A/N: Hello all. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I appreciate it muchly. Please review this one too! Bit of drama here and maybe some swearing and definitely a scene of sexual nature too, so if that kind of thing offends you, avert your eyes! Please review again, I'd lurve it if you did.
Summary: Lost and sick in the middle of nowhere, Sirius falls into the hands of a woman whose secrets will tie inextricably into the fate of his godson. Sirius/OC.
The Complexities of the Heart
By katemary77
Chapter Thirteen
All you need is love is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we're tired, battered fighters
And it stings when it nobody's fault
Cause there's nothing to blame
At the drop of your name, it's only the air you took
And the breath you left
- John Mayer, 'Split Screen Sadness'
"So, Harry didn't get expelled. Would it kill you to pretend to be happy?"
Sirius looked up sharply. Anna was standing at the foot of his bed, her arms crossed across her chest.
"What's that supposed mean?" he demanded.
"It means that you've been making it clearer and clearer from the day that Harry got off that you're not happy about it. Everyone's noticed. Don't you think it's a little selfish of you?" she replied angrily.
"Who's noticed?"
"Well, Hermione asked me about it and I doubt she's the only one observant enough to notice. How do you think it makes Harry feel?"
"Well, why don't you tell me?" Sirius sneered.
She flushed and Sirius winced inwardly at his low blow. But then, she had been the one to come into his room, seeking a fight.
"Hogwarts is his home, Sirius," Anna said, after a moment. "He belongs there."
"He belongs with a family!" Sirius spat. "I'm supposed to be his family! Bang up job I'm doing! Do you think this is what James and Lily planned when they named me godfather?"
"Yeah, well, I'm sure they didn't plan on dying either," she returned, but her eyes widened when she realised what she'd said. "Sirius, I'm sorry – "
"Get out." Sirius' tone left no room for negotiation as he pointed to the door. "Now."
Eyes downcast, Anna left.
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Grimmauld Place had a small – almost too small – balcony that Anna had quickly spelled with a Diverting Charm on arrival, allowing her to sit snug against the wall in a big armchair and breathe the fresh air without anyone down below on the street knowing. It was where she was sitting now, three days after she had stupidly confronted Sirius about his reaction to the outcome of Harry's hearing.
They still weren't talking.
"I thought I'd find you up here." Bill Weasley, red hair like a beacon, emerged from the terrace house and wrapped a raggedy blanket around Anna's shoulders. "It's a bit chilly tonight," he explained.
"Thanks."
Bill waved his wand and conjured a rickety rocking chair.
"Here," he said as he took a seat, gesturing to the small pack of cigarettes he was holding.
"I haven't smoked in years," Anna laughed but still took two, passing one to Bill and saying a quick Ignition Spell for the both of them.
"Well, you look like you need it."
Anna took a long draw and nodded in agreement.
"Remember when we smuggled cigarettes into Hogwarts and smoked them in the Quidditch Bleachers?" she reminisced.
"Remember when Snape almost caught us?"
She laughed aloud and Bill hushed her.
"Mum might hear and catch us this time for all the times Snape didn't." There was a short silence as both enjoyed the pleasant view of the city nightscape. "So what happened, Ann?"
She didn't need to ask him to clarify what he was talking about.
"I meddled." Anna dug the heel of her hand into her forehead. "Why do I always meddle?"
"What were you meddling with?"
She sighed and leaned back, blowing smoke towards the moon.
"I confronted him about how he's been moping around the place since Harry got cleared."
Bill nodded and said, "I'd noticed."
"See?" she said quickly, desperate to justify herself. "It was selfish of him and it was making Harry feel terrible."
"But it wasn't your place to tell him that, Ann, you should've let him figure it out himself."
"I know," she moaned. "I'm so stupid and I always do this. My mother taught me how to feel other people's emotions but she didn't teach me what to do once you'd felt them! I'm a social retard and I'm the worst Empath ever."
"You're not a social retard, Ann, and you are not a bad Empath" Bill said sternly, "Don't be ridiculous. You were trying to help him, you just pushed too hard – "
"Like I always do."
"- and you need to learn to moderate."
Anna crushed the butt of her cigarette against the wall and said, "When did you get so wise, Bill?"
He gave a cheeky grin.
"Years of being a big brother."
There was another silence and Anna pulled the blanket closer to her.
"Ah, I should apologise," she said eventually.
"You should also let him know that this is who you are. It's only going to happen again."
Anna raised an eyebrow wryly.
"Letting someone know all your character faults this early in a relationship is usually not a good thing."
"Why?" Bill asked. "You already know all of his. Make it even for later."
