Thank you for reviewing! With this chapter, probably a lot of the scenes will appear disjointed, like they don't go well together, and the chronology may appear to jump around. That's because they were written in an entirely different order, then moved around to fit different purposes. I tried to fix what I could, but... I'm sure I missed things. So, sorry about that. Well, anyways- enjoy!

The days passed slowly, Kakashi near bedridden and Iruka not comfortable with leaving him alone for any extended period of time. Not that he was a danger to himself, or that Kakashi ever asked him to stay, but when the jounin's state was so unpredictable Iruka hardly thought it was a good idea. He wrote so many lessons plans the substitute was probably set into next year, cleaned so obsessively even the smallest speck of dust didn't dare to be seen, and spoke more with Kakashi than he had since they'd met.

And Iruka wasn't sure if he should be heartened by progress Kakashi made or left defeated by the giant steps back he had taken.

As his physical recovery continued, Kakashi quickly and steadily became stronger, more coherent, and more like himself. The haze medication had left him in vanished, leaving him thankfully aware and alert, and a conversation with him was now less of a disconcerting game to try and get Kakashi to focus on something other than whatever had taken an obsessive hold on his mind and more of what could be considered normal (for Kakashi, anyway).

But nightmares began and continued, from mumbling fits to near breaks with reality. taking a hold of his mind once the medications no longer did. Iruka could be roused as often as four times a night, and instead of swinging from depression to an amused, childlike innocent, Kakashi now shifted between a dark, brooding jounin and a touchy, growling ex-ANBU. The sessions with the psych nin appeared to be doing almost more harm than good, and Iruka found himself almost thankful for the grueling physical therapy sessions that left Kakashi too exhausted to do more than grunt.

Things came to a head when Iruka was fixing dinner a long two and a half weeks after Kakashi's return, the other man dozing in his bedroom with an Icha Icha over his face. Iruka was just making a face at the still bland gruel that Kakashi's special diet consisted of when the silence of his apartment was broken by a sharp intake of breath and a thump, then nothing.

Iruka tensed. He stilled, looking over his shoulder and calling out Kakashi's name, loud enough to wake him if he were still asleep, and when there was no reply, he turned fully to silently tread back to his bedroom. He slowly rested his hand on the knob, mentally steeling himself for whatever he would find inside-

What? But his bed was empty.

Iruka frowned, reaching under his pillow for a kunai. "Kakashi?" he called cautiously, standing and turning in the dark. "Is everything-"

Before he knew what was happening, there was an ironclad grip around his throat and he'd been slammed back against the bed. He didn't realize the kunai had been ripped away until his hand was already empty and he kicked and struggled as the enemy twisted him onto his stomach, pinning struggling arms behind him with ease and his kicking legs even faster than that.

And while Iruka panicked about enemies breaking into the apartment, targeting a wounded and incapacitated Kakashi and that the both of them were going to die, the enemy snarled a question in his ear. His voice was low and threatening and feral, and almost unrecognizable, but…

"Who the hell are you?!'

Iruka gasped. No… that wasn't an enemy.

That was Kakashi.

"Ka… kashi?" he stammered, voice shaking with disbelief.

There was a dark chuckle from above him. "Guess again. And I won't ask again- who the hell are you?!"

He had never seen Kakashi like this. The man had woken from nightmares before but he had never, never reacted like this. It took him a few seconds of absolute panic for him to grasp the situation, and by then there was the feel of cold iron at his throat, pricking into the skin.

"Talk, or this hits your jugular."

Iruka swallowed. If he handled this wrong, Kakashi could very well slit his throat.

Not that he was more concerned about the other man's stability than his own life at the moment, but if Kakashi did hurt him, Iruka didn't want to think about what that would do to his mental state.

"I'm Iruka. It's me, Kakashi."

Kakashi laughed again. It was another beast-like sound that sent chills down his spine and he barely resisted a shiver.

