The Lover's Curse
part three
"I still don't see how anything's my fault." Kaylee's distress set Inara shaking again with distinctly undignified giggles. The companion almost immediately forgot her question about Jayne and drifted back through the tangle of crew members on the infirmary's threshold. The crew forgot Jayne too, peering after her as she dropped herself into the saggy embrace of the battered couch in the common area.
"Oof." Inara's arms flailed as the couch swallowed her up. "Hey, stop that."
"Stop what?" Kaylee's pretty face scrunched up in confusion. Zoe wasn't sure why River had figured all this mess to be Kaylee's fault; but Kaylee had taken the accusation personal.
"Kaylee!" Inara struggled to right herself, but only sank deeper into the broken down couch.
"What? What'd I do?" Kaylee shoved her way past Zoe and Book and stood over Inara, wringing her hands. Jayne hollered behind them, put out now that the focus had turned from him. Inara's silk tunic fell loose around her, baring one white shoulder. With her shawl covering up her arms and her long skirts hiding everything else, the spot of bared flesh seemed that much more bare.
"She's usually not so..." Kaylee gave a helpless shrug, waving her hands in Inara's direction.
"Relaxed?" There was a glint of something in Mal's eyes. Zoe watched his speculative gaze move from Inara's boneless sprawl to Jayne, struggling against Simon and his scanner. "Huh."
"Kaylee, come sit with me," Inara called, overly loud despite Kaylee's hovering. She scooted up a bit, making room for Kaylee, then patted the couch until the girl complied. Inara ran her hand up Kaylee's bare arm and then tugged at Kaylee's ponytail until her hair came loose. "That's better." Zoe watched Inara's fingers tangling through Kaylee's hair, smoothing it down, the hennaed patterns on her hands flickering among the strands.
Mal's lips thinned as he turned to River.
"You seem to be the only one here with any kind of grip on what's going on. So explain."
River's mouth opened. Then shut again. She hiccuped, then the giggles took over. "Kyogen," she managed, clutching at her belly.
"Very helpful." Mal stalked to the couch. Jayne bellowed something about dying, but no one paid him any mind. Mal loomed over Inara, hands on his hips, and Inara's eyes got wide and round.
"Oooh." She left off grooming Kaylee and stared up at the captain. "What's got hims so glowery?"
"This." Mal grabbed one of Inara's hands. She squeaked, and tried to take it back, but he was the stronger, and she didn't put up the kind of fight she would have on any other day.
"Hey. What're you... "
Mal shoved back the peach silk of Inara's shawl, exposing one hennaed arm.
"Shen jing bing." Inara wasn't quite focused enough to glare, but it was a near thing.
"Captain," Book warned, starting forward. Then he stopped short, staring down at Inara's slim arm. "Huh."
"Yeah," Mal said, "Huh is right."
Zoe moved to join them, and even Simon abandoned his patient. River's laughter took on a hysterical edge.
"Mal," Inara scolded, struggling to sit up. A prissy frown floated over her face, and found nowhere to anchor. "This isn't- we had an agreement."
The hint of amusement in the captain's eyes went flat. "I'm not propositioning you. For the love of-" He broke off, and dropped her hand. Everyone else leaned closer to get a look.
The henna marks, which started in an intricate pattern of flowers and geometric figures on Inara's fingers and the back of her hand, got... strange... as they moved up her arm. The design shifted into swirls and happy faces, chinese calligraphy, and what looked like...
"What's all the fuss?" Jayne demanded, shoving his sweaty way into the group gathered around Inara. "I'm dying and... Hey. Si lang gou!" So she hadn't been the only one to notice the extremely well endowed male figure tattooed on the pale flesh of Inara's inner arm. Jayne leaned closer, leering, until Book yanked him backwards. "That is one huge diao."
"It's not permanent, is it?" Kaylee's eyes were wide with horror.
Mal grabbed Inara by the wrist (right over a particularly intricate sketch of what looked like an Alliance cityscape) to keep her from wandering off as they all set out to her shuttle, even Jayne stumbling along behind them, his hands at the walls to keep himself steady.
When they reached the shuttle, Mal pushed back the gauzy curtains at the entrance and immediately reeled backwards, dragging Inara with him. She batted at his arm without much force, and would have slid to the floor if Simon hadn't caught her. The open curtains emitted a smoky-sweet scent that sent Zoe coughing as she slid past Mal to peer inside the shuttle. Hazy bluish smoke drifted from a small incense burner set before a bronze Buddha on Inara's altar.
"What is it?" Zoe asked, after Mal yanked her out of the room. The hall shifted under her feet for a moment before settling back down to normal.
"Yàoxìngfú." Book answered. Something of a smile cracked the calm facade he'd managed to maintain. Simon just looked confused, but Mal nodded. "But I don't think you're supposed to burn it quite like that. At least, not in that amount."
"And how would you know, Preacher?" Mal let Inara go. She promptly sat on the metal deck, and stared up at them with wildly dilated eyes. Her silk skirts fell past her knees in a most unlady-like manner, revealing more hennaed insanity. Wèishénme, her calf shouted. Gòu, one dainty ankle answered.
"But what is it?" Simon demanded, looking between Mal and Book, while Kaylee's face disappeared behind her hands.
"Oh no. Oh no no," she muttered.
"A plant that grows on some of the border planets. They have something like it in the Core, but it's banned. You've heard of Bhang? Or Kief?"
"Cannabis?" Simon still seemed lost.
