Thank you for reviewing! Yes, there is a reason for Iruka being a bit... jumping-to-conclusions angry in this chapter. It will be explained in next chapter. Well, in the spirit of the Kakairu fest deadline on lj- here is an update! Thank you for reviewing, and enjoy!

The sharp scent of sterile and antiseptic woke Kakashi.

He kept his eyes closed, as all ANBU were trained to do, carefully evaluating his surroundings and his condition. He was unbelievably sore and stiff, and several parts of his body felt restricted by… bandages. Yes. That was what those annoying things were. There was a faint, yet somehow familiar pain in the crook of his elbow. The room was cool, but not unpleasantly so, and his body was shielded from the air conditioner by rough, starched sheets.

There was only one possibility as to where he could be.

Kakashi began testing his range of movement in aggravation. Chakra exhaustion was not something he should have to be here for, and if he could walk, then he could just walk straight out of here back to his apartment. Ooh, no. Scratch that. It took an inordinate amount of effort to even make his foot twitch. Walking was out of the question.

Today, anyway.

Maybe he could get Tenzou to bring him a soldier pill, that would work, too-

Oh, shit.

Tenzou.

Well, he wasn't leaving until he knew how Tenzou was. Right now, escape was out of the question.

With a heavy sigh, Kakashi cracked open his right eye to squint up at the ceiling. He managed to drag his left hand over to his right arm to yank the needle out, then went about trying to move his legs again. He sent a wary gaze around the room, looking for any soldier pills or some other helpful escape mechanism left lying around, then sighed when he found none. How unfortunate.

Kakashi heard the door squeak open and immediately turned his head towards the noise, hoping to see a nurse. A nurse could know about Tenzou.

Oh, but, wasn't it just his luck- not a nurse, but an ANBU. An ANBU with a lion mask, no less. How fun.

"Lion-sama," he drawled. "Don't I feel special. A visit from the ANBU commander, just for little old me?"

"Don't get cheeky. I'm not here to visit you. You're not that special, and I don't particularly like you, anyway. I'm just here because there's no one above you in status besides myself and the Hokage, and you've been acting up lately so you need a scolding."

"Kinky," he remarked, exhaustion dragging on each word. "Sorry to break it to you, though, but I'm not into blonds."

"Shut up. You're not funny."

"I've been told that I'm very funny."

Lion groaned. "I liked you better when you were unconscious. So I can leave now instead of later, I'll just get to the point. You brought Tenzou here, to the hospital- he is all right, by the way, though it'll be a while before he can take missions again- and then you left. You told the staff here that you were not injured and just left, and were then found unconscious on the street."

Kakashi had a pretty good idea where this was going, and he didn't like it. "I know what happened."

"Odd, don't you think, that you were found outside a chuunin's house. The same chuunin you seem to have taken a liking to."

"You know how these things happen…"

"Give it up," Lion snapped. "I'm really not in the mood. I know that you just recently found this guy, so this fixation on him is just a phase. But don't take too long to even out. If it gets to the point where it risks your health, like it did last night, then I will have to order you to find someone else."

"I can't help it that Iruka is addicting," Kakashi said mildly. "He's like a really good drug. You should try it. I bet we could market it-"

"Before you start trying to market your Iruka drug to other ANBU, why don't we talk about the dangerous side-effects. For example, trying Iruka may result in suicidal tendencies and life-endangering stupidity. Try Iruka at your own risk. If you experience any of these side-effects, then contact your local doctor, because Iruka may not be right for you. Becoming addicted to Iruka means you are at risk of your ANBU commander kicking the shit out of you to knock some sense into that empty skull of yours."

Kakashi winced. "Ow. That's harsh. And unnecessary."

Lion leaned back against the wall, casually crossing his arms and observing Kakashi through his mask. "You've been in ANBU for a long time. You know what my point is. But I'll say it anyway, since you've always been stubborn. While I'm willing to wait for the honeymoon phase of when you can't get enough of your fix to end, if it gets bad enough that you put yourself or your teammates at risk, I will have to order you to find another. Your civilians always worked for you; go back to them if you must."

Kakashi chose not to reply this time. He let Lion be angry at him, and instead of arguing back he thought about how easily Iruka had distracted him. Well, perhaps distracted wasn't the right word- more like calmed him. Better than any drug he'd ever tried, and oh had he tried many. Lion could be a bit controlling and protective about his ANBU soldiers, but Kakashi was a big boy- he could decide what was best for himself.

Right now, what was best for himself was more Iruka.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Hmm?" Kakashi glanced back at Lion, raising an eyebrow, and the ANBU commander groaned loudly once again.

"Honestly… are you even worth the trouble you bring? I don't-"

"So, anyway, when am I getting my next mission?" Kakashi interrupted brightly, hoping for a distraction as well as seriously wanting to know. "I need to know so I can prepare."

