Thank you for reviewing, and I am so, so, so, soooo sorry for the long hiatus. The short explanation is that real life got in the way. The long answer is too long to ever think of putting in an author's note.

This story is now completely written, I've just got to sort out the files because I have no idea where they are. Reversal is my next priority, if you follow that as well. To sum up- I am SO SORRY for practically abandoning this, and I hope you all still enjoy this as much as you did however many months ago.

Iruka's apartment had been taken over by ANBU.

Not just one ANBU, no. There was a whole squad of medic ANBU sequestered in Iruka's bedroom, the door shut and locked tight. Iruka could see white and scarlet medicinal seals glowing on the floor and walls, luminous in the low light- a makeshift surgery room, since Kakashi hadn't been stable enough to move to the hospital. It was more sterile than the operations that took place in the field, after all, though Iruka was a little stunned by its necessity.

Kakashi had rapidly deteriorated once he lost consciousness, everything going to hell so quickly he hadn't been able to do anything but stare in horror. Thank god the ANBU medics came of their own accord, storming in just as his convulsions progressed to a full blown seizure.

Iruka had been practically manhandled out of his bedroom, and now he found himself sitting in his living room, a masked ninja guarding the door while a man who had introduced himself as the ANBU commander stood across from him, explaining enough of the situation to horrify him.

The majority of it was classified, and Iruka was just fine with that. What little Lion was able to tell him was nauseating.

"The estimated body count is 95, on both sides. Kakashi is responsible for a good number of those- actually, every single one of his team, and Mist's as well, is. There was eight of them versus approximately a hundred of the others, before backup arrived. It's a miracle Kakashi's team made it back alive at all."

Iruka nodded weakly. A hundred versus roughly fifteen. That was the kind of battle that meant certain death for the outnumbered side- the odds were just too great. Such a horrific fight was not one chuunin faced- they didn't go on missions that allowed them to be put in such a situation. He couldn't help but wonder how on earth Kakashi had survived. Legendary skills or not…

The commander heaved a heavy sigh. "I spoke with the Konoha ANBU captain that arrived as backup. …He was not in good shape, mentally."

Iruka had to try very hard to hold back a nasty retort at that. Of course he wasn't, he'd just killed who knows how many and seen his own team fall and almost face death before his eyes. But this man could kill him twenty ways in one second without breaking a sweat. He should not say anything to provoke him.

Lion continued slowly, his voice calm and a bit reserved. "Raven said there was a good possibility that Kakashi suffered a break. This is the only reason I am going to allow him to stay here with you, if his medical condition at all allows for it. You are his fix… you will be far more conducive to his recovery than the physical benefits of a hospital. His mental state is more of a concern, at this point."

Iruka nodded numbly, tired eyes flicking towards his glowing bedroom door. He was far too frazzled to be truly grateful, too horrified by Kakashi's state, both physical and mental, haunted by the look in his mismatched eyes, hands still cold from all that blood the man had dripped on him. Sluggish drops of red, from so many dead…

"I… what about the Academy?" he finally managed, still staring back at the makeshift surgery room.

"This is a matter crucial to the village's safety. We will find a substitute."

Iruka blinked. "…Crucial to what now?"

Lion nodded smoothly. "Yes. Even if he were in peak physical condition right now, I seriously doubt Kakashi would be in any sort of shape to take missions. He's a living legend and if word got out that he were out of action, it would be demoralizing for our forces- and a reason for enemies to attack. We need him to recover as soon as possible."

Iruka slowly made himself nod again, then lowered his head and bit his lip. "…Then… perhaps he should be with someone else? I don't know what I'm doing- Kakashi, when he-"

"Umino Iruka."

Iruka stiffened at that. This voice was cold and unyielding; it sounded now like a ninja speaking to another ninja, no longer soft or uncertain or worried. He looked up at the masked ANBU in surprise and Lion stood, looking down at him through black eyeholes that almost made him shiver.

"This is not a request. This is an order. I am assigning you an A-ranked mission and you are not allowed to refuse. For some reason, Kakashi returned home to you. Raven said you are the only thing that got him to focus out in the field after the battles were over. I don't know why he's fixated on you, but you are going to help him recover."

Iruka stared at him in shock.

He was… what?

