A/N: Thanks everyone who reviewed; Sirius is on his way by owl post, he should arrive soon. Thanks of course to my beta MissBubbles. Enjoy the chapter and review!
Summary: Lost and sick in the middle of nowhere, Sirius falls into the hands of a woman whose secrets will tie inextricably into the fate of his godson. What will happen when he finds himself attracted to this strange witch?
The Complexities of the Heart
By katemary77
Chapter Eight
How much has to be explored and discarded before reaching the naked flesh of feeling.
- Claude Debussy
Sirius groaned and listened tiredly to Dumbledore and the Order drone on about new guard rosters for watching Harry at Privet Drive. It proved both incredibly boring and tedious to Sirius as he was unable to venture out of the house; let alone travel to Little Whinging. No, none such excitement for him. He fidgeted feebly with the hem of his robes, a convenient outlet for his frustration and aggravation at the situation he presently found himself in. He nudged Remus, who sat beside him.
"Moony, I'm bored," Sirius whined.
"Shh!" Remus threw back, shooting Sirius a glare. "Stop thinking about yourself," he snapped, turning back to the meeting and leaving Sirius to wallow in bitterness. Sirius understood why Remus had been short with him – the full moon was only a few days away – but he thought his old friend might at least try to understand what Sirius was going through, being cooped up in this dank, dismal place that symbolised such misery to Sirius. The only person who Sirius knew would empathise with him was Anna, for she too was unable to leave Grimmauld Place. Besides, Sirius mused, Anna seemed to have a calming presence about her, a way of speaking, a way of touching, which soothed him, left him with firm knowledge that she understood.
But he and Anna's relationship had been strained since that Sunday last week; she had not been directly rude, but Sirius sensed a hesitancy when she spoke to him, something sad about the way her brown eyes regarded him. Now, she sat opposite Sirius in the wide circle of chairs that filled the basement kitchen. Her disregard for the Order's conversation was evident in the way her head rested against the shoulder of the man beside her – Severus Snape, who looked decidedly uncomfortable with it – and the way her eyes were gently closed. But, studying her, Sirius knew she was not sleeping; her breath came in uneven, quick gasps, not the relaxed, deep breathes that distinguished slumber.
Suddenly, Anna's eyes shot open, locking onto Sirius', scaring him half to death. She gazed at him for a moment, her eyes sharp and focused, before turning to Snape, whispering softly in his ear and discreetly leaving the room.
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Anna had been resting quite peacefully on Severus' shoulder, allowing Dumbledore's discussion of recruiting more members to the Order and tailing Death Eaters to flow over her mind, when she had become aware of a small group of people, stealthily listening to the meeting through the door – a bundle of curiosity and nerves. She had lifted her head from Severus' warm shoulder and quietly snuck out of the kitchen. Anna opened the heavy door and moved into the hallway, turning and raising her eyebrows at the group assembled as she quietly shut the door behind her. Anna walked to the staircase where the twins, Ron, Ginny and Hermione sat, each holding a long, flesh-coloured string out of their ears. She sat beside Hermione and addressed them all.
"Look, I know you guys want to know about what the Order's doing and when Harry's coming and what's going on with Voldemort," she said, ignoring their flinches at the name, "But it's for the best for everyone if you don't know anything at all." Paying no attention to the various gestures of protestation that arose, Anna continued. "Imagine how bad it would be if one of you were taken by Death Eaters. Imagine what they could make you say."
"But we're not going to be taken by Death Eaters!" Ginny burst.
Anna shook her head.
"You have no way of knowing that, Ginny. There's no way of keeping you kids completely safe, even at Hogwarts. People have been taken from the castle before."
Hermione frowned.
"Only one," she said. "I remember reading it in Hogwarts: A History. Her name was… Jessica… Jenna…. something Fair."
"Jennifer," Anna said quietly. "That was her name." Only Hermione noticed how Anna had paled under her fringe of mahogany hair. "What I'm trying to say, though, is that you do not want to find yourselves in a situation where you're forced to reveal everything you know. It's better for everyone that what you know is limited."
"We wouldn't tell them!" Ron claimed. "I'd rather die than lead You-Know-Who to Harry!"
Anna smiled sadly at Ron. Such loyalty, such naiveté…
"Nobody is doubting your loyalty to Harry or the Order," she told the group, "Or your bravery. But the Dark Lord… he has ways of making you tell him what he wants that few can resist. We would rather not put you to the test. So please," Anna said, almost pleading, "Please stop listening in to Order meetings. Give Molly – give everyone – peace of mind."
