Chapter 19: Revelations and Epiphanies
"Master!" Caster gasped out as she turned around and stumbled towards Kuzuki, her face no longer covered by her hood and her robes bloodied and torn. "Did you get hurt?"
"I'm fine," Kuzuki replied stoically, still standing even as the golden Servant's weapons continued to fall all around them.
"That's good; I couldn't bear the thought of you hurt." Caster gently cradled Kuzuki's face in her hands. "It is unfortunate, but," her body was slowly becoming transparent, "this comes just as my dream was in sight."
"There is nothing to grieve over," the dark-haired man said. "I will personally see that your dream comes true."
"I don't know if that will be possible, and besides, my wish has already...come true." At this point, Caster had almost completely vanished. "Take care of yourself..."
Caster was no more barely a second later; all that was left of the witch Medea was her black, bloodstained hood and Rule Breaker. Both fell unceremoniously to the ground...along with Kuzuki, blood spilling freely from wounds he'd let his Servant believe were nonexistent.
Shira, Rin, and Saber stared mutely at Kuzuki's dead body. Just then, a sound like several gusts of wind coursed through the cavern—the pillars and the altar were starting to disappear.
The Servant up on the edge of the pit spoke as if nothing was happening. "It's been a long time, Saber. I see you're just as defiant as ever." His voice was derisive, and Saber fixed him with another glare. "Only a fool would dare to reject a proposition from someone like me. We will meet again, Pendragon, and when we do, I suggest you reconsider your answer from ten years ago."
The man disappeared into spirit form, and Shira turned to face Saber.
"Saber, who was that guy?"
But he ignored her question. "We need to get out of here. Rin," he walked to where the black-haired girl was kneeling, "let me carry Sakura."
"No, it's fine, I've got her," Rin protested, standing up and slinging the still unconscious Sakura onto her back.
Shira's eyes strayed to Kuzuki's corpse. "So what do we do about—?"
"You heard Saber," Rin interrupted. "Let's hurry!"
And with that, they took off running out of the now rapidly fading underground temple, Shira (whose battle with Kuzuki had left her rather battered) leaning on Saber for support. Even the stairs they quickly descended and the houses surrounding them were disappearing at an alarming rate. At last, they reached the tunnel, and Rin hurriedly chanted the spell that would open a portal outside Ryudou Temple. By the time everyone made it out safely, Caster's domain was as gone as if it had never existed.
Shira began the next morning by cooking a quick breakfast for herself, Saber, and Rin (Ilya would have been included, but when Shira went to her room, she saw that the little girl was feverish and paler than usual, so she decided to let her continue sleeping). No one talked much as they ate, and it was only when breakfast was over and the dishes were washed that the topic of the mysterious eighth Servant was finally brought up.
"Yes, I do know that Servant," Saber said when questioned by Shira, "as loathe as I am to admit it. He is of the Archer class, and we were both Servants in the previous Holy Grail War."
The redhead blinked in surprise. Saber had been a Servant before? She suddenly remembered taking note of his knowledge on Ryudou Temple even though he had apparently never been there. Well, I now have an answer to that question, she thought.
"Our final battle took place on the last day of that War," Saber continued, "amidst a sea of flames."
A sea of flames...? Shira felt her body tense as an image of that fire flashed into her mind, but she quickly forced herself to shake it off. She had already been told by Kotomine that the fire had taken place during the fourth Grail War, so the fact that Saber had fought around that time should not be so shocking.
"So what happened?" Rin asked. "Did you win?"
Saber frowned. "Unfortunately, no; I was unable to defeat him."
"You lost?" Rin sounded incredulous. "Even though you must have been properly summoned?"
Shira stared at her Servant as he remained silent. Personally, she could understand Rin's disbelief. It was one thing for Saber to not necessarily win a battle while being contracted to Shira, but with a proper Master, he ought to have been at full power. In that case, would Saber losing a fight even be possible, especially since he had none other than Excalibur as his Noble Phantasm?
