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A/N: Sorry for the wait, I've been away and sick. Please review. I'm the kind of fan-fiction writer who thrives on reviews; knowing people are reading and enjoying my fic makes me want to keep writing it. At the moment, I'm struggling with motivation to keep writing this because I feel like no one is really reading. So if you are reading, please drop a review even if it is just "Update soon," or something else short like that. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks of course to those who reviewed and to my beta, MissBubbles.
Summary: Lost and sick in the middle of nowhere, Sirius falls into the hands of a woman whose secrets will tie inextricably into the fate of his godson. What will happen when he finds himself attracted to this strange witch?
The Complexities of the Heart
By katemary77
Chapter Five
Memories are hunting horns
Whose sound dies on the wind
- Guillaume Apollinaire, Cors de Chasse
Sirius sat in the kitchen, nervously fidgeting with his fork. In one hour, old and new members of the Order of the Phoenix would be coming to Grimmauld Place for their first meeting.
"Sirius, don't be so nervous. It'll be fine."
Sirius glanced at Remus, who was doing his best to calm the agitated escapee.
"How can you be sure? I mean, what if one of them freaks out and tries to kill me?"
"Sirius, what is the likeliness of that happening?"
"Slim to none, but slim is still a possibility!" Sirius exclaimed. "And I don't know if I want to take that chance! And what if one of them is a Death Eater? Or a spy?"
Remus raised an eyebrow incredulously at Sirius. "Don't be daft. Do you really think Dumbledore would be stupid enough to recruit someone who could be spying? Besides," he said, leaning in to the table and lowering his voice conspiratorially, "Dumbledore said Anna would know if anyone is spying or being dishonest."
Sirius' brow furrowed. "What do you think he meant, 'She's always been good at that kind of thing'?"
Remus shook his head. "I don't know, Padfoot. I have a few theories, all of them more absurd than the last. Do you know what her parents were like?"
Sirius hesitated. Anna hadn't strictly asked him not to tell anyone of her past, but neither had she given him permission. But it was Moony, Sirius reasoned. Moony was trustworthy. He could tell Remus anything and Remus wouldn't tell a soul. Besides, he hated keeping his best and last friend in the dark. Sirius leaned closer to his friend; "Do you remember Jennifer Fair, Moony?"
Remus thought for a moment, his faced masked in concentration. "A girl from Hogwarts? She was abducted?" he finally queried.
Sirius nodded, "Yeah, that's her. She's Anna's – "
Sirius quickly paused as the woman in question strode into the room.
"Anna's what?"
Sirius was silent.
"Sirius?" Anna said, "My what?"
"Friend!" Sirius finally burst out. "Your friend. I was just saying that Tonks, my cousin, was your friend back at Hogwarts."
Anna frowned, her eyes sweeping from Sirius to Remus. She raised an eyebrow.
"If you say so, Sirius."
"Well," Remus said, rising from his chair, "We should get this room set up for the meeting, before everybody gets here."
Sirius and Anna nodded, both drawing their wands to begin clearing the space in the basement.
"Sirius," Anna said softly after a few minutes of conjuring chairs into the kitchen.
"Yeah?" He turned slightly to look at her.
"You don't need to be so nervous, you know. Everything will be alright."
Sirius gave her a wan smile, "I only wish I could believe that."
Anna approached him and laid a soothing hand on his shoulder. "You can. Albus will take care of everything. He always does. I promise."
Sirius' smile grew and he laid his own hand over Anna's, giving it a slight squeeze; "Thank you, Anna."
She grinned, "Anytime." She gave his shoulder one final press before moving back to order the chairs she had summoned into the room.
They had spent fifteen minutes setting up the kitchen for the meeting when the doorbell rang, setting off Mrs. Black's loud, agonising cries.
"Quick! Sirius, change!" Remus called, leaving the room to answer the door.
Sirius swiftly morphed into Padfoot and strolled over to the back of the room where he jumped onto a chair, barking softly to Anna, who hurriedly came to sit by him. She reached out a hand and began to comfortingly scratch him behind the ears; "Who's a good little doggy? Hmmm?"