"You think I'm Kakashi?" he murmured in his ear, and Iruka actually did shiver at the feel of sharpened teeth scraping over tender flesh. "You actually think that? Heh. You made a big mistake, Iruka, if you came to attack Kakashi, because you've found me instead. I won't be taken down so easily."

Iruka took in another slow breath. He had to just stay calm and think. Reacting the wrong way could kill him. And Iruka had no interest in testing his skills against Kakashi, injured and out of shape or not. "If you're not Kakashi, then who are you?"

"I am Hound. And you have made a mistake."

Kakashi growled in his ear again, the weapon pressing harder into his skin. He felt something warm trickle down his neck and fought not to clench his fists. Anything that put Kakashi more on edge could be fatal for him.

But… Hound… that was-

No. He didn't have the luxury to think about it now. First he had to get Kakashi back to himself. Worry came later.

"Kakashi," he tried gently, "you told me that Hound was dead. If he is dead, then you can not be him."

Kakashi laughed again. The grip on his wrists tightened enough to know they would bruise by tomorrow. "He was wrong. I can not be killed. If I die, Kakashi dies- we may only coexist. One can not live without the other."

"Kakashi left ANBU. He doesn't need you anymore."

Kakashi let out a bitter, amused growl at that. "ANBU is a mere classification. Unnecessary. We get the missions that make him need me whether he's under the ANBU's command or not. He will always need me, and I can not be killed. He was a fool to tell you that."

"No." Iruka stayed still and kept up his calm facade, desperation private as he tried to reach Kakashi. "No. I believe Kakashi. He said you- Hound was dead, and I believe him. I know that you had a nightmare about when that he was still here but it wasn't real. It's okay, you won't have to go on those missions again where you have to rely on him. You-"

"You annoy me, chuunin. Stop talking before I really do kill you."

Kakashi's voice was strained now, and Iruka kept it up, trying to stop his own voice from shaking. He had to persevere and keep strong or…

"Kakashi, you told me that Hound was dead. I believe you. Hound is-"

"I can not be killed," he snarled in his ear again, pushing at the limb trapped behind his back. Iruka felt his shoulder joint strain and held back a groan. "I am Hound, and I can not be killed. I am the monster inside of him. I am the demon that Konoha wants to pretend does not exist. I am the one who lives each second prepared to fight and die. I am the one who can maim, rape, and kill if asked, because I was crafted for one purpose and one purpose only. I do what Kakashi can not. I keep him sane and he takes care of our body when we get hurt." Kakashi growled again, voice shaking in a low timbre he had never heard his friend speak in before. "I am Hound. I am the monster inside of him. I can not be killed."

Another chill shot down Iruka's spine. This snarling, unforgiving creature was Hound, no doubt about it. And this man would kill him without a second thought.

Not unless Iruka could get through to him.

"Kakashi," he murmured, trying with everything he had to appeal to the man he knew was inside the monster. "You are Kakashi. You are the man who was asked to give too much for too long for Konoha. You are the man who had to rely on Hound when it got to be too much. I don't know what you did on those missions, I don't know what you've seen and what you've done, but I know that something you did was too much for even Hound to handle, and you told me that you killed him. I believe you. I believe that you're Kakashi, not Hound. I believe that you wouldn't hurt me."

Kakashi didn't show any other sign of distress of but the fact that the hold on his wrist just kept tightening. The joint was being pushed farther than it should be, and without warning, Iruka literally felt one of the bones slide out of place. He grunted in pain but stayed still, trying to ignore the anxiety fluttering in his chest. Please, Kakashi. Please snap out of it…

"What do you believe now?"

Iruka remained perfectly still, face smashed into the futon and throbbing wrist limp behind his back. "I believe that you are Kakashi."

"I hurt you. You said you believe I wouldn't hurt you. How can you still be so foolish to believe that I'm your precious Kakashi?"

