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Kakashi slouched in his seat, watching with a wary eye over his mask as the party continued. Because, yes, it was a party- just full of better dressed people and prettier things, things that probably shouldn't be so close to dancing, drunk people.

Kakashi recognized many chuunin there as ones that had tagged along once or twice with Iruka and the happy couple. Mizuki, of course, was there, but not annoying. He even seemed to have limits. And, shockingly enough, Kakashi was enjoying himself. Kotetsu and Izumo were having the time of their lives, Iruka was a little tipsy and smiling and blushing constantly, and Mizuki wasn't bothering anyone. Granted, the wedding was full of ninjas who could be hiding any kind of weapons under their clothes or plots in their heads- but from his nice table in the corner, Kakashi could see them all and determine which ones were a certain threat. Which was none of them, right now.

"Having fun?"

Kakashi glanced over at Iruka, who was walking towards him with a bit of a stumble in his step, his cheeks flushed red with excitement and- oh yes, that was alcohol. Kakashi smiled up at him under his mask. "Yes, actually. I didn't realize how nice it would be, but it's almost as good as Minato-sensei's."

"Almost?" Iruka teased. "Don't let Izumo and Kotetsu hear you say that, or they'll be insulted."

"I don't think we're in danger of being overheard. The happy couple is a bit… self-absorbed right now." Kakashi glanced at the two men pointedly, drawing Iruka's attention to the fact that Izumo was trying to pull off Kotetsu's garter with his teeth. Kakashi did a double take at that, then just shook his head and grinned. "…You have strange friends, Iruka."

"What are you talking about, me? They're your friends!"

"Oh, when they're being like that, then they're only my friends? I'm new at this friend thing, but I'm pretty sure that's not nice, Iruka."

Iruka smiled as he slid into a chair next to Kakashi, letting himself down a little heavily. "Oh, see, you're learning. That's nice, you learn quick. Or maybe I'm just a really good teacher. Yes, that's right."

"How much have you had to drink, exactly?"

Iruka frowned a little, then just shrugged. "Just a little bit. Not as much as Izumo and Kotetsu."

"I don't think they should be who you're basing your behavior off of…"

Iruka waved him off happily. "Oh, I'm okay, I'm okay, Kakashi. I have a very high tolerance for my alcohol. Now, onto why I actually came over here- I just told them that I'll stay behind and help clean up, since, well… they're going to be involved with… other physical activities. Is that okay?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'm either sitting here or sitting on your couch. And here is more interesting."

"Good. It'll probably only be an extra hour, and then we can go back home-"

"Actually, I have to report in. But thank you for letting me stay with you for the night, oh most gracious Iruka-sensei. I'll have to return the favor sometime." He winked, or perhaps just blinked, Iruka couldn't tell, but the teacher promptly blushed and scratched at his scar.

"You have a way of making the most innocent statements sound so lecherous, Kakashi."

Kakashi beamed happily, and the teacher just rolled his eyes before standing. "I'm going to go get the newlyweds out of here before they do something that'll really embarrass them. Since I guess you're going to your own place after… well, you can do whatever you want, you're an adult. But I'll see you around, Kakashi."

"Mmm."

Kakashi watched as Iruka turned and went back over to Izumo and Kotetsu, reminding them that they were not alone yet and that the fun they were trying to have was best reserved for behind closed doors. Kakashi laughed quietly as he watched. The more he saw, the more he thought that the pair would be good inspiration for Jiraiya and the next Icha Icha.

Never had Kakashi thought that he would enjoy spending time with other people like this. And other people who were not his ANBU team? Preposterous. But Izumo, Kotetsu, and most importantly Iruka- they had managed to worm their way beneath his skin and clutch on tight.

That was frightening, actually. Very. Kakashi hadn't realized until they had already managed it that the three had become his friends. It had been a long time since he had had friends, and for good reason. He had never wanted to feel as alone and scared as he had after Minato's death. That had hurt more than anything ever before, not his father's suicide, Obito dying for him, and himself killing Rin- none of that had hurt more than realizing that the last person he had ever loved had died and left him alone. He'd been terrified to realize his new ANBU team had managed to get close to him, scared to death when he had understood that the pain that he had felt with Minato's death would come back if he lost anyone of this team.