Either Saber wasn't truly as strong as Shira believed...or this Archer Servant had an insane amount of power. And considering how easily the man had killed Caster and Kuzuki, the latter option was looking to be the more likely of the two.
"I wonder if this Servant wasn't summoned for this War at all," Rin mused presently, "and just decided to stick around after the last one. Only seven Servants can be summoned for any given Grail War. If there's a Servant who isn't one of those seven, he could only be the victor of the previous War. He must have used the Grail to stay in this world permanently."
Shira's heart gave a sudden jolt at Rin's last sentence. Can that happen? she thought. If what Tohsaka is saying is true, that means Saber—!
"Regardless, this doesn't change the fact that he appears to be our enemy," Rin went on, wrenching Shira away from her thoughts. "Saber, did you ever find out his real name?"
Saber shook his head. "I did my best to discover that in our previous battles, but always to no avail. The Noble Phantasm this Servant uses does not give away his identity."
"Maybe he doesn't really have one," Shira suggested.
"Of course he does—he used a ton of them last night!" Rin contradicted. "Figuring out his name should be easy."
"But did you recognize even one of the Noble Phantasms he used?" Saber questioned.
Neither Shira nor Rin had any answer to that, so Saber continued. "He has a seemingly endless supply of Noble Phantasms, and even if you could recognize some, they all appear to originate from different lands and mythologies. Therefore, his identity cannot be figured out based on his Noble Phantasms."
"Okay, fine, so we don't know who he is," Rin said. "What about his objective?"
"In the last War, he wished for nothing less than the annihilation of everyone he deemed useless," Saber explained coolly. "During our final battle, he offered—quite condescendingly, I might add—to spare my life if I would surrender and become his subordinate." He grimaced slightly as if the idea had left a bad taste in his mouth. "He wanted to use me as a weapon, just as Caster did the previous night."
"You turned him down, didn't you?" Shira guessed. And with extreme prejudice, no doubt, she mentally added.
"Yes," Saber replied, nodding curtly. "Whoever he is, it would not surprise me if he was a tyrant in his original life. And I refuse to yield to tyrants."
The room fell into a long silence. Finally, Rin stood up from the dining room table. "I should be getting back to Sakura's place. Someone should be there when she wakes up so she doesn't think she's alone."
Neither Shira nor Saber batted an eye at this. After a brief conversation they'd had last night while returning to the Emiya estate, Rin's concern for Sakura was no longer a mystery.
"Rin, are you certain you do not want me to carry Sakura for you?" Saber asked once they'd left the mountain and were back on the street.
"I told you already, it's fine!" Rin snapped, resuming walking while still having the violet-haired girl on her back.
"What's wrong, Tohsaka?" Shira wanted to know. "You've been like this ever since Caster kidnapped Sakura."
Rin stopped and turned around with an irritable glare. "Mind your own business!"
"Sorry, that's kind of hard to do," Shira said flatly.
The older girl continued glaring, then turned away. She let out a sigh, and when she next spoke, her voice had lowered considerably. "If you must know, Sakura's my sister."
Saber and Shira exchanged surprised glances.
"Your sister?" Saber repeated.
"But Sakura's surname is Matou," Shira pointed out.
"She was born a Tohsaka, but was adopted by the Matous when we were kids," Rin explained. And that was all she would say on the topic.
Ilya was still fast asleep when Shira went to check up on her. The white-haired girl's cheeks were high with color, and Shira hurried to get a damp cloth from the bathroom. She wasn't sure what brought this illness on—did Ilya wander around in the rain last night or something? In any case, Ilya didn't seem like she would be waking up any time soon, and Shira left the guest room shortly after pressing the cloth to the little girl's forehead in an attempt to cool her down, wishing there was more she could do.
She wandered out on the porch to see Saber standing out in the yard, his back to her. The redhead bit her lip as she thought about what she wanted to say to him. Actually, there were plenty of things she wanted to say to him—about the Holy Grail and why he wanted to obtain it, for starters—but how should she begin?