There was so much he didn't understand about what the commander had just said, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to understand it all.

He was able to calm Kakashi down out in the field? And this business- this idea of someone breaking, it was so common in ANBU that the commander turned it into a mission to make them recover?

This was awful. It turned his stomach and he didn't think he very much liked the idea of helping his friend recover from whatever had happened out there as a mission. He was starting to recover from the shock of having the commander himself in his home and opened his mouth to give the man a piece of his mind, but before he could, Lion stood with a swish of his cloak. "I will be sending a psych nin along shortly with Kakashi's file, as well as some helpful information. As well as whatever physical exams are needed, he will be undergoing psychological exams once a week to evaluate his process. The head medic nin here will inform you of everything you need to know and will give you everything you will need to take care of him physically. Good day, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka was left staring at nothing but thin air as the commander disappeared. All that was left of him was a single leaf floating to the ground.

His fists clenched.

Iruka was left to his own devices for a miraculous ten hours. He got more and more anxious, disbelieving that the medics even had the stamina to continue a surgery for this long- and terrified about how bad Kakashi's condition had to be to require it. He paced around the room for half an hour, stared at a stack of homework for another hour, then stared at the top page for three, a red pen in his hand. Finally, he set it aside, forced to admit he wasn't getting a damn thing done, and resumed pacing again.

He hadn't slept since the previous night, and it was well over 24 hours since then. His frazzled nerves weren't enough to keep him awake; his eyelids just kept drooping, no matter how hard Iruka tried to keep them open.

"Iruka-sensei."

Iruka blinked his eyes open in confusion. What the… he could've sworn he just sat down just a second ago. But now there was a crook in his neck and his eyes felt heavy with sleep, and-

Oh! Kakashi!

Forgetting all previous thoughts about falling asleep, Iruka shot upright on the couch and rubbed his eyes, looking up at the masked medic. "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm awake now- please, is Kakashi all right? Oh my god- you were working on him for so long-"

"Relax, Iruka-sensei." The woman paused, then removed her mask and smiled down at him. "Kakashi-senpai will be fine."

Iruka blinked, looking from her face to her mask, and she shrugged and slipped the white porcelain into her cloak. "I will be the medic checking up on Kakashi-senpai's physical progress. It's likely he will respond badly to seeing ANBU masks, so you would see my face sooner or later- there was no point in hiding it. I'm Karena."

He blinked, managed to nod, then just shook it off and glanced over his shoulder at his bedroom. The door was open, and he scrambled to his feet, already headed back to see his friend before the medic stopped him with a tight hold on his wrist.

"I need to speak with you first, Iruka-sensei," the redhead said, voice soft but with a hint of a warning lingering underneath. "Kakashi-senpai is unconscious and there is no need for you to be with him immediately. I want you to listen to me first."

Iruka swallowed back his anxiety and longing, forcing himself to look back at Karena. He made himself nod and bowed his head in apology. "Of course. Tell me everything you need to."

Karena released his wrist- her hold had been so tight he was surely going to bruise. Iruka winced and rubbed his wrist as the medic began to speak. "We healed most of Kakashi-senpai's injuries. I'm going to give him repeat sessions every day for three weeks, at least, for the broken bones and lacerations, but all you need to do is keep him in bed. Don't let him up unless it is absolutely necessary."

Iruka nodded slowly and sent another worried look back to his bedroom. "I… of course. Anything else?"

"Yes, of course there is more. We didn't spend ten hours playing cards, now. Here's some different medications; follow the dosing instructions to the letter and you'll be all right. He's also on a restricted diet for a number of reasons; I left the details for that in your kitchen. It won't be too much trouble, I think. His vision will be stilted and blurry for the next week or so, from poison, and expect him to be confused. His Chakra levels are unimaginably low and he suffered severe hypothermia, and his hands and feet were frostbitten."

Iruka frowned, focusing in on that key detail as he glanced out the window at the bright sunshine. "…It's summer. Where on earth was he that he was that cold? Oh- I'm sorry, I know you can't tell me-"

"I can tell you it wasn't the weather; one of his opponents tried to freeze him to death and almost succeeded. That's why he's burned; he burned himself- we think because he used lightening Chakra as a shield against the cold, but, well… lightening Chakra is very hot. His Chidori always burns himself, and what he did back there was like a constant, full-body Chidori." Karena shook her head slightly and pursed her thin lips. "Kakashi-senpai's always been good at giving us medics the most ridiculous situations to deal with, but this takes the cake, let me tell you."