Kakashi honestly didn't believe he would make it through that again.

But instead of running away, he had stayed with his team and fought to keep them safe. He was strong enough enough to do that and wouldn't be able to just leave because he was scared- Obito had taught him to put his teammates before all else.

But, Iruka…

Iruka was not his teammate. Iruka did not need his protection; he was a teacher that was safe in the village. Associating with him, growing to rely on him, like him, even- that was all dangerous. If Iruka died-

He wouldn't be able to take that pain. Not again.

Kakashi's chest tightened as a wave of panic rose. He had opened himself to being hurt again. How could he have been this stupid? It was dangerous- too dangerous.

Kakashi quickly stood and moved silently away from the wedding, away from his dangerous obsession. He drifted into the shadows, shaking and trying to justify his stupidity to himself. His stupid, stupid stupidity. No, no, he wasn't being foolish enough to find a friend and love again, he wasn't that stupid! He just relied on Iruka the way all ANBU relied on their fixes. That was all. This was nothing more than that.

Absolutely nothing more than that. So… they were friends, maybe, okay, so ANBU weren't friends with their fixes- this was really no different. Some ANBU did talk with their fixes. Some fixes were aware that they were fixes and still let the ANBU use them. Like Genma and Raidou; they were each others fixes- hell, they were lovers. So this friend-type-thing with Iruka… and, perhaps, Izumo and Kotetsu… it meant nothing. Oh, absolutely nothing. It wasn't dangerous in the slightest- he wasn't holding up his heart for taking, to be victim for yet another massacre.

Kakashi nodded, the panic declining just as quickly as it had risen. Right. He wasn't that stupid. Oh, he was stupid, all right, but he wasn't that stupid. Iruka was his friend by ANBU fix definition. Nothing more, and nothing less.

He relaxed a little. Everything was all right… yes.

Kakashi's now calmed attention was quickly directed to other matters the moment he entered ANBU headquarters. He was drawing a lot of funny looks. Most operatives were masked and he just saw white, painted heads turning towards him, but the few that weren't masked, like him, were staring at him in surprise and confusion. Kakashi self-consciously pulled at his mask and continued walking. What was going on? Why were they all looking at him like he had something on his face?

The strange looks continued when he requested an audience with the commander, and even more so when he was let in and began to give his report. Lion was masked but the commander just sat there, staring at him, seeming to be more interested in him himself than whatever he was reporting.

When he finally concluded his description of the mission, Lion nodded slowly, and Kakashi still got the feeling that he was staring at him. He let it be silent for a few moments, then cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Lion-sama, if you would answer a question for me- why exactly is everybody staring at me like I have something on my face?"

Lion just looked at him, then laughed lightly. "I apologize, Hound, on the behalf of all of my subordinates. But we're just not used to seeing you like this. Do you always report dressed as a civilian?"

Kakashi stiffened, then looked down at himself.

Oh, right. He was still dressed for the wedding.

"It's quite a nice look for you, if I do say so myself, Hound. Very striking. Better be careful or Cobra and Hawk will be hanging off each arm with their mouths attached to your face again."

Kakashi crossed his arms darkly. "…I didn't very much enjoy that last time. And I'm pretty sure I could file a sexual harassment suit because of that 'striking' comment, Lion-sama."

"Oh, now, it's all in good fun, Hound. Now, what do you think? Should I call Cobra and Hawk again? And I'm pretty sure you've got half a dozen new admirers, parading yourself around like a show girl like this."

"I don't know if I should be more insulted by the fact that you just called me a girl or if you seem to think I'm dressed like a show girl. It's just civvies. It's entirely normal, Lion-sama."

The commander raised a finger. "Ah, but on you. I haven't seen you out of uniform in… well, ever."

"What about you? I never see you out of uniform. Does that mean I would ogle you if I saw you dressed like a civilian?"

Lion chuckled. "Be defensive all you want, Hound. All I'm saying is. if you're in the market for a date, just go out dressed like that. Who made you do it in the first place, anyway? Was it your Iruka?"