"Saber," Shira called out after a long pause, "about what Tohsaka said earlier..."
The blond turned to face her. "Yes? Regarding what?" He sounded calm, even disinterested.
Nonetheless, Shira went on; she didn't think she'd be able to keep her thoughts to herself for much longer. "If they want to, Servants can use the Holy Grail to stay in this world. Which means—"
"I have absolutely no intention of staying here," Saber interrupted. "If I obtain the Holy Grail, I will use it to return to my era."
"I was afraid you'd say that," Shira said, her heart sinking. "You want to redo the selection of the king, don't you?"
Saber's silence only served to answer her question. It was something she had suspected since yesterday, but she hadn't wanted to look into it too deeply. However, now that it had been voiced out loud, there was no way she could simply ignore it.
When Saber finally spoke, it was in a solemn tone. "It is a king's duty to protect his country. I had always felt that my strength was not equal to the task, and the...incident with Morgan only confirmed it. The least I can do is ensure that a more suitable king is chosen in my stead."
Shira clenched her fists so hard that she wouldn't have been surprised if she'd drawn blood. "That's ridiculous!" she cried out, her voice a mixture of anger and desperation. "This isn't about the duties of a king! All you're doing is letting the past control what you do in the future! You're here now—you're alive now!—so do whatever you want!"
She took a breath, then continued in a softer voice. "If you want to change yourself, then I won't stop you. But please, please try to do that in the present, not the past."
Saber avoided her gaze. "Shira, I would appreciate it if you would drop this subject."
Just like yesterday, he wanted to put an abrupt end to the conversation. But unlike yesterday, Shira wouldn't allow it.
"Saber—"
He cut her off before she could get any further. "And even if I desired it, simply winning the Holy Grail would not guarantee that I would be able to stay here. I say this because I know there is no way that golden Servant obtained the Grail."
"...What?" was all Shira could think to say.
"At the end of the last War," Saber told her, "the Holy Grail was destroyed by the man who summoned me, Kiritsugu Emiya."
What?! Shira's jaw dropped. "Are you...are you saying that my dad—?"
"Yes," Saber answered blandly. "Ten years ago, the Master I made a contract with was none other than your father, Shira. At the end of the battle, we stood victorious, and the Holy Grail appeared. If everything had gone the way it should have, the War would have ended after Archer's defeat. However, Kiritsugu rejected the Holy Grail, and the town was engulfed in flames."
A cool edge had now seeped into his voice. "When the time came to obtain the Grail, your father used his last Command Seal to force me to destroy it. And since a Servant cannot exist in this world without the Holy Grail, I could not finish my battle with Archer, nor could I ask Kiritsugu why he had betrayed me."
Shira mutely listened to Saber's story, the shock beginning to wear off. In hindsight, though, she supposed it made some sense. Kiritsugu had been a magus, so the idea that he had once participated in a Holy Grail War wasn't too farfetched. But there was still something bothering her.
"Why haven't you said anything about this until now?"
"For two reasons," Saber said. "First of all, I initially did not believe my involvement in the previous Grail War was something that needed discussing. And secondly," he momentarily hesitated, "I could not bring myself to tell you what sort of Master Kiritsugu was."
"Why?" Shira asked.
"I have caught several glimpses of your past, Shira. When I saw him in your dreams, I could not believe how much Kiritsugu had changed. You remember him as a man who took you in and loved you when you lost everything, but I remember him as a stereotypical magus. He was interested only in his own objectives, and he killed anyone who stood in his way. He was not a heartless man," Saber quickly added upon seeing the stricken look on Shira's face, "but he suppressed all emotion and did whatever needed to be done to achieve his goals."
Saber paused, his expression darkening. "And yet, when he stood before the Holy Grail, the very thing that he—that I—had been fighting for, he ordered me to destroy it. In that moment, I don't believe I had ever hated anyone more than your father."
