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Tobi's Buffet

Chapter 2: Shiny Hair

Tobi was extremely sore the next morning. He spent almost the WHOLE night cleaning the eating room. The squid guts where easy enough with a mop-but there was so much! The thing that Tobi really didn't like was the jello stains Itachi left. Stupid Itachi and his nails.

But today he didn't feel tired, because Tobi was going to work as hard as he could too change meal time. Yup, you heard me; he was going to work hard.

He lolled out of bed, got into his regular clothes-he always slept with his mask on-and crept out into the hall way.

The Akatsuki headquarters was plenty large. He had to think the first thing-He couldn't fix meal time before breakfast started-which was in an hour, so he thought really hard. Really, really hard until he idea popped to him: he'll cover the table so no one can ruin it anymore.

Now he was making a mental list as he racked through hall way closets.

Cover the Table

Get rid of metal plates

Take Deidara-senpai's hair bands.

He was especially looking forward to number three. Deidara was going to have an uproar. Tobi thought, He could wear his hair down like Blue-chan today! The sad thing is that Deidara-senpai's hair wasn't shiny like Blue-chan's hair.

Tobi opened closets left and right. The closets filled with strange things like Sasori's puppets, another closet was filled with bolts and nails. Now he knew where Hidan got them. He opened another closet and found it full of hygiene stuff with a bunch of names.

Sadly none of them had Tobi.

Tobi looked and found Blue-chan's stuff. It was in the right corner on the top shelf. He wanted to see how she made her hair shiny so he reached up on his tip-toes to grab one of her shampoo bottles, he had to move a little more careful because Itachi's was near hers with exploding tags plastered on them.

He finally grabbed the bottle, it said:

Pearl Waves Conditioner

Extra shine and volume for thick hair.

When he saw the word shine his eye's glittered. He should take some for Deidara-sempai.

"What are you doing with my shampoo?" Said a voice behind him.

He whirled around to see Blue-chan, carrying a towel and a bundle of clothes in her arms.

"I'm soooorrryyyy!" He cried, dropping the bottle like if it was highly toxic. "I-I only wanted to know how you got your hair shiny…Blue-chan."

"Don't call me Blue-chan." She said firmly, picking up the bottle. "It's Blue-sama to you."

"Okay Blue-sama." Said Tobi, a little frightened.

"Don't mess with an Akatsuki woman's hair products." She said, brushing past him and taking two more bottles, adding them to her pile.

"Like Deidara-sempai?" Tobi ducted suddenly, seeing if Deidara would jump out of nowhere to attack him again. Blue gave him a quizzical look.

He stood up, realizing that Deidara wasn't here and grinned under his mask. "Deidara-senpai doesn't have shiny hair like you."

"Hn" She said, looking slightly amused. "What are you doing in the closets anyways?"

He looked at her for a long time. Then finally answered, "That's a seeccreettt!" And giggled, hopping away leaving a confused Blue-chan.

"Why in the world did Pein let him join?" She muttered walking away to her shower.

Tobi stopped at the end of another hall, by the training grounds. He found a closet and opened it. Then it dawned on him.

The golden heavenly light fell on top a rough fabric that made Tobi squeal in delight. A tarp! It was perfect. They could make the biggest mess and it wouldn't touch his table! He picked up the gray tarp, which looked fairly new, and hobbled toward the meal room with it. It sure was heavy.

He took the long way around to Deidara-sempai's room, dropped the tarp by the door and peeked in.

Deidara was snoring on his bed, in a heavy sleep. Tobi giggled with glee and hoped to a drawer in his desk. He opened it up to find it full of hair bands. Giggling in Tobi's evil way, he took the whole pile and stuffed it in his robe. Then he snuck back out.

He took his time thinking about the plates when he came to the eating room. Inside, now super-clean thanks to Tobi, and began to cover the tarp over the table. He sniffled at the sight where Samehada scraped the table.

Then he went into the kitchen and got garbage bags, which he covered the chairs, and newspapers to cover the floor.

Proud of his work, he got a bowl of cereal and sat down in his chair. He giggled. It made funny noises when you sit in it.

Fifteen minutes later the Akatsuki members began to file into the room, Tobi waited eagerly to see their reactions.

Itachi was first, carrying a plate of grapes, thankfully no jello. He said nothing as he sat down, but his eyes did flick around the room. Tobi wondered how he could sit down and not make any noise.