Kakashi got the distinct impression that Lion was glaring at him from behind his mask. "Let's see here. You have enough Chakra to not be dead, you were poisoned- what's with the look, you didn't know?- and got a couple of bones crushed from what looks like an earth jutsu. The only mission you could handle right now would be a D-rank to buy someone's groceries. You're staying right here with Tenzou for at least a week."

We'll see about that. All Kakashi did aloud was sigh and then nod. It could be taken as agreement or not, and Lion seemed to want to take the path that ended this conversation the fastest, because he pushed himself off the wall and headed for the door.

"Good. Remember, Kakashi. Enjoy your new fix as much as you want, but the moment it interferes with your work, it becomes my responsibility and my problem."

"Of course, Lion-sama," he muttered noncommittally, though he wondered privately what business of Lion's it was, really. It was his fault that he needed to have a fix anyway, so he could just shut his damn mouth and let him do as he pleased. If Lion got fed up with him, then he could kick him out of ANBU and find somebody else to do his dirty work.

But, then, it wasn't Lion's fault- not really. Kakashi could quit ANBU whenever he wanted. He had already been in the service twice as long as expected before operatives were usually killed. But there wasn't anything waiting for him on the outside of ANBU, and it was with this white as bone dog mask that he could best serve Konoha. And what was he, besides a perfect weapon?

When Kakashi looked back at where the ANBU commander had been, Lion was gone.

The next time Kakashi woke, he had a bit more mobility and a bit more strength. Escape was no longer a tantalizing impossibility but a plethora of chances, most just right out of his grasp. His urge to leave was only emboldened by a desire to see Iruka again- because he hadn't been able to wrangle a visit to his kohai yet, and all he could see was the man being torn in half by the wind jutsu, his body collapsing limply to the forest floor, the dark chance of death all to real.

Iruka would provide him with the distraction he needed. But the nurses didn't care, they just kept parroting Kakashi-san, you need to rest, Kakashi-san, you need this, you need that, in his face.

Well, in his wholly medical opinion, rest was pretty unhelpful when his eye kept replaying the moment of his teammate's near-death. It wasn't like he was asking to be given an S-rank mission. Just to be free from the hospital. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently, it was.

The door to his room opened and his one eye wondered over to look at what new torment the hospital had for him.

Ooh…

Well, on the other hand…

The young blonde walked towards him, a clipboard in her hands, light brown eyes reading the file quickly. Her nurse's uniform was a bit too small and hugged her generous curves, and he watched with a suddenly alert gaze as her hips swayed as she walked closer to the bed. Her glossy hair was tied back into a simple ponytail, baring her pale cheeks, and he licked his lips when her eyes looked up from the paper to him.

What can he say? He has to have fun in the hospital somehow…

"Oh, Kakashi-san, don't mind me. I'm just here to change your IV."

That thing? He was positive he had ripped it out yesterday… a troublesome doctor must've stuck it back in. Bastards.

But, this lovely young thing could be his chance to escape. Clearing his throat, Kakashi pulled his arm out from under the blanket for her and curved his eyes into a smile. "That's okay. I wasn't doing anything, anyway. To tell you the truth, I was getting a bit lonely- I'm glad you're here to give me company, even if it's just for a few minutes."

Kakashi wasn't sure what it was about his voice or his looks that made women blush, but it never failed. The woman's cheeks tinted with pink as she lowered her head, fiddling with his arm. Kakashi managed to flex his muscle without making it look like he meant to and the blush deepened. "Oh… I'm sorry. Don't you have anyone to visit you?"

He gave a despondent, miserable sigh, rolling his head back to stare at the ceiling. "No. You see, my only family is my daughter. I adopted her when she was only three- I just felt so awful for her, both her parents died in the Kyuubi attack, you see."

"Oh, that's awful!"

Maybe someday, the nurses would catch on that he always used the exact same pity story to try and get a nurse's help in escaping. But they hadn't yet, and that gave him no reason to change his tune. "I know, I know. Normally, she could visit me, but she's been ill recently and is too weak to go outside. I just hope she knows that I'm okay… see, her birthday is tomorrow, and I promised her that I would get home from my mission in time for it. I really don't want her to be alone- she hates that, after her parents died, and she's not making many friends at school." Kakashi shrugged sadly, watching as the blonde's eyes widened in sympathy. "It looks like I won't be getting home in time for her birthday… she's going to be so upset."

The blonde bit her lip, and Kakashi wished he had a watch so he could've timed himself. This may have been the fastest he got a nurse on his side yet.

"Um… okay, Kakashi-san, I have to work until six, but your only real problem is the Chakra exhaustion. If you promise that you'll just take it easy and rest, then I can help get you home once I'm done with my shift."

"Oh, would you? Please! Isaribi would be so happy!"

The nurse looked like she wanted to melt. "Anything to make a little girl have a good birthday." Her hand migrated to rest over her heart and he resisted the urge to smirk. This really was too easy.

"Thank you so much," Kakashi said softly, and the nurse looked like she was about to swoon.