Anna nodded but frowned and said, "If he even wants there to be a later. Fights this bad so early in a relationship usually means the end of it."
"But it's a bit hard to move on and not try to make it work when you're living in close quarters with the other person."
"Exactly," Anna said, burying her head in her hands, "Which makes me think that starting a relationship with Sirius was probably a really bad idea."
"Why?"
Anna looked up but Bill seemed earnest.
"Um, because we're at the beginning of a war? Because both Sirius and I can't leave this house until that war ends, for better or worse? Because he's an escaped Azkabanee and I'm an Empath? Because, according to the prophecy, I'm the only thing that can stop his godson from saving the world and defeating the paragon of evil, who also happens to be – at least in blood – my father?" She buried her face in her palms again. "Forgive me if I only see odds stacked against us, Bill."
"They're all good reasons, Ann," Bill said, leaning forward, "But you and Sirius have an obvious attraction to one another. Don't you think you should explore it? See how far it goes?"
"I don't know, Bill, is it even worth it?"
"Ann, what is the one emotion you've always told me is the most beautiful whenever you come into contact with it? In any form?"
Anna sighed.
"Love," she said resignedly.
"Isn't that worth anything?"
"Yes," she said eventually, "It's worth everything."
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Ah, a long soak in a hot tub, exactly what I needed. Anna sank further into the bubbles and reached for the glass of rich, spiced red wine that rested beside the tub.
The last few days had been trying. Since her conversation with Bill, Anna had been determined to apologise to Sirius and set things right between them. She had sternly told herself that nothing could keep her from doing it.
That had been five days ago.
It seemed that every time Anna began to form words of apology she would freeze up, glare for no reason at Sirius or flee from his presence. It was beginning to get ridiculous.
Sighing, Anna reached for the lemon-yellow potion she used for her hair. Just as her fingers touched it, however, the bathroom door burst open with a bang! and Anna instinctively grabbed a towel to wrap around her body, drenching the terrycloth in the process.
"Anna!"
She looked up.
"Sirius. Can I help you?"
He rushed to apologise; "Sorry, Anna, I didn't think anybody was in here. I'll get out of your hair."
He turned to leave but Anna stopped him with a call.
"Sirius, wait!"
"Yeah?"
Anna took in a deep breath and looked down, gathering her thoughts.
"Look, about the other night… I'm really sorry. I was completely in the wrong; I shouldn't have pried." She somehow managed to look up at him and found he was staring straight back at her, his face veiled. "I'm sorry," she said with as much sincerity as she could muster. "I was wrong. I just… it's difficult for me to know what to do with what I feel from other people… when to say something and when to leave it alone." Mortifyingly, she felt tears sting in her eyes and looked down at the floor. "Oh, Merlin, now I'm going to cry," she choked, wiping at her face. "I just hope you can forgive me."
Looking at the floor, she felt more than saw Sirius move from the door and come to sit on the edge of the tub. His hand reached out and grasped her chin, turning her face toward his.
"Apology accepted," he said with a small smile. "You were right, though, I was being a jerk."
"But you had every right to be."
"No, I didn't," he laughed, "And don't change your tune now just because we haven't been speaking. You were right, Hogwarts is Harry's home and I have to accept that."
She nodded and his smile widened. Sirius bent down, angled his mouth over hers and met her lips in a chaste, hesitant kiss. When they parted, Sirius simply stared at Anna, something dark burning behind his eyes. Flustered from the intense look he was giving her, Anna very suddenly realised how very naked she was. Sirius seemed to have realised this too and his stormy grey eyes trailed down her neck and collarbone to where the wet towel she was clutching clung intimately to her body.
"Sirius!" Anna exclaimed when she realised what he was looking at. His eyes flicked back up to hers and he gave her a devilish smirk. "Get out, you lecher! I'll find you when I'm done here."
He leaned down suddenly and his breath was hot on Anna's neck. She swore her heart stopped when he whispered in a rough voice, "Take your time. I'll be waiting."
Once he had left the room, Anna fanned herself with her hand for a moment before submersing herself fully in the water with a loud splash!
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Sirius closed the bathroom door with a wicked smile, his mind filled with images of Anna in the tub, a soaked towel clinging to her form. Shaking his head he turned, only to find Harry standing in the hall staring at him, eyebrow cocked.
"Sirius, what were you doing in the bathroom? Isn't Anna taking a bath?" Sirius fumbled for an answer and the innocent expression on his godson's face cracked into a grin. "Maybe all the stories I've heard about you are true, then."
"What stories? Has Remus been poisoning your mind against me?" Sirius asked.
Harry smirked.
"Maybe."
