A/N: this story is done now all that is left it the editing.

Disclaimer: I forgot this earlier, oops, I own nothing.

I was scrubbing out of my last surgery of the day, all I wanted was to go home put the kids to bed and get some sleep. My pager beeped on the counter beside me. I looked at it, 911 to the pit. I dried my hands and begun to run down the hallway toward the pit. I was exhausted but, someone needed my help.

I didn't remember making it to the ER doors. Bailey was yelling at a man but, I ignored her and went to the trauma room they had paged me to. I opened the door Callie, Christina and Owen were all standing around the gurney. White blonde hair was covered in blood lay across the pillow. I saw her face as the door closed and froze. Alex, or as I had once bitterly called her Satan's little whore, lay on the gurney. I ran to the side of the bed looking down at her. I hadn't hated her, not until Addison slept with Mark, after that I'd wondered if it hadn't just been Alex. Addison had slept with her all threw our marriage but I'd know, Alexandra was part of the package of having Addison. Truly I'd actually really liked Alex, almost loved her.

"Al..." I begun. But she bolted up, a piece of bone broke the skin over her collar bone.

"Don't, don't say that name, please Derek don't say my name," she said grabbing my arm. Callie and Owen were yelling but I blocked them out focusing only on Alex.

"Lay back down, come on, it's ok I know you probably hate me but right now trust me the doctors here are good," I said softly. I wondered why I couldn't say her name but I also knew Addison would kill me if her dear Alex died in my hospital.

"Why would I hate you, Derek I know you didn't come to my funeral but I don't hold that against you. You helped keep Addison stay sain when I died," I didn't know what she was talking about. I thought back to New York when I'd left Addison I'd expected her to go back to dating Alex. My face must have given away my confusion because she added, "Derek? Why do you look so lost?"

"Well honestly I expected you to hate me for leaving her that's the last I heard of you was when I left her," I said thinking back to the night I'd found her with Mark, I'd seen red with anger. Addison had been crying, Mark had left, she'd cried, begged me not to throw her out. She'd said something about a death certificate, but I hadn't listened to her. I'd been angry so angry.

"Please Derek don't go, hear me out Derek I didn't do Mark, I did Alex I called you so many times!" She cried at me.

"I don't want to hear about your slut, your a fucking whore and so is she!" I yelled at her.

"Derek I signed her death certificate! Derek I needed comfort! I called you so many times! I tried to tell you Derek please! We're Addison and Derek! Listen to me! Please!" She tried to cling to me, but I just stormed out. I'd stormed out and never come back.

I looked back a Alex for the first time realizing that the words Addison had said may have not just been excuses.

"You left her!" Alex yelled at me.

"Alex, you must have spoken to her after I did I left her when I found her in bed with Mark" I begun. A look passed across her face a look of deep thought.

"When Derek? What day?" She asked. A look of horror passing across her face.

"July 17th 2005 I answered not knowing why she cared so much," I said, she gasped.

"My god, I destroyed her life I destroyed my Addison," she looked horror struck. Callie froze glancing then between Alex and me, only then did she seem to understand how we had known each other.

"Alex you didn't destroy her she slept with Mark that was her decision, I could forgive her for you, hell I actually like seeing you two together but Mark I couldn't forgive that," I told her.

"My god Derek did you never ask her? Did it ever occur to you that she loved you more than almost anything, Derek even after she signed my death certificate she still called you, called you so many times before she gave me her final goodbye. She wanted your permission even when it was going to be our goodbye," she said, "Derek she didn't have sex with anyone but me, she gave me my goodbye, but she didn't want to let me go. Derek you wouldn't answer her I had to go, and you weren't there. I had her call Mark because she couldn't be alone, she wouldn't let me go. She called Mark to hold her while I left, left to become Emily, now Julie."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, Alex was beginning to confuse me. I remembered all the missed calls, all the missed pages. I'd run home afraid of what I'd find afraid because I knew how many times she'd called. Then I remembered deleting all her messages after I'd left her, even the ones from that day, before I'd found her.

"Derek did you not even look at the New York papers? Derek I was shot, I died for the love of god look it up," she was back to being herself, she could out talk me any day.

"I don't mean to interrupt but Derek she needs to go into surgery now, can your catch up wait till later," it was Owen who interrupted me.

"Yeah," I replied, "what did you need me for,"

"We need you in the OR she's fine and talking now but she's got a concussion at best, cracked skull at worst. She came in unconscious we thought it was worse," he said.

"Derek please call her before I go into surgery," Alex whispered.

"Alright now lets get you fixed up," I told her, stepping back from the gurney so Callie and Owen could do their jobs. I pulled out my phone as I left the trauma room, googling the name I wasn't allowed to speak.

New York Times July 17 2005

Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot was shot late last night and died on the table early this morning from her injuries.

I closed out of the article I couldn't read anymore, I'd left Addison because of an affair she hadn't actually had I'd left her because her best friend had died. Wait died, she wasn't dead he was right here in Seattle alive. The article gave me more questions but she needed to be put back together before I was going to get answers. Baily was still yelling at the man.

