Thank you for reviewing! Well, I somehow managed to delete this from the doc manager. Be happy I post these to lj too or I would've just angrily not proofread. Haha... well... enjoy!

The disturbing scene that Iruka had interrupted repeated itself several times while Kakashi recovered. The man was still too exhausted to be awake for more than half an hour at a time, Chakra levels too low- that, and he suspected one of the medications was a sedative. But Kakashi's few lucid moments were often morose wishes for his old team mixed in with apologies for being a monster. Iruka did his best, but, if he were being brutally honest- Kakashi's demons scared him. He tried to comfort him, he tried to ease his fears- but sometimes, he wasn't sure that it was working.

Kakashi spent much of his time asleep, though. Usually a restless sleep, but asleep all the same. Iruka knew he was worried for what would come when the man was well enough to be awake and aware, but he kept silent about that whenever he spoke to Karena and just kept on smiling confidently and nodding. There was no point in fearing the inevitable.

Besides, the sooner Kakashi was lucid, the sooner he could really begin to recover.

It was Kakashi's ninth day home when he received a visit from someone other than Karena. Iruka had just been cleaning up the remains of their meager dinner when he heard the bedroom door squeak open. He spun with a kunai in hand, only to see a Konoha ninja that he didn't recognize, one who wore the jounin uniform and whose main identifying feature was a large, disfiguring burn scar over most of his face. Iruka stared at it, then blinked and focused on his eyes instead. "Yes?" he murmured, shifting subtly in front of Kakashi. "Is there a reason you broke into my apartment?"

The intruder included his head slightly and glanced at Iruka's kunai. "I advise you put that away, Iruka-sensei. I'm not here to cause trouble, but I don't particularly like sharp, pointy things pointed in my direction."

Iruka didn't move. "Well, I don't particularly like strangers in my bedroom. Since you don't seem surprised to see Kakashi here, I assume you're privy to his… situation?"

The jounin eyed the kunai, then spoke up, voice flat and tired sounding. "Yes. I'm Namiashi Raidou- here with some information about Kakashi's team. Genma in particular."

Iruka slowly lowered his weapon, though he did not let his guard down. "I thought I wasn't allowed to know the real identities of Kakashi's team?"

"Chances are Kakashi won't be in ANBU after this- they won't be his team anymore. And technically, it's still illegal, but after what Genma did for those ANBU fucks, I don't give a shit."

Iruka gently set his weapon on the bedside table and slowly managed a smile. It seemed Raidou felt the same way he did about the ANBU. "All right. Tell me what you came here to tell me."

Raidou crossed his arms, glancing down at Kakashi before back to Iruka and shaking his head. "Genma's recovering well, considering. But I heard that Kakashi was getting better as well, and knowing him- well, I decided it was time for me to pass on a message- Genma doesn't want to see Kakashi."

Iruka blinked. He thought for a second he had misheard him, but Raidou's flat expression and the way the scarred jounin was staring at him- nope, he had definitely heard correctly. He opened his mouth, shut it again, then frowned and took a protective step closer to Kakashi. "Care to explain why that is?" He had hoped that visiting his teammates would help in his recovery- but hearing they didn't want to see him would surely make him take a few giant steps backwards.

Raidou shrugged. "Genma doesn't really want to see anyone, so Kakashi's not special. But he did say Kakashi specifically. Also told me to be sure to mention that he's not angry with him for his part in the slaughter. He just… doesn't want to have to see him now." At Iruka's confused look, Raidou shook his head helplessly. "I'm afraid it's illegal for me to explain what that means- highly classified. Kakashi will understand."

Iruka didn't say anything, but something of his anger must have shown on his face, because Raidou sighed again and shook his head. "Don't be mad at Genma. You have no idea what he went through on that mission- a lot worse than Kakashi did. Kakashi broke and Genma didn't, but Genma came damn close- closer than I've ever seen him. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at Lion, or whoever the fuck else- but don't blame Genma. And know that, while I don't have a problem with Kakashi, if he shows his face in Genma's room, I won't hesitate to kick his ass out."

Iruka was already angry at Lion, the ANBU in general, and now, Genma. He decided there was no need to add Genma's overprotective whatever to that list.

He nodded carefully, keeping his protective stance by Kakashi's side. "I'll keep that in mind," he muttered, giving Raidou a look that said he didn't at all appreciate the intimidation. "As long as you're here, mind to tell me how the rest of his team is doing? I'm sure Kakashi would appreciate the idea that you came here to do more than just toss threats around."

Raidou shrugged again. "Take my visit how you will, Iruka-sensei. His other two teammates are still critical, but beyond that, I don't know. If they're like Genma at all, they're spending most of their time asleep."