"No," he said gently. Here was his best card, but if he was wrong and it wouldn't stop Kakashi in his tracks, then he was probably dead. "No. If you really were Hound, then you wouldn't have bothered trying to convince me of anything and just killed me."

"…"

Iruka nodded slightly, emboldened. "You are Kakashi."

"Hound."

"Kakashi."

More silence. The hold on his hands loosened slightly, though the kunai did not stray from his throat.

"Kakashi."

Slowly, ever so slowly, the weapon began to retreat. Iruka didn't dare move, not until Kakashi's hand on his wrists was gone completely, and the kunai had suddenly dropped to the mattress. He relaxed then, making sure to keep his movements slow and non-threatening. There was an audible gasp from behind him, and it took all of Iruka's self-control to not move any faster and, instead, just turn calmly onto his back and look up at Kakashi.

The look in his uncovered eye could only be described as horrified. His mouth was slightly open, the blood having drained from his face and his fisted hands, shaking. Iruka sat up cautiously, his eyes never leaving Kakashi's, watching as the man took a step back.

"Kakashi?"

The silver-haired ninja backpedaled, stumbling into he hit the wall. He opened his mouth soundlessly, and his trembling worsened.

The intense relief that Iruka had just managed to talk Kakashi out of slitting his throat was pushed away as he stood, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. "Kakashi, it's okay."

Kakashi shook his head, and if Iruka didn't know any better, he'd say the man was terrified. He whimpered as Iruka began to approach, flattening himself back against the wall and shaking his head. "No… no, Iruka- don't, I'll-"

"It's okay. I trust you not to hurt me."

Kakashi shook his head again. "But I- I-"

"Kakashi, it's okay. You didn't mean to. You only hurt me because… you were afraid." Right? I have no idea what just happened, but he had to have felt provoked in some way… "I trust you."

Kakashi shook his head harder as Iruka approached. "No. No. I hurt you, Iruka. H-how could I have done that? I hurt you. …Don't trust me! Don't get near me, or-"

"I trust you." Iruka took another step forward, right in front of Kakashi, and tried to smile encouragingly. "Don't tell me not to, because you won't be able to convince me."

Kakashi trembled harder, pressing himself flat against the wall as if he were trying to escape. He reached out with one trembling hand, eye wide, to brush against Iruka's throat. Iruka held perfectly still and the jounin pulled his hand back- blood on his fingertip. Kakashi stared at it, then started shaking so much that he looked as if he might fall apart. "I- I could have-"

"No. Don't think about what could have happened. That doesn't matter."

Iruka watched as Kakashi eye darted from the blood on his finger to the cut on his neck, and then he reached out with one shaking hand to tenderly raise up Iruka's injured wrist. The touch was light, so light Iruka barely felt it, but the pale hand twitched and Kakashi's mouth opened and shut in soundless horror. "I… I…" he choked himself off with a frantic gasp, and Iruka reached up with his good hand to clasp Kakashi's shaking one.

"I've had worse. Don't worry about it." Iruka smiled gently, covering Kakashi's hands with his own. "It's all right."

Kakashi shook his head back and forth, looking truly terrified. He stammered, trying to get something coherent out, then tried to pull his hand out of Iruka's. But he wasn't pulling very hard, and Iruka didn't let go. "Kakashi?"

The man shook his head again. Iruka kept his good hand over Kakashi's and continued to smile. "Kakashi, please focus. You're not Hound. You're not Hound, and it's all right."

"But I hurt you. I hurt you, Iruka. I c-can't believe I- I never wanted to do that- I'm so sorry. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me… I'm so sorry."

"I believe you. I believe that you never meant to hurt me."

The jounin trembled still. "Y-you shouldn't touch me… what if I- I- I don't want to hurt you again-!"

Iruka shook his head. "You won't. I trust you, Kakashi."

