A/N: Finally a chance for a brief update. One thing before you read on, as I thought more and more about how Lee tried to "replicate" Amanda, I realized he probably would have tried to find someone with a similar personality since that's what had won him over in the first place. With that in mind, I hope you find this was worth the wait.
Leslie sat, ramrod, in the black leather chair next to the sofa. She was angry. She should be angry. She had every right to be angry. However, when she looked at the man sitting on the sofa, head in his hands, she found it difficult to feel much more than pity and her posture began to soften. He looked, Leslie searched for the right word but could come up with nothing better than 'broken.' Lee looked like a broken man. And from the story he had just shared, she could understand why.
Lee had told her more than he had probably ever told another person. Leslie had been priest to Lee's confessor and, with that act, she was certain things between them were forever over. There was no argument she could make, no mercy she could beg; there was only the pain of the loss of something that now seemed obviously never meant to be. In the weeks to come she would have time to work through her emotions, but for now she didn't feel right slamming out the door and leaving the man she claimed to care for in his present state. Taking a steadying breath, she plunged in to what was murky water at best.
"How can you be sure Amanda could never have the same feelings for you?"
Lee looked up quickly, as if startled to learn she was still here with him. Leslie watched as her question registered on his face and waited patiently for his reply.
After a few moments, Lee shook his head emphatically, then stood up and began to pace behind the sofa.
"Didn't you listen to a word I said?" He asked, a hard edge to his voice.
"I heard what you said," she returned, her voice calm. Leslie had been a translator in negotiations for far more serious matters than affairs of the heart, she understood how to calm down a tense situation. Still, she was aware she had to tread lightly on this territory with which Lee was entirely unfamiliar.
"I also heard what you didn't say," she told him, issuing the challenge in, she hoped, an unthreatening way.
Lee gave her a bewildered look that only served to lessen her tension and make her desire to help him that much greater. The man really had no notion what he was doing, nor, despite his renowned reputation with the ladies, anything about a real woman.
"You said you'd taken her out once or twice."
Lee nodded and Leslie tried hard not to give a little laugh at the look on his face. She doubted he had ever been so confused in his life.
"Were they official dates, or did you just go out as friends?"
Lee stared for a moment, then he seemed to think about it.
"I," he started to answer, but stopped and thought some more before continuing.
"I don't really know which..." Lee shrugged, as his voice trailed off.
For a minute he appeared lost in thought again, but then he shook that off and returned to his pacing.
"What does it matter, anyway?" he groused.
Leslie tried to ignore the irony of giving relationship advice to her now ex-boyfriend.
"If you don't know which it was, then how can Amanda? And if Amanda doesn't know, how can she make a decision as to whether she wants more with you?"
Leslie wasn't surprised when she saw Lee shift into a defensive posture but she was surprised at his defense.
"No one like Amanda could ever want that with me," Lee was emphatic, as if his statement made it truth.
From his generalization, Leslie knew that the direct approach would only land the two of them in a circular argument that would necessarily end in anger and frustration. She decided on a back door approach, one she hoped would make him think beyond his doubts.
"I wanted more with you," she stated quietly.
Lee's reaction was immediate. He came quickly and sat down on the sofa beside her chair. His face registering regret and sorrow.
"Leslie," he said earnestly. "I swear, I never meant to hurt you."
"I know," she smiled slightly as she felt her throat tighten with emotion. "But, Lee, don't you see what you were doing?"
Leslie could. She could see in his eyes the painful truth, the conclusion she had come to herself while he had been out. He wanted something with Amanda. Saying her name, the lackluster reaction to the dress he had bought Leslie, Lee's reaction to her meeting Amanda, and Leslie felt that if she bothered to think back throughout the week she would find more signs that all pointed to the fact that Lee's feelings for Amanda were much stronger feelings than what Leslie even felt for Lee. But she could see by Lee's reaction that he certainly did not know.
"You were trying to create with me what you want with Amanda," she said, and smiled sadly at the look that overtook his face. The man really had no idea.
"No," Lee started, but Leslie leaned over and put her fingers over his lips to stop his denials. They were a pointless waste of time by now.
"Why did you buy me that dress?"
Lee's reaction could have been considered comical and Leslie couldn't help but finally allow herself one small laugh as he sputtered while trying to come up with a defense. She shook her head.
"From what you've told me tonight about Amanda, I am flattered that I was the one you thought of when you wanted to create the kind of relationship you desire with her, but thought, though I believe you're wrong, you couldn't have."
Leslie allowed her words to sink in for a moment before continuing.
"I think you're wrong because I knew of your reputation before you asked me out, but I still said, 'yes.'"
Lee offered her a puzzled look before asking the obvious question, "Then, why'd you say, 'yes?'"
"Because of the night we met," she smiled.
"I don't understand," Lee replied.
"After we talked, my friends wanted to know if I was going back to your hotel with you," Leslie said. "They told me you were quite the Casanova and were surprised you weren't just interested in adding me to your little black book."
Leslie laughed lightly but her laughter was stopped by the look of pain that briefly flashed in Lee's eyes.
"The point is, it seemed obvious to me that you had changed, and I really didn't know you," she said. "How much more obvious must it be to Amanda?"
Before he could restart the argument, as his look told her he would, Leslie stood and began to gather up her things.
As she walked toward the door she said, "You will never know unless you ask her."
She turned at the door and stared at him as he stood across the room. She knew what was at stake for him. And from the look in his eyes, Leslie knew Lee did as well. Could he risk ruining the one thing, the only thing, he had valued in his life since his parents' death, his friendship with Amanda, for the chance at something more?
"Just ask her out," Leslie told him. "I doubt she'll say, "no."
She hesitated a moment before adding, "And if I'm wrong, and in a year there is nothing more between you and Amanda than friendship, you can call me again. If I'm still available, we'll go for a drink and see where it leads us."
Leslie had to bite her cheek at the hopeful look on Lee's face and turn quickly to go out the door before an unpreventable tear rolled down her face. She knew she would not hear from Lee again but hoped that the challenge would be enough of an impetus to get Lee to do what Leslie knew would bring him what he truly wanted.
Downstairs she had the doorman call a taxi for her and refused his offer to wait inside the warm lobby before it came. The cold air seemed to steel her resolve and help her fight off the self-pity she was beginning to feel since she'd left Lee's apartment. She turned her thoughts to what Lee had told her and began to realize that, despite what so many of her older relatives told her, she had a perfectly good life, even without "a man." She had her parents and her siblings, good friends, and a job that gave her opportunities that most people never even bothered to dream because they were so far out of reach.
What did Lee have? His parents had died when he was barely more than a baby. His uncle was so stereo-typical "military guy" that Leslie would have thought him a caricature if she had not met many men exactly like him through her work. His job was so secret she still wasn't entirely sure what he did, further cutting him off from the company of others. No, if anyone deserved pity, it was Lee. And if anyone deserved happiness and the one thing he wanted more than anything, it was definitely Lee. As the cab pulled up and she stepped into the warmth, Leslie couldn't help but hope, even through her pain, the best for him.
And there you have it. Thanks again for all the comments and follows and faves, all in spite of my absence. My goal is to finish before the end of the month but it's so difficult to be creative when I'm so darned busy. :/ Respectful reviews are always welcome. :)