Kakashi glared down at him unhappily. "That's not exactly your business, now is it?"

"Ah, I knew it was. He's even giving you fashion advice! Ah… well now, Hound, I know I cautioned you against letting him change you too much, but I never thought I would see the day where you walked around Konoha looking like that."

"It's not like I'm retiring! He just took me to one of his friends' weddings and apparently, you can't wear your uniforms to those things, so he loaned me this stuff. Which I probably should be returning now. So, if you'll excuse me-"

"Look, look, in all seriousness, Hound. Before you met this guy, you wouldn't be caught dead at a wedding. Not unless it was for a mission. This Iruka- he may be good for you, you know?"

"Can't we ever just talk, Lion-sama? Why does it always have to be about Iruka?"

Lion sighed heavily. "See here, Hound, it's just a warning. ANBU can't have operatives be friends with people who are good for them- you know that. We're in the business of death, and no proper human being would ever serve with us."

Kakashi shifted subtly, wondering if Lion was really going saying what it sounded like he was. "…You're not ordering me to not see him again, are you, Lion-sama?"

"No. I make it a point to never do that unless you're putting your fix at risk. I'm not that heartless. If ever the day comes that I am, then I think that'll be a sign it's time for me to retire. Hound, you've heard the stories- operatives find people who are so good for them, they can't do our work anymore. You're one of the best- in the top five here, including me. A bunch of operatives, I'll let quit because we can just take some other jounin, train them a bit, and they'll be just as good- but we can't replace you that easy. So, while I like that you finally found someone good for you- make sure he's not too good for you."

Kakashi watched him with a flat stare. And here was yet another reason the ANBU commander had a history of involving himself in with his operatives' fixes. Fixes had a way of giving operatives consciences, of making them wonder about the lives and innocence that they took and the blood that they spilled- and that was bad. ANBU needed men who didn't think about such things, because if you really got to thinking about it, you realized it was not justifiable, it was not right; it was too much for any one human soul to handle.

That was normally the point when operatives either quit or broke beyond repair.

But that was just one kind of operative, and Kakashi was the other kind- the kind that already knew that his work was truly awful and there was no excuse and he was the demon that took lives, that no one in the village wanted to know existed. He was the kind that did this because they knew nothing else. He was the kind that did this because he had no one else. He was the kind that did this because he was just that good, and he was already broken and just waiting for the mission that would do him in. Fixes were dangerous for them because they gave those practically suicidal operatives reasons to live. Reasons to make themselves into something other than a weapon.

That was what the higher-ups really couldn't stand.

Not Lion, really, but Danzou and his faction of the council. Lion tried, but he couldn't quite manage to pull off that he really believed all of that 'a shinobi is a tool, nothing more' nonsense. But Danzou and his men- they had their influence on him, and they didn't like it when ANBU as good as he was started to find themselves a conscience. The village couldn't afford that.

Kakashi had never expected that he would one day be the operative stumbling along this uncertain road of possibilities other than bloodshed and bonds other than those created within a team. Because he was, well, Kakashi- the ninja who didn't make friends. Because friends were dangerous. The man who would do the village's dirty work because he had no other purpose in this life. People like Iruka just didn't mix with him.

…Until now.

"You don't need to worry, Lion-sama," he said stiffly. "Iruka…-sensei and I are not close. And I am not going to let him change me too much. I am first and foremost a shinobi."

"Good. …I wish it could be another way, Hound."

He shrugged easily. "Don't we all. Is that all you have to discuss with me, sir?"

"Yes, yes."

"Then excuse me, but I have somewhere better to be. Later."

Lion let him get almost out the door before he stopped him with one quietly whispered message. His voice was surprisingly soft and pained, earnest- more human than he had ever heard his commander sound. Kakashi listened, then gave a silent nod and ghosted out into the hallway.

"Your body won't hold out in our service forever. And when it does inevitably give out on you- let's hope that it doesn't mean your death- then you can have your Iruka-sensei and all the friends you want. Please just wait until we can afford to lose you before you let him change you?"