Iruka sighed. Just when things were looking up, too…

Kakashi continued to improve as the days passed- physically, anyway. Iruka wasn't sure about his mental state. While Kakashi managed to wake up more often, his mental stability rarely changed- and on the rare occasions that he wasn't filled with guilt and able to say nothing but regret and heartfelt apologies, he would be like a child- simple-minded, easily distracted, primarily cheerful- and heartbreakingly innocent.

Iruka would give him papers to grade then, and they would work in silence until Kakashi passed out again. Partly because Kakashi had asked to grade papers with him again, but mostly because Iruka couldn't take looking him in the eye when that face was usually twisted with regret and that mouth was so often forming apologies to the dead.

Iruka was getting more and more worried about what would happen when Kakashi had fully recovered from his injuries. Then he would be awake all day- he could barely handle Kakashi when he was awake now. What on earth was he going to do then?

For once, he was grateful for a visit from the ANBU.

Iruka stood off to the side, watching as the psych nin prepared the injection that would wake Kakashi up for his exam. Apparently, they were so busy that they couldn't be bothered to wait until Kakashi was awake naturally. Iruka seriously doubted that, but his attempts at protesting had gone ignored, and so now he just stayed silent and was glad that he was allowed to be in the same room while the psych nin did his work.

It was the first of what would probably turn into many exams- weekly ones, until otherwise noted. And while Iruka was grateful for someone else being here to help him with Kakashi now, he had a feeling that it wouldn't take long before he hated the psych nin just as much as he hated the other ANBU.

Kakashi woke quickly, transition from a dream world to reality much faster and jerkier than Iruka was used to. Whatever the ANBU had given him was working fast, because one second, Kakashi was lying there still as ever, and the next, his unbandaged eye was blinking hazily open. As usual, Iruka was the first thing he seemed to notice, but he quickly saw the other visitor as well and frowned immediately.

"Hey, it's fine, Kakashi," Iruka interceded before the exhausted ninja could get a word in. "He's going to leave soon; just here to… ask you some questions. Is that all right?"

Kakashi kept on frowning, his gaze jumping between Iruka and the ANBU. "I don't think I like the sound of that. Can I say no?"

"Oh- of course y-"

"No." The psych nin took a silent step forward, clipboard still in one hand, pen in the other. "You're under orders to receive weekly psychological exams starting now."

"Mmm?" Kakashi shifted, rolling his head back and forth on the pillow before he grinned up at Iruka. "Hey, Iruka, they think I'm crazy. Haha. Maybe I should be careful or they'll lock me up in an asylum."

Iruka glared darkly at the psych nin, who had scribbled something down already at Kakashi's comment, and muttered, "No they won't. I'll kick their asses if they try."

"Ha!" Kakashi looked over at the ANBU and beamed. "Hear that? Iruka won't let you boss me around. Kakashi and Iruka: one. Annoying ANBU psych nin: zero."

Iruka decided to look on the bright side and be happy that Kakashi seemed somewhat back to his usual playful and sarcastic self, not disturbed at how quickly it had happened or the oddly young, innocent look in his eye. He gave a shaky little nod, a weak smile, and then the ANBU just rolled his eyes and directed his attention back to Kakashi. "Right. Whatever. Like Iruka said, I'm just here to ask some questions. Please answer them truthfully and don't try to screw with my head."

"No promises."

Ignoring that comment, the psych nin went on with his questions. "What do you remember about your last mission?"

Iruka caught the dark look in Kakashi's eye before the man shrugged, determinedly light-hearted and expression set in a fake smile. "Everything, of course. This isn't a therapy session for memory loss, is it?"

The ANBU sighed. "I need you to tell me what you remember, not just that you remember everything."

"Maa…"

"Please, Kakashi?" Iruka asked softly, rearranging his features in what he hoped was a convincing smile. "…The sooner you do what he wants, the sooner he'll go away?"

Kakashi's frown deepened, but, with a sigh, he acquiesced. "I remember fighting Taiyo, being poisoned, being force-fed a soldier pill by some Mist, fighting some more missing-nin, then… killing the civilians. If you want me to be more specific, then you probably should just read Raven's mission report; it's all in there."

Iruka hoped the ANBU wouldn't push it; thankfully, it seemed that had been what he was looking for- more or less. After a few more seconds of scribbling, he looked back up at Kakashi and continued questioning him. "What do you remember being the most disturbing about the mission?"

Kakashi glared. "Oh? Hmm, let's see- it's so hard to chose. Was it the 'your life sucks, you are nothing but a pathetic tool and a murderer' speech from Taiyo? Was it the fact I had to talk my own teammate out of helping the enemy? Was it when I tripped and found myself buried under all those fucking dead bodies! Or maybe when I fought when I was blind and didn't even see who I killed! Ormaybe it was when I slaughtered scores of harmless civilians who had done nothing wrong except exist! Take your fucking pick!"

