback by this, trying to calm down before she broke the TV, and they moved towards the couch. Before lying down on the sofa Beastboy asked, "So I guess this means I'm forgiven?"

"No, not really. I just wanted to kiss somebody."

"That bastard!" Robin whispered ferociously.

He had felt so bad for ignoring Starfire, again, after promising her that he wouldn't. He had rushed down the hallway. He had searched the corridors for her. He had hung up on his girlfriend for her. He knew that Speedy was up to something by his statement. "I'll take it from here."

'Take it from here my ass,' Robin thought while beginning to move from the wall he had slumped against to hide from the duo when he saw the scene unfold. He didn't know what to do as he saw it. He let his instincts take over as he hid in the shadows. He leaned his head against the wall, trying to think. But every thought only caused him to look over is shoulder at Speedy. Everything was going in slow motion. He couldn't believe his eyes. There was Starfire, the girl he once loved (yeah. Suuuuuuure) being attacked by this, this thing. This thing that was once his friend. This thing that had insulted him in front of his team. This thing that was under his roof was standing in the hallway with the most beautiful creature to ever walk the earth, kissing her.

Wait? 'Most beautiful creature? I…what's wrong with me?'

He was too clueless to even know, but he did know that Starfire couldn't possibly want Speedy. She couldn't love him. She wouldn't love him. Why would she lower herself to him? She could do so much better, like 'me.' He saw Starfire's stunned expression. He was advancing. He had decided in that instant, 'I am going to kill him. Murder him. Mutilate him. He's hurting her. Taking advantage of her when she's vulnerable. He's disgusting.' And just as he was about to come out of the shadows and step into the light he was pulled backwards, back to the shadows and pushed against the wall he had just left.

"What are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What are you doing?"

"I'm going to give Speedy a very slow and very painful death."

"Man," Cyborg said while pushing Robin back, "what possessed you to do that?"

"Did, did you not just see? He…he's kissing Starfire, and she's-"

"And she's what? Man, I understand you're upset about it, but you can't just go around punching people in the face."

"I'm not going to punch him. I'm going to strangle him."

"Whoa, whoa, now let's calm down here."

"But he can't do that. He's not allowed, I mean, he can't touch her."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Robin, sorry to break it to ya, but 'because' isn't a very good reason to punch somebody and get into a fight in the middle of the T tower."

"But look at her-" and so they both looked. She was responding to him now. She had taken a step back.

"Roy, I…" she began while putting her fingers to her lips. "I do not know what to say."

"Don't say anything," Speedy said as he began to close the gap.

"Why I oughta…"

"Man," Cy said as he pulled him back yet again, "you have got to get a grip and learn how to calm down. You're the most temperamental little gelled up hero ever. "

"He can't do that. He can't put his nasty lips on my girl." Cyborg was looking at the Star and Speedy scene, holding Robin with one hand, making sure that the two of them were hidden. He had just gotten off the phone with his on again off again girlfriend, Bumblebee. He walked down the hall and into this. Now, as a good friend, he had been listening to Robin while he spoke, but he was trying to figure out how to calm him down, and trying to see what Star and Speedy were doing, only hoping it wouldn't further upset the boy wonder. Now, Cy knew why Robin was angry. Bumblebee knew why Robin was angry. Heck, the American people know why Robin was angry, but Robin didn't. And when Cyborg heard Robin say those words, "my girl" with particular stress on my, Cyborg had to double take.

"What? Your girl? Man, are you crazy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your girl? You said she was your girl." Cyborg was right. He had said that. How to cover that slip up. How? Hmm…

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did."

"Whatever, look the point is Speedy is practically attacking her in the middle of the hall."

"Who said she was attacked? She wasn't attacked when you kissed her."

"Yeah well, wait, how do you know about that?"

"I am the computer around here, whatever the security cameras pick up in the living room, I do too."

"Oh."

"So…"

"So, that was a mistake. An accident. And it was mutual. This is…just not."

"How do you know? Maybe she liked it."

"Maybe she didn't."

"Well shut up and listen to them talk."

She put her head down as he moved in again. She didn't like Speedy, not that much anyway.

"Look, I am so sorry, but I…I"

"You need time?"

"Time, yes time would be nice." It would be very nice actually. The perfect way for her to rest and recuperate. The boy she loved had just broken a promise and now the boy she liked had kissed her in the hallway. She needed to think about his offer. She needed ask someone. She needed someone. But not him. She needed…Robin.

"That's cool. I'll see you later okay," he asked while holding her face in his hands, "take as much time as you need, but know I'm serious. You should really think about it. I think its time to move on. Move on to bigger and better things," and with that he kissed her forehead and headed down the hall, to his room. Starfire sighed and looked down at the ground teary eyed. She made her way back down the hall, heading in Robin and Cyborg's direction.

"Bigger and better things? Bigger and better my as-"

"Come on man, she's coming this way," Cyborg said while pulling Robin behind him, further into the darkness. Once she passed they breathed a sigh of relief.

"Man, have you got it bad for Starfire."

"I don't have it bad for her at all."

"Yeah. You're head over heels for Summer. And I'm the queen France."

"I do love Summer. She's great."

"And that's why everybody and their baldheaded grandma hates her with a passion?"

"Everybody doesn't hate her. Do they?"

"Of course they don't. But if you do have it bad for Star."

"No, I don't."

"Then, maybe it is time for her to move on from you. She deserves to have somebody to love her too."

"Yeah, she does, but not him. Besides, its really early for her to be moving on if she loved me."

"Um, you're with Summer aren't you?"

"What's your point?"

"Forget it."

"Good. Man, that was making me…upset though. Never felt like that before." Cyborg just looked at him with skepticism and knowing, as Robin tried to make light of the situation.

"Please. Me, in love with Star? That'll happen when Raven and Beastboy start making out on the living room couch." They both chuckled and then heard a high-pitched scream coming from the living room.

And so the day went on. Speedy lay on his bed, hands behind his head, smiling at the fact that he had kissed her. He actually kissed her; Beastboy and Raven continued a passionate snogging session; Cyborg began racing towards the living room after hearing the scream that scared the crap out of him; Starfire stood in place, mouth gaping, not able to think straight; and Robin began to race after Cyborg, wanting to investigate the scream. And as he ran, he couldn't help but wonder, what was going on? Did Star really like Speedy? Did Speedy think he had a chance with Star? What was up with Raven? Where was Beastboy? Who screamed? Did he really like Summer? Why did everyone hate her?

But the most pressing questions in his mind were the most complicated. If he loved Summer so much and didn't need anyone else and didn't love Star, then why was he upset when Speedy kissed Star? What was that feeling that he felt? And if he didn't care about the possibility that Star could be moving on then, 'Why do I feel so sad?'

Hey everybody! Yet another chapter! I'm doing this in record time. I think its because I want to get on with it. And plus I'm about to start Christmakkuh break, so no homework or school! Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway… Likey? No likey? Review and tell me. I read all reviews, there's too many to reply to them all. Anywho, next chapter Robin talks to Star about Speedy. Should be up within a week, maybe less at the rate I've been writing! Happy Christmakwanzakkuh!

Lovin' It,

LILY