Sirius growled.
Remus soon joined them again, accompanying a tall black man with a gold hoop earring and a young woman with bright, bubblegum pink hair and a pale, heart-shaped face. The pair approached Anna and Sirius as Remus bounded back out of the room to answer the doorbell, which had rung once more.
Anna, meanwhile, was peering closely at the young woman.
"'Dora? Is that you?"
The young woman grinned, "Hey, Anna! How've you been?"
Anna jumped from her seat and the two women met in a warm embrace, "Oh, 'Dora, I haven't seen you in so long!"
"I know!" Tonks replied. "It's been what, four years? You all but disappeared on us! What happened?"
Anna waved the question off, "Oh, it's a long story. But what about you? What are you doing now?"
Tonks grinned proudly.
"I'm an Auror! I qualified last year."
"That's awesome!"
Tonks nodded and grinned again.
"This is Kingsley," she said, gesturing to the man who accompanied her. "He's works with me at the Ministry."
Anna smiled, "It's nice to meet you, Kingsley. I'm Anna Fair."
They talked amiably for a while as more newcomers filtered into the basement kitchen, some greeting Anna, Tonks and Kingsley as they passed, others forming their own groups to discuss the newly arisen Order of the Phoenix.
"Anna!" The group turned to see Snape making his way towards the group. After a quick grasp of Anna's hand, he smirked at Sirius and then stalked off to speak with Mad-Eye Moody on the other side of the room.
"Ah, remember back at Hogwarts?" Tonks asked nostalgically. "I swear, you must be the only Gryffindor student ever to be favoured by Snape."
Anna laughed, "He absolutely hated that I was put in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin."
They talked for a while about Hogwarts and Tonks' new job as an Auror, Anna petting Sirius every now and then as she sensed his unease. Soon, the kitchen was filled, and Dumbledore stood to address the group.
"Right, can we have some quiet please," Dumbledore asked, standing before the assembled group, which slowly silenced. "It looks like everybody has arrived." The Headmaster gazed seriously around the room for a moment. "I'm sure you all know why you are here. You are here because you believe, or believe there to be a chance, that Lord Voldemort has indeed returned." A shudder swept across the room as Dumbledore said his name.
"What makes you think he really is back?" a witch asked from the second row of chairs.
"Because, Emmeline," Dumbledore addressed the witch, "I believe Harry Potter."
Another ripple of noise moved about the room.
"And what makes you think Potter is telling the truth?" called Sturgis Podmore. "The Prophet's been saying some pretty interesting things about the boy."
Sirius growled and raised his hackles but Anna silenced him with a glare, digging her fingers into the fur on his back and uttering a hasty, "Shh, Padfoot."
Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully, as if he had expected this question to arise.
"There is no shred of doubt in my mind that Harry Potter is telling the truth. He is as delusional as I am a Death Eater. I heard Harry Potter's account of what happened that night; of how he was transported to Voldemort as he touched the Tri-Wizard Cup, of how Cedric Diggory was murdered, of how Voldemort was restored to his body and how Harry barely escaped with his life. I then heard – and Professors McGonagall and Snape can support this – Barty Crouch Jnr's tale, under the influence of Veritaserum, of how he was smuggled out of Azkaban and came to play a role in the plan that would eventually lead Harry to Voldemort. These stories fit perfectly. There is no reason for Harry to lie and there is no other account that explains Cedric Diggory's murder. Some have always believed that Voldemort was dead, I for one never thought so. It was only a matter of time before he once again reclaimed his old power and rose against us. That time has come and you all must come to accept this, or we will have no hope."
Dumbledore studied the room over his half-moon glasses once more.
"Now, what you must decide is whether or not you believe this truth and whether or not you wish to fight with us. No slight will be made of anyone who leaves this room now and I certainly do not wish to put any pressure on you to stay. Many of you have families or have already felt the loss that fighting in this war can lead to. In the last battle against Voldemort we lost many great people; Marlene McKinnon, Edgar Bones, the Longbottoms, the Prewetts, the Potters and more. That could very well happen again, it will happen again, there is no doubt about it. I ask only that you think about what is best for yourself and what you think is the right thing to do. If any of you wish to leave, you may do so now."