Iruka stared, stunned. Kakashi's bandaged chest was heaving, still numb hands clenched into fists, his grey eye was wide and dark with fury, his uncovered mouth set in a feral expression liken to a animalistic, predatory hate, and he could've sworn he heard a growl deep in Kakashi's throat. Seeing Kakashi like this- he started to truly understand the whispered rumors that Hound's codename came from that he was more doglike- wolflike, perhaps- than human… not his summons.

Kakashi certainly looked like he would enjoy ripping the ANBU apart by his teeth right now.

And Iruka didn't know whether to be relieved that Kakashi's lackadaisical, cheerful manner had been just a facade- a recovery that quickly truly would have been disturbing- or scared to see how easy it was to now provoke him into this furious creature that seemed almost more like beast than man.

The ANBU psych nin didn't seem anywhere near as shocked into inaction, like Iruka was. He just blinked at Kakashi for a few moments, then wrote down a few notes and looked back up at him. "We heard that you said that 'Hound was dead'. What did you mean by that?"

Kakashi's breathing slowed to more normal levels in the few seconds of silence after the question was asked, fervor cooling to something controllable. He finally shook his head and looked away, fists curling loosely around the blankets pooled in his lap. "If you don't know, then you're not a real ANBU. Everyone but rookies understands that."

Well, that certainly explained why Iruka didn't really understand. The psych nin pressed on, though, undeterred. "Kakashi, I need a real answer."

Kakashi glared at the ninja, muscles clenching and unclenching as he took low, calming breaths. Iruka opened his mouth to tell the psych nin to move on, but the silver-haired nin was already trying to answer. "It means," he said carefully, eye fixated on the blanket, "that even if you sent me out there again and put that mask back on me, I still wouldn't be Hound. He's gone."

Iruka still really didn't understand at all. Kakashi didn't like to talk about Hound- at all, really- but from the few things he had said before his last mission, he'd gathered that Kakashi saw himself and Hound as two separate identities. He had no idea what that really was- schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder- just plain old crazy? But, according to Kakashi, this was a very common mindset among the ANBU. It wasn't a mental disease there, but a way of life.

Kakashi had also told him it was Hound that had attacked him and Mizuki that one time, not as an excuse for his actions, but at least as an explanation. That that snarling creature with hands that glowed with light and killing intent, who growled and hissed and hit, wasn't really him at all, but just some emotionless shell who only existed to fight.

Well, if that creature really was 'dead'… what did that mean? That that other personality of his just didn't exist anymore?

The psych nin continued asking questions, paying no heed to the fact that it looked like Kakashi wouldn't be able to keep answering them for much longer without losing control. "How do you know he's dead?"

Kakashi shrugged as if it were obvious. When he spoke, it was in a low monotone, and the look in his eye was distant. "He disappeared in the middle of the field. He's never done that before. I've been able to throw him off before, but this- I've never had him just abruptly give up control like that. He forced me back in the front seat and I knew the moment I was really aware and in control and felt like- like myself, again, that he was dead."

Iruka shivered subconsciously and wrapped his arms around himself. The more Kakashi said, the more he doubted his ability to truly help. How he could he aid something so lost, so broken? This was so far out of his purview he didn't even know where to begin.

"Iruka told us you kept comparing 'her' to Rin. Who is 'she', and why was she similar to Rin?"

Iruka stiffened. Kakashi glanced up at him, the look in his eye unreadable, before he lowered his head and clasped suddenly shaking hands together. "…I'd rather not say."

"Kakashi-"

"I'm not going to answer."

The psych nin sighed heavily. "Kakashi-"

"Fuck you!"

Iruka actually flinched at the sudden explosion and took a step back as Kakashi raised his head again, the vicious, furious man from before making a sudden return. The psych nin opened his mouth to question him again and he shook his head, moving forward to stop the situation from getting worse. "Stop!" he gasped before the ninja could make Kakashi even angrier. "You're upsetting him! He said he's not going to answer; drop it!"

Both Kakashi and the psych nin looked up at him in surprise, and Iruka flushed but held his ground. He stared down at the ninja until he relented- still scribbling something down- and moved on. "That was the last difficult question, Kakashi, you can stop glaring daggers at me. The rest, I can get from Iruka. Iruka-sensei, is there somewhere we can talk in private?"

Iruka was temporarily relieved- if surprised- but the relaxation that came from Kakashi's taxing examination being over quickly ended when he saw that the man looked almost more worried than before. Iruka bit his lip, looking between the psych nin and Kakashi in concern. His friend was biting his lip, hard, grey eye narrow and hands nervously fiddling with the blanket again.