"She's my wife! Let me see her! Now!" He yelled.

"Sir I can't let you see her the trauma rooms are a sterile place you can't go in there," Baily yelled back.

"Get the fuck out of my way!" He yelled. I moved to her side.

"Sir if you keep yelling at doctor Bailey I'm going to have security called, you can either sit down and wait for news on your wife or you will be removed from the premise and you won't get the news you're waiting for," I said.

"Fine" he yelled before sitting down and glaring at us both.

"Thanks," Bailey said. And then I was off down to the OR floor, I was surprised to see that they already had an OR booked, but the board said Jane Dow. I called Addison from the scrub room, it was the most privacy I was going to get.

"Montgomery," she answered.

"Addison," I said, I didn't know what to say, I'd been in the wrong. If hurt her because I hadn't listened to her, "I'm sorry," was all I could think to say.

"Derek why did you call, it's not like you to admit your wrong and right now I don't even know why you're apologizing," she said.

"Because I screwed up, I didn't listen to you when it most counted. And then when you came after me I didn't give you a chance to explain I just assumed, god Addie I'm sorry," I said.

"Derek what are you talking about," she asked. I paused knowing I couldn't use her name she'd broke her collarbone threw her skin to stop me.

"I know..." I begun then paused trying to think of how to say it, "she's here in my hospital, your girl, god Addie why didn't you tell me what had really happened that night," I asked.

"You mean the woman you called my little slut?" She asked cautiously.

"Yes I'm sorry about that, Addie I didn't know, god I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but please come take care of her, she won't let me say her name but you know just as much as I do who we're talking about, the one who 'died'" I made it sarcastic, "Addie she told me you didn't sleep with him, she told me. And now she needs you so come back to Seattle and take care of her. Addie she's beat to hell she's going into surgery," I said.

"I'll be there by the time she gets out," she said then the line went dead.

The door the scrub room opened, Arizona stood in the doorway.

"Derek, I need to ask you something," she said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Was leaving Addison the right choice? Do you regret it?" She asked.

"Look Arizona, normally I wouldn't mind but not today, Arizona not today," I said. She looked so hurt I could see tears in her eyes.

"I get it she's living with you..." She started then turned to leave.

"Arizona wait," she turned, "it's not that it's just, until today I didn't regret it, but I learned things today. Things that I can't think about because maybe I was the villan not the victim, maybe I was in the wrong," I said turning to the sink.

"Derek I'm sorry I asked, I'm sorry I pushed. I didn't know that something had changed, I thought you and Meredith had finally picked a side," she said.

"It's ok, I just learned things today's things that change how u feel about her, things i didn't know," I said.

"Derek do you want to talk?" She asked.

"Yes, but you have to make me a promise you tell no one, well Callie you can tell her, but no one else," I said.

"Alright," she said.

"While we were married Addison she had one other lover, one that I knew about. I was ok with it, she was a special woman, they weren't really in a relationship but what they were they would always be, when I took her as my wife I knew, the night I found her with Mark. Well apparently there are things I didn't know," I said.

"Ok," she said.

"She died that morning Alex died that morning, Addie spent all day trying to get ahold of me, she was terrified, and alone also apparently she didn't sleep with Mark just cried naked in his arms," I said voice laced with regret.

"Oh... god Derek I'm sorry," she said, then the door was open again, Owen and Callie were walking in.

"Hey if can you fill out the parts of the chart you know, i think her husbands an abusive bastard that would lie about her history," Callie said glaring at Arizona.

"Sure," I said reaching for the iPad. I paused then, I didn't know what to put, did I put Alexandra on her chart? Sensing the tension level I added, "Arizona will you come with me, I want to ask the husband for his version, then I'll editor the parts I know,"

"Ok," she said and we left the scrub room, "thanks for that,"

"It's nothing, look I don't actually want to talk to the husband, I just can't watch her look at you like that not today, not when I know that that's how I used to look at Addison when I didn't know anything. I was so wrong," I said slipping into a supply closet.

Name:

Shit,I didn't even know what name to put, I knew her name but, she begged me not to say her name so could I really type it. The answer was no, not until I knew why she was hiding her identity. I turned abruptly Arizona still in the doorway.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To the OR where I should be, I can't fill this out, not until I know what to put," I said walking back toward the OR. Arizona left before I walked back into the scrub room.

"I can't fill this out Owen not until Addie gets here," I said beginning to scrub in.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because I don't know what I can say, I don't know what happened that day in New York, I can't list her name, because she just put part of her skeleton threw her skin to stop me from saying her name. Owen I can't break that confidence till I know why. I looked her up, New York Times reports she died Owen, she was an ADA for a sex crimes unit, what if she's in witness protection? Owen I don't know what me telling would do to her.

"Ok so scrub in and give us a heads up of anything you may know that could help," he said. I did scrubbing my hands and arms.

"So Addison slept with a woman?" Callie asked.

"Yeah," it was all I have if Addison wanted to say more she would