"Close enough. I don't know what the rightful scientific name for the plant is, but some call it Happy Nights."
"We're all here," Inara announced as Book finished. "All of us but Wash. Hardly seems fair."
Zoe looked around for her husband, but he was nowhere to be found. Hadn't been, even after the ruckus in the halls. She didn't have time to wonder further, because Kaylee started apologizing to Inara, her face red as pickled beets.
"Told you," River said kindly.
"Oh 'Nara. Oh, I must have mixed 'em up. Oh, poor Inara."
Jayne straightened at that. "Poor Inara? I'm the one who's sick here. She's having my good time."
"That means..." And Kaylee broke into belly laughs.
"What?" Simon flushed. "I don't understand."
"Love." Mal shook his head, disgusted. "It never bodes well when somebody goes and falls in love. Bad things happen." He turned his accusatory look on Zoe. She stared back until he dropped his eyes, turning red himself. "Yeah. Well, somebody's got to go and quench that stuff before we all..." His gaze settled on Inara, who smiled up at him beatifically. "I'll go."
"But what about me?" Jayne had turned a rather unbecoming shade, not unlike pea soup. "I'm dying here."
"I switched 'em," Kaylee said to Simon. "Gave Jayne's stash to Inara. So I guess Jayne must have..."
"You're saying he smoked Inara's incense." Simon turned back to Jayne, incredulous. "You must have realized. The smell..."
"Hey, I didn't know. Coulda been some exotic local variety."
Zoe pushed back into Inara's shuttle, leaving the bickering behind. Mal had doused the charcoal in the incense burner with water from a carafe on Inara's side table. He dumped the mess into the trash and covered his mouth and nose with one hand.
"Have Kaylee or Wash reverse the air flow to the shuttle, suck this mess out into space, okay? We don't need any more crew incapacitated by Kaylee's... distraction. Dong ma?"
"I get it, sir." He was the only one not amused by the entire thing. She decided to let it go. With the captain, there were areas of conversation you avoided like the sand traps on Io II.
"Oh, sweety. Comeon, you can sleep it off in my bunk," Kaylee offered, wrapping her arms around Inara.
"Oooo. Dizzy." Inara planted a sloppy kiss on Kaylee's cheek.
"Can I come?" Jayne leered, though it only looked half hearted. He gripped his stomach with one hand and shot a glare at River when she smiled at him.
"You're going back to the infirmary." Mal ordered. "Se mi mi de ren idiot."
Jayne just gave him a lopsided shrug and followed Simon back down the hall.
"I'll... " Zoe let the rest stay unsaid, leaving the Captain behind. As the curtains fluttered shut she could just see Mal staring around Inara's shuttle, an expression that could only be called wistful lingering on his face.
Wash, predictably, couldn't believe his bad luck when she found him in the bridge and told him the story.
"Why do these things happen when I'm somewhere else? Every time!"
"It's a curse, honey," Zoe found herself smiling for the first time that evening. Now that she'd left the others and everything was under control, the hilarity of the situation finally broke through.
"Well. As curses go, I guess it's not so bad." Wash didn't sound convinced. "I could be cursed to forever wander the planets, in search of... soybeans. Or something."
She ignored him, and concentrated on the way his skin felt, smooth under her fingers as she played with his collar.
"Hey. Hey, there." She ignored him more, and bent to kiss his throat, right near his ear. "Hey! Driving here!"
He batted her away, staring at her with a mix of shock and... well, outright lust. She stared back, surprised herself. She never let herself get so physical in the public areas of the ship.
"How long were you in that room?" Wash got a considering look on his face.
"Not as long as Inara. Long enough."
Wash reached for the intercom and called for the captain to take over the bridge.
Turned out, the package Wash had asked Kaylee to get for him planet-side wasn't for himself at all. And it wasn't bullets, or incense, or medicine, or digital books. It wasn't balm, either, though Zoe bet Kaylee'd bought it at the same store.
"You like it." Wash's voice was relieved, and a little part of Zoe's brain, the only part that wasn't currently reduced to the level of incoherency, wondered how distant she'd been with him lately to make him sound like that. She had to get better at preventing her worry over Mal and the ship from bleeding into her times with Wash.
"Dear, this is the best Christmas gift I've gotten in years." Her muscles were loose and warm, and the bunk smelled of cinnamon. She lay on her stomach on the bed and let Wash prod at the last few tight spots, his hands slippery with oil.
"Well, it's not Christmas yet." Wash's grip tightened around the muscle between her neck and shoulder, then smoothed over the planes of her back. "That puts a lot of pressure on me, you know, to match this when the actual holiday comes around."
"Best Qi Xi then." She was nearly asleep, all thought of Mal and the lengthening dry spell between jobs drifting away.
"And neither of them recognized their packages didn't smell right?"
"Honey," Zoe groaned.
"Okay, okay. Just, next time the hijinks ensues, make sure somebody comes to get me, okay?"
"Okay," Zoe muttered into the pillows.
Wash shifted, patted the bare skin of her ass. "Promise?"
"Promise. No more talking," Zoe said, reaching for him.
"Right. No more talking," he agreed.
Mal had it wrong, Zoe thought as she let her mind fade the rest of the way into sleep. Wasn't nothing the matter with love.
yào xìngfú my terrible guess at "happy drug" Yeah, I'm lame.
Se mi mi de ren lecherous
Si lang gou - dead man doggie
Diao - dick
Shen jing bing - lunatic
wèi shén me - why, for what reason
gòu - complete; meet unexpectedly; see