A/N: Hey guys! I'm back after… how long has it been? *checks on FF* Wow, only one month? Seems like a lot longer… I don't know, maybe it's just because I took an awesome trip to Barcelona last week. I have no idea how it happened, but a couple days after I came back, I caught some virus (maybe 24-hour flu) and pretty much slept through last Saturday. Seriously, I went to sleep at like 10:00 Friday night, and woke up 6:00 Saturday evening. I still can't believe I slept through eighteen hours straight. You know what else I can't believe? That I slept through an entire four-hour flight from Munich to Tel Aviv. BTW, I do not recommend traveling in winter. My flight from Barcelona to Munich was delayed because Lufthansa had no aircrafts (guess what happened to them) – not complaining about that, though, at least I got to see Montjuïc at night. Anyways, at Munich Airport, they have a separate concourse for flights to/from Israel. We arrived early at the airport, because we thought it would take forever to get through check-in, security, and more security. We didn't have to drop off our luggage because Lufthansa sent it straight to Israel from Barcelona (we weren't staying the night). So anyways, they have a separate concourse for flights to Israel, so we had to walk all the way from the entrance to the concourse, which would normally be okay, I don't mind walking, but it was outdoors and a long way, so we had to walk for what seemed like miles in the snow (maybe that's how I got fever), but then we found out they weren't checking in yet, so we couldn't go in the concourse (our flight was the only one to Israel that day) or wait outside, so we had to go all the way back to the entrance. In the cold and the snow – oh, give me a break, I'm not used to snow! In Israel, it usually snows only in Jerusalem and in Mount Hermon, and I don't live in either of these places! Last time it snowed in Haifa was in the nineties! And even though it snowed all over the entire country in the beginning of January, and it looks like it's going to start snowing again now, the snow somehow managed to skip the entire Haifa District. We only got tons of rain and light hail. ANYWAYS! So yeah, we had to wait at the entrance for like an hour until we could check in, and then, when we finally got to the concourse, the security was, of course, completely overblown. But at least it was all in one place. But then it turned out we weren't at the actual gate. A bus picked us up from the waiting area to the actual gate, which was in the middle of the tarmac. Seriously, it was just a bunch of random escalators and sleeves in the middle of the tarmac. It was very weird. And snowy. Why do I always write ridiculously long author's notes.

The soon-to-be home of all of my parodies (which is not much) is at yonataneldar dot wordpress dot com.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the film/book Diary of a Wimpy Kid or any other film or book in the series, or Harry Potter.

~Yay deleted scenes! I love how every deleted scene starts with the beginning of that scene being taped to the diary - ~

Greg: It's not a diary, it's a journal!

~Okay, fine, journal, and then peeling off and zooming in… yeah, Imma just parody it for you guys~

Noticeboard: *is obviously trying desperately to make the school slightly appeal to its students. Nice try, guys*

Greg's evil voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!: After having my head dunked into the toilet by Rodrick, my video games destroyed by Manny, and most of my Twisted Wizard action figures blown up on Dad's Civil War reenactment thingy, I was even ready to take on middle school. I was actually kind of excited about going to school.

Every single schoolchild in the world: *explodes*

yoneld: Oh, give him a break, it's his first day!

Everyone yoneld knows: Wait… did you just say it's acceptable for someone to be excited about going to school? Are we sure the world didn't end in December?

yoneld: Yep, pretty sure. *looks around room* Well, at least my room is still messy. If anything, it just got messier. And I'm not saying it's acceptable to be excited about going to school in general, just that it's barely acceptable to be excited on the first day of a school year, and slightly more acceptable if you're starting a new school.

Everyone yoneld knows: *sighs with relief*

Greg's evil voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!: Hem, hem.

yoneld: Last time I checked, there were no toads in this franchise, especially not horrible pink control freak toads.

Greg's evil voiceover of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!: I mean… *looks out of window and sees kids pushing each other around, several of them breaking most of their bones* What could possibly go wrong?

Book readers (and every single middle- or high-school student ever): *explode*

yoneld: Famous last words.

Greg: Are you always that cynical?

yoneld: Depends on my mood. Besides, everyone's a cynic.

Greg: True.

Susan: Is my little Greggy afraid of middle school? Does he need his mommy to walk him in?

Greg: Why are you talking to me like I'm five?

Susan: That's your age, isn't it?

Greg: No, I'm eleven. Assuming this is happening in 2011, you should know that since I was born in 2000, and this is a middle school, that I'm eleven, not five. Do I look five to you?

Susan: No.

Greg: So there. And to answer your question, uh, no?

Susan: You don't sound sure.

Greg: No, I'm sure. *stares out of the window while everything around him explodes*

Susan: Are you gonna go out?

yoneld: I managed to pause this to make it look like Greg's laughing.

Greg: Duh! *keeps staring*

~Ten years later~

yoneld: So much for going out.

Greg: Shut up, I'm just taking my time! I don't want to be one of those freaks who show up early!

Every single student of Westmore Middle School: *is there*

yoneld: Oh, so you do want to be late on your first day of middle school!

Greg: What? No!

yoneld: It's fine, I'm almost always late.

Susan: Hem, hem.

yoneld: WHY MUST YOU HAUNT ME IN OTHER FRANCHISES.

Susan: Earth to Greg!

Greg: Huh? What?

Susan: You've been staring for several years.

Greg: Oh no! How old am I now?

Susan: You're forgetting that this is a parody, and nobody ages unless they do in the movie. So you might be ten seconds older than before you started staring.

Greg: Whew.

Susan: My motherly instincts tell me that you do want to be walked in.

Greg: Your motherly instincts also told you that I was five. So no, I do not want to be walked in. I'll be laughed at.

Susan: Oh, fine. But don't keep staring or I will walk you in.

Greg: Okay, okay! *gets out*

Susan: *looks like an actual mother who's sending off her son with mixed feelings. Even though Rodrick has already been through middle school*

Greg: Yay, a new year at a new school! I might make new friends, and be top of my class, and –

Susan: I must make a last attempt at embarrassing my son!

Greg: Please don't.

Susan: Imma do it anyways. *honks*

Everyone: STARE.

Susan: HAVE A NICE YEAR, HONEY BUNCHES!

Everyone: *laughs and whistles and calls him a Mommy's boy. Kids are so mean sometimes*

Greg: *goes in before he can be mutilated horribly, leaving everyone who doesn't have the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray to wonder why Greg is suddenly so curt. Whose idea was it to include the sixth grade in middle school?*

~D'aww, it's so heartwarming to see kids starting middle school – wait, did they just say middle school?~

A/N: Sorry for the shortness, but it's like 11:30PM here in Israel and I'm really tired. I don't think I can think of more ideas other than the book readers exploding.

Review or you will be embarrassed in public by someone very close to you. Oh yeah, I went there.