I never knew any of this, Shira thought. She had never asked what Kiritsugu was like before he found her, and he certainly never saw fit to reveal much about his past to his adopted daughter. Really, to hear Saber tell it, there may as well have been two Kiritsugus: the father who raised her and the ruthless, coldblooded magus.
"Shira," the knight began after a moment of silence, "I might not have been able to get the Holy Grail in the last War, but I will this time. So please, do not try to talk me out of it."
Shira's conversation with Saber had only left her with questions. How was it that the Archer Servant from ten years ago was still around? What reason did Kiritsugu have to destroy the Grail? And what could she do to convince Saber that he was making a mistake, that he could stay and have his whole future ahead of him if he so chose?
It was late afternoon by the time Shira left home to go to Kotomine Church, going by foot rather than taking a bike. As much as she wanted some answers and understood that Kotomine, the supervisor of the Holy Grail War, was the most qualified to give them, talking to him again did not exactly appeal to her, so she wanted to hold it off for as long as she could.
An hour later, Shira had arrived at the church. She noticed that, unlike last time, the lights were on, so Kotomine must still be there. Well, let's get this over with.
She walked over to the building and opened the heavy doors. Kotomine was standing at the opposite end of the chapel, and he acknowledged Shira's presence with a glance in her direction.
"Emiya," the priest greeted smoothly. "What brings you here?"
"I have to talk to you about something," Shira replied.
Kotomine barely nodded. "Very well, then; follow me. I'm sure this has to do with the Holy Grail War, and I cannot allow such a discussion here." He led Shira to a back door, and they walked through an elegant courtyard until they came to another door. Inside was a modest sitting room that faintly smelled of wine. A couch was against the far wall, with two armchairs on either side and a table in front. The only light came from candles placed on another, much smaller table.
Shira opted to remain standing as Kotomine took a seat on the couch.
"I would offer you something to drink, but I'm afraid I don't have anything," he said.
"I wasn't planning on staying long, anyway," Shira informed him, deciding to get straight to the point. "Saber told me that my dad was his Master in the last War and that the only reason he didn't make a wish on the Holy Grail is because Dad forced him to destroy it. You're the supervisor, so you must know all about it."
Kotomine raised an eyebrow. "You say that Saber told you this?"
"Yes, of course he did," Shira answered, not understanding why he'd ask her that. Who else could've told me? Dad's picture?
Kotomine stayed silent for a few minutes as if pondering something. "Servants typically do not remember Grail Wars they have previously been summoned in. The only memories they retain are from their human lives. If Saber remembers the fourth War, then he must be quite an abnormal Servant."
Well, that was interesting, Shira supposed, but that wasn't the quite the issue she wanted to talk about. "Saber really wants to obtain the Grail, but...if he gets his wish, he won't be able to stay here."
"You want your Saber to stay in this world?" Kotomine asked rhetorically. "Nothing could be simpler. All you have to do is have Saber drink from the Holy Grail."
Shira stared at him in confusion, prompting him to continue.
"The Holy Grail is very powerful. If a Servant drinks the contents of the Grail, they are granted a second life. They will retain the same form they had as a Servant, but they will be able to remain in the present world as long as their Master lives."
But, Shira thought, seeing the flaw in that scenario, if a Servant is still a Servant, then they'd still need mana to maintain their physical form. There was no guarantee that Saber would never run out of mana; therefore, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't just end up disappearing anyway. And what was more was that...
"Unfortunately," she said out loud, "a second life isn't what Saber wants."
"If that is the case, then there is one other option. You can use a Command Seal to force Saber to stay with you." Kotomine's mouth curled upward into a slight smirk. "No matter what happens then, you would get your wish."
Shira fought the urge to bristle at that. Did that priest honestly believe she'd stoop so low as to force Saber to stay against his will?
Kotomine got to his feet. "If that is all you wanted to discuss, then I suggest you head back home. This War is not over yet; going out for a stroll without Saber is just short of madness."