Leader came in second and took the head seat, with a bowl of ramen that was spilling a little over the top and landed on the tarp. The leader said nothing like Itachi.

Blue-chan came in next with ramen too; she ate whatever the leader ate. But her's wasn't all the way to the top.

Hidan came in quietly with cereal (Tobi could swear he could see floating nails in it) and sat down.

Now he really looked at the room and his mouth dropped. "Why the hell do we have all the furniture covered?"

"Because, Hidan-sama, we're messy eaters." Said Tobi.

Hidan snorted and began eating.

Zetsu came in next, carrying a chicken on a plate and sat. He looked around the room and commented, "Tobi's work."

Tobi nodded proudly, while Hidan started erupting a quiet mumble of curses.

Kakuzu came in, carrying a melting chocolate cookie on a plate. The chocolate was so melted it ran off onto the table. He looked around and his eyes bulged. "Do you have any idea how much these garbage bags cost?!" The Aakatsuki treasurer accused. "Who did this stupid thing?" He glanced suspiciously at Hidan.

"Why the hell are you looking at me?" Roared Hidan.

"Because you like to tick me off." Responded Kakuzu, putting his hands on his hips.

"Don't give me the bitchy pose, Tobi fucking did it."

Kakuzu looked at Tobi. "I spent five bucks on a whole box! Now you have to ruin them you jackass."

"Sorry." Winced Tobi and Kakuzu's deathly glare. "It's only today, Kakuzu-sama! I'm a good boy! Don't hurt me!" he clapped enthusiastically.

Kakuzu groaned and sank into his seat, lifting the melted cookie off his plate, sloshing his cup of milk in the process.

Kisame came in, with no squid, still looking sheepish. He had sushi unwrapped, looking a tad bit outdated.

And then Deidara-sempai came in. Actually he burst in, swinging the doors. "TOBI!" he roared.

His hair was down and messy, which made him look funnier than he had been before. His fierce face turned to Tobi. "Give me back my HAIR BANDS!" He ran at Tobi, but Tobi jumped on the table-earning complaints from all the Akatsuki members.

Tobi laughed and danced on the table as Deidara climbed up, his arms stretched to strangle Tobi. Tobi jumped off, wiggling and mocking Deidara from the door. "Deidara-sempai I'll give you back your hair bands,-he lifted a hair band from his robe, making Deidara turned red with anger-"If you do me a faaavvvvooor."

"What?" Deidara asked through clenched teeth.

Tobi dragged Deidara to the kitchen. Once the door swung shut they faced each other. "Deidara-sempai has to make me two dozen plates, a bowl for each member and a dozen cups. With clay. Not exploding clay like you like it, Deidara-sempai. Regular."

Deidara fumed. "Wha-why? Tobi?"

Tobi put his finger to his mask. "Shhhhh, it's a secret. I told inner Tobi I would tell no one."

Deidara winced. "I get all of them back?" he asked in a small voice.

Tobi grinned. "Yup."

"Fine." Deidara answered moodily. "I'll give you them later; now give me back my hair bands."

"Gotta make the plates fiiirrrrsssst." Said Tobi mockingly.

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The Akatsuki sat still, hearing a sudden explosion in the kitchen. Pots and pans and other metal dishes clattered and clanked and the room vibrated. Over the noise they could Tobi screaming in mock anguish and Deidara yelling very inappropriate things, even for Hidan.

"Whoa." Muttered Hidan wide-eyes, listening to Deidara's rant. "I never heard that word before"

Kakuzu turned slightly green at hearing the destruction of the kitchen utensils. "That-that kit cost me-"

"Put a sock in it, Kakuzu. Tobi's a good cleaner." Chuckled Kisame.

The kitchen fell silent and the Akatsuki waited eagerly to see what happened.

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Author's Note: Hmmm a little shorter than the first one…but I liked how hard Tobi had to TRY to think.

But yet again that's Tobi for you, and yet he always knows how to hit Deidara's nerves.

Don't ask me what new swear word Hidan learned cause I have nooooo idea. XD You'd think the king of swear words would ever learn a new one.

The chapter of the plates is going to be super fun. Wait till you see what Tobi does with the hopefully non-exploding dinner wear.

See you next chapter!