"Okay. Just please wait until I get off work; then I promise I'll get you home so you can see your daughter, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi kept watching, innocent as could be, until the nurse had slipped silently out the doorway, a smile on those sweet lips all the while. The moment she was gone, he allowed his face to relax into a satisfied leer.

It was nice to know that, if this ninja thing didn't work out, he had his stellar acting to fall back on.

It was only half past six when Kakashi found himself sitting outside his apartment wheelchair, the perfectly gullible nurse behind him. His escape plan had gone off without a hitch and now that he was home, nothing was getting him back into that hospital.

He thanked the woman again, then said, "I would invite you inside, but Isaribi is still very uncomfortable with strangers."

The woman still was looking at him like he was some kind of self-sacrificing saint- and he had to admit, that was getting a little annoying. "Oh, no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "It's fine. I'm just glad I could help you get home in time for her birthday."

"Yes. It was greatly appreciated."

The woman bowed, and he returned the gesture as well as he was able, then watched her go down the hallway. He waited until she had turned the corner and her footsteps had disappeared entirely from his sensitive ears to stand and kick the unnecessary wheelchair down the hallway. Let someone else deal with it; he was going into his apartment to sleep for a hundred years. Possibly two hundred.

Maybe, when he woke up feeling a bit more like himself and a bit less like he'd just spent the day as Tsunade's punching bag, he could drag himself out to see Iruka, then visit Tenzou. Yes, that sounded like a plan. A wonderful, flawless plan, that required many hours of sleep to ever think about executing.

"Home, sweet home," he announced grandly when he sidled into his apartment, then frowned. It was dark and he was alone. Suddenly, home didn't feel as good as he thought it should. It didn't bring the usual relief at getting out of the hospital or getting home from another mission alive. It suddenly felt a bit more empty and drab, and he found himself wishing for something more than a few small, dark rooms and a bed to call a house.

Thoughts of Iruka's drifted into his mind. That was, somehow, different than here. Where Iruka lived came across as something entirely different than his own apartment. But now, Kakashi was too tired to pinpoint just why that was. He only possessed enough intelligence to recognize that his bed was large, soft, warm, and comforting, and he was in dire need of said bed.

That last thing he realized before he passed out was that his apartment didn't look lived in. Iruka's did.

Kakashi slept so late that the Academy was in session by the time he woke. That was okay; he could spy on Iruka there. He took his time getting ready and dragging his tired body out to the memorial stone, only moving as fast as he could handle. As always, the visit was short- he never could handle talking to Obito for long after a teammate was injured or killed. The guilt and deja-vu was far too strong- it was almost suffocating, for god's sakes- and it wasn't long before Kakashi could stand it no longer. He left as silently as he had arrived, words stuck in his throat that ended up staying unsaid, dragging his exhausted form to the Academy.

He could see Iruka and his class outside, by the looks of it, practicing kunai throwing. Kakashi was far too tired and sore to even think about hiding in a tree or using a henge or genjutsu to hide his presence, so he opted for just sitting in a bench across the street, watching closely as Iruka led his class. He was too far away to hear and too tired to augment his hearing with his Chakra, but, as best as he was able to make out, Iruka was moving about his students and occasionally correcting posture or throwing technique, all the while staying patient and calm.

Sometime during the practice, though, Iruka stiffened, as if he felt someone's eyes on him. Kakashi immediately ducked his head behind his book, burying his nose into the pages and pretending to be nothing but a wandering man engrossed in his porn. Several seconds later, Kakashi chanced another peek above his book to find that Iruka was no longer looking around in suspicion. Satisfied, he lowered his Icha Icha and continued watching.

Iruka glanced up several more times in confusion, but Kakashi just hid behind his book and kept spectating. He got a full two hours of Iruka Time before the sensei finally ended practice and began herding up the children to get them inside. Kakashi sighed. He couldn't very well sit right outside the window, not unless he wanted to come across as very creepy- looks like he would have to wait for school to end before he got anymore of his calming drug.

"Kakashi-san."

Oh, I guess not.

Wait! Why is Iruka talking to me? This is bad!

Kakashi slowly raised his head to peek above his book again, finding the brunette sensei standing right in front of him, arms crossed, eyes narrowed dangerously. He withered back, stomach twisting as he tried to think up something to say. This was even worse than when he'd met Iruka as Taji.

Thankfully, Iruka decided to break the ice for him. "If I am being evaluated, then I would appreciate you having the courtesy to inform me instead of watching secretly from the sidelines. I promise that I am a much better teacher when you can actually hear what I am saying. I also don't know when the higher-ups started to pick jounin to evaluate classes for them, but-"

"Um…"

"-it's not necessary for you-"

"Eto… ano…"

"-and I don't appreciate-"

"Uh… see here, now…"

"-and either kindly come inside and watch from a proper position in the classroom or don't observe me at all."

Kakashi stared, nonplussed, as Iruka's clone disappeared.

Well, this could've gone better.