Dumbledore held an outstretched hand to the door. Not one person moved.
He smiled, somewhat sadly.
"Very well. Fudge's reaction, while not unexpected, is very unfortunate. He refuses to believe that there is any chance of Voldemort having returned. Those of you who work at the Ministry will have to be very careful that Fudge does not suspect you to be associated with the Order. In the meantime we must anticipate what Voldemort is after. I believe he will first begin to recruit his army; Rubeus Hagrid and Olympe Maxime are already on their way to discuss peace with the Giants, hopefully before Voldemort can sway them to his side. There are many other acts of Voldemort's which we must counter swiftly, but now is the time to recognise one of our number for who they are." He gave Sirius a slight nod.
"Many of you might be wondering who this house belongs to. While being a little less ideal in a decorative manner, this house is being used because it is Unplottable, Muggle-Repelling and it has protection wards, Anti-Apparation fields and the Fidelius Charm cast around it. Also, this house is the last place the Ministry, or even Lord Voldemort would ever expect the find the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix."
Anna's hand tightened in Sirius's fur.
"This house belongs to one of our members. It belongs to Sirius Black."
Gasps of shock and terror swept across the room.
"Sirius Black!" one wizard shouted, looking around him as if he expected Sirius to come in at any moment, wielding a wand, "What in Merlin's name are we doing here? He's a murderer! What if he comes back?"
Dumbledore held his hands out, attempting to calm the crowd. Only Anna, Snape, Remus and the Weasleys hadn't moved.
"Sirius Black is not, and never was a murderer," the old man continued. "I discovered this truth a little over a year ago when Sirius confronted Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. I was told the truth of that Halloween night fourteen years ago and I will tell it to you now..."
Dumbledore went on to recount the betrayal of Peter Pettigrew, the switch in Secret-Keepers leading to the eventual demise of Lily and James Potter, Sirius' confrontation of Pettigrew in a Muggle street, his wrongful imprisonment and his eventual escape.
There was a pregnant pause.
"Preposterous! You can't really believe this?"
"Yes, Dedalus, I do believe it, I'm only sorry I couldn't see the truth earlier. Because of our blindness, an innocent man suffered a terrible fate. But if you have any questions you are free to ask. Sirius is here now. Sirius?" Sirius nodded to Dumbledore before transforming amid gasps and shrieks.
There was a stunned silence as the Azkaban escapee calmly surveyed the room.
Suddenly, a man Sirius knew to be Mundungus Fletcher stood up.
"Well, if Dumbledore believes it, then I believe it. Dumbledore has always known what he was doin'. Good to see ya, Sirius."
Mad-Eye Moody stood next and turned both eyes searchingly to Sirius.
"Black," he said, nodding curtly.
"Moody."
The aged Auror's face broke out into a wide smile that distorted his already misshapen features; "I never wanted to believe you had done it, my boy. You were always too good for that. I'm sorry that I ever believed that you could be capable of betraying James. You were like brothers. It's good to see you."
Foregoing the hand that Moody offered, Sirius embraced the man that had been a great friend and mentor to him during his years as an Auror.
"Thank you, Moody."
Next, Kingsley Shacklebolt stood and approached Sirius.
"Kingsley Shacklebolt," he said, extending his hand for Sirius to shake. "I'm the Auror in charge of the search for you." Sirius gulped. "But you know, the story never did add up. The people we interviewed always said your betrayal came as a great shock, that you would never have done such a thing to James Potter. It's good to finally hear the truth."
Sirius smiled and shook the Auror's hand, "Thank you."
It seemed that Mundungus, Moody and Kingsley had broken the ice, for Sirius was soon swamped by old and new friends, all offering their condolences for his twelve years wrongful imprisonment and greeting him back into the fold.
Anna stood back and watched, her heart heavy in her chest. Severus Snape made his way toward her, offering his solid presence.
"What are you thinking?"