"Actually, there's something else," Shira said quickly as Kotomine headed to the door. "I thought you should know that there's now an eighth Servant."
The priest was about to open the door when he froze. "What?" He turned to face Shira, apparently shocked, and she proceeded to explain how the mystery Servant came out of nowhere and killed Caster and Kuzuki, as well as how, according to Saber, he had been summoned as an Archer in the last Grail War.
"...I see," Kotomine said after the explanation was over. "He must have maintained his mana levels by devouring human souls. That's the only way he could have survived. I will look into this Servant you spoke of. You, meanwhile, should focus on your remaining battles."
Shira nodded briefly. "Fine. I'll leave this in your hands, then." And with that, she allowed Kotomine to lead her out of the church.
Night had fallen by the time Shira started her way home. Thinking back on her conversation with Kotomine, she felt that the only thing she accomplished was letting him know about the golden Servant.
I don't want Saber to get the Grail, and yet, getting the Grail might be the only way he could stay, Shira thought as she reached the Fuyuki Bridge. But that was exactly the problem, wasn't it? Saber did not want to stay; he wanted to continue chasing after his wish to change the past.
Doesn't he realize what a mistake that is? Yes, maybe his reign didn't turn out the way he wanted, but how does doing things over make anything better? And if Saber didn't become king, would he even still exist?
Shira stopped short with a gasp at that thought. Saber...not existing? That wasn't a very welcoming prospect at all. If Saber never became king, that meant his legend as King Arthur would not exist. If his legend didn't exist, that meant Saber would never have been summoned as a Servant. If he was never summoned...
I would never have met him.
The redhead found herself gripping the bridge's railing, her hands shaking. The idea of never knowing Saber...it hurt. It hurt worse than watching him struggle to continue his first fight against Berserker, worse than seeing him flushed and sweaty due to his dangerously low supply of mana, worse than discovering how his half sister broke him in the only way a rapist could.
But what hurt just as much was that, as far as Shira could tell, Saber would be gone once the Grail War was completed.
"You can use a Command Seal to force Saber to stay with you."
"I can't do that," Shira muttered out loud, silencing Kotomine's voice in her head. How could she live with herself if she did something like that to Saber? He hated her father because Kiritsugu had used a Command Seal to have him destroy the Holy Grail; if she did the same to make him stay whether he liked it or not, he would hate her, too.
She didn't want him to hate her, but at the same time, trying to imagine life without him was more than she could bear.
The world suddenly became blurry, and Shira realized that she was about to cry. She let go of the railing, wiping at her eyes before any tears could fall.
Why should someone she had only known for almost two weeks have such an effect on her? And when did such strong feelings towards her Servant begin? Was it when they agreed to fight as equals? Was it when she felt so helpless to save him from disappearing? Was it when she finally realized he wanted to redo the selection of the king?
No; no, it wasn't. Shira couldn't lie or deny it anymore, not to herself and not to the people around her. From that very first moment she'd seen Saber standing in the storage shed—calm, dignified, and so beautiful—he had stolen her heart before she could do anything to stop it.
I love Saber. A lump formed in Shira's throat. I love him. Oh, God, I love him!
At the beginning of the Holy Grail War, she said all she wanted to do was save innocent people. Now, she wanted to save the boy—no, the man she had fallen in love with. She wanted him to find happiness in this era. She wanted him to live freely, without any worries about fighting or Holy Grails or what he thought was his duty to Britain.
But with the admittance of Shira's love for Saber came the reminder that she just might lose him forever.
Author's Note: *gives Shira a hug because she doesn't know what to say*
In summary, Gilgamesh makes Swiss cheese out of Caster and Kuzuki, Saber reveals that Gilgamesh wanted to throw him into the Gate of Babylon and the former told the latter where he could shove it, Shira discovers that Kiritsugu had feet of clay, Kotomine is trolling Shira and she doesn't even know it, and the love epiphany has finally happened after almost twenty chapters.