One by one, the group of teens nodded, slowly slinking up the stairs and away from the kitchen. Just in time, Anna discovered, as the kitchen door swung open moments later, revealing Sirius who sent Anna a questioning glance.
"The meeting's over. Are you alright?"
She nodded, her eyes cast downward.
"I'm fine, Sirius. Thank you."
Anna pushed past him into the kitchen, where she headed immediately to Albus at the head of the room.
"Anna, my dear, lemon drop?" the grandfatherly man said, sticking one of the sour lollies into his mouth. She shook her head and the headmaster noted her serious expression. "What news?"
"The kids were listening in again," Anna replied. "I had a chat with them."
"Thank you, Anna," Dumbledore smiled. "Anything else?"
She nodded.
"It's Sirius… he's getting restless, Albus. He hates being stuck here and I think he might do something rash soon. You need to speak to him again."
Dumbledore sighed with resignation; "I will do so tonight. Is there more?"
"Severus."
The elderly man looked sharply at Anna.
"What about Severus?"
"He's too stressed Albus, he's too lonely He doesn't relax anymore; everything he's got is focused on Voldemort." She bit her lip. "I'm worried."
Dumbledore's brow furrowed; "Maybe you should ask him to stay for dinner; he needs some company. I know he enjoys no other company more than yours."
Anna nodded.
"Maybe; I'll go and ask him now. Thank you, Albus."
He merely smiled as Anna made her way determinedly across the room, seeking out her guardian determinedly with an offer he wouldn't be able to refuse, as much as he might want to.
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Hermione Granger couldn't believe it. She watched, completely astonished, as Anna – her kind, intelligent new friend – marched Professor Severus Snape from the hallway-staircase of the basement at Grimmauld Place where they had furiously been trading words. Anna now had a happy, appeased smile on her face and Snape a fierce, steadily growing scowl.
"Severus will be joining us for dinner," Anna announced, pushing the Potions Master into a chair and plopping down beside him. There was a stunned silence in which Snape simply glowered.
"Well, wonderful, we'll be having a roast this evening," Mrs. Weasley said, hurrying to cover the unnatural quiet by bustling around the kitchen.
"I'll help, Molly!" Tonks offered, rising from the table.
"Oh, no dear – it's quite alright – "
"No, I want to help!" Tonks insisted, missing Molly's resigned face.
Hermione smiled behind her hand. Tonks was renowned for her clumsiness. There was a tense silence for a moment which Hermione daringly decided to break.
"Professor Snape, I was doing research for the essay you set us for the holidays on the internet – that's an immense Muggle database of information – and I was wondering if wizard's ever use Muggle herbs in their potions, Muggle herbs that have useful properties? For example, the albizzia flower is used by the Chinese to calm and nourish the heart and body…" she trailed off, looking at Snape with a mixture of curiosity and nervousness. Snape stared at her, seemingly refusing to speak.
Anna, however, rolled her eyes and winked at Hermione.
"Not traditionally, Hermione," Anna answered. "But Severus has been working for quite a few years now on infusing Muggle remedies into Wizarding potions. Haven't you, Severus?" Hermione watched as Anna nudged the darkly brooding man, who turned to stare at her. They were caught in a long, intense stare for a moment in which Hermione fancied they were silently communicating, before Snape turned to his (annoyingly) best student and adopted a Professor-like drone.
"Anna is correct, Miss Granger" he commented formally, "I've been experimenting for the past ten years on substituting more harmful Wizarding ingredients with Muggle herbs and remedies."
"And how is that going, Professor?" Hermione asked eagerly, her eyes lighting up with the desire for knowledge.
Snape allowed himself a grudging, acknowledgement of the girl's enthusiasm before answering, more confident now as the other diners at the table had turned to their own conversations and were no longer listening. "I've had some small breakthroughs but it's been hard in the last three years as I've lost the only assistant I'd trust with my work." Severus indicated Anna, who rolled her eyes again. "But I recently have had a rather large breakthrough." At Anna and Hermione's questioning glance, he continued. "I've managed to successfully create a Dreamless Sleep Potion using zizyphus seeds in place of sopophorous beans which have an addictive nature."
"A harmless sleep potion," Anna murmured thoughtfully. "Severus, that's brilliant. It will… mean a lot to a lot of people."
He nodded briefly and Hermione observed the curious, almost apologetic look he gave Anna.