Iruka frowned. Why did Kakashi look like that? He knew his friend certainly didn't enjoy this…

He shook his head. The quicker he could get the psych nin out of his apartment, the quicker he could find out. "Okay, we can talk out here- follow me. Kakashi, I'll be back in a second." He led the psych nin out of his bedroom, cast a worried look back at the uncertain nin sitting in bed, then shut the door so it was only open a crack and walked away.

The rest of the questions were easy enough. The psych nin just wanted him to explain Kakashi's state of mind, and after another ten minutes or so of talking Iruka found himself alone with Kakashi again. He hesitantly poked his head back in the bedroom, and wasn't sure if he was relieved or nervous to find Kakashi still sitting up, leaning heavily back against the pillow and looking as if he were struggling to stay awake. With a steadying breath, Iruka slipped inside and put on his best innocent smile. "Hey. Exam's over; psych nin left."

Kakashi blinked slowly, eye half-lidded and head drooping down to his chest. "What did you talk about?" Exhaustion dragged on the ends of each word and his eye slipped fully closed for a second before it jerked open.

Iruka frowned. He wondered if it would be better to just let Kakashi sleep now, and put his troubles at ease later- but the man didn't look very content to rest until he got his answers. He sighed. "He just wanted to ask me about you. Uh, your… mental state. I answered, and that's it."

Kakashi's head flopped a little from side to side. "Pl…ease. Don't do… that again."

Something of his confusion must have shown on his face, because even in his exhausted state, Kakashi tried to elaborate. "Talk about me behind m-my back. …Bad experiences."

The silver-haired jounin didn't explain more, nor did he seem able to, so Iruka just nodded at him and walked forward to reclaim his seat next to his bed. "Okay. Is that all that was bothering you?"

Kakashi paused and blinked, seeming a little confused, then managed a dull nod. "…That… other thing. Please don't ever talk like I'm not in the room."

"Huh?"

He shrugged weakly. "…When he asked me about… the girl. And I didn't want to answer. You said… I don't need you to…"

It took Iruka a few moments to understand, but he finally did and then nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. "Oh- right. I'm sorry, I… well, you know how short my temper is. Heh…" He scratched his scar embarrassedly. "I didn't mean to- I am sorry, Kakashi. I just lost my temper, that's all."

That made Kakashi smile a little. He chuckled tiredly and rubbed his eye. "You do that a lot," he murmured, and it sounded amused rather than accusing.

"I- well… maybe, but-" Iruka stuttered until he blushed, and then he forcefully shook his head and tried to defend himself. "He needed yelling at!"

"Maa, maybe, but now you have an ANBU who doesn't like you. That's not good, you know," he teased through a wide yawn, and Iruka lightly pushed at his shoulder through his own smile.

"You: get some rest. Now. I don't need to have that medic going off on me again because you're not getting enough sleep."

Kakashi's pout intensified. "Iruka…"

"No." He shook his head firmly. "I know that you are tired. When you wake up, maybe Icha Icha."

Kakashi's expression brightened at that, and Iruka couldn't help but grin at how the infamous Copy Nin was practically drooling over that stupid porn. "Well, now that you mention it, I am a little tired…" He slid down and drew the blankets around his shoulders, then looked back at Iruka with a tired leer. "You promise Icha Icha?"

Iruka nodded happily. "Yes. I promise."

"Good." Kakashi's eye closed obediently, and Iruka knew that it wouldn't be long before he was truly out.

He kept smiling even though Kakashi could no longer see him, relieved. He knew, by now, that Kakashi's mood swings were extreme and brief, and the next time he woke up, he very well may be back to that depressed, haunted man who whispered apologies and cried silently into his hands. Iruka could very easily be faced with trying to convince him that he wasn't a monster once again, trying to touch a deep-rooted guilt that was such a part of Kakashi's existence by now that he was beginning to think it was impossible to remove. Kakashi could wake up screaming next time, or silently crying, and then would refuse to talk about what he'd seen and just apologize again and again no matter how many times Iruka told him he had nothing to apologize for.

That was one of the few good things about this situation- the mood swings. At least, when Kakashi was so sad and scared it scared him, Iruka would know it wouldn't be permanent.

Although he didn't seem to be making much progress. When Kakashi was that sad and scared, Iruka never noticed him getting better, never noticed even the slightest change in his depressed moves and almost childlike mannerisms. That was what he was supposed to be doing- helping Kakashi get through those moods and, hopefully, eventually get past them. Except he wasn't. He wasn't helping him at all.

Iruka sighed heavily, loosing his ponytail with one sharp tug. He was in way over his head and he knew it. He could only hope Kakashi would be able to forgive him someday for failing to help him when he needed it the most.