Kakashi ducked his head. He closed his eyes tightly, expression twisted in an agony that Iruka knew had nothing to do with the physical. He chose to stay quiet, watching as the jounin struggled with his own internal conflict. The tense situation remained until Kakashi's expression shifted to be defeated, crushed, and he spoke, voice sad and full of longing. "…Why? Why do you stay here? I understand if you want to leave… b-because I I hurt you, and I hurt everything I ever touch. I don't know how but I do… everyone who's ever been close to me has ended up dead. Why do you risk it? I've shown that I'll hurt you now. Why are you still here? I don't understand."

Kakashi looked so lost and defeated it went straight to Iruka's heart. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tightened his grip over Kakashi's hand, trying to keep himself looking confident and comforting. "I am still here because I care about you and I trust you. I can 'risk' it because I know you don't want or mean to hurt me. You're not doing anything to make the people you care about die- we're shinobi. It's not your fault if they die. It's unfortunate and unfair and I can't imagine how much you've suffered for it, but it's not your fault. I know that, and I am willing to stay here with you and be your friend because I care about you. You're worth it, Kakashi."

Kakashi slowly shook his head. The movement was weak and slow, shoulders still slumped in defeat, and when he spoke, it was a confused, tired murmur. "I don't understand…"

Iruka managed another smile and took a step back, gently pulling Kakashi along with him. "You do."

Kakashi resisted. "But all I've ever done is hurt and kill people. That's all I know how to do. I'll end up doing it to you, too. And how can I be worth anything when that's all I'm good for? I- I want to be like you. I want to know how to do something other than kill people. I want people to look at me and not just see a killer. But- but I don't know how."

"Then let me teach you how. That's why I'm here, isn't it? You came to me because you thought I could help."

Kakashi looked away. "I…"

Iruka pulled at his hand again, and this time, the jounin followed. "Don't think about it now," he advised softly. "It's okay. Just... it's fine. I'm all right. Come on, sit down."

Kakashi blinked, kept looking away, then eventually gave an almost dazed nod. Iruka slowly guided a stumbling Kakashi back to his bed and helped him down. After a moment's consideration, Iruka sat down beside him, fiddling with a loose thread on his pajama pants. "…Is it okay if I ask why you- where that came from? It's fine if you don't want to answer…"

Kakashi didn't seem adverse to the question, though. He shrugged weakly, keeping his eye focused on the blanket. "I… had a dream about… when I was Hound."

Iruka frowned when Kakashi didn't continue. "Was it a bad mission?" he ventured, but Kakashi shook his head.

"No. Just when I was Hound. …The first time I found him, actually- after Rin died. I joined ANBU because I wanted somebody like Hound; I had just killed my last teammate, broken my promise to Obito, and only wanted something to make it stop… hurting like that. Sensei begged me not to; he knew more about ANBU and what they really went through then I did, he told me to just chose anything but that, but I didn't listen to him. I felt guilty enough as it was for taking his team from him. I thought if I joined ANBU, not only would it be good for me, Sensei wouldn't have to deal with me anymore and I could help him as well. …That's aside the point. When I first Hound, I thought it was amazing- too good to be true. The pain I had become used to, every single day since Rin died- when I was Hound, I didn't feel it anymore.

"I wanted that again. Ever since I killed that girl…" Kakashi trailed off with a violent shudder. "It feels just like it did after I killed Rin. Except worse. I don't know why it feels worse, but it does… I wanted Hound back. I wanted him to make it stop again. I forgot why I didn't want Hound anymore and just remembered what he was good for and… for a second, I thought that it was the right decision, and I- …"

Iruka stayed silent after that.

He didn't know what- if anything- he could say to help Kakashi. His was a suffering too deep-rooted and long-lasting to be touched by mere words. After a few seconds of contemplation, he reached out quietly and touched Kakashi's hand with his own.

Kakashi's recovery was going to be long and hard. He'd known that from the beginning. Iruka hoped that just being here would be enough, because other than that, he didn't know what he could do.