"I'm going to work on creating potions more helpful to the Order now," Snape continued. "But without Anna assisting it has been increasingly difficult."
"How long were you assisting Professor Snape, Anna?" Hermione queried.
Anna smiled fondly at the memories.
"A long time," she answered. "You see, Hermione, I grew up under Severus' guidance at Hogwarts, so I've been assisting him since I was old enough to peer over a cauldron."
"Wow!" Hermione exclaimed, excitement bubbling in her eyes. "You must be very adept with potions."
Anna shook her head, just as Snape commented: "Yes, she was. If Anna had have chosen that path, she would've made a great Potions Mistress."
Anna wrinkled her nose.
"Don't believe a word he says, Hermione," she laughed, "I was always better at Charms. Transfiguration, however, was never my forte, much to the displeasure of Minerva."
"Don't be modest," Snape snapped, not unkindly. "I've been severely put back since you moved to Wales."
Hermione knew about Anna's small, simple cottage in Wales until Sirius Black crashed into her life but had yet to discover why she had ever moved into the wilderness in the first place.
"Well, now that you're back," she asked, "Can't you just take trips to Hogwarts every so often and help Professor Snape out?"
Snape and Anna shared another long look before Anna shook her head sadly at Hermione.
"I can't," she answered. "I'm sort of under house-arrest as well, like Sirius."
Knowing it would most likely be futile to ask why Anna couldn't leave, Hermione continued to question the Potions Master; "And you can't find another assistant, Professor?"
"Well," Snape huffed, "It's never that easy, Miss Granger. I would have to find someone not only intelligent and creative enough to handle the work, but also someone with… an enthusiasm for potions." Hermione's brow furrowed at the odd gaze with which Snape was now surveying her. Anna, who had seemingly picked up on something, sat straighter in her seat, eyes bright.
"And they would – ideally – have a background in Muggle remedies, eh Severus?" she asked, her eyes sliding between the formidable Potions Master and Hermione.
"I know what you are about to suggest Anna, and it would be – "
"A perfect solution!" she finished for him.
"No," he disagreed with an agitated look, "It could not possibly work, I have a reputation to uphold!"
"Oh, pish posh!" Anna laughed. "Dumbledore could work around that! Think about it, Severus, she's intelligent, mature, enthusiastic with a drive for knowledge, she already knows a lot about the topic, she has a logical and creative mind, she would love to do this – even though she hasn't figured out what we're talking about yet – and she's naturally adept at potions! Why not?"
"Uh, sorry," Hermione interrupted meekly. "What?"
"Severus, you do too much," Anna said quietly. "You can't juggle teaching, these experiments, a personal life and all this… other stuff that you do for the Order… at once. Let somebody – other than me," she said, interpreting his glance correctly, "– help you out for once. You might be surprised," she added in an undertone.
Severus looked at Hermione, who had now clued in as to what Anna was proposing, sighed resignedly and gave a grudging nod.
"You mean," the Gryffindor began slowly, "You would – you would accept me as an assistant?"
Snape nodded again; "You are… the only student I would accept as an assistant, Miss Granger."
Hermione, blushing slightly, nodded enthusiastically; "Thank you so much, Professor Snape, Anna," she exclaimed. "When do we start?"
Anna laughed at her eagerness.
"I suppose when the school year commences," Snape answered. "You do realise, Miss Granger, that this will need to be kept secret from the rest of the school. It would not do for the students to realise that I – "
"Have a heart?" Anna lightly interjected, laughing and nudging the Potion Master when he glowered at her.
"- that I have taken on a Gryffindor assistant," Snape finished composedly. Hermione took a moment to be amazed at the easy relationship Anna had with Professor Snape, who was known for his irritable temper and morbid personality. But he seems okay here, she observed, when he teases Anna it's only jokingly. Maybe there's more under the surface that we've never seen, she decided, watching as Snape and Anna continued to banter laughingly, although Snape only ever allowed a small smirk to crack his stony façade, maybe she softens him up.
"So, what will we begin with, sir?" Hermione queried.
"Defensive potions," Snape said decisively. "I'm also developing a traceless Tracking Tonic. The medicinal potions – using various Muggle remedies – is perhaps something that you can continue on your own, Miss Granger, under my supervision, of course."
"What's going on?" Ron interrupted beside Hermione with a cautious glance at Snape.
"Severus has decided to accept Hermione as an assistant in his extra-activities," Anna explained happily.
"What?" Sirius exploded from the end of the table. "Hermione, are you mad?"