She glanced at him from the corner of her eye; "I'm wondering if, when Dumbledore tells these people about me… about everything… if they'll be as accepting as they are now."
Severus squeezed her briefly.
"They will, Anna."
She turned and gazed at him thoughtfully.
"Really? Because I'm not so sure… I'm not so sure at all."
----------------------
"Well, Anna?" Dumbledore had taken Anna aside as those new and old members of the Order began to mingle amongst themselves. "What do you think?"
"Everybody is genuine," she answered. "Nobody is spying and nobody is a turncoat. Some are still unsure that they can do this, uncertain if they have what it takes, but everybody knows it's the right thing to do. Emmeline Vance is quite suspicious but not confident enough in her misgivings to voice it, and a few others are not totally convinced." Anna paused and surveyed those around her. "Yes, some are still hesitant, wary, but all are too loyal to you, Albus, to do anything about it. You're not going to have any problems."
Dumbledore smiled and squeezed Anna's hand; "Thank you, my dear, for that sound assessment. And how are you coping?"
"I'm alright, Albus," Anna replied. "Just very tired. These people… Sirius and Remus… they're tiring. Exhausting, even. Worse than Severus, sometimes."
Dumbledore frowned, worry making his eyes darken. "We can move you, my child, if you need to – "
"No, Albus," Anna interjected. "I like it here. I like being with people again." She gave him a wry grin. "Even if it does make my head pound like I've just drunk a litre of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey."
The aged wizard chuckled. "Well, the Weasleys will be joining Grimmauld Place tomorrow, and Miss Hermione Granger a few days after. Hopefully, they will give you some balance between the light and heavy hearted."
Anna smiled. "Hopefully."
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Sirius sat quietly in front if the fire, letting its fierce warmth rush over him, gazing into its fiery depths as his mind drifted away, lost in a sea of memories and dreams.
"What are you thinking about?" a soft voice asked from the doorway. Sirius turned to see Anna, hairbrush in hand, leaning against the doorway.
"Everything."
"Everything?" She raised her eyebrows. "That's an awful lot to think about."
He smiled ruefully at her as she sat on the floor beside his legs.
"Just thinking about before all this; before all this shit happened. Before Azkaban. The meeting today, seeing all those people I hadn't seen in so long, hearing Dumbledore speak about it all… it just brought everything back, you know?"
She nodded encouragingly for him to continue while she unravelled her hair from the bun it had been encased in. In a move that surprised even him, Sirius took her hand and gently pried the brush from her fingers. She gazed at him questioningly and he gave her a soft, warm smile in return, gesturing for her to turn her head. She acquiesced and he began to gently run the brush through her long, cinnamon hair.
"I wish you could've met James and Lily," Sirius said after moments of comfortable silence. "They were such good people." He winced in pain. "I should've known it was him. Why didn't I realise?"
"You shouldn't think about the bad things, Sirius," Anna said quietly. "You didn't know, nobody did, not even James and Lily. Dwelling on what happened is only going to hurt you; regret is just a waste of energy. James wouldn't want that for you. Nobody does." She looked at him from where she was seated on the floor. "It's better to think of all the good things, all the good memories."
But there aren't any left, his heart cried.
'There's always something to remember, Sirius," Anna told him, seemingly reading his mind. "Tell me about James and Lily."
Sirius finished brushing Anna's hair and gave a tweak to her chestnut locks. Anna smiled and moved up onto the lounge, curling into a ball beside Sirius.
"Lily was great," Sirius began. "She was pretty much the only person who had any amount of control over James – over any of us really. She was so beautiful." Sirius grinned at Anna. "James was totally whipped, right from the beginning – from the first moment he saw her getting on the Hogwarts Express. He used to ask her out every single time he spoke to her and she always, without a doubt, said no. It took some mighty hard convincing to get her to finally agree. That was in seventh year, once James had deflated his head, calmed down a bit, you know."
"Ah, yes," Anna grinned. "The infamous Potter ego. I've heard a lot about that."
"From Snape?" Sirius asked.
Anna nodded; "Yes, from Severus. And Minerva, too. I always thought they were over-exaggerating though."