"Hey, look," Sirius began, finally expelling the words he had been pondering over for weeks, "We haven't really had a chance to talk yet…"
"Talk?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, about what happened back in June."
"Look, Sirius, I really don't want to – "
"You say that," the older man interrupted, "But I think you're lying. I think you need to talk to someone but you just don't know who and you don't want to burden Ron and Hermione." He moved forward and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "You can burden me." Eyes averted, Harry nodded. "C'mon, in here," Sirius directed, moving Harry into a rarely-used lounge and sitting down beside him on the couch. "So… he began, somewhat hesitantly, "How're you holding up?"
"Okay, I guess," Harry said, pushing his hand over his face. Sirius knew how hard it was for the boy to confide in him; living so long without any friends or true family would make trust and intimacy an issue for anyone. "I have nightmares sometimes about the graveyard, about Cedric."
"Nightmares?" Sirius asked, "Maybe we can get you some Dreamless Sleep Potion or something – "
"No!" Harry rushed, "No, I don't want anybody finding out. Please, don't, Sirius."
Placated, Sirius nodded.
"Okay," he said, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. "Okay, so what else?"
Harry struggled for a moment to speak but eventually words came forth; "I just can't help feeling that it was all my fault, that I'm to blame for Cedric's death."
Sirius sat up sharply.
"Harry, you are not to blame, not in the least," he said firmly. "Voldemort is the only person who is to blame for anything, Cedric, your parents, everything."
"But I told Cedric to take the cup with me," Harry argued, "If I had just gone by myself he'd still be alive."
"But who knows, Harry, maybe you wouldn't be. It's pointless to look back and think what if? All it causes is more pain. There's nothing you could've done differently. You are not to blame."
"I know," Harry said eventually. "It's good to hear someone else say it."
Sirius sighed; "Don't I know it."
They sat together in comfortable silence for a moment before Sirius stood.
"Bedtime, Pronglet."
They both stood and made for the door.
"Sirius?"
He turned.
"Yeah, Harry?"
Harry looked down for a moment before meeting Sirius' gaze.
"Thanks."
Sirius smiled; "You don't have to thank me, Harry."
"No, I do," the boy insisted. "Not just for tonight but for being around… in general."
Sirius moved closer to Harry and rested his hand once more on his shoulder.
"You don't have to thank me, Harry. I care about you and not just because you're James' son or the Boy-Who-Lived. I care about you because you're Harry. I can't say I'll always be around but I'll try my hardest to always be there for you."
Harry nodded and smiled. Impulsively, he reached out and hugged Sirius, startling them both. After a moment, though, Sirius' arms wrapped around him too. Harry had never initiated touch with anyone before – indeed, it had taken him years to get used to Ron and Hermione's casual hugs and pats on the back – but he wanted to express his gratitude to Sirius in a way that meant something.
"Now," Sirius said, shifting his arm around Harry's shoulder a while later and guiding him out of the room, "Let's go to bed before this moment becomes any more awkward."
Harry laughed.
"Goodnight, Sirius."
"Goodnight, Harry."
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Sirius placed the book he was reading down on the bedside table when he heard soft, familiar footsteps pad down the hall and stop outside his door.
"Come in," he said, hearing the faint knock.
Anna appeared at the door. Her woollen dressing gown was wrapped around her thin frame and her hair was still damp from her bath. Sirius' mouth quirked at the corner when he spotted the brush held loosely in her hand.
They didn't need words.
Anna returned his wry smile and crawled onto the bed, settling into the V shape his legs made and resting her back against the warmth of his chest. Sirius forewent the brush immediately, instead using his hands to rake Anna's long, thick hair from her face and neck. He noticed her shiver as he touched her skin.
She turned then and her lips met his in a kiss that was soft and nervous. When she pulled away, she met his eyes with a question that he answered when his hand splayed out over the small of her back, securing her closer to him, and when his mouth descended on hers, hungry and searching.
They kissed for a long moment, hands searching and breath sighing. When her inquisitive fingers made it to the waist of his pants and under, Sirius pulled away and twined a lock of her hair around his finger.
"Annie, I haven't done this in a while."
She smiled.
"Neither have I."
"Twelve years, a while?"
She looked down and said, "Well, maybe not that long, but you know what I mean."
As if to assure him, she leant forward and began placing kisses along his jaw bone and Sirius shuddered, hands shaking because he had forgotten this, forgotten the soft, intimate touch that only a lover could give. Later, when he moved inside her, his breath caught in his throat because he remembered now; the soft curves of a woman's body beneath his hands, the breathy sighs made when he pushed just so and the feeling of completion, of rightness, when they lay afterwards, sated and sweaty in each others arms.
A/N: Don't forget to review!