"Are you deaf as well as useless, Black?" Snape retorted snakily. Sirius had appeared out of sorts throughout dinner and now his anger was coming to culmination. Hermione had seen Dumbledore speak to the escapee before he had left and was perceptive enough to realise the mage must have urged Sirius to be sensible; something Hermione considered prudent. Now he was standing, glaring at Snape, all control apparently lost. Snape, however, remained calm, his anger only evident in his darkened eyes and the glower in his mouth. "Miss Granger will benefit greatly from tutelage under a Master, not to mention she will be helping the Order greatly." Hermione realised now that – although Snape was a sly Slytherin and could be a right bastard – he had had the kind of honour that meant he stuck to his decisions once made, no matter how he might regret them.
The Potions Master was doing that now.
"But she'd be taking orders from a Death Eater," Sirius sneered. "A devious turncoat like you, Snivellus, changing sides whenever it suits your own agenda. How long until you betray us, Snape?"
"Don't go there, Black," Snape whispered fiercely and the coldness of his voice sent shivers down Hermione's spine.
"Oh, that's right," Sirius continued to mock, "You switched sides because you fell – "
"Sirius!" Anna snapped. "That's enough! Shut up before you say something you can't take back." Her face was pale and Sirius looked as if he had been slapped in the face by the immense disappointment that she exuded. She turned to Snape, whose eyes were closed. "Severus," she said, laying a soothing hand on her guardian. "Severus, just forget about it, okay?" It seemed to work for a moment, but then Snape's eyes flashed open, dark and tortured as he looked at Anna.
"You told him that?" he whispered tightly, barely audible. "Of all the things, Anna, of all the people, you told him that?" Without another word, Snape stood and swept from the room. Anna, her hand clutched to her chest, surveyed the occupants of the room once more and fled.
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Later that night, Anna was in her bedroom when there was a soft knock on her door. A moment of worry that it might be Sirius was vanquished as Anna concentrated, realising it was in fact Hermione.
"You can come in, Hermione," she called quietly.
The door swung open and the bushy-haired Gryffindor entered.
"Hey, Anna."
Anna smiled in greeting and indicated the empty place on her bed.
"Have a seat."
Settling onto the bed, Hermione nodded and nervously brushed a wayward curl away from her face.
"I wanted to – "
"It wasn't your fault, Hermione," Anna interrupted quietly, watching with quiet amusement as Hermione gaped, eyes wide. "Sirius was looking for a fight. If it wasn't about you assisting Severus it would have been about something else." Anna sighed and began to explain to this young, intelligent girl in whom she had found a kindred spirit; "Sirius is rash; too rash. He's unhappy about being cooped up in here and bitter that he can't do anything… tangible… for the Order."
"And he can't forget old prejudices," Hermione commented quietly.
"Even though prejudices were forgotten for him." Anna sighed and examined her friend, who was biting her lip. "You know, Hermione, you can ask me anything," Anna rushed to assure. "I won't promise to answer, but…"
Hermione glanced at Anna with wide brown eyes, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "Is Professor Snape really as… terrible everyone thinks?" she finally asked. "As terrible as he tries to be?"
Anna smiled. "You're a very clever girl, Hermione," she told her friend, "Very perceptive. Severus is just… a very lonely man. He thinks that he has to put up this image to the students, the staff, everyone really."
"But not for you."
Anna shook her head.
"No, not for me."
"What made Professor Snape so angry?" Hermione finally asked. "What was Sirius about to say?"
Anna considered. The last person she had told, Anna thought morosely, had used the information against her guardian, but in Hermione she saw a deep honesty and innocence that negated any malicious intent. And she sensed, of all things, a desire to befriend the Potions Master who had previously been so cruel.
"He was going to say why Severus left Voldemort." At Hermione's questioning, curious look, Anna sighed. "You know you can't tell Harry or Ron any of this, right?" Hermione nodded and Anna knew she wasn't lying. She sighed again. "Severus betrayed Voldemort because he fell in love. He came to love a tortured woman and her child… and it drove him away from the Dark."
"It was you, wasn't it," Hermione said quietly, "Your mother was Jennifer Fair."
Anna nodded.
After a moment Hermione stood.
"I'll go now," she said to Anna. "There's something I need to check over."
Anna smiled a secret smile and nodded. "Goodnight, Hermione."
A/N: Don't forget to review! I'll send Remus this time, but I don't think Professor Moony would appreciate a bow...