A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for the favorites, follows, and of course the reviews! This was intended to be a one shot, then I said short story now I may just pretty much give my own interpretation of Peetas Perspective in Mockingjay. It depends on how well these few chapters of this story do. I personally love this chapter...it's really emotional. At least, it was emotional for me writing down how I think Peeta felt from being taken by the Capitol. I hope you guys like it! enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own The hunger games trilogy all credit goes to Suzanne Collins, Gary Ross (director of the first film) and Francis Lawrence.

"You know, you could live a thousand lifetimes

and not deserve him." Haymitch to Katniss- Catching Fire

I opened my eyes slowly; regaining my focus and looking around the room miserably. Anytime I slept soundly without a nightmare, I'd wake up in this hell hole and remember that my nightmare was now a reality.

My living quarters were no longer filled with fancy decorations, satin sheets, and a table piled high with anything and everything delectable to eat. In fact, my room was more of a prison. The only difference was that inmates at least had a window and three meals a day.

The door was diagonal from my small cot that was so worn away the springs dug into my back whenever I laid down, I had a tiny table with one chair on the table sat a few decks of cards.

That was all that occupied this room.

President Snow wanted me to wallow in my pain and misery, which was obvious.

My stomach grumbled loudly; the hunger pains were faint now, I had gotten used to not eating anything.

How long had it been since my last meal? Seven days? Eight maybe?

They didn't feel like feeding me I had assumed…that was okay, I didn't feel like eating anyway.

The loneliness and emptiness began to consume me. Maybe it was that pain that dulled the pains of starvation.

The past two years I had Katniss by my side most of my days. Now I was completely alone and it was beginning to take its toll on me.

As sickening as it was to admit even to myself, these two years….were the best of I've had in my lifetime.

I'm sure that sounds ridiculous; being reaped and sent into the hunger games, nearly dying of blood poisoning and living in constant fear for Katniss's life. Then, volunteering for Haymitch in the Quarter Quell needing to make sure Katniss made it out alive all over again.

It was without a doubt horrific, but it allowed me to know the girl whose hair now hung in one braid instead of two…the girl I watched walk home from school every single day.

The same starving girl I tossed that bread to that day out in the rain, all of that now felt like a different lifetime.

The memories were so much more than painful, the hurt I felt threatened to rip me down the middle.

Let's not forget the guilt of not leaving the alliance when she had wanted to, and then letting her leave for the beach with Johanna Mason.

I failed, I lost her and now Snow was going to use me to aid in her destruction.

There it was; the truth on how deep my selflessness went. I could care less about myself or my own survival.

She was the only thing that meant something to me.

But selflessness was something that you acquired when you loved someone, right?

"Love…" I breathed.

I loved Katniss before I even knew what love was, ever since we were children.

I closed my eyes, brushing a shaking hand through my blonde hair and reiterated my recent thoughts. "Maybe I am selfish…" I mumbled.

These two horrible years…a part of me was glad that they happened…because the only thing I had wanted my entire childhood was for her to notice me, the Games made that happen.

I was selfish, and I was angry with myself for that.

I swallowed hard, trying to quench my dry throat. They barely gave me any water. I got a half a glass within a 7 day period, maybe?

"Maybe I'll die of starvation and dehydration before Snow figures out what to do with me." I sat at the table with my deck of cards in hand, and spoke to the walls that enclosed me.

They could never reveal my secrets.

The ache in my heart was a constant reminder of the pain I'd possibly caused Katniss and her loved ones. It was also a constant reminder of how much I missed her…

I closed my eyes, trying to envision her face…but the image blurred and faded as quick as it surfaced.

Was I in here that long? Long enough to forget that beautiful face I've dreamt of so many nights?

I opened up the deck of cards with shaking hands, my body was beginning to weaken due to no consumption of food or drink. I tried to calm my shaking hands as I began on my house of cards.

It felt like I had been working on that house for hours when finally bright light enveloped the room as the door to my living quarter opened; an avox appeared in the doorway.

Her face held no expression underneath that mask from what I could see. She handed me a note, and I already figured out who it was from.

I tore off the Capitol emblem seal.

It was from the treacherous snake himself; President Snow.

You will be the guest of honor on The Capitols talk show in four days. I've arranged for your dinner to arrive in an hour or so…it'd be best for you if you ate every last bite. I will meet with you to rehearse your lines with you; you will read exactly what I write for you.

The letter ended with another Capitol emblem, this time in the form of a stamp…next to it was his signature.

I closed my eyes tightly, hoping for the thousandth time that I'd wake from this bad dream.

Like hell I would be his puppet and speak for him. I crumbled up the letter and tossed it across my room.

The avox hadn't budged.

I sighed, looking up at her emotionless eyes. "I need…something. I want to paint. Can I have an easel and small canvas?" She shook her head, denying my request and I felt that white hot anger rise in my chest again.

"Please!" I shouted, I shot up in my seat, knocking my chair back in frustration.

She took a nervous step back, ready to flee my room.

I reached a shaking hand out toward her…"I'm suffocating in here…please."

She turned on her heel, walking out of my prison that was in the form of four walls instead of bricks and bars.

The longer I was trapped in here, the more Katniss's face seemed to be slipping from my mind.

A/N: Any thoughts? ideas? concerns? I'd love to know what you guys think! please review, follow, and favorite! The next chapter will be up soon!