Sirius chuckled mirthfully, "They probably weren't. We were pretty bad, especially to Snape. And I'd say at least half the grey hairs on McGonagall's head were from us. James used to call her 'Minnie.'"
Anna laughed outright, "Goodness, I would've payed good galleons to see that. Tell me more about James. How did he finally get Lily to go out with him?"
"The Master Plan," Sirius answered. "He came to us during the train ride to Hogwarts in our final year, claiming that he would finally win over Lily Evans. And after some careful deliberation – and blackmailing one of Lily's friends – he realised that he really had to 'change his ways' if he was ever going to get her attention. So he enlisted Remus to The Cause."
"Remus?" Anna asked. "Why not you?"
Sirius sniggered. "Why not me? With the attitude that I had toward girls at the time, Lily wouldn't get within ten feet of him! So, anyway, Remus started 'tutoring' James in how to act like a gentleman. No more pranks, no more tormenting Snape…"
"You didn't feel like James was abandoning you?" Anna asked.
"I did, for a while," Sirius admitted. "But then I realised one day how much she really meant to him and how much he really meant to me. I couldn't be jealous if James was going to be happy. He was my brother."
Anna nodded; "So what happened next?"
"Well, James and Lily were Head Boy and Girl that year, which meant they had to spend all sorts of time together, much to Lily's horror. For a while it wasn't going too well – Lily thought that James was just being civil because of some prank and for every step they took forward, they'd take two back. But that year, Voldemort was becoming really active and it gave Lily a chance to see that James had really grown, you know? He'd really matured. And they started to become closer."
Sirius heaved a sigh.
"That year, on Christmas Eve, there was a huge Muggle massacre in Surrey. Death Eaters murdered hundreds of Muggles, including Lily's parents. As you can imagine, she was pretty distraught. She blamed herself, saying that she should've gone home for the holidays, should've been there. She thought that it would've made a difference and didn't realise it would only mean that she would've been killed too. She kept saying that it was her fault; because she was a witch. We told her she was wrong, but she wouldn't listen. For a while, we thought we were going to lose her, too. She disappeared into her room for a while, didn't even go down for meals. Dumbledore and McGonagall talked to her, but nothing worked. And then late one night James was coming back from a kitchen raid and he found Lily crying her eyes out in the Common Room, completely broken down."
Sirius sighed again.
"I never did find out what happened that night. But we all came down the next day to find Lily asleep in James' arms. The rest, as they say, is history. We all finished our NEWTS, James and I went straight into Auror training, Lily into the Experimental Charms Department, and Pettigrew got some lousy job in the Ministry."
"What about Remus?" Anna asked.
"Well, he got top NEWT scores and was made valedictorian but of course he couldn't get a job because of his – shit!"
"It's alright, Sirius," Anna smiled. "I know. Don't worry, I'm not going to freak out about it; that would be terribly hypocritical."
"You know?" Sirius spluttered. "How do you know?"
"The same way I knew you were no mere dog when you clambered up to my cottage all those weeks ago. Remus knows that I know as well, so don't feel like you've betrayed any confidences."
"What do you mean you knew – wait, he knows you know? How?"
"The other day," Anna answered. "We were cleaning out the cabinet in the drawing room and Remus was reaching toward a silver goblet to throw away. He mustn't have realised the goblet was made of silver and so I took it before he could." She was silent for a moment. "How did you and James find out?"
Having had his attention successfully diverted away from Remus' lycanthropy, Sirius launched into a detailed narration of how he and his friends had discovered Remus' secret and how they had become Animagi under the very nose of Albus Dumbledore.
Later that night, when Sirius was walking Anna to her room, she paused outside her door.
"Sirius, all those stories you told me tonight I think you need to tell to Harry when he comes." She paused, her dark eyes washing over his features. "I think it would be good for him. For both of you."
Sirius nodded and sighed.
"I will, when he comes. Goodnight, Anna."
She smiled sleepily and nodded, before slipping into her room.
"Goodnight, Sirius."
A/N: A little longer than usual, to make up for the bigger break between updates. Please review!