Iruka shifted uncomfortably. He took another slight step backwards and the woman grinned and scratched the side of her head. "Sorry. You don't care about that. I'll let you go back to him in a second, Iruka-sensei; what you need to be most aware of is don't be worried if he's a bit out of it for now, keep him bed, and stick to his medications' instructions. It'll take him awhile to get back to perfect health, but there's no permanent damage."

Iruka sighed, letting out a heavy sigh and hanging his head for a moment. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, letting himself relax. Thank god.

A hand rested lightly on his shoulder, and he jumped, looking up to see Karena standing by his side, one hand already forming half of the transportation seal. "Senpai'll be fine, Iruka-sensei. He's… well, he's not had worse, but he has a way of playing off even the worst injuries as nothing. It won't be as bad as you think it is."

Karena was the second ANBU he got to watch disappear in his living room that day. Iruka was beginning to wonder why they couldn't just walk out the door like normal people.

Then he shook his head and finally, finally headed back to his bedroom.

Kakashi… looked better. A lot better.

Parts of him were still glowing green, visible even beneath the blanket. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but his torso was wrapped in so many bandages there was hardly a difference. He was unnaturally pale, silvery hair, clean bandages and ashen skin all matching to make him look like a pale ghost. He was cold, though- warmer than when he'd first arrived, but still icy, and with his freezing, pale skin and relaxed countenance, Iruka could've believed he was dead. Only the slight rise and fall of his chest proved otherwise.

His thin sheet was only drawn up to Kakashi's waist, and all Iruka could see of earlier injuries were bandages- so, considering how bad the silver-haired jounin had been when he'd shown up, this was a massive improvement. Yes, he still looked like he was on death's door, but he was no longer bleeding and staring and talking only of blood and death.

Which was good, because it meant that Iruka no longer had to be quietly horrified and pretend to be in control when he was really scared out of his mind and sickened by the terrors Kakashi was describing.

The jounin wasn't going to wake for hours, he was sure, and Iruka knew it would be more productive for him to do something other than sit there and stare at him. But he didn't ever go out and fetch papers to grade or lesson plans to work on. Just as he had while waiting for the medics to vacate his bedroom and his apartment, Iruka found he couldn't do anything but stay and watch over the man he was now supposed to help heal.

Finally, though, after five hours, not even Iruka could sit still a moment longer. Kakashi was clearly not going to wake up anytime soon, and he did have things to take care of. Leaving a clone behind to dispel if the jounin woke up, Iruka went back to his kitchen to read the dietary restrictions and the instructions on the multiple bottles of medication. The scroll wasn't very illuminating, not bothering to explain the whys or what would happen if it wasn't followed, but Iruka wasn't going to risk it. It was given to him by an ANBU, after all- he doubted that they would ever assign something unless it wasn't absolutely necessary.

It was another two hours of anxiety, dawdling, and procrastination later that Iruka felt his clone dispel. He was up on his feet and sprinting back to his bedroom a split second later, only barely remembering to stop, calm himself down, and enter slowly. After a battle as horrific as Kakashi's last, Iruka didn't think that running into the room and surprising him would be a very good idea. Physical condition aside, the jounin would probably have him down on his back with a kunai to his throat in two seconds flat.

He needn't have worried. Kakashi was barely awake. His eyes were fluttering slightly and it looked like he was trying to move under the blankets. The green glow was gone, now, and he no longer felt icy and the shaking had stopped. In short, he looked better, somehow- more human, less like some alien that glowed in spots and was wrapped up like a mummy.

He looked nothing like that bloody creature that had first shown up on his doorstep, forever haunted by what he had done.

Kakashi's eyes fluttered as he fought against the earlier sedatives again. Iruka reached a hand out, then dropped it nervously and bit his lip.

Kakashi tried a third time, and finally succeeded. Grey and red blinked open to stare up at the ceiling, and he blinked again before slowly looking over to Iruka. He smiled, then, a horribly innocent crinkle of his eyes. "Hi."

"…H-hi."

Kakashi continued to smile and shifted again, like he was trying to sit up, then frowned. "Mmm? Why can't I move? Did I do something wrong?"

Iruka's breath caught, and he shook his head, even as he moved forward, digging through the drawer on his bedside table. "No, you didn't do anything, Kakashi. You can't move because you're hurt and tired, that's all. Now close that eye- you know you don't have enough Chakra right now!" He finally found what he was looking for and straightened back, wielding an eyepatch he had from an old injury. "Here."

Kakashi stared at the item like he didn't know what it was, and Iruka's nervous smile faltered. Then Kakashi abruptly returned it with a blinding grin and raised his head a little, indicating he should put it on for him. "Thank you, Iruka-kun."

"I… you're welcome." He gently slid it over messy hair and hid the Chakra-consuming eye from view, then stepped back awkwardly and looked away. Seeing Kakashi like this- it was disconcerting; not at all what he was expecting. But… much better than the alternative, to be sure.

He cleared his throat. "Your team is okay," he said softly. "I heard that they're in bad shape and aren't even allowed visitors yet, but they're going to be fine."

Kakashi seemed a little confused at that. He tilted his bandaged head to the side and stared at him, lone eye wide. "My team is alive?" he asked, and his voice sounded innocently surprised. Not pleasantly so, either.

Iruka managed another nod, and Kakashi was clearly frowning, even underneath his mask.

"I thought they were dead."

That was to be expected, considering how terrible that battle had been- though Lion had said that someone had told Kakashi back at the scene that they would be okay…

"I know; they weren't well off at all. But-"

"Everyone was dead. I remember that. There were bodies everywhere… I was trapped beneath them, and I couldn't breathe. And then, later, the only people I could hear were Sensei, Rin, and Obito… people were alive, then? I didn't kill them?"

His voice sounded so hopeful, like a child's, almost- but the subject matter was so gruesome that the two in conjunction almost turned his stomach. Iruka managed to shake his head, and the beaming smile that took over Kakashi's face tugged at his heartstrings. "Oh," the jounin murmured happily. "I didn't kill everyone… I didn't kill everyone, Iruka. People who are close to me didn't die. Itachi… he even told me I wouldn't kill you. I can't believe he was right."

Kakashi's voice was just so, so happy and childlike. It didn't mix at all when he was speaking of memories of committing a massacre, with Iruka's memories of the other man's horror and disbelief when he'd first returned home. Iruka stared at him, then managed to clear his throat and speak again, trying to ignore the terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Of course you wouldn't kill me, Kakashi. Why would you ever think that you would?"

Kakashi shrugged weakly. "I don't mean to. I never mean to hurt the people that I care about, but… it always happens. And the ANBU- they always ask me to kill, because they know that's all I'm good for. Even people who don't deserve it, like that girl and Rin, I always manage to kill, no matter what. Because I'm a monster. That scares me sometimes, and I thought that I would kill you, just like everybody else…" Kakashi trailed off and gave a sad, almost despondent sigh. "I don't know… maybe you should leave. To be careful. I killed someone in my sleep, once- he attacked the camp and when I woke up I was holding the kunai that cut his throat. I could do that to you, too, Iruka- but I don't want that."

Iruka swallowed painfully and sat on his bed, looking the worried jounin right in the eye. "Kakashi, you're not going to kill me. I trust you. Those ANBU bastards took advantage of you and your skills, and made you do something no one should ever have to do. But they won't again- I won't allow it. You're going to stay with me until you're better, and I'm not taking no for an answer. I don't care if you're scared of hurting me or not- you won't, and I won't let you leave because of it."

Kakashi just looked utterly surprised. He just blinked up at him slowly, and then slowly, ever so slowly, his eye curved upwards again. "…Thank you," he whispered, voice genuine and heavy with emotion. "Thank you, Iruka. …No one's ever said anything like that to me before."

Iruka was trying really hard not to let his emotion show on his face now. He felt so awful, and he didn't even know why; just the sight of Kakashi like this and the things we was saying- how could he think he was a monster, even when the things he said were this sweet? How could he think he was a monster?

His fists clenched. Because of those fucking ANBU, and what they made him do.

They were the monsters.

"Well, you deserve it, Kakashi," he whispered, voice